PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a super heavyweight kickboxing rules bout between Alexander Lukashenko (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Shitty Bill (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Lukashenko kept the crowd waiting but all that was forgotten when his ring entrance music started. The incomparable musical genius that is Belarus National Anthem. Alexander Lukashenko is staring across the ring at his opponent, tweaking his nipples... Tweaking his own nipples that is.

Lukashenko
vs
Bill

219 cm
30
290 lbs
12 - 6 - 0

225 cm
31
300 lbs
9 - 3 - 0

World class boxer
Insanely flexible

World class boxer
Good gas tank

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the super heavyweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 12 - 6 - 0, fighting out of Hilo, Alexander Lukashenko!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 9 - 3 - 0, fighting out of Las Vegas, Shitty Bill!
The judges for this bout are Damien Edna, Winston Howard and Hugh Johnson.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Some bone on bone action there as Lukashenko checks a low kick. Luckily it wasn't a particularly hard one.
Lukashenko misses with a hook. Bill ducked under it nicely.
Bill takes a thudding leg kick, right into the meat of the thigh.
Bill tries to check the leg kick but that clearly hurt him.
Lukashenko loads up on a big right hand but Bill slips the punch.
Lukashenko throws a poor cross that misses
and Bill connects with a straight left hand counter down the middle.
A big left from Lukashenko misses.
Bill moves out of range as Lukashenko strikes.
Alexander Lukashenko seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
A thudding body kick lands there by Lukashenko!
Bill bobs and weaves well there to avoid the strikes.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.
Lukashenko looks to land a left hand but Bill moved out of range nicely.
Bill jabbing away but nothing is landing.
Lukashenko keeps Bill at a distance using the push kick.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Lukashenko throws a lazy body kick
and Bill counters with a lovely shot to the body.
Lukashenko throws a nice inside leg kick.
Lukashenko throws a hard body shot but it just misses.
Lukashenko scores with a jab to the jaw of his opponent.
A punch combination from Bill misses.
Lukashenko looking to throw a kick but he's pulled out of it.
Lukashenko throws a leg kick
and Bill counters with a straight right hand.
Lukashenko thows a body shot but no joy.
Lukashenko throws a hard body shot but it just misses.
Bill lands a jab to the nose.
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!
Bill finds nothing but air with that leg kick attempt.
Lukashenko thuds his shin into the meat of Bill's side.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Bill avoids a low kick by using good footwork.
Lukashenko throws a front kick aimed at Bill's knee but Bill avoids it well.
Bill avoids the body shot from Lukashenko.
Lukashenko throws a leg kick which misses Bill's front leg but catches the back leg as Bill tries to avoid it.
Lukashenko looks for the body kick but Bill saw that one coming.
Lukashenko pivots, looking for a leg kick but Bill is out of range and Lukashenko settles back down.
A solid leg kick lands there for Lukashenko.
Bill takes a kick to the body and keeps moving.
Lukashenko lands a head kick. Bill smiles back at him and beckons him forward.
Lukashenko misses with a half-hearted attempt at a head kick.
Lukashenko throws a leg kick which misses Bill's front leg but catches the back leg as Bill tries to avoid it.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Lukashenko throws a body kick that misses.
Lukashenko feints with a shoulder and throws a nice leg kick to Bill's calf.
Lukashenko scores with a nice strike.
Lukashenko misses with a straight left.
Lukashenko fakes with the hands and throws a leg kick but Bill is out of range.
Nice jab there from Lukashenko.
Bill moves away from the strike by Lukashenko.
Lukashenko takes a swing at Bill's ribcage but misses.
Lukashenko throws a leg kick
and Bill counters with a lovely shot to the body.
An inside leg kick lands from Lukashenko.
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
Lukashenko throws a lazy head kick
and Bill counters with a series of strikes. Lukashenko will be more careful next time no doubt.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Ouch! a nice leg kick from Lukashenko, right into the meat.
Bill's leg has a nasty welt from taking a succession of leg kicks. That must be slowing him down.
A low kick from Lukashenko is predictable there
and Bill counters with a slapping leg kick.
Lukashenko dips to his left and cracks Bill with an uppercut!
Lukashenko looks shocked there as he takes a right hand to the temple.
Lukashenko looking to land some kicks to the body here.
Lukashenko throws a head kick that misses
and he gets countered with a snapping leg kick.
Oooooooooooh, not good. A low kick from Bill lands where it shouldn't have, right in the... well, you know what he did? He kicked him in the penis. He's injured, injured bad. The referee sends both fighters to their corners and Lukashenko has 5 minutes to recover. He's OK now though... a thumbs up from Lukashenko and we're back underway with a touch of gloves.
The crowd are going absolutely nuts as the round comes to an end - what a fantastic round of action!
Lukashenko throws a head kick that misses.
Lukashenko lands with a nice low kick. That'll leave a bruise.
Lukashenko misses the body punch
and Bill counters with a nice uppercut.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Alexander Lukashenko dominated that round.
That's the end of the interval. I'm sure that seemed a lot quicker than a minute for our two fighters! Back to the action.

Lukashenko dances in quickly and lands a nice inside leg kick on Bill. That did some damage!
Lukashenko throws a combination but comes up with nothing but fresh air.
Lukashenko slips under a jab.
Bill digs a good hook to Lukashenko's body.
Lukashenko shapes like he's going to throw a leg kick but settles back down.
Bill displays some good footwork, moving neatly out of range as Lukashenko throws out the jab.
Lukashenko thuds his right hand into Bill's forehead from close range. That could be painful for both fighters.
Lukashenko digs a good hook to Bill's body.
Lukashenko throws an uppercut from half a mile away. Bill sees it coming and avoids it easily.
Jab by Lukashenko.
Lukashenko fakes with a right hand and throws a good leg kick, right into the thigh. That had to hurt Bill.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Lukashenko misses with a right hand
and Bill cracks him with a counter punch right on the button.
Lukashenko misses with a few strikes there.
Bill jabs away that one connects to the head of his opponent.
Bill throws a lazy right hand but Lukashenko sees it coming a mile off and sidesteps it easily.
Bill catches Lukashenko napping and connects with a fantastic 3 punch combination that sends Lukashenko crashing to the mat! He's still conscious but he's all over the place - can he beat the count?!? 4,5,6,7,8...9...10! He didn't make it back to his feet! Bill raises both arms skywards and takes in the roar from the crowd!

Ladies and gentlemen, after 1:30 of round 2, we have a winner by way of TKO (Punches). Shitty Bill!
A very excited looking Shitty Bill made sure he remembered to thank all the fans both in the arena and on the internet. He said all the coolest people spend all day on MMA websites, which got a big reaction.