PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a bantamweight MMA rules bout between Long Schlong (ranked 2168 p4p, 3300 weight class) and Test QQ (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Buckle up people - heeeeeeeeeere we go!

Schlong
vs
QQ

178 cm
38
148
20 - 18 - 1

155 cm
24
135
7 - 4 - 0

BJJ Red Belt
Excellent boxer
Insanely flexible

Good wrestler
Excellent MT
Good gas tank

Furnace Performance ðŸ”¥
Silverguard Outfitters ðŸ›¡

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the bantamweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 20 - 18 - 1, fighting out of Hilo, Long Schlong!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 7 - 4 - 0, fighting out of Amsterdam, Test QQ!
The judges for this bout are Micheangelo Fripello, Roger Salmon and Paul Gruel.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!

QQ feints and then dives in with a takedown. That was a long way out but the feint bought him enough time to close the distance and complete the takedown. Now we'll play guard for a bit and see who can get the better of that position.
Schlong looking for a sweep. Not yet Schlong, not yet.

QQ thinks about going for a leg but decides against it, in order to maintain the position.
We've been hearing good reports from Schlong's training camp. Apparently he has been rolling around with some good quality BJJ practitioners and has been sharpening his skills. Let's see if that has an impact on the fight today.
Schlong will need to keep those long limbs tucked in whilst he's on the ground, to prevent any submissions.
Schlong is pulling down on QQ's head. It's preventing any offense from QQ, at least for the moment.
Schlong bucks up whilst keeping hold of a body lock, managing to reverse the position. Now he's in top in QQ's guard.

Schlong trying to control the position from guard on top but QQ is wriggling around, looking for whatever he can.
QQ controlling Schlong's posture.
Schlong showing good wrestling skills to control the position.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.

Schlong thinks about going for a leg but decides against it, in order to maintain the position.

That's one minute gone in the round.
QQ has Schlong pulled in close to control his posture.
Schlong wants to pass the guard but QQ is keeping the position.
Schlong pushing down on QQ's thigh, trying to pass to half guard. He's managed it... Nice work.
Schlong uses his free foot to push down on QQ's thigh. Eventually he works his other foot free and he's advanced to mount - this is trouble for QQ.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.
Schlong with some aggressive grappling here, looking for the finish.

Schlong working for a submission but QQ is keeping him at bay.
Schlong wants to control the pace but QQ is squirming around nicely.

Schlong jumps to the side looking to secure the arm triangle…. Ooooh, that looks tight… QQ is gargling but he's managed to escape! Nice work there by QQ and Schlong has given up the dominant position trying to land that submission.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Schlong tries to move to full mount but QQ actually manages to regain half guard.
Schlong looking to pass the half guard. Not this time.

Schlong is trying to work for a kimura. This could be trouble! No, QQ has managed to free his arm - good work.
Schlong trying to pass the guard but QQ defending well.

Schlong is looking for an arm triangle, whilst trying to pass to side control. QQ doesn't seem that keen to cooperate though. No luck this time Schlong.
QQ won't allow Schlong to pass to mount.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
QQ trying to control from the bottom.
Schlong looks over to his corner - he wants some instructions but his corner are not responding.
QQ holds on for dear life, maintaining half guard for now.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.

Schlong is sneakily working for an arm triangle but QQ sees it coming and defends easily.

Schlong is working for a kimura but QQ is defending it quite comfortably.
QQ controlling the leg, holding on to half guard.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
The crowd are getting on the fighters' backs, as the pace has dropped off in the last minute or so.

Schlong is trying a forearm choke… I don't think that's going to do much at this level of the game.
Schlong is looking to advance position but QQ won't allow it.
QQ wants to control but Schlong is keeping busy.
Schlong wants to free his trapped foot but QQ is holding on for dear life with his legs.
Boooooooooooooooooooo!!! God, this has been a terrible round. Come on you two, sort yourselves out!
Schlong is keen to just control but QQ is a slippery customer.
If this pace continues, the referee will definitely step in and force a standup.
And that is the end of the round. The fighters go back to their corners.

Long Schlong dominated that round.
Well, the break between rounds is over. Let's get back to the scrappin!

Schlong shoots in for a takedown! He's got it and he's managed to land in side control! That's better than Schlong was expecting from the takedown attempt, I'm sure!
Schlong is really dominating this fight. Is there anything that QQ can do to turn this around?
QQ is not content to let Schlong control the position.

Schlong is trying to get an arm triangle but QQ is defending well.

Schlong goes for an armbar here - this could be all over! But no, QQ has escaped beautifully and is now on top in side control! Oh, that's unlucky for Schlong but great work by QQ.

QQ tries for a kimura. Not really close to a finish though.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.

QQ is trying to get an arm triangle but Schlong is defending well.
Schlong manages to get back to half guard.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Schlong makes his way to full guard. A much better position for Schlong.
Schlong is pulling down on QQ's head. It's preventing any offense from QQ, at least for the moment.
Schlong keeping moving, preventing QQ from controlling successfully.
Schlong working a defensive guard here.
QQ is intent on slowing down the pace of the fight, simply looking to control.

Schlong has his foot on QQ's thigh. He's trying to push off and get in position for a triangle, I think. QQ works his way back into a safe position though.
Long Schlong overall seems to be getting the better of the ground position in the fight so far.
Schlong tries to land a sweep but no joy.
Schlong keeping full guard, as QQ tries to pass.
Schlong tries to land a sweep but no joy.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Schlong is doing well to control the posture of his opponent and prevent any damage.
Schlong bucks up whilst keeping hold of a body lock, managing to reverse the position. Now he's in top in QQ's guard.

QQ keeping moving, preventing Schlong from controlling successfully.
Schlong trying to pass the guard. He's being very persistent here but QQ manages to land a sweep and now he's on top!

QQ must be cautious of submissions here, given that his opponent has the superior Jiu Jitsu.
Schlong trying to control the position.
Schlong bucks up whilst keeping hold of a body lock, managing to reverse the position. Now he's in top in QQ's guard.

Schlong drops back for a leg but he's not going to get it - he lets go and QQ dives on top into guard.

QQ being controlled here momentarily.
QQ trying to control but Schlong is working from the bottom.
QQ looking to pass the guard.

That's three minutes gone in the round.

QQ is trying to work a guillotine from the top, or something like that? Don't know how he thinks he's going to get a finish from there.
QQ trying to control the position from guard on top but Schlong is wriggling around, looking for whatever he can.
Schlong is adopting a defensive guard.
QQ trying to pass the guard but can't manage it just yet.
Schlong bucks up whilst keeping hold of a body lock, managing to reverse the position. Now he's in top in QQ's guard.

Schlong stands up and looks to throw the legs aside to pass to side control. QQ swivels though and keeps the full guard.
QQ can't keep his opponent in guard - Schlong advances to half guard, no doubt looking to mount.
Schlong seems very keen to just sit and control from half guard but QQ does not like that idea so much and is remaining active off his back.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Schlong is working hard to pass the guard. He's done it - he's now in full mount! Trouble for QQ!
Schlong can't quite control the action as he would like just now, as QQ is looking to escape.
Schlong is dominating on the ground here - he's now on his opponent's back, looking to sink in the hooks. QQ is in real trouble.
You know, I was talking to some of our celebrities at ringside tonight and they were split right down the middle on who was going to win this fight.
The crowd thankful this round is nearly over.

Schlong working for a RNC but it's not happening just yet.
And that is the end of the round. The fighters go back to their corners.

Long Schlong dominated that second round.
The fighters get back to their feet, the hooter sounds and we're back to the action! This is the final round!

Schlong shoots in with a lovely double leg takedown. QQ manages to land in full guard to minimise the damage.
Our spies down at at Kaptajnernes TrÃ¦ningscenter inform us that QQ has really been working on his submissions in the buildup to this fight. Will it pay off?
QQ is working an open guard here, looking to improve his position. No doubt that will leave him open to counters but at least he's being more offensive.
QQ is trying to keep Schlong in close.
Schlong wants to pass the guard but QQ is keeping the position.
QQ is trying to control the position but Schlong postures up.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Schlong trying to pass the guard but can't manage it just yet.
Schlong advances position into side control!
QQ is not content to let Schlong control the position.

That's one minute gone in the round.
QQ prevents Schlong from moving into mount.
Schlong controls the position from side control.
Schlong wants to control for a moment but QQ uses the opportunity to move back to half guard.

Schlong is thinking about going for an arm triangle but he can't free his leg.
Schlong passes to full mount!

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Schlong wants to take QQ's back but he can't do it this time.
Schlong is working hard here to advance position.
We get told so often about how wrestlers don't like to be on their backs. Let's see if QQ can do anything to dispel that myth.
Schlong tries to control but QQ wriggling away.

Schlong goes for an armbar but he's not got it… QQ turns into him and now he's in Schlong's guard.
QQ sitting in guard here, content to control.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
QQ trying to control but Schlong is working from the bottom.
QQ stopping the sweep attempt from Schlong.
QQ trying to control but Schlong is working from the bottom.
Schlong wants to sweep but no luck.
QQ trying to control the position from guard on top but Schlong is wriggling around, looking for whatever he can.
Schlong looking for a sweep. Not yet Schlong, not yet.
Schlong seems keen to control rather than go for a submission, at least for now.
QQ wants to get up but he can't break Schlong's closed guard. He needs to be careful trying to break the legs open, as he's open to submissions here.
QQ is fighting to break Schlong's control of his arms but Schlong is doing a good job of controlling the position at the moment.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
The crowd are starting to boo a lack of action.
Long Schlong is fighting for a decision here - he's started to take the cautious approach.
Schlong is working from a closed guard but he's struggling to control his opponent.
Schlong is pulling down on QQ's head. It's preventing any offense from QQ, at least for the moment.

The referee has decided to stand the fighters back up, so we'll restart on the feet.
Schlong uses some good footwork to avoid the body shot by QQ.
Schlong tries to shoot in for a takedown. He's got hold of a leg but QQ swivels and escapes.

Schlong closes the distance and gets a trip takedown into side control. QQ quickly recovers to half guard.
Schlong is looking to stall here but QQ recovers full guard.
QQ has Schlong pulled in close to control his posture.
Test QQ has stepped it up - he knows he needs a finish here!
Boooooooooooooooooooo!!! God, this has been a terrible round. Come on you two, sort yourselves out!
Schlong slows down the pace of the fight, as he sits in guard.

And that's the end of the fight!
Long Schlong showed his dominance in that final round.
Well I reckon that's a shut out for Schlong, winning every round. Will the judges agree? They are the ones who matter, even if they are often depressingly incompetent. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Micheangelo Fripello scores the fight 30:27
Judge Roger Salmon scores the fight 30:27
Judge Paul Gruel scores the fight 30:27

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Long Schlong!
During a confident post fight interview, Long Schlong thanked all his fans. He seemed very genuine when describing how motivated his fans keep him.