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.jpg) *Scene opens in a large rectangular with a high ceiling. A conference room at the Helsinki Micro Arena. Against the wall on the long side of the room is a backdrop with alternating squares displaying logos for Cage Warriors MMA and Helsinki Xtreme Fightwear. Directly in front of the backdrop is a long table draped with a black cloth. In the middle stands a podium emblazoned with the CWMMA logo and a mic fixed to the top. The long table holds two white placards on each side of the podium and small mic behind each. Reporters, fight teams, seedy characters, groupies, and random onlookers are seated in rows of folding chairs in front of the table and backdrop. There are several photographs milling around in front of the table. The media is seated conveniently in the front few rows. They are engaged in a mix of either pounding the screens of their smart phone devices or reviewing their paper notepads, for the more seasoned members of the press corp. The camera is centered on the table and podium. The murmur of small talk hushes as an announcer’s voice is heard*
Announcer: Now presenting, the owner of Cage Warriors MMA…Matty Fernaaandeeeez.
*The mishmash behind the rows of media applauds politely. A few whistles pierce the air. Matty Fernandez emerges from the door at the corner of the room, adjacent to where one end of the backdrop begins. He takes his time walking along one end of the table until he reaches the podium, stopping a few times to acknowledge the crowd. There is a palatable feeling of excitement and anticipation in the air as the audience eagerly await for Matty to open CWMMA’s first ever pre-fight press conference. Upon arriving at the podium, Matty takes his time adjusting the microphone. He is dressed in a business casual style with dark jeans, a tucked-in shirt with the first two top buttons undone, and a sports coat. In an apparent attempt to be “smooth” Matty casually reaches into the inside chest pocket of his coat, “swiftly” removes a small flask, and places it on the inside of the lectern. He then takes his cell phone out of his back pocket and places it on the lectern directly in front of him. He surveys the audience and allows a few extra seconds for the moment to sink in*
Matty Fernandez: Welcome to Cage Warriors MMA! I am Matty Fernandez and I am so excited to welcome each and every one of you who joined us here in person and also those *looks into middle camera* who are joining us on TV and streaming. This really is a momentous occasion, it is our first press conference for our first ever card, CWMMA: A New Dawn.
*The audience behind the rows of media erupt in a jovial cheer*
MF: *Smiles widely and acknowledges cheers* Thank you. Believe me, I’m just as excited as you are. Here is how we will proceed with today’s festivities. We will bring out four fighters at a time *looks from one end of table to the other and then at crowd* because with the size of some of these fellas, that’s all we have space for, and we will take questions. Now, I have to warn the media, we have had issues with *clears his throat* animosity towards reporters in the past. So just consider that before you decide to get cheeky with one of our guys again. Let’s try to keep it professional on both ends, shall we? Now, let’s get on with our first four warriors! Are we ready?!
*Crowd lets out a vocal, but muted cheer*
MF: No, that’s not going to pass muster, guys. This is Cage Warriors MMA. Let the world hear us. ARE YOU READY!?!?
*Crowd goes WILD. Matty basks in it for several drawn out seconds and then puts his palm up and the cheers begin to subside*
Announcer: Please help us welcome the following Cage Warriors!
These next three fighters are based right here in Helsinki. Fighting out of right here in Helsinki:
…Duuuustin Sleeeeeth…Paaatryk Miiiikolaaaajzyk…William “Boozer” Gray…
And fighting out of Los Angeles, California…Eeeeden “Goold Fist” Taaaiiiihhh
*As the announcer reads the names, Dustin Sleeth and William Gray file out and walk over to their chairs on opposite ends of the podium, they shake hands with Matty and take their seats. Matty looks around and then stretches over the podium to get a better view at the door. A young aide scurries over and whispers something in Matty’s ear. Matty looks at her and nods*
MF: Welcome Dustin and William. Gentlemen, good to see both of you. I have been informed that your opponents have decided to bypass the press conference. Apparently I have been informed that it is not in fighter contracts to appear at press events.
*The fighters on stage look around surprised. A few people in the audience, realizing they don’t actually have to be there, get up and walk out*
MF: *annoyed* I’m going to be having some serious conversations with my lawyers. Someone shat the bed on this one, I’m afraid. Let’s get to the questions, whose first? Vernita? Go ahead.
Vernita Perkins: Good afternoon, gentlemen. I had a question ready, but I’m going to ask this one to both of you instead. Your opponents decided not to show up today. Do you think they’re scared?
*There is a momentary silence*
Dustin Sleeth: *pulls mic closer to his face* I guess I’ll start. I’m not going to comment on whether or not he is scared. Here’s what I think of him. *Dustin slaps placard the placard next to him with Patryk Mikolajczyk’s name on it causing it to fall off the table on to the floor* I’ve been waiting for this my whole life, he’s just a stepping stone to the belt.
William “Boozer” Gray: Los Angeles is a long way from Helsinki so maybe he got caught in traffic or something. I think he better stay put where he’s at. All respect to you, Eden, but I don’t think you have a chance in this fight.
MF: Okay, who’s got the next question? Oh, we’ve got “The Legend” Kale Suanders in the house. Sir, the floor is yours.
“The Legend” Kale Suanders: Hey Matty, great to be here. This one is for both fighters as well. When you look at your opponents in this fight what do you view as your strengths?
DS: Wow, Mr. Suanders. I used to watch you as a kid. I remember that time you fought in the Kumite in Hong Kong and beat Chong Li, that was crazy. We had to find a bootleg VHS to see that one. To answer your question, my grappling is much better than his. If I can get him down, he will go out.
The Legend: Thanks, kid. Go ahead, Boozer.
WBG: *Looks over to Dustin Sleeth* Hey I’m going to need to borrow that Kumite tape. When it comes to advantages in this fight…I can be with him anywhere. On the ground, or on the feet. Doesn't matter, I can take him anywhere.
The Legend: Follow up for you, Will. Given your Muay Thai, are you going to be trying to close the distance with Eden in this fight?
WBG: Yes, I’m going to KO him.
MF: Thank you for those questions, Legend. Feel free to just pipe in any time. No need to raise your hand like the rest of these amateurs. Alright, oh hey, we’ve got new reporter Matilda Virtennen. Mati, you want to ask a question?
*Matilda mumbles indiscernibly*
MF: Mati, use your big girl voice. We need you to speak right into the mic.
Matilda Virtennen: *yelling* THANK YOU! Ok uhh this is our…your first fights in the CWMMA? What are your goals for the future?
WBG: I want to have great fights here at CWMMA and maybe even fight for the belt at some time here.
DS: I want to build my legacy and be the best champion in history!
MF: Great job, guys. Let’s give it up for Dustin Sleeth and William “Boozer” Gray.
*Crowd cheers as Dustin and William join their teams seated at various parts of the room*
Announcer: Please help us welcome the following Cage Warriors!
Fighting out of London…”Siir” Saaaaint Geeeooorrrrge
Fighting out of Las Vegas…Chrriiiistopher “Knuuuckleess” Nollaaaan.
Fighting out of New York…”Unnngaaart” EeeLLL IsoooooG
Finally, let’s welcome hometown hero, based in Helsinki…Leeeevi “Stooones” Saaarrrrooos
*The fighters shuffle out and take their seats. Saint George is conspicuously missing from the foursome*
[url=https://ibb.co/8gXD1rp][img]https://i.ibb.co/jkHvny2/ndp-el-saros.png[/img][/url]
MF: Good to see you all here, Warriors. We were notified earlier that Saint George would not be able to join us today. It appears that him and his team do not travel without their full knight’s regalia, including full body armor and swords. Someone did not fill out the requisite paperwork, and well, they got jammed up at Heathrow. I assure you, folks, they are getting better at this. There are rumors that for one of his amateur fights, Saint George’s cornerman tried to bring his horse on the plane with him by claiming it was a registered therapy dog. First question, Tim, I see you have your hand raised. Go for it.
“The Instigator” Tim Collins: This is for Christopher. You are looking fit, but your opponent is a modern-day knight. That takes an enormous amount of discipline and athleticism. I’ve heard some out there say you should be nervous, what’s your response?
Christopher “Knuckles” Nolen: I don’t take it too seriously. Honestly, he looks more like a squire than a knight.
TC: Thanks, Christopher. My next question is for Leevi…
*Just as Tim Collins says this a group of fans in the back row stand up and unfurl a large flag of Finland. They begin to chant*
SA-ROS…SA-ROS…SA-ROS…SA-ROS…SA-ROS…SA-ROS.
*Collins waits for them to complete the salute to their hero and continues his question*
TC: It looks like you have a cheering section here. You are fighting IsoG on your home turf, in front of your fans. Does this excite and motivate you? Or add unnecessary pressure?
Leevi “Stones” Saros: *Looks at Tim Collins with only a slight turn of his head, takes a couple of second and responds in a calm, even tone* Fighting on the soil of my father and forefathers is definitely a motivational and inspirational special event. In Finland, in general, we are humble, hardworking people. We also want to succeed in life and make our fellow citizen proud of what we do, be it a big or a small task. This combination adds certain "silent pressure" for one to perform to the expectations of many. Despite all this, I stay in solitude and believe in my skills. What comes, comes.
TC: eL, you find yourself facing a hometown hero with vocal supporters *Saros fans let out a cheer* why should fans bet on you in this one?
“Ungart” eL IsoG: *leans back in his chair relaxed and picks up the mic* It’s easy, man. You see here *motions points to himself* the future of the game. I know the fans love fighting brawl and if it was legal to kill in that cage, I would kill and the fans love that. And it’s me man, their money is not a waste if they bet on me.
MF: Settle down there, eL, we want all of our fighters alive. Or we can’t book them on another card hehe *laughs at his own joke* Vernita, looks like you have a question. Shoot!
VP: Christopher, you and your opponent both have impressive Muay Thai, what gives you the edge and how do you think this one will end?
CNK: I think this match will go all the way and I will win, because I want it more.
MF: *Sees Jenkins Jennson jumping up and down in his seat flailing his outstretched arm* What the…? Sir, questions at this event are for members of the media only.
Jenkins Jennson: *flustered, his glasses fogging up* But…But sir, I work for Cage Warriors *waves his press credential in the air* You were the one who hired me, remember?
MF: *Looks closer at Jenkins* Oh right, it’s you. Fine, ask your question.
JJ: Mr. Nolan, why do they call you “knuckles?”
CNK: *Looks down at his fists* My friends think that my knuckles look like spikes, hard and sharp, just like the Echidna.
MF: Tim, you have another question for eL and Leevi?
TC: I do, Matty. eL, you bring a certain swagger to pro MMA. I mean, with those tattoos it is not like you can go work in an office somewhere. What do you say to fans and fighters alike who may question your lifestyle?
eL: Bro, since I was a kid I love punching people out. ‘Specially those bullies. This who I am, a modern hero.
TC: Leevi, what you think of eL? Do you approve or disapprove of his lifestyle?
LSS: I'm not interested of his lifestyle. Whatever floats his boat, more power to him. Heck, mine doesn't even float, mine sinks *smiles* As I collect stones. Yes, I collect stones, in different colors and shapes. Can't get more exciting than this, right? Haha! Have been collecting these *picks a stone from his training shorts* since I was a pre-teen. I dunno what is it about these boring, thankless, lifeless stones, but I do get this weirdly eternal and ageless feeling gathering and watching them just being, still, in time. But yeah, we all have our own swagger, some little more inconspicuous than others.
*As Saros completes the sentence, he stands up slow and turns to the podium, which he was sitting next to. As he stands up, eL also sitting next to the podium stands up and suddenly they are facing off with only a surprised Matty Fernandez between them. Leevi is standing peacefully his arms at his sides. He slowly raises his arm and neutrally extends his palm towards his opponent, revealing the stone he had removed from his shorts earlier. He places the stone on the podium precisely between him and eL, not exactly offering the stone to his opponent, but not keeping it either. It lays there between them for what seems like an eternity. Meanwhile, eL IsoG, not knowing what to make of this obscure scene, cocks his head sideways looking straight at Saros with a look of confusion and disgust. He looks at Saros and then at the stone between them*
eL: I don’t have time for this weird ass shit, fuck you! *eL extends two middle fingers at Saros mere inches from his face, Saros does not react*
*eL IsoG slaps the stone of the podium sending it flying to an undisclosed location. He then turns and stalks off towards the exit slapping his mic off the table along the way causing a loud thud. Saros remains nearly motionless at the podium as if the entire scene barely even occurred. He emits a tiny smile as if to say he remains in control of his surroundings and returns tranquilly back to his seat*
MF: Eh ok. Well no one got hurt this time, so that’s good. *sarcastically* Great job Tim, are you trying to get these going before the 24th? Anything else you want to tell the fans, Leevi?
LSS: Yes. First, I want to thank Mr. John Wayne, the CEO of Caged Warriors. My sincerest gratitude to Mr. Wayne for giving me the opportunity to show my skills under his protected wings. Let’s see how far this one flies. And I would like to say this to eL - May the better fighter win. Let’s make it a solid one.
MF: Well done. It looks like we don’t have any more questions for you two. Let’s get our next group up here.
*Matty “swiftly” reaches to the side of the lectern and quickly takes a swig from his flask. As he tries to place it back, he accidentally drops it spilling some of the contents. In that moment the cell phone he had placed in front of him on the podium starts to vibrate so violently the audience could literally see it up and down. Matty looks down, a look of fear crosses his face. He attempts to ignore the vibrating phone, but it is both not ceasing and shaking enough to move the entire podium. Exasperated, Matty reaches down and hits the answer button. He puts the phone to his ear and moves away from the podium for privacy. Of course, mic is still on*
MF: Honey…I…It was just wa…I know I know I promis…baby baby please baby please. Alright, but I’m in the middl…this is my job. I’m not just hanging out with my budd. Fine, ok, I’ll pick up diapers on the way home. I can’t talk rii…Ok, hang on…*Looks back at audience* Umm ok ladies and gentlemen. We are uhh, let’s just go to the special presentation.
*Matty gets back on the phone and moves to the side of the room pleading vigorously for forgiveness for the person on the other end of the phone. A massive screen comes down from the ceiling in front of the table, chairs, and podium. The black screen begins to flash a neon green X, the x starts small and keeps getting bigger…
xXXXXXXX
HELSINKI XTREME FIGHTWEAR
ANNOUNCER: CWMMA IS PROUD TO PRESENT OUR EVENT SPONSOR:
HEEEEELSINKI XXXXXTREME FIIIIIIGHTWEEEEAAAAAR!!
*HELSINKI XTREME FIGHTWEAR APPEARS ON THE SCREEN. HIGHLIGHTS OF HXF SPONSORED FIGHTERS BEATING UP OPPONENTS ROLL IN THE BACKGROUND BEHIND A NOW TRANSPORANT LOGO*
*FINNISH DEATH METAL BLARES ON THE SPEAKERS*
ANNOUNCER: HELSINKI XTREME FIGHTWEAR – THE ONLY TRUE CLOTHING COMPANY IN HELSINKI
*A SLIDE SHOW OF HXF APPAREL INTERMIXED WITH SPONSORED FIGHTERS WEARING HXF AT COMMUNITY EVENTS RUNS WITH MUSIC IN BACKGROUND.
*GREEN AND RED PYROTECHNICS EXPLODE OUT OF NOWHERE*
*THE SCREEN BEGINS TO FADE TO COMPANY STATS IN BOLD GREEN LETTERS IN CONJUNCTION WITH PYROTECHNICS*
HXF - #28 CLOTHING COMPANY IN THE WORLD - HXF
HXF - 137 WEEKS OF 500 SALES IN 186 WEEKS - HXF
HXF - 5K 90 SPONSORSHIPS FOR FIGHTERS - HXF
HXF - EVERYTHING ONLY $25 - HXF
*THERE IS SMOKE EVERYWHERE. STROBE LIGHTS ARE GOING OFF. THE KNITTING CONFERENCE IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM NEXT DOOR HAS CALLED THE POLICE. JERRY’S DAD PISSED HIS PANTS. A GREEN AND BLACK ZEBRA RUNS ACROSS THE ROOM. SCANITLY CLAD ROBOTS SHOOT SHIRT CANNONS AT THE AUDIENCE*
*A FINAL EXPLOSION OCCURS*
*THE HXF LOGO APPEARS ON THE SCREEN WITH SMALL LETTERS UNDER IT STATING “CUSTOM CLOTHING ON REQUEST” AND THE NAME KEN ENLOW IN THE CORNER*
CAGE WARRIORS MMA: A NEW DAWN
PRE-FIGHT PRESS EVENT
PART TWO
MF: Welcome back. We want to give a big shout-out to Ken Enlow and Helsinki Xtreme Fightwear. That was quite an experience. We were originally told they were just going to come hand out t-shirts and do some sort of raffle. Well, they outdid themselves. Right, guys? We going to show them some love? *Encourages the crowd, who respond accordingly with voracious applause* I’m sure they appreciate you slapping your hands together, but sending your applause in the form of cold hard cash will help keep HXF the leading fightwear company in the north. But ehh can we get someone clean the Zebra dung from the corner there *points to steaming pile of zebra shit in the back corner of the room* What are we waiting for? Get the next round of warriors out here, announcer.
Announcer: Please help us welcome the following Cage Warriors!
Fighting out of Las Vegas…“Tooorden” Thoooorvaald Naaaanseen
Fighting out of Sydney…Viiictoor “Maaadd Dooggg” Coooontreeeiras
Fighting out of Helsinki…Floookii Maaaaagnussooon
Fighting out of Los Angeles…Maaaatteoo “Caaabroon” Saaancheeezz
*The fighters walk out single file. This foursome is looking rather crowded as we are moving up the weight divisions. Thorvald Nansen is in full Viking attire and is carrying a full-sized battle axe which he is swinging with no regard for humans, walls, or furniture. Meanwhile, Floki Magnusson is looking annoyed as usual, still incensed that he was duped into attending the press conference voluntarily. Magnusson is sporting a Charleston Chiefs hockey jersey and he’s got a hockey puck in his hand. “Mad Dog” Contreiras is bouncing up and down like an oversized tennis ball. He lets out growls and barks every few seconds as he walks out. Matteo Sanchez rounds out the bunch. He struts out like he is the cock of the walk, smiling and waving to his fans, which somehow materialized as soon as his name was called. There is a particularly vocal row of female fans sporting low-cut “Cabron Nation” t-shirts letting out shrieks as if they had just seen a mouse run between them, the most attractive mouse they had ever seen. The fighters find their way to their seats and take a few moments to get sorted out, each flaring their elbows and jostling for dominant position at their respective tables*
MF: *Looks at each of the fighters* Are we ready, guys? Before we start the questions. A few logistical things to note. We were expecting Terrance “Rhyno” Gerin, but we have been notified by his camp that he has sustained a minor injury wherein his moustache got caught in mesh fencing that he was installing in his chicken coop and then he was attacked by several territorial hens. We have been in touch with his medical team and while he did suffer facial lacerations, we expect that he will be fully recovered and ready to compete come fight night. We have another no-show today. We actually *reaches into inside chest pocket of his jacket* got a note from *opens note* Da Two’s wife. Let’s see what it says. *reading* “Mr. Fernandez, please excuse Da from the press conference. He is very sorry he forgot he had to clean the garage today and regrettably will not be attending.” *Matty puts note back in his pocket* I guess we know who to talk to next time we need Da Two somewhere. We’ve got a ragtag bunch up here. Who wants to ask the first question?
*Jenkins Jennson jumps up and down in his chair*
JJ: Me…meee! I’ve got one!!
*Matty scans the crowd trying to find another reporter with a question not named Jenkins. To no avail*
MF: *takes a deep breath* Fine…Ok go ahead ask your question, sparky.
JJ: Victor *Victor Contreiras lets out a loud bark* They call you “Mad Dog,” but you’ve won your last 3 fights and now, you have a contract with a real organization. Why you still mad?
Victor “Mad Dog” Contreiras: I’ll be honest with you, I still couldn’t find a way to properly fit my dick in my cup, and that bothers me between fights, makes me mad, you know, have to end it quickly. I’ve been working on that with my team and I think we’ll find a way to solve this soon.
MF: That sounds extremely uncomfortable, Victor. For everyone’s sake I hope you are successful. Tim, you have one for Victor while he’s up?
TC: As Jenkins mentioned you are currently on a 3-fight win streak, but that was the QFC. Everyone knows it’s full of tomato cans, ladyboys, and losers. Your opponent, Terrance “Rhyno” Gerin, showed a strong clinch game in his last fight. Is your clinch better? You prepared to go on record here to say his is weak?
Mad Dog: *looking maniacal...and mad* I mean, I wouldn’t try to take it to clinch streets with me. That is…if you’re looking to survive more time. I come from a small and old school place in Brazil, I use to brawl in some parties and used to be the nowadays Mad Dog at freestyle mode in the streets. After I came to Sydney thankfully able to put my mind back at place some big spars at the best gym in the business, evolving together with Ronaldo who’s a very close guy to me, he’s a beast learner of the game, so much talent, pushes you up. I’ve been sparring a lot; we have a couple of guys at top 5 orgs in the world at the gym. Speaking of, I want to take a moment to shout out the guys at Memento Mori. The whole team there, solid job being done in the last months, world class.
MF: If you enjoy Muay Thai, you simply can’t miss Mad Dog versus Rhyno only at CWMMA A New Dawn. Let’s keep the questions coming. Vernita, you have your hand raised.
VP: Thorvald, your opponent Da Two decided not to show tonight. His wife sent a note for him. How embarrassing. Any comment?
“Torden” Thorvald Nansen: *Smirks arrogantly and lets out a roaring laugh* HAHAHA! Not really. Da Two is a Chump. He will be a foot note in the history of my career soon enough. I’m better than Da Two in every way. I’m going to show that at A New Dawn!
VP: Follow up for you, Torden. You and you entourage are dressed as Vikings, apparently you were able to get your gear through the airport, unlike Saint George, what gives? Are you claiming to be a present-day Viking or something?
*Nansen raises his battle axe above his head and brings the butt of the handle down on the table with a deafening thud. As he does, his supporters in audience let out a series of roaring chants answering his call. Torden lets out another booming laugh*
Torden: It is true that I'm of Viking ancestry. As for my entourage they're all savages as well. *the savages roar as their leader recognizes them* My first step towards greatness will be claiming the CWMMA 155 lb belt. My end goal is to become the #1 P4P fighter in the world just like my grandfather, "Thunder" Tor Nansen (1768) MMA's first #1 P4P fighter.
MF: *to himself but heard on the mic* Where does John Wayne find these guys? Truly magnificent. *In normal voice* Who’s up?
Tim “The Instigator” Collins: I’ll bite. Matteo, Floki had some choice words for you recently. He’s sitting right there, just a few feet away from you *points to Magnusson who scowls back* You want to respond?
Matteo “Cabron” Sanchez: Let me hear you, Cabron Nation! *Matteo’s mostly female cheering section respond jubilantly* Hahaha *Cabron smiles widely and confidently, and looks at Floki on the other side of the table* FLU-KE wants to talk about the greats. the dude has only had one fight against an 18-year-old, what would he know about being great. Well at least I can give him a first-person view of someone who is on his way to being legendary, MATTEO 'CABRON' SANCHEZ. *Crowd responds in vocal agreement*
TC: Floki, he just said you know nothing about greatness? Are you just going to let him say that to you?
Floki Magnusson: *Looks at Tim Collins with annoyance* I’ll sit here because KAUFMAN’s people say I have to, but I’ve already said all I have to say about that pumped up clown *As he says pumped up, Sanchez dramatically flexes his bicep eliciting a burst from the a
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