Tycooniversal Vertigo treatment centers of Tokyo

Editorial by David Goliath

�Tycooniversal Vertigo treatment centers of Tokyo present:

� Reaching out for help... �

If you are reading this then you have had it. Yes, purchasing a copy of Tycoon Times and flipping�through to find this editorial confirms my accusations 100%. I'll explain everything in a moment,�just try to keep up because I am about to give you some important information... �

If you are reading this that means you know how to navigate the game, and want to check up on the�latest copy of our awesome newspaper, which in turn means you are a regular player, which in turn�means that you have spent countless hours with coaches training secondaries, sparring primaries,�changing clothes, virtually mainlining supps because you think the guy is lying about quality, all�of which is a means to winning a fight. Once you have won a major fight that you trained long and�hard for you get to experience the luminous, intoxicating feeling that is Tycooniversal Vertigo. �

And this is your Swan Song... �

The feeling in and of itself is not an unpleasent one at all no, It feels so good that you have to�ask yourself why am I writing about such a thing anyways? One could only theorize that this piece�will steer towards stories of sexual encouters with a goddess, or an out of body experience just to�make a comparable example to this tremendous feeling... �

The facts couldn't be any more different...or frighteningly realistic... �

How about the feeling of rejection and lonliness? Ackwardness and social anxiety? The sudden urge to�find the nearest exit and plunge headfirst into traffic, just to shorten the time wasted with the�non-tycoon world outside, or the refusal to continue your wedding vows by your soon-to-be demonic Ex�wife. This is where is all comes crashing down for you...Pretty soon you won't be able to handle the�outside and you will fall deep into the black world of delivery food... �

How does it all lead to this you ask? How could such a feeling bring about your demise? Well,�anything that good has a price, and you will pay oh yes, you will pay! �

I'll explain...Does this sound familiar? �

{Walking in to greet your wife after work} �

"I woke up and noticed you were not in bed last night. It was 4 in the morning. What the hell were�you doing?"� "Oh, My ground N pound guy FROCK LESNERER had a fight early this morning and I couldn't wait to read� it so I got up and blazed, and made some pizza rolls...and logged on to find that he lost in the�first round due to submission to strikes, Which sucks because that means he has very little heart�and I could swear that I check that as one of his hiddens but it's been almost 2 years now so I�can't really remember, anyways I lost to a guy in our alliance so I guess it's okay that the loss is�canceled out as far as our alliance record goes but fuck I wanted to win because now I dropped out�of the top 100 and I dont have another fight for 30 days which fuckin sucks! So, how was your day" �

She stares in a slack-jawed daze, reminding you that noone gives a fuck about your nerdy MMA game at�all, so you make a fair call that you may have just made your physical existance a problem in the�eyes of a goddess scorned... �

When the anger begins to boil, it shows itself in her eyes first. Two pinpricks of yellow appear in�her pupils, quickly growing into raging sockets of flame, licking at her bangs...Her face slowly�turns red in a steady, upward growth from her visible neckline, beyond her hair like a boiling�thermometer, until her whole head is glowing with radiation and a deadly, psychotic grin. As she�opens her mouth to verbally defecate your effigy in 666 languages, It occurs to you that last night�was her only night of ovulation, and she has been taking the booster pills for 3 weeks now, which in�turn means that you missed your cue and she bought all that expensive blueray porn only to collect�dust for another month. Thats two months in a row now, and this demon morphing in front of you is�not here to destroy the world next december no, she is here to end your miserable little life,�striking down a would-be father, and a deadbeat husband who always wanders about like he is high,�spouting gibberish about PPV buys and something called a "no-contest Clock stucker"� �

Obviously this is Tycooniversal Vertigo at its worst, and is not the typical hardship one may face�when under the sweet spell. It may be just as simple as living an extremely unhealthy life of take�out and pizza-infested arteries because the world just doesn't understand nor care what Tycoon�Assistant is so you reject their reality and substitute your own. Never again leaving your home and�quickly developing diabetes... �

No matter what type of fallback you are experiencing in your life, we are hear to help. David�Goliath has formed a support group complete with... group therapy and one on one sessions with two�certified tycooniversity graduates, literature and handbook on "Getting your shit straight", tips on�avoiding your trigger point and long term goals studies all focused on balancing your lifes�enjoyment, and your gaming experience. �

Some of you might be thinking, "I don't need some 12 step program, what I need is a place to spar�all four styles before I start dropping primaries like a badly run political campaign"Don't kid yourself man! It all ends the same way. Such a feeling of false accomplishment always�destroys its weilder, and can only be avoided by an unmarried man who lives in a houseful of roomies�who also play the game, which is also known as Heaven, Valhalla, Elysium, Paradise, in which case I�am wasting both of our time... �

Unless you live in heaven, you are doomed to a life of hell. Tycooniversal Vertigo treatment centers�of Tokyo are open 24-7 to provide a help house near you no matter what time of day your life finally�bottoms out. So before you meet a brutal destiny with a tycoon-tear sagging from your wearied,�helpless eyes, come down and see a professional who can help you take hold of your last vestige of�hope, and grapple it into submission like Hermes Franca on a whiskey bender with a jitz class and a�throbbing jock... �

Tycooniversal Vertigo treatment centers of Tokyo...Because we don't want to see you die, and we�don't want you to molest anyone... �

This is David Goliath, and I approve this message.

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