Rio Home O' Eroticism - Official Smack Talk Thread

[Guest]

The Rio Home O' Eroticism is currently the fifth rated org in Rio, and we're rapidly rising. check out our awesome wiki page.

 

Champs

 

135 - Del "Tha Funkee" Homosapien

145 - Keiji "Arashi" Hashimoto

155 - Good "" Day

170 - "The Bandit" Burt Reynolds

185 - Davis "The Scottish Claymore" Marcus

205 - Mike Metcalf

265 - Rex KwonDo

 

The previous event

 

The Winter's Tale

 

The next event

 

http://www.mmatycoon.com/images/posters/1265394121SunPoster.jpg

 

Now make with the smacktalk!

[Guest]

MMA Rio Today catches up with RHOE fighter Hans Schwanz during a moustache grooming session in one of Rio's classiest salons.

 

Reporter: So Hans, we hear RHOE finally locked down an opponent for you this coming Sunday.

 

Schwanz: Yes, that's right.

 

Reporter: What is the story here? We hear several fighters declined to fight you.

 

Schwanz: I'm not completely sure, but I had two proposed opponents who declined, and one whose manager did not respond at all.

 

Reporter: You have never fought a professional MMA match, yet people seem to fear you. Why is that?

 

(At this point Schwanz sends away a tiny Asian man who up to this point in the interview had been applying some sort of wax to his moustache.)

 

Schwanz: Well, not to toot my own horn or anything, but I believe that I'm so good that my coming victories transcend the space-time continuum in such a way that anyone who even thinks about fighting me suddenly feels a crushing weight of despair and fear.

 

Reporter: ...what?

 

Schwanz: I'm not sure who this Luck Chidell person is but he must be crazy to want to face me in the cage. Completely crazy. This interview is over.

 

(Schwanz waves back the miniscule Asian man and ignores us completely as we make an akward exit.)

[Guest]

RHOE reporter Juanita Chavez had the opportunity to interview Adolf Andersen, the manager of light heavyweight fighter Hans Schwanz, during a private training session at Casa Dos Campeões gym in Rio.

 

Juanita: "Hello Mr. Andersen. Thank you for taking the time to speak to us."

 

Adolf: "Please, call me Adolf. Everyone does."

 

Andersen shakes Chavez's hand, holding the handshake slightly too long while looking her up and down.

 

Juanita: "Very well...Adolf."

 

Chavez pulls her hand free with visible effort and takes a couple of seconds to compose herself.

 

Juanita: "You are a rare man to see in Rio these days Adolf. I understand you are running an organization in St. Petersburg now?"

 

Adolf: "Yes, that is true. I am just here to oversee the training of my young protégé, Hans Schwanz."

 

Juanita: "Speaking of which, what on Earth is going on over there?"

 

The camera pans to the cage, where Schwanz appears to be mercilessly beating on a frail boy no more than thirteen years old.

 

Adolf: "Ah well. It is a special sparring regime where we try to emulate the conditions of Schwanz's coming fight on Friday."

 

Juanita: "But that poor boy! He doesn't stand a chance!"

 

Adolf: "Exactly."

 

As Andersen speaks, Schwanz lands a crisp jab-cross combination that sends his young sparring partner's head snapping back, blood fountaining from his nose and mouth. The boy collapses to the ground in a boneless heap.

 

Juanita: "That's horrible!"

 

Adolf: "Don't worry. He is just a street urchin and will be well taken care of afterwards."

 

Andersen glances quickly to the side, where a burly man in coveralls stands idly against the wall with a bucket, mop and a roll of large black plastic bags, then back towards the camera.

 

Adolf: "Unless you have some other questions I'd like to conclude this interview. I need to go over some strategies with my fighter."

 

Juanita: "What? But what about the boy? What's going on here?"

 

Chavez appears horrified and distraught as two of Andersen's enormous Russian bodyguards begin to escort her and her camera crew firmly but politely from the room.

 

Adolf: "It was a pleasure speaking to you Miss Chavez. It is "Miss", isn't it?"

 

Andersen smiles and winks at Chavez. The latter appears to be slightly dazed as she is being led away. In the background, Schwanz can be seen beckoning the man in coveralls over.

[Guest]

First of all, rivfader rocks and he is the idol of millions.

 

Now on to the awards. As part of the F.I.G.H.T.S. program, I give out cash bonuses to the fighters who bring in 100% rated fights to the RHOE. I'm doing some housekeeping now, catching up on previous events. This update will, from now on, be published here each time a new event goes by and someone pulls down a 100% rating. The cash prizes will also gradually go up as the RHOE moves to larger venues.

 

The fighters who received $1500 for winning a 100% fight are

 

Smarky Malarkey

Ming Ong - His first fight, too!

Eddie Brock

Tyler Winter - Both Eddie Brock and Tyler Winter are managed by Erik Magnus and they both received 100% ratings on the same event. Go Erik!

Hung Dong

Bjorn Vjorgensen

 

The fighters who received $500 for losing a 100% fight are

 

Azad Naja

Casimir Pilsudski

Charlie Conway

Gouda Swanson

Gyolda Swanson - Rough day for the Swanson brothers.

 

Andrzej Wajda did not receive money because he is retired. He gets social security. Congrats to all these fighters, let's keep it up!

[Guest]

F.I.G.H.T.S. Awards for RHOE Piano 1: Pump Up

 

http://www.mmatycoon.com/images/posters/piano1.jpg

 

The WINNAH!

http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/26/26w18.jpg

Tomas Garcia

 

The losah....but he still gets cash!

http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/25/25w17.jpg

Ole Olsefsun

 

These two not only managed to put on a 100% fight, but it was a decision. This is actually more impressive than a finished fight because they kept it bangin' for a full 15 minutes. Due to the extremity of their degree of awesome, I am throwing some extra cash their way. Tomas will receive 2K, and Ole 1K. Congrats, guys!

 

Dishonorable mention goes to these fellas who put on the fight with the lowest rating I have ever seen. Damn.

[Guest]

Del Homosapien (http://mmatycoon.com/fighterprofilemanager.php?FID=28472), fresh off of a three round victory is now 3-0, 2-0 in the RHOE. Tha Funkee one is putting the bantamweight division on notice: Train your takedown defense or become one with the mat. If you don't want to double-legged until your flesh becomes inseparably bonded with the fibers of the canvas, don't take a fight with him. He's gonna make that dolla and take that belt.

[Guest]

Let's give out some cash! I've been slacking for a while, but there are some very deserving RHOE fighters who put on some phenomenal wars in the cage. They deserve recognition, but more than that they deserve dollars!

 

We're starting with

http://www.mmatycoon.com/images/posters/piano2.jpg

 

(You can click on any poster to go to the event.)

 

The main event was amazing, with The Stan Pead

 

http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/8/8w13.jpg

 

taking on Haxon "Raxon" Gracie.

 

http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/18/18b2.jpg.

 

The Stan Pead ran all over Haxon, pulling down a perfect fight rating in the process. They both will get extra money, but Haxon is my fighter so Stan also gets the gift of my eternal enmity.

 

The other great fight on the card was "The Wizard"

 

http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/18/18w17.jpg

 

vs.

 

http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/31/31w2.jpg

 

"Onej" Onej Onejcic. You can't make these names up. Hans Schwans performed some pugilistic magic on Onej's face and earned himself a perfect fight.

 

That brings us to the next card, The Hyper Typhoon Final: The Perfect Storm.

 

http://www.mmatycoon.com/images/posters/tyhpoonfinalposter.jpg

 

The best fight was also the most important - Hung Dong taking on Keiji Hashimoto for the Open Weight crown.

 

http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/30/30w13.jpg vs. http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/9/9w20.jpg

 

Hung proved that all the technique in the world can't save you from an angry retard. Special education teachers of the world, take note. In addition to all the prizes they won from the tourney, they'll both be getting some extra cash for a phenomenal fight.

 

The tournament had a stunning ending, but it was immediately followed by the start of another tourney, the RHOE Middleweight Tourney. There's a ton of great competitors in the event, I'm convinced it will be the source of the next great Rio Middleweight. More on that in my next post.

[Guest]

This is part two of the awards post, apparently there's a limit on how many images you can put in a post.

 

Oddly enough, the best fight on the 185 tourney round 1 card was not produced by 185ers. Rather it came from a lightweight pair.

 

 

http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/31/31w36.jpg

Haruki Murakami

 

vs.

 

Johnny Bodybag

http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/12/12w19.jpg

 

After his win, Haruki riveted the crowd with a poetry reading.

 

What passing-bells for these who die as cattle?

--Only the monstrous anger of the guns.

Only the stuttering rifles' rapid rattle

Can patter out their hasty orisons.

No mockeries for them from prayers or bells,

Nor any voice of mourning save the choirs,-

The shrill, demented choirs of wailing shells;

And bugles calling for them from sad shires.

 

What candles may be held to speed them all?

Not in the hands of boys, but in their eyes

Shall shine the holy glimmers of goodbyes.

The pallor of girls' brows shall be their pall;

Their flowers the tenderness of silent minds,

And each slow dusk a drawing-down of blinds.

 

That's beautiful, man.

 

That was the only fight on the card to pull down a 100% score, but the next card had no such problems. There was a gigantic four 100% fights on

 

RHOE Piano 3: Sound of Science

 

Mike Righty v. Andrzej Wadzja

http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/32/32b8.jpg vs. http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/14/14w14.jpg

 

Ingua Badalaageira v. Bancrofti Wuchereria

http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/4/4b1.jpg vs. http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/4/4w13.jpg

 

Marco Kolo v. Gui Bonelli

http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/20/20w6.jpg vs. http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/17/17b8.jpg

 

Pablo Robert v. Santiago Torres

http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/10/10b1.jpg vs. http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/20/20b3.jpg

 

Those guys all deserve a hand, they made The Sounds of Science one of the RHOE's greatest cards ever.

[Guest]

Finally catching up on this!

 

There's only one event left, but it was a big one.

 

http://www.mmatycoon.com/images/posters/rhoe2poster.jpg

 

6K people in attendance, 100+ event rating, it's RHOE 2: Forte!

 

Four fighters really brought their A-game that night, propelling the event to the next level.

 

Hans Schwanz vs. Hugh Meatstock

http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/18/18w17.jpg vs. http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/29/29w11.jpg

 

This is the second F.I.G.H.T.S. bonus for "The Wizard", maybe he does have something magical about him.

 

The other powerful fight was put on by Herman Pacquiao and Bruse De Hotdog. Herman walked away with it, and he walked all the way to the 145 pound division. A perfect fight and a win with a 25 pound deficit? Impressive!

 

And that caps it off. Once all the sending is done, I will have given out 25,000 in bonuses! Congratulations to everyone. The RHOE is climbing to the top, and it's all because of the great fights put on by great fighters.

[Guest]

RHOE reporter Marcelo Costa got the chance to sit down with manager Adolf Andersen to talk about the RHOE middleweight tournament.

 

Marcelo: "Good of you to take the time to talk to us Adolf. I can call you Adolf, right?"

 

Adolf: "Always a pleasure and yes, you can call me Adolf."

 

Marcelo: "Your fighter, Musse Hasselvall, has advanced to the second round of the middleweight tournament and tomorrow he faces Davis Marcus. Any thoughts on the match?"

 

Adolf: "It looks to be a very even fight, almost a mirror matchup. Charlie Foxtrot is an excellent manager so Marcus will no doubt come in with a good gameplan. That's why I'm not going to leave anything to chance."

 

Adolf leans back and smiles innocently at the camera. Marcelo looks a bit confused.

 

Marcelo: "I see. So what exactly do you mean by that?"

 

Adolf: "Well, you see, it's quite simple. I hired some enterprising gentlemen to drive out to Marcus' house and convince his wife and daughter to come along for a ride."

 

Marcelo: "...what?"

 

Adolf: "Yes, they are currently residing in a condemned warehouse, the location of which I will of course not disclose. To make things interesting we have also lured RHOE's own Hung Dong to the same warehouse with promises of candy and a mechanic bull ride. Dong is of course safely sedated, for the time being."

 

Adolf turns and looks directly into the camera.

 

Adolf: "And so we come down to it Mister Marcus. Unless you take a dive in your fight tomorrow with Hasselvall, we will dress up your dear wife and daughter as small cages. Costumes, you understand? We had them specially made for the occasion. You know how much Dong likes cages don't you? We will then dump your family in a pit in the ground, wake up Dong and throw him in after them, film the ensuing carnage and send you the tape."

 

Adolf turns back to the reporter, who is visibly sweating.

 

Adolf: "How is that for a gameplan?"

 

Marcelo: "But but that's illegal! You just admitted to a crime! On camera!"

 

Adolf: "Well, you see, El Presidente, or whatever the title of the asshole who runs this shithole of a country is, has granted me diplomatic immunity. In exchange for certain favours. And free cage side tickets at all RFF events."

 

Marcelo: "....."

 

Adolf gets up and pats the reporter fatherly on the head.

 

Adolf: "Well, that's it for me. I have things to see and people to do. You make sure Mister Marcus and his manager get this message, and I'll make sure noone detonates the explosive device in your bathroom..."

 

Adolf gets a cellphone out of his jacket pocket and taps a few times on the screen while smiling.

 

Adolf: "...where your girlfriend is apparently taking a bath at the moment. Very nice. You are a lucky man Marcelo."

 

Adolf leaves, while a stunned Marcelo looks into the camera.

[Guest]

After the shocking revelations that were... revealed... during Marcelo Costa's interview with Adolf Andersen just hours ago, RHOE correspondent Frankie Franco caught up with Davis Marcus at his gym, Casa Dos Campeões, where he was enjoying a relaxing hot tub soak.

 

Frankie: Davis! DAVIS! Haven't you heard? Adolf Andersen has kidnapped your family!

 

Davis: That bastard! Aunt May! I'M COMING FOR YOU! Just hold on, you old bat!

 

As Davis jumps out of the hot tub and starts to rush for the locker room, Frankie quickly stops him.

 

Frankie: What? Uh... no, your wife and daughter! He says went to your house and grabbed them! So what are you planning on doing to get them back?

 

Davis: My... huh? I'm not married.

 

Frankie: Oh, I'm so sorry... I mean, your EX-wife. Your ex-wife and your daughter!

 

Davis: No, no, I mean, I've NEVER been married. Never got hitched, never had kids. Well, I mean, never had kids that I know of, anyways. You know what mean? HA! Heh. I bet you do, you rascal!

 

Frankie is speechless. Almost imperceptibly, his hand droops his microphone a little away from Davis' face.

 

Davis: Anywhoo, I just feel like it's still my time to focus on fighting, you know? There'll be time for all that later. Speaking of time, looks like it's hot tub time again. Hey, you want to talk about the fight tomorrow?

 

Davis calmly eases himself back into the hot tub while Frankie obviously looks confused, to say the least.

 

Frankie: Okay, well... uh... so how do you think it's going to go tomorrow?

 

Davis: Let me first say that I'm taking my opponent tomorrow very seriously. A guy whose parents who clearly cared so little about him and disrespected any potential manhood he might have had someday by giving him the name "Missy?" I mean, wow. This guy must have...

 

Frankie: Musse.

 

Davis: No, just some pomade. It doesn't make my hair all spiky, you know?

 

Frankie: Pomade? What are we even talking about?

 

Davis: Well, you brought up mousse, and I said, 'No, I use pomade.' I really like the stuff that American Crew puts out. They gave me a free sample over at SportsCuts. Guys, kids, if anyone's even watching this, head on down to any SportsCuts and mention my name. SportsCuts has been supplying me with all the hair products I...

 

Frankie: MUSSE. Your opponent's name is MUSSE.

 

Davis: Are you sure it's not Missy?

 

Frankie: Pretty sure.

 

Davis: So, it's Mousse, then? Or, like, Moose, like, RRRRAAARGH!, a big ol' thing, like, with the antlers and the snorting?

 

Davis quickly does his best moose impression, making antlers with his hands, snorting, and pawing at the bubbling hot tub water to ensure that Frankie understands what he means.

 

Frankie: Nononono, it's not a nickname. That's his real name.

 

Davis: Oh. Well, not as unfortunate as Missy, but still. Anyways, I've been training real hard... haven't been sparring as much, if you know what I mean, but I've been working on rounding out my game. And I've got this great new punch I've been waiting to try out in the cage.

 

Frankie: Really?

 

Davis: Yeah... it's a right hook... with a bit of a jab! You know, it's quick, it's got some power behind it... I really think it's going to give ol' Moosie some problems.

 

Frankie: A... jabbing right hook?

 

Davis: Yeah, it's gonna be great. Well, hey, great interview, I'm sure I'll catch it late at night on ESPN News or something. Let me know how it goes with that chick and the little boy, okay?

 

Frankie: Who... no, it's a woman and her daughter.

 

Davis: Yeah, that sucks, too. See you tomorrow cageside, dude!

[Guest]

Haha good stuff yet again

[Guest]

I've gathered two things from this exchange.

 

1. This thread has become a damn crime scene.

 

2. Somewhere out there, Hung Dong is without his handlers. Fortunately, he's fully anesthetized. That's really the best possible outcome.

[Guest]

What's the time? Time for money, baby! The F.I.G.H.T.S. program is still running. We're sending cash to fighters who bring 100% rated fights. It doesn't get any better than perfect.

 

http://www.mmatycoon.com/images/posters/middlweightrnd2poster.jpg

 

The middleweight tournament continues. The fighters are still climbing the middleweight ranks in Rio, and everyone on the cards are still putting on great fights.

 

http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/33/33w8.jpg vs. http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/16/16w24.jpg

 

It only took Marcus Crudd 32 seconds to knock Gordon Bombay right out of the tournament. Crudd went four for four on striking attempts, first softening Bombay up with a body combo then finishing him with headshots and a head kick.

 

http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/32/32b14.jpg vs. http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/1/1w1.jpg

 

Agares Atreides went out with a bang on his last fight before retirement. He clinched up on Rolos Jackson and destroyed his opponent with a series of vicious elbows. Atreides is out of the fight game, and Jackson wishes he was.

 

http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/25/25w16.jpg vs. http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/7/7w23.jpg

 

Santos Silva proved himself even quicker than Marcus Crudd. A master of the gong-and-dash, Silva sprinted straight at Steve Zaretski. Zaretski ducked under a quick head kick, but his dodge collided with Silva's left hook. Silva followed with that an uppercut that smoothly disconnected Zaretski's consciousness from the physical plane. Zaretski later reported seeing a figure cast in white robes and surrounded by a pure white light. The figure shook his head and said "Damn son, you got told."

 

http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/38/38w18.jpg vs. http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/15/15w11.jpg

 

The debut fight of Dog Delta didn't go so hot. He had the misfortune of stepping into the ring with the older and more experienced Lazaro Souza. Lazaro put some serious hurt on Dog in the first round, but Delta used his youthful experience to return the favor in the second. This was a fight that could have gone either way, but in the third Souza caught Delta in a tight guillotine. That's all she wrote. Still, Delta is young and hungry. He'll be back.

 

That's it for this event, I'll do another update tomorrow. Each winner receives $1500, each loser gets $500.

[Guest]

Let's keep the cash train rolling! Everyone from the previous post already has their money, I feel the urge to give out some more.

 

http://www.mmatycoon.com/images/posters/rhoeaccelerando.jpg

 

Accelerando was a huge event for the RHOE, garnering the biggest event rating ever for the org. Three particular fights helped push the event over the top.

 

The first was the inaugural fight for the RHOE's 145 belt. The division had existed for a while, but no fighters had distinguished themselves enough to be declared the champion. That all changed when Bjorn Vjorgensen clashed with Keiji Hashimoto. Bjorn was pushing a strong 3-0 record coming into the fight, and Keiji was fresh off a loss to the OWGP champ Hung Dong. Together they created fireworks.

 

http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/30/30w34.jpg vs. http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/9/9w20.jpg

 

Early on in the fight it was all Hashimoto, all the way. He dominated on the ground, landing powerful shots on his opponent. He dominated on the feet, landing repeated blows to the head and body of Vjorgensen. Vjorgensen was able to mount little offense, repeatedly whiffing on giant headkicks that accomplished nothing more than looking showy. Leave that TKD black belt at home next time, Bjorn! It was in the fourth round though, that things took a turn. The round started just as the others, with Hashimoto nailing a powerful takedown into guard. He immediately moved to pass, lifting one of his opponent's legs. This was all the opening Vjorgensen needed. In a slick jiu jitsu maneuver, he locked on a triangle. Hashimoto, either through his own toughness or perhaps an unwillingness to believe just how fast the tide had turned, refused to tap out and went to sleep. What a turnabout. Hashimoto may have lost this one, but he'll be back.

 

The next fight featured two up-and-coming 170 fighters - Ming Ong and Yosimite Sam.

 

http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/7/7b4.jpg vs. http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/9/9w16.jpg

 

The fight was brutal, seeing Sam cut wide open by the dominant standup of Ming Ong. "The Boar" dropped his opponent several times and then let him come back to his feet, being too wise to follow the superior grappler to the ground. Repeated crosses from Ong opened up a vicious cut on Yosimite. The ref was forced to stop the fight in the third round due the two fighters becoming a blood-slicked mess. Ong was award the win!

 

The final 100% fight of the night was the first one - on the very bottom of the card Hirohidi Takanak disposed of Raoni Nicolai.

 

http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/36/36w13.jpg vs. http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/15/15w21.jpg

 

From the beginning to end, this one was all Tanaka, all the time. Hirohidi beat up his opponent on the feet, took him down, and continued the beatings. Ouch. Raoni endured and constantly worked to improve his position on the ground but he was never able to take the fight to his opponent. In the end Raoni succumbed to an armbar in the third round. An impressive showing from Takanaka, both fighters earned their bonus.

[THEASSTRUCK]

Bjorn was pushing a strong 3-0 record coming into the fight, and Keiji was fresh off a loss to the OWGP champ Hung Dong. Together they created fireworks.

 

Two of that three was against Gyolda Swanson who sucks, but in retrospective may not suck as much as I think considering Vjorgensen cracked Hashimoto. I don't know what to think anymore...

[Guest]

The org has cash again, I think it's time for a little bit of necromancy.

 

Rise, rise F.I.G.H.T.S. program, rise from your grave!

 

http://i913.photobucket.com/albums/ac334/tapeleglock/alteredbeast.jpg

 

(Daughter rescuing is optional.)

 

There are some new people with the org, so I want to give a rundown on the rules of the F.I.G.H.T.S.

• Fighters who compete in a fight that gets a 100% rating receive cash bonuses.
• The size of the bonus depends on the size of the event.
• Fighters who participate in multiple 100% fights will receive increasingly large bonuses.
• The winner and the loser will both receive bonuses because it takes two to tango, however the winner will receive usually about twice as much as the loser.
• These bonuses, at the request of the manager, can be rerouted to different fighters. Have a project fighter who needs cash to train? I can help.

 

http://i913.photobucket.com/albums/ac334/tapeleglock/princ.jpg

 

Principia Mathematica was one of the org's first events in this new year. As always, we are experimenting with ways of maximizing our income so we are experimenting with smaller venues but higher ticket prices. In order to bring in those premium ticket buyers, we went to some of our best fighters - and they did not disappoint.

 

Angus McButticutty v. Marcus Crudd

 

This fight was three rounds of exciting action. Both fighters came out fighting a strategic Muay Thai battle, using leg kicks to disable their opponents offense and then following with crisp punches to the dome. The first two rounds were almost even - Marcus took a close first, and Angus exploded back in the second by nailing Crudd with an uppercut that took the fight to the mat. There Crudd was definitely in control, restoring his guard and trying several sub attempts. He couldn't get anything working for him, and the fight moved in to the third. Marcus summoned the last of his energy and came out fighting, but caught nothing but air. McButticutty was ready to capitalize. He followed a powerful uppercut with a devastating combo that left Marcus on the mat and Angus on the shoulders of his trainers.

 

Tyrone Jenkins v. Marcus Halberstram

 

Instead of posting a description, I will post an image. (This one really is worth a thousand words.)

 

http://i689.photobucket.com/albums/vv258/GrifterX9/rampage_arona_slam.gif

 

Okay, it was a takedown, not a triangle, but close enough. I loved it, the crowd loved it, your mom loved it.

[Guest]

http://i689.photobucket.com/albums/vv258/GrifterX9/wealthofnations.jpg

 

The Wealth of Organizations was the second event in our ongoing experiment with higher priced tickets but smaller venues. This was meant to be a smaller event, but that didn't stop anyone from putting on some big fights.

 

Hung Dong v. Frank Breech

 

Everyone knows Hung Dong. He was the winner of the RHOE's first tournament, the open weight HYPER TYPHOON. He's a lovable retard. (Literally, the man has some cognitive problems.) Frank Breech is a whole other story. He dropped four fights in a row to start his career, including one to a then unknown Norman Ewert. Since then, he has gone on an equally long winning streak. Breech is a miracle of persistence who has turned failure in glory. This fight was a great example. The first round made it look like this was going to be a long night for Breech. Dong was able to secure repeated takedowns and once there he worked hard to make Breech's face into an unidentifiable pile of goo. But Breech, as he has in the past, endured. And in enduring, he grew strong. During the second Breech's offense began to pay off. Despite still getting taken down, he landed a head kick and worked Dong's body and legs with solid kicks that would slow even the mightiest monster. Still, the end of the round looked to be going Dong's way with another takedown and a solid beating on Breach. The final round would decide the fight - and here Breech finally emerged as an offensive machine. He landed multiple head kicks and finally started to get in the clinchwork he'd been searching for during the entire fight. Dong was worked over with elbows and cut repeatedly. At the end of the round Dong picked up Breech and slammed him to the mat, but in the eyes of the judges the matter had already been decided. Breech walked away with a 28:29 decision. He kept his streak, and his miraculous recovery, alive. Watch out Norman Ewert, this guy is looking for some revenge.

 

Tom Gabel v. Kimbronski Slicenikov

 

This fight was as short as the other was long. Slicenikov got punched in the nose and kicked twice in the leg before collapsing underneath the power of a tremendous headkick. Gabel is a young fighter who extended his record to 4-0 with this fight, we're expecting great things from him.

[Guest]

http://i913.photobucket.com/albums/ac334/tapeleglock/TheWintersTale.jpg

 

The Winter's Tale was a midwinter event, another one on the smallish side. Still, three fights really brought the heat.

 

Keiji Hashimoto v. Herman Pacquiao

 

This is the second match in what has turned out to be a pretty epic series of fights. Keiji Hashimoto started his career by making it quite far in the HYPER TYPHOON, losing only to Hung Dong in the finals, he then started working his way up the chain of the featherweight division. He dropped an early loss to Bjorn Vorgensen but then a dominant victory over Tony Tango brought him in contention for the 145 title. His opponent for the title would be the fearsome beast Herman Pacquiao. Pacquiao is an amazingly well rounded fighter, with Remarkable wrestling and boxing supported by Respectable Muay Thai and a purple belt from legendary ADCC champ Barney Northrup. No one gave Keiji much of a chance, and that was reflected by his

. But in a fight that was viewed by some as miraculous, the two gladiators battled back and forth, and when the fight ended the judges could not name one superior to the other. The result was a majority draw. The RHOE management offered them an immediate rematch, which culminated in the fight at The Winter's Tale. This time Pacquiao was determined to make his more powerful skills count. He battered Hashimoto, winning every round as the fight went on. Keiji was repeatedly dropped to the mat by Pacquiao's powerful boxing. As the fifth round began, Pacquiao knew that he was winning a comfortable decision. Perhaps that is what lead to his lack of caution. The fight went to the ground at the start of the ground, and Pacquiao did little but stall. Keiji moved for a triangle and Pacquiao tried to escape, but as his head popped free he left an arm behind - Hashimoto immediately transitioned to an armbar! Pacquiao, the judges and the crowd were all surprised by this turn of events. Pacquiao had no choice but to tap out. The only person who seemed unsurprised by the submission was Hashimoto's manager. There's a reason they call him "Clever" Hans Schmidt.

 

Kevin Bell v. Heinrich Von Hossenfeffer

 

Two Muay Thai experts facing off against one another never fails to deliver exciting action. The first round was liberally spattered with clinch action, with both fighters initiating the lockup. Heinrich looked to work his opponent over with knees while Bell did more stalling. Outside the clinch it was mostly Bell landing blows, as repeated head kicks found their target. The round was ended with a stunner of a kick that brought Hossenfeffer down to the canvas. He still looked dazed as the second round started, which is probably why he was practically decapitated by yet another headkick from Bell. It's a good thing that was the right leg or Hossenfeffer might well be in the cemetery right now.

 

Latro Aetos v. Curtis Jackson

 

Sometimes when two 0-0 fighters meet the results can be quick and brutal. That's what happened here, with Latro Aetos beating Curtis Jackson like a rented mule. Aetos landed a punch to the body, a punch to the head, and a combination that worked both. Curtis was staggered, clearly unused to this kind of abuse. Aetos popped him one more time, and say good night Gracie. Curtis was done.

[Guest]

All bonuses have now been paid out. A few managers requested reroutes for their cash, the proper fighters should have received the money. Let me know if they didn't. All told, I sent out 19,500 in bonuses. Wow, that's a lot of cash. Train hard, get more 100% ratings!

 

I also want to thank the following managers, who sent in suggestions for event names.

 

Papoose Lemonwood

Seneca Philosopher

Tony Gurgeh

Fishy Baskets

 

PM me or post here as to which fighter you want your reward money to go to. There were a few managers who sent in requests who aren't listed here, that's because you all suggested The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner and Tony beat you all to the punch.

[Guest]

Two more events, three more 100% fights, 6 more rewarded fighters!

 

Will Hardy vs. Dick Nasty

 

Most fighters have a single area of advantage. Some like to keep it standing. Some want to go to the ground, looking to ground and pound or sub their opponents. Whichever route you choose, most managers then try to sharpen their fighters defenses in the other areas where they are not dominant. Sometimes, this isn't enough. Your fighter gets dragged into the domain of his opponent, and that's the end of the fight. That's what happened here. Will Hard, within seconds of the opening bell, seized Dick Nasty and dragged him into the clinch. Once the two fighters were twisted against the fence Nasty had no defenses. He was subjected to elbows, knees, and finally a giant right that dropped him to the mat. We all work on building defenses for our fighters, but sometimes they aren't enough.

 

Steve Holt vs. Will Harvey

 

Hit a black belt, he's a brown belt. Hit a brown belt, he's a purple, and so on all the way down. Steve Holt started the fight at a purple, he didn't even have that far to fall. Harvey opened up on him with powerful punches, dropping Holt early in the fight. Harvey foolishly followed Holt down to the mat, where Holt demonstrated the truth of the saying. Despite four attempts, he could not secure a submission. Recognizing the danger he was in, Harvey regained his feet. Holt had no choice but to follow. He quickly went back to the mat, but this time it was for a quick nap when he absorbed a brutal combo from Harvey.

 

Ron Vreeland vs. Steven Deeny

 

Quantity over quality, I always say. Ron Vreeland had no trouble taking this fight to the ground, but finishing it was another matter. Vreeland tried just about every submission known to MMA. Kimura, triangle, arm triangle, armbar, guillotine, he even took a couple cracks at a kneebar in there. Finally, it was the kimura that he was able to bring home. Next time I'm hoping for an omoplata.

[Guest]

A whole swarm of fight offers will go out tomorrow after the event, so keep your eyes peeled. If you haven't had a fight offer in a while one will almost definitely be in there for you.

[Duxwig]

Herman Fidelis snuck into Sweet Science Gym to see what his opponent Hirohidi Takanaka was up to.

He heard some music from the backroom.

Surprising candid footage from Hirohidi "training"!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQIPIXycHYM

 

[Guest]

There have just been too many 100% fights lately! I'm just going to publish a list, I encourage everyone to take a look at these great fights.

 

http://www.mmatycoon.com/images/posters/1266435217sydneycarton.jpg

 

Tim Traveler v. Ze Inacio

Ricardo Ricardo v. David Byrne

 

http://www.mmatycoon.com/images/posters/1266868573watchtowerposter.jpg

 

This event has six 100% fights, a first for the org and an amazing number all around.

 

Ken Yoshida v. Pablo Roberto

Tyron Jenkins v. Maicon Woshinton

Jimmy Lujan v. jaja hugo

Tyler Perry v. Tuhma Teemu

Tom Gabel v. Maluco Doideira

Angola Bob v. Albert Windsor

 

A Better You

 

Crowley Duncan v. Kevin Bell

 

Small Gods

 

Apollo Popadopalous v. Back Pack

Conastogga Train v. Charar Ridderr

 

http://www.mmatycoon.com/images/posters/1267716644osaPoster.jpg

 

Perry Chromo v. Ray Charles

Wallace Weasel v. Foxtrot Kilo

Dan Bambrough v. Rex KwonDo

 

http://www.mmatycoon.com/images/posters/1267717240breechposter.jpg

 

James Allmen v. Steve Holt

Pano Chudo v. BJ Jay

 

And that's it! Together, they will receive a total of $34,000! Of special note is Tom Gabel, who will be getting twice what he would have, because he has turned in two 100% fights for the org!

[Guest]

A short biography of recent RHOE middleweight signee Raimo Tuomela has just been published on a Brazilian MMA webpage:

 

http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/30/30w39.jpg

 

Name: Raimo Tuomela

Age: 24

Height: 184 cm

Weight: 191 lbs

 

http://yearofwheels.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/world-sauna-championship2.jpg

 

Trained from a young age in the Finnish mystical art of seeing who can sit the longest in a ridiculously hot sauna, Raimo was set to take the world of WSC (World Sauna Championship) by storm. In 2004, as the WSC was part of a documentary filmed by the Japanese television company Nippon Network, a young Raimo was a clear favourite going into the finals. WSC fans were therefore shocked when he passed out shortly after the two minute mark. Raimo was rushed to the hospital, where he was diagnosed with fulminant liver failure. The promising athlete never recovered and the doctors told him he would never again compete. Shortly after his entire familiy died in a bizarre underground bobsleigh accident. Depressed and broken, Raimo took to drinking and in just a few years lost his job at the waffle factory and most of his friends. Reduced to offering moustache rides to wealthy businessmen in Helsinki hotels, Raimo was at the lowest point in his life when he came upon an article on the Internet about MMA. Fascinated by pictures of sweaty men rolling around inside cages for money, Raimo enlisted at a local MMA gym the next day. After losing his debut fight in Regicide, the determined young man went on a tear through the middleweight division, winning five fights in a row, and was the last holder of the middleweight belt when Regicide closed down. Raimo has since moved to Rio de Janeiro and signed a contract with the prestigious Rio Home O' Eroticism organization, where he will have his debut fight on March 19.

 

Keys to victory:

 

Likes to punch people

Six fingers on right hand

Powerful moustache