PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a lightweight MMA rules bout between Kazna Futzchag (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and One Turd (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Futzchag comes into the arena with Emika blaring out of the sound system. On his way into the cage it seems that Kazna Futzchag has been attacked by a crazed fan! It looks like it might have been the just bleed guy! Luckily Kazna Futzchag seems to be OK! I thought that lunatic was in prison!?

Futzchag
vs
Turd

190 cm
27
163 lbs
9 - 12 - 0

175 cm
35
163 lbs
21 - 19 - 0

BJJ Blue Belt
Brawler
Granite chin

Good wrestler
Good low kicks
Granite chin

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the lightweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 9 - 12 - 0, fighting out of New York, Kazna Futzchag!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 21 - 19 - 0, fighting out of New York, One Turd!
The judges for this bout are Bruno Lombardi, Jonathan Paton and Eddie Farnsworth.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!

Futzchag throws a loose over hand right and dives in with a double leg takedown. Turd tries to sprawl but it's too late and the fighters hit the mat. Futzchag is in Turd's guard.

Turd is looking for a guillotine. You can't force these things though and Futzchag defends well.

Turd is looking for a guillotine. You can't force these things though and Futzchag defends well.
This has been an exciting period of action!
Turd utilising some decent striking defenses from the guard, preventing the ground and pound.
Turd trying to keep a closed guard but Futzchag is proving a slippery customer.
Futzchag looking to sit in guard and control but Turd gets the butterfly guard and sweeps. He's now in the guard on the top.

Futzchag has his foot on Turd's thigh. He's trying to push off and get in position for a triangle, I think. Turd works his way back into a safe position though.
Turd with a nice head shot there.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Futzchag keeping moving, preventing Turd from controlling successfully.
Futzchag has control of Turd's left arm, preventing Turd from doing any damage.

Futzchag working from the bottom, still in full guard. He's managed to get a loose triangle. Turd doesn't seem to be doing much to defend here, obviously he feels comfortable in the position. Turd manages to throw the legs off his shoulder and he's back into guard - no problem.
Turd wants to pass the guard but Futzchag is keeping the position.
Turd throwing elbows and punches but not connecting, as Futzchag works some decent striking defense from the bottom.
Futzchag utilising some decent striking defenses from the guard, preventing the ground and pound.
Turd throwing strikes but missing.
Futzchag avoiding any damage from the ground and pound.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Futzchag controls Turd momentarily but Turd frees himself.
Futzchag wants to get back to his feet but Turd is in a dominant position and won't allow it.
Futzchag working the defensive guard well to avoid strikes from Turd.
Turd working from the guard for now, landing some ground and pound.
Futzchag really does look like a pencil wearing a pair of gloves. Let's hope he has a gameplan to suit that ridiculous body shape.
Turd throwing strikes but missing.
Futzchag seems keen to control rather than go for a submission, at least for now.
Futzchag controls Turd momentarily but Turd frees himself.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
The fighters are starting to get a bit slippery now, which will make submissions a bit more difficult.
Futzchag manages to sweep nicely, so he's now on top. Turd manages to get himself to full guard.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.

Turd has a loose triangle. He'll be looking to tighten that up but Futzchag can see exactly what he's planning and manages to posture up and free himself.

Turd looking for a guillotine here but Futzchag defends easily.
Futzchag postures up to throw the ground and pound strikes but they don't connect.
Turd manages to land a sweep and now he's in mount on top!
We've seen a great period of action over the last minute or so - credit to both fighters for going all out!
Futzchag tries to lock up and control but Turd gives him a forearm to the face and pushes him away.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Futzchag working to try and regain half guard.
Turd pausing momentarily but resumes with a couple of decent strikes that do a bit of damage.
Futzchag wants to hold on but Turd pushes him away.
Turd working the ground and pound effectively.
Futzchag is in all sorts of trouble here.
The crowd are going absolutely nuts as the round comes to an end - what a fantastic round of action!
Turd scoring with strikes but Futzchag is staying in there.
Turd scoring with strikes but Futzchag is staying in there.
Turd lands a big shot there that rocks Futzchag but he's holding on and managing to survive for now.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

One Turd dominated that round.
The minute break is over - no more time for sponges and pep talks - back to the action!

Turd darts in and lands a nice takedown into half guard.
Turd missing with some ground and pound from the half guard.
Futzchag is trying to stand up here but Turd is controlling him well.
Turd sitting in half guard, looking to land shots. Futzchag defending well though.
The referee calls for the fighters to work.
Futzchag trying to control from the bottom.
Turd looks to score some points with some ground and pound.
Turd wants to pass to mount but Futzchag is defending the position.
Turd working some ground and pound from close in. He's looking to maintain this position and strike for a while by the looks of things... although he'll probably advance to full mount in a minute now I've said that.
Futzchag knows he needs to get back to his feet asap. He's simply no match for Turd on the ground.
Turd has freed up his trapped foot and advances to mount.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Futzchag working to try and regain half guard.
Turd landing punches.
BOOM! Turd connects with a massive shot to the dome!
Futzchag is working to get back to half guard.
Turd with good strikes from the mount here!
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
Turd wants to control the pace but Futzchag is squirming around nicely.
Turd is in a good position here but he's just trying to control... And he's not even managing to do that successfully.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Turd landing strikes from the mount and Futzchag is in trouble!
Turd fakes a shot to the body and cracks his opponent in the head. Nice ground and pound there!
Turd lands a couple of nice shots there from mount.
Turd scores with a couple of good head shots there.
Turd lands a big shot there that rocks Futzchag but he's holding on and managing to survive for now.

Futzchag is rocked!
Turd lands a big elbow - Futzchag is in trouble! More strikes from the mount and Futzchag is forced to tap out!

Ladies and gentlemen, after 2:59 of round 2, we have a winner by way of Submission (Strikes). One Turd!