PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a featherweight MMA rules bout between Dardan Douchebag (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Josh Kane (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Douchebag comes to the cage accompanied by Donkey. Both fighters look fresh as a daisy as they make their way towards the cage.

Douchebag
vs
Kane

176 cm
22
155 lbs
3 - 2 - 0

175 cm
23
148 lbs
4 - 4 - 0

Abu Dhabi Champ
Basic striking
Cardio machine

Dangerous GnP
Good elbows
Good gas tank

My$tic Clothing ~ (`10%Laundry`)

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the featherweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 3 - 2 - 0, fighting out of Las Vegas, Dardan Douchebag!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 4 - 4 - 0, fighting out of New York, Josh Kane!
The judges for this bout are Jonathan Paton, Columbo Gatti and David Schapiro.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Kane throws a body kick despite being completely out of range

and Douchebag counters with a nice double leg into side control. Kane won't be happy with that.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.
Douchebag throwing shots but missing, from side control.
Kane throws an elbow to the body but it doesn't land.
Kane is trying to control Douchebag's posture but Douchebag avoids it.
Douchebag working the head with strikes.
Kane is looking to regain half guard here but Douchebag keeps moving and retains side control.
Douchebag sitting in side control, looking to soften his opponent up with elbows and hammerfists but Kane is avoiding damage well and looking to escape the position.
Kane can't do much from the bottom here.
Kane tries to bench press Douchebag off him but Douchebag keeps the position.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Check out the look on Douchebag's face as he threw that strike - that's one determined fighter!
Douchebag has been looking to land a fair amount of strikes on the ground. He might be looking to soften his opponent up in order to work for a submission.
Douchebag trying to control the action but Kane is working from the bottom.
Douchebag is maintaining the dominant position - no doubt Kane will start to get frustrated soon if he's not already.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.
Douchebag is working Kane over with some ground and pound from side control.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Kane tries to buck Douchebag off but Douchebag is having none of it.
Douchebag works a knee to the body and follows up with a nice elbow to the head.
Douchebag cracks Kane with a big elbow.
Kane tries to bench press Douchebag off him but Douchebag keeps the position.
The ground and pound from Douchebag seems to be hitting the mat more than his opponent.
Douchebag landing a few strikes.
We've been hearing good reports from Douchebag's training camp. Apparently he has been rolling around with some good quality BJJ practitioners and has been sharpening his skills. Let's see if that has an impact on the fight today.
Kane is not in a great position here, taking some shots.
Douchebag is working Kane over with some ground and pound from side control.
Kane is trying to stand back up. He's worked his way up against the cage but Douchebag has just dragged him back down to the mat.
Check out the look on Douchebag's face as he threw that strike - that's one determined fighter!
Douchebag scores with punches from side control.
Douchebag creates a bit of distance and throws down some hard shots.
Douchebag wants to control but Kane is keeping him busy.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Douchebag throwing shots but missing, from side control.
A bit of a lull in the action here.
The fighters are starting to perspire pretty heavily.
Kane is not content to let Douchebag control the position.
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!
Kane is positioning himself to get back to half guard.
Douchebag controlling the position.
Kane is trying to control Douchebag's posture but Douchebag avoids it.
Both fighters have adopted an aggressive gameplan on the ground!

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Douchebag working the ground and pound from side control.
Kane taking punishment in the form of punches.
Douchebag wants to lay and pray for a moment but Kane keeps working.
Kane is trying to control Douchebag's posture but Douchebag avoids it.
Douchebag blocks the strikes from Kane.
Douchebag looks up at the clock and then as Kane takes his cue and looks up at the clock too, Douchebag smacks him right in the chops with a big elbow! How rude!
Kane is trying to control Douchebag's posture but Douchebag avoids it.
Kane is looking to reverse the position.
Douchebag is putting a hurting on Kane here, landing some big shots from side control.
Douchebag working the ground and pound.
Douchebag throws a knee to the body but it doesn't do much damage.
Douchebag landing with strikes to the head and body from side control.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Douchebag scores with punches from side control.
Douchebag is putting a hurting on Kane here, landing some big shots from side control.
Douchebag working the body and head with strikes.
An elbow from Douchebag crashes against the mat.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
Kane can't do much from the bottom here.
Kane tries to get back to half guard but can't.
Kane taking punishment in the form of punches.
Douchebag looks up at the clock and then as Kane takes his cue and looks up at the clock too, Douchebag smacks him right in the chops with a big elbow! How rude!
Kane is positioning himself to get back to half guard.
Douchebag works a knee to the body and follows up with a nice elbow to the head.
Douchebag looks up at the clock and then as Kane takes his cue and looks up at the clock too, Douchebag smacks him right in the chops with a big elbow! How rude!
Kane taking a bit of punishment here - Douchebag scoring with strikes.
Douchebag is working Kane over with some ground and pound from side control.
Douchebag is working Kane over with some ground and pound from side control.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Dardan Douchebag dominated that round.
That's the end of the round. The referee orders the cornermen out of the cage so we can get back down to business.

Douchebag on the wrong end of a nice hook.
Kane checks a leg kick.
Douchebag closes the distance and clinches up with Kane, looking for a takedown. Douchebag pushes Kane against the cage but Kane circles to the side and manages to break the clinch.
Douchebag shoots in for a takedown. "I don't think so" says Kane as he avoids it easily.
Kane tries a counter takedown but it's more of a dummy move, and he uses it to push himself away.
Douchebag fakes high and shoots in for a takedown but Kane avoids it really well and circles away.
That's three failed takedown attempts in the round for Dardan Douchebag. That's going to take a lot out of him.
Nice shot by Kane.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Douchebag gets his head snapped back by a nice shot there.
Douchebag is really dominating this fight. Is there anything that Kane can do to turn this around?
Kane leaves Douchebag with his face pressed against the mat as he sprawls beautifully, defending against a solid takedown attempt.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Douchebag shoots and misses
and Kane counters with a three punch combo that has Douchebag backing up. Douchebag nods at Kane to acknowledge the strikes.
Douchebag shoots in for a takedown. He's persisting with it as Kane sprawls well. Kane wins this battle and keeps the fight standing. Douchebag gets slowly back to his feet.
Kane throws a big counter head kick but Douchebag avoids it with no problem.
Kane throws a sloppy head kick and Douchebag moves out of range easily.
Kane tries to clinch up but Douchebag circles away and keeps his distance.
The fight stays on the outside here - Kane looks like he's thinking about clinching though.

Douchebag closes the distance and after a bit of a stuggle, scores a takedown into Kane's guard.
We get told so often about how wrestlers don't like to be on their backs. Let's see if Kane can do anything to dispel that myth.
Kane tries to land a sweep but no joy.
Douchebag postures up in Kane's guard and throws a big left but Kane blocks it.
Douchebag missing there with some ground and pound from the guard.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Douchebag in full guard, throwing the ground and pound. No damage this time.
Kane wants to control but Douchebag passes easily into half guard.
Douchebag slows the pace down in half guard.
Douchebag not throwing his punches with enough precision this time.
Douchebag is looking to take a break and control but Kane is keeping him honest, looking to work from the bottom.
Douchebag missing with some ground and pound from the half guard.
Kane really doesn't want to stay on the ground with Douchebag. If he can't get it back to his feet, it's only a matter of time before he'll be tapping out.
The two fighters exchange a few words. I couldn't hear what they were saying but maybe it's more fun if you make it up yourself. Douchebag connects with a nice short shot to Kane's temple.
This has been an exciting period of action!
Douchebag working Kane over with strikes.
Douchebag trying to control the action but Kane is working from the bottom.
Douchebag sitting in half guard, looking to land shots. Kane defending well though.
Kane trying to hold on to Douchebag's head to control him but Douchebag postures up.
Douchebag thows a huge punch but Kane dodges it nicely.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Douchebag is just sitting in half guard, waiting for something to happen.
Douchebag scores with a couple of good hammerfists.
Douchebag prevents Kane from improving his position.
Douchebag landing with strikes to the body and head, softening up his opponent.
Douchebag missing with some ground and pound from the half guard.
Douchebag landing with strikes to the body and head, softening up his opponent.
The two fighters exchange a few words. I couldn't hear what they were saying but maybe it's more fun if you make it up yourself. Douchebag connects with a nice short shot to Kane's temple.
Douchebag working the head and body with strikes.
Douchebag scores with a couple of good hammerfists.
Kane wants to get back to full guard.
The two fighters exchange a few words. I couldn't hear what they were saying but maybe it's more fun if you make it up yourself. Douchebag connects with a nice short shot to Kane's temple.

Kane is rocked!
Neither fighter is being very active at the moment, with Douchebag in particular looking to stall.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Douchebag throwing shots but they're hitting the canvas more than the man.
Douchebag thumps the canvas. Not on purpose obviously - he just missed Kane's head.
Kane wants to control but Douchebag is keeping busy and won't allow it.
Kane has hold of Douchebag's hands but Douchebag slips his arm to the side and lands an elbow.
Dardan Douchebag overall seems to be getting the better of the ground position in the fight so far.
Douchebag seems very keen to just sit and control from half guard but Kane does not like that idea so much and is remaining active off his back.
Kane trying to control here.
Douchebag winds up and cracks Kane with a swinging punch to the side of the head.
Douchebag throwing shots but Kane is blocking nicely.
Kane is trying to get back to full guard.
Douchebag working the head and body with strikes.
Douchebag is keeping good posture, landing some ground and pound.
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
Douchebag looks towards his corner to check for any instructions. The corner give him nothing to work with, so he cracks Kane with a short hammerfist. I guess that's as good as any advice he could get in this position.
Kane is still in real trouble! Can Douchebag finish him?
The two fighters exchange a few words. I couldn't hear what they were saying but maybe it's more fun if you make it up yourself. Douchebag connects with a nice short shot to Kane's temple.
Douchebag missing with some ground and pound from the half guard.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Dardan Douchebag dominated that second round.
That's time! Douchebag's corner gives him a slap on the ass as he gets ready to fight. Let's hear some noise people - this is the final round!

Douchebag swats away the attempt to clinch by Kane.
Kane seems to have recovered his senses.
Douchebag darts in looking for a takedown but Kane gets double underhooks and turns Douchebag into the cage.
Douchebag shoots in looking for a takedown. Kane tries to sprawl out of it but Douchebag keeps driving through. The fighters are pinned against the cage. Kane manages to get underhooks and after a bit of a struggle, circles away and we're back to standing.
Douchebag shoots in for a takedown but Kane shows good takedown defense there and keeps this one on the feet.
That's three failed takedown attempts in the round for Dardan Douchebag. That's going to take a lot out of him.
No luck with that takedown attempt from Douchebag.
Kane with the counter takedown but Douchebag avoids it easily.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.

Kane closes the distance and scores a nice trip takedown into half guard. Douchebag did well to prevent Kane getting side control.
Douchebag flails away from the bottom but he's not doing any damage.
Douchebag gets full guard.
Kane must be cautious of submissions here, given that his opponent has the superior Jiu Jitsu.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Douchebag wants to sweep but no luck.
Douchebag is pulling down on Kane's head to control his posture.
Douchebag looking to control.
A big thud reverberates around the arena there as Kane accidentally thumps the mat. Hopefully he's not broken his hand.
Douchebag has control of Kane's left arm, preventing Kane from doing any damage.
Kane throwing strikes but missing.
Douchebag looking for a sweep. Not yet Douchebag, not yet.
Kane is looking to work some ground and pound but Douchebag has wrist control.

Douchebag looking for submissions off his back, moving his hips, looking for an opening.
Douchebag utilising some decent striking defenses from the guard, preventing the ground and pound.
Kane makes a bit of distance and scores with some ground and pound, still in guard.
Douchebag lands a beautiful sweep and he's now moved into his opponent's guard.

Douchebag connects with a couple of short punches.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Kane tries to land a sweep but no joy.
Douchebag landing some decent shots from guard.
Douchebag landing some decent shots from guard.
Douchebag preventing the sweep.
Kane controlling the position.
Kane wants to sweep here but Douchebag controlling him for the moment.
Kane controls Douchebag momentarily but Douchebag frees himself.
Douchebag working in close now, lands a nice elbow to the side of Kane's head.
Douchebag forces his way into half guard.
Douchebag winds up and cracks Kane with a swinging punch to the side of the head.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Kane wants to sweep but Douchebag has passed to side control!
Douchebag lands a knee to the body and a forearm to the face.
Douchebag lands an elbow.
Kane takes a big shot right to the temple there but he's taken it well.
Douchebag lands a nice forearm strike.
Kane is looking for a sweep.
Douchebag lands a knee to the body and a forearm to the face.
Douchebag cracks Kane with an elbow. That is naaassty.
Douchebag wants to lay and pray for a moment but Kane keeps working.
Kane is looking to regain half guard here but Douchebag keeps moving and retains side control.
Douchebag cracks Kane with a big elbow.
Douchebag misses with an attempted head punch from side control.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Kane tries to work a leg under to get back to half guard but Douchebag wriggles his own leg back out and remains in side control.
Douchebag in side control lands a decent elbow.
Douchebag scoring with punches from side control.
Douchebag landing with strikes to the head and body from side control.
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
Kane is trying to get back to half guard.
Check out the look on Douchebag's face as he threw that strike - that's one determined fighter!
Kane is trying to improve his position.
Douchebag scores with a couple of short elbows.
Kane tries to get back to half guard but can't.
Kane takes a big intake of breath there - he's definitely tired.
Douchebag working the head with strikes.
Kane is being controlled here.
Kane wants to control but Douchebag postures up.
Josh Kane has stepped it up - he knows he needs a finish here!
Douchebag scoring with punches from side control.

And that's the end of the fight!
Dardan Douchebag showed his dominance in that final round.
Well I reckon that's a shut out for Douchebag, winning every round. Will the judges agree? They are the ones who matter, even if they are often depressingly incompetent. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Jonathan Paton scores the fight 30:27
Judge Columbo Gatti scores the fight 30:27
Judge David Schapiro scores the fight 30:27

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Dardan Douchebag!
Dardan Douchebag very nearly forgot to thank My$tic Clothing ~ (`10%Laundry`) amongst all the excitement of his win but just as the interview came to a close, he screamed their name. Hopefully he'll get a few nice freebies in the mail as a thank you.