PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a welterweight MMA rules bout between Ronald McDonald (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Johann Joensen (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). McDonald comes to the cage accompanied by EARTH CRISIS: DESTROY THE MACHINES. Joensen has chosen Gasolina as his entrance music. Over to our ring announcer for the fighter introductions!

McDonald
vs
Joensen

181 cm
30
172 lbs
21 - 8 - 0

180 cm
34
170 lbs
29 - 18 - 0

Good wrestling
World class MT
Insanely flexible

Good wrestler
World class MT
Good gas tank

$10
Brute

HGH Nutrients Q160-Q158-Q155

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 5 rounds, in the welterweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 21 - 8 - 0, fighting out of Los Angeles, Ronald McDonald!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 29 - 18 - 0, fighting out of Amsterdam, Johann Joensen!
The judges for this bout are Fedor Mirinova, Vladimir Khabensky and Aleksei Zolotukhin.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Joensen keeps the fight on the outside.
McDonald steps to his left, right into the path of a big body kick from Joensen. That one must have hurt.
McDonald moves out of range of the body kick.
McDonald throws a combination but it was largely blocked by Joensen.
McDonald thows a left - swing and a miss!
McDonald tries to clinch but is not successful on this occasion.
McDonald throws a big shot that misses.
Joensen jabbing away but nothing is landing.
McDonald fakes a jab and throws a low kick but Joensen checks it well.
Joensen fakes with a right hand and throws a good leg kick, right into the thigh. That had to hurt McDonald.
Joensen tries a head kick but it misses.
Joensen punishes McDonald's body with a nice straight punch.
McDonald throws a leg kick but Joensen sees it coming and moves out of range.
A big right from Joensen misses.
Jab from Joensen.
A jab from McDonald does it's job there.
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!
Joensen throws a body punch but McDonald moves out of range.
Joensen misses with a body shot. Nice footwork from McDonald.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Joensen thows a body shot but no joy.
McDonald avoids the body shot from Joensen.
McDonald looks to score with a jab to the body but Joensen is just out of range.
McDonald tries to clinch there but Joensen circles away.
McDonald cracks Joensen with a good jab.
McDonald takes a step towards his opponent and connects with a left hand, before circling away.

It looks like Johann Joensen has been cut.
Joensen wants to clinch.
Joensen checks a leg kick nicely.
Joensen misses with a low kick.
McDonald throws a body punch but Joensen moves out of range.
McDonald comes forward and lands a shot to the body, then darts back out of range.
Joensen lands with an overhand left.
Joensen ducks under a wild hook from McDonald.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
McDonald lands a leg kick that knocks Joensen off balance momentarily.
Joensen throws a hook to the body but it doesn't connect.
This has been an exciting period of action!
McDonald tries to clinch there but Joensen circles away.
Joensen checks a low kick from McDonald.
McDonald avoids the body shot from Joensen.
McDonald doesn't manage to clinch there - Joensen circles away.
McDonald misses with a jab and misses with a cross straight after too.
Joensen throws a hard body shot but it just misses.
Joensen lands a two punch combo.
McDonald tries to check the leg kick but that clearly hurt him.
McDonald is looking to chop away at Joensen's legs.
Joensen pulls out of a head kick attempt.
A looping hook to the body misses from Joensen. McDonald does a little dance to reset his feet.
McDonald lands a head shot.
Joensen moves in looking to clinch but McDonald pushes him off.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Joensen moves out of range as McDonald throws a body kick.
McDonald tries to land with a swinging hook to the body but Joensen was well out of range. Poor timing from McDonald.
Joensen punishes McDonald's body with a nice straight punch.
Joensen thows a leg kick but McDonald checks it

and McDonald moves into the clinch.
McDonald misses with a short punch on the inside.
McDonald throws an elbow but it misses.
Nice body punch from McDonald - that landed with a thud.
McDonald misses with a hook from the clinch.
Good body shot from McDonald.
Joensen on the defensive, avoiding the knees to the body.
Joensen misses the knee to the body. Nice hip positioning from McDonald.
McDonald takes an elbow to the temple.
McDonald missing with knees to the body.
Joensen presses McDonald against the cage and delivers a mid-strength body shot.
Joensen trying to land knees to the body.
This has been an exciting period of action!

Joensen breaks the clinch and we return to the middle of the mat.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
McDonald clobbers Joensen with an overhand right that has the crowd gasping. That made a horrendous noise.
McDonald bobs and weaves well there to avoid the strikes.
Joensen throws the left hand but McDonald avoids the punch easily.
A big left from McDonald misses.
A left lands for Joensen.
Joensen lands with a good body shot.
McDonald cracks the inside of Joensen's front leg.
Joensen avoids a kick to the body.
Joensen tries to score a power double leg takedown but McDonald sees that one coming and sprawls well. That will dishearten Joensen somewhat.
Joensen lands a leg kick that knocks McDonald off balance momentarily.
The crowd are going absolutely nuts as the round comes to an end - what a fantastic round of action!
The sound of bone on bone echoes around the arena as McDonald checks a leg kick.
McDonald takes a kick to the body and keeps moving.
Joensen ducks down and throws a hook to the body but McDonald moves away.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

A close round but Johann Joensen will probably get the nod.
The cut man is working on Johann Joensen's cut.
That's time! McDonald's corner gives him a slap on the ass as he gets ready to fight.

The fight stays on the outside here - McDonald looks like he's thinking about clinching though.
Joensen lands with a cross to side of his opponent's head.
A head kick misses from Joensen.
No joy there for McDonald, who threw a few shots but didn't land.
Joensen is throwing a lot of body shots here, looking to wear down McDonald rather than just go for the knockout.
McDonald keeping a good distance there, avoiding the body shot.
Joensen throws a sloppy head kick and McDonald moves out of range easily.
McDonald throws a low kick but it's checked well by Joensen.
McDonald walks into a jab.
Joensen takes a shot to the eye socket. That's gotta hurt.
Joensen tried to score with a low kick but McDonald checks it.
McDonald takes a solid shot to the body. That one hurt him but he's trying not to show it.
McDonald throws a body kick but he was well out of range there.
McDonald swings for the body but Joensen moves out of range.
McDonald tries to close the distance and clinch up but Joensen swats him away and circles back towards the center.
Johann Joensen seems to be getting the better of the standup.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Jab, jab by McDonald - just one landing.
Joensen misses with a half-hearted attempt at a head kick.
Joensen punishes McDonald's body with a nice straight punch.
McDonald goes for a spinning back kick but it misses.
McDonald avoids a punch combination nicely.
McDonald misses with a combination
and Joensen counters with a low kick, right behind McDonald 's knee.
McDonald tries to land a body kick
and Joensen counters with a nice body shot.
Joensen moves out of range of the strikes.
McDonald moves into range and lands a nice leg kick.
McDonald tries a switch kick but it misses it's target.
McDonald ducks under an overhand right and circles away with a smile on his face.
Joensen throws a half hearted mid kick.
Sloppy strikes from McDonald. Those never looked like landing.
Joensen tries a switch kick but it misses it's target.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
McDonald tries to check the leg kick but that clearly hurt him.
McDonald misses with a body kick.
Joensen looks to land a combination. McDonald sees it coming but can only parry a couple of the shots.
Wooooo! Give it up for these two warriors! They are putting on a show!
McDonald throws a sloppy body shot
and Joensen makes him pay by landing a thudding low kick.
McDonald throws a hook to the side of Joensen's head but Joensen sees it coming and ducks under it beautifully.
Joensen has his front leg slapped to the side - a nice low kick landing there from McDonald.

Joensen fakes an overhand right and shoots for a takedown. McDonald sprawls well initially but Joensen persists and gets the takedown into half guard.
The referee wants the fighters to be more active or he's going to reset them on the feet.
Joensen drops an elbow to the side of McDonald's head.
Joensen throwing shots but they're hitting the canvas more than the man.
Joensen sitting in half guard, looking to land shots. McDonald defending well though.
McDonald wants to control but Joensen is keeping busy.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
McDonald blocking the ground and pound attempt from Joensen.
Joensen throws a big elbow that misses, also allowing McDonald to regain full guard.
Joensen is working the ground and pound from guard. He might want to try advancing position though to get more of an impact.
McDonald wants to sweep but no luck.
McDonald keeping moving, preventing Joensen from controlling successfully.
McDonald trying to control the position.

That's four minutes gone in the round.

Joensen decides he's had enough of playing guard and decides to stand. Come on McDonald, up you get!
Ouch! a nice leg kick from McDonald, right into the meat.
McDonald moves in looking to clinch but Joensen pushes him off.
McDonald pivots as if he's going to throw a leg kick but stops half way.
Joensen fakes a jab and throws a low kick but McDonald checks it well.
Joensen lands a slapping body shot.
McDonald falls off balance throwing a combination
and Joensen counters with a solid body kick.
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
As the round comes to an end the crowd are showing their appreciation for a great round of action.
McDonald shapes like he's going to throw a leg kick but settles back down.
McDonald keeping a good distance there, avoiding the body shot.
Joensen misses with a head kick.
Joensen avoids a punch combination nicely.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Johann Joensen showed his class in that round. I'd imagine he'll take it on all the scorecards.
The cut man is working on Johann Joensen's cut.
The fighters get back to their feet, the hooter sounds and we're back to the action!

Joensen is looking to clinch but McDonald is avoiding it.
McDonald is looking to clinch.

McDonald instigates a clinch.
Joensen goes for a body shot but it's blocked.
Joensen tries to throw a body punch but McDonald avoids it by throwing Joensen back against the cage.
McDonald on the defensive, avoiding the knees to the body.
McDonald throws a nice elbow but it doesn't land.
Joensen blocks the elbow strike.
Joensen stalling.
McDonald is looking to score with knees to the body. Maybe he'll change it up and go body then head. Joensen is defending well for now.
Joensen avoiding damage as McDonald throws knees to the body.
Joensen tried to land a shot to the body but connects with McDonald's elbow.
Joensen throws a blind hook that connects with the side of McDonalds head.
Joensen on the defensive, avoiding the knees to the body.
Joensen is trying to slow down the pace in the clinch, to catch his breath.
Joensen tries to land a knee to the body but he is off balance and McDonald avoids it.

That's one minute gone in the round.
McDonald is leaning against Joensen and scores with a nice uppercut to the body.
McDonald throws a punch but it's blocked by Joensen.
Joensen throws a vicious knee straight up the middle but McDonald blocks it with crossed arms.
Joensen goes for a body shot but it's blocked.
Joensen tries to land a knee to the body but he is off balance and McDonald avoids it.
Joensen misses with a short punch on the inside.
McDonald with the Thai clinch. He's looking to land a big knee but he's not managed it this time.
McDonald struggles to land a body shot inside as Joensen controls his hands.
McDonald creates a bit of distance and throws an elbow that only just misses.
Joensen makes some space for himself and lands an uppercut.
McDonald swings away with an uppercut that misses.
Joensen blocks the elbow strike.
Joensen blocks an uppercut.
Joensen lands a body punch - he's looking to wear down McDonald.
McDonald utilising his Muay Thai to score with a knee to the body.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!
McDonald avoids the elbow strike from Joensen, against the cage.
McDonald tries to throw a body punch but Joensen avoids it by throwing McDonald back against the cage.
McDonald lands with a good tight uppercut to the head.
An uppercut on the inside fails to land for McDonald.
Ronald McDonald has scored more points in the clinch so far.
Joensen lands an elbow inside that McDonald shrugs off.
McDonald tries to work over Joensen's body with a swooping hook but it only glances the target.
Joensen pushes McDonald back against the cage and lands a hook to the side of the head.
Joensen prevents a body shot from McDonald.
McDonald can't find room to land a body shot as Joensen controls the action.
Knees in the clinch landing for Joensen.
Joensen tries to land knees in the clinch but McDonald avoids the damage to the body.
Joensen tries to work over McDonald's body with a swooping hook but it only glances the target.
Joensen presses McDonald against the cage and delivers a mid-strength body shot.
Both fighters are breathing heavily.
McDonald throws a punch but it's blocked by Joensen.
Joensen on the defensive, avoiding the knees to the body.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Joensen lands with a right to the head.
McDonald tries a body shot but Joensen blocks it.
Joensen doesn't land with the attempted body shot.
Joensen presses McDonald against the cage and delivers a mid-strength body shot.
Joensen tries to throw a body punch but McDonald avoids it by throwing Joensen back against the cage.
McDonald unloads a knee to the mid-section. Joensen lets out a prehistoric sounding urrrrgh.
McDonald blocks a knee to the body. He'll have a nicely bruised forearm in the morning.
Joensen lands with a left to the head.
Joensen lands with a short head shot on the inside.
Wooooo! Give it up for these two warriors! They are putting on a show!
McDonald using the Thai plumb to throw knees but Joensen has his back arched nicely, preventing the strike.
Joensen blocks an elbow strike.
McDonald with a knee to the head.
McDonald fails to land with a short punch on the inside.
Joensen on the defensive, avoiding the knees to the body.
An uppercut to the body lands inside from Joensen.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Joensen lands a short shot on the inside that snaps the head of McDonald backwards.
Joensen with an attempt at a knee that misses.
Joensen misses with a punch to the body.
McDonald managing to block the knees to the body from Joensen.
McDonald trying to land knees to the body.
Joensen gets through McDonald's defenses to land a nice punch to the side of the head.
McDonald creates a bit of distance and throws an elbow that only just misses.
Joensen struggles to land a body shot inside as McDonald controls his hands.
McDonald swings wildly with an uppercut but Joensen uses good head movement to avoid it.
Joensen lands an elbow that stopped McDonald in his tracks for a moment.
Both fighters working to control the clinch.
The crowd are going absolutely nuts as the round comes to an end - what a fantastic round of action!
McDonald crunches a lovely knee into Joensen's ribcage.

Joensen breaks the clinch and we return to the middle of the mat.
Both fighters circling a little - Joensen finishes the exchange with a kick to the body.
McDonald misses with a double jab.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Johann Joensen really dominated that round.
The cut man is working on Johann Joensen's cut.
OK. That's time! The bell goes and we're back to the action.

Joensen misses with an uppercut. McDonald saw that one coming.
Joensen chopped to the floor by a nice leg kick but he springs right back up before McDonald can pounce on him.
McDonald scoring well with a low kick there.
Joensen throws out a leg kick but McDonald moves out of range and Joensen only half commits.

McDonald tries to keep at a distance but Joensen has taken the fight into the clinch.
McDonald prevents a body shot from Joensen.
McDonald blocks a couple of punches on the inside.
McDonald throws a punch but it's blocked by Joensen.
Joensen misses with a knee to the head.
McDonald lands a hook to the side of the head.
Joensen misses with the head strike.
Joensen looking to stall.
A short body shot lands from McDonald as the two fighters clinch.

That's one minute gone in the round.
McDonald pushes off an throws an elbow but Joensen leans to the side and avoids it. We're back to clinching against the cage.
The referee calls for Joensen to work.
McDonald lands on the inside with an uppercut.
McDonald misses with the head strike.
McDonald landing knees to the body. They look like they could hurt.
Joensen is absolutely dripping with sweat - he looks exhausted.
A short right from McDonald on the inside.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
Joensen doesn't land with the attempted body shot.
Joensen trying to land knees to the body.
McDonald scores a nice knee to the body.
McDonald scores with an uppercut up the middle.
McDonald using the Thai clinch to land knees to the body.
Joensen's head jolts backwards as he takes an uppercut right on the button!
Joensen on the defensive, avoiding the knees to the body.
Joensen on the defensive, avoiding the knees to the body.
Joensen misses with a punch to the body.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
A shot in the inside from McDonald.
McDonald swings away with an uppercut that misses.
Joensen misses with a punch to the body.
A short right from McDonald.
A short right hand to the side of the head by McDonald.
McDonald missing with knees to the body.
McDonald gets through Joensen's defenses to land a nice punch to the side of the head.
McDonald blocks a knee to the body. He'll have a nicely bruised forearm in the morning.
Joensen swings wildly with an uppercut but McDonald uses good head movement to avoid it.
McDonald lands a right hand.
Joensen tries a body shot but McDonald blocks it.
McDonald lands a body shot.
A head punch blocked on the inside by McDonald.
McDonald tries to land knees in the clinch but Joensen avoids the damage to the body.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Joensen avoids the elbow strike from McDonald, against the cage.
Joensen managing to block the knees to the body from McDonald.
McDonald pushes Joensen back against the cage and lands a hook to the side of the head.
Joensen lands a nice elbow.
Joensen misses with a knee to the head.
Joensen throws a punch but it's blocked by McDonald.
McDonald tries to land knees in the clinch but Joensen avoids the damage to the body.
McDonald lands a short shot on the inside that snaps the head of Joensen backwards.

Joensen is rocked!
Joensen struggles to land a body shot inside as McDonald controls his hands.
Joensen is still on wobbly legs! Can McDonald finish him?
Joensen utilising his Muay Thai to score with a knee to the body.
Joensen seems to have recovered his senses.
Joensen gets an overhook and lands an elbow to the side of the head.
McDonald blocks a body shot from Joensen.
Joensen lands a body punch in the clinch.
Joensen misses with a hook to the ribs.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Joensen avoids a wild elbow strike from McDonald.
Joensen lands a body punch - he's looking to wear down McDonald.
This has been an exciting period of action!
Joensen lands on the inside with an uppercut.
McDonald works on Joensen's body with a couple of short punches.
Joensen presses McDonald against the cage and delivers a mid-strength body shot.
McDonald throws a punch but it's blocked by Joensen.
McDonald tries to land a knee to the body but he is off balance and Joensen avoids it.
A hook to the body from Joensen.
Joensen misses with a punch to the body.
McDonald misses the knee to the body. Nice hip positioning from Joensen.
Joensen working aggressively here.
A left hand lands to the body for Joensen.
The crowd are going absolutely nuts as the round comes to an end - what a fantastic round of action!
McDonald blocks an elbow strike.
Joensen looking to stall.
Joensen unloads a knee to the mid-section.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Ronald McDonald had his way with Johann Joensen in that round.
The cut man is working on Johann Joensen's cut.
That's time! McDonald's corner gives him a slap on the ass as he gets ready to fight. Let's hear some noise people - this is the final round!

Joensen wings a very wild body shot but it does the job and lands to the midsection.
McDonald uses good footwork to get in and out and land a nice right hand before Joensen has time to react.
Joensen moving in and out of range nicely, whilst landing the scoring shot.
Joensen jabs McDonald to the body, keeping him at a distance.
An inside leg kick from McDonald misses.
McDonald throws a body punch but Joensen moves out of range.
Joensen misses with a body shot.
McDonald throws a big shot that misses.
Joensen tries to clinch but McDonald moves out of range.
McDonald lands a kick to the ribs of his opponent. Nice work there - in and out in a flash.
Joensen misses with a wild body shot.
A swing and a miss from McDonald.
McDonald fails in his attempt to clinch.
Some wild striking there from McDonald.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Joensen wants to clinch up but McDonald keeps it at a distance.
Joensen circles away from the clinch attempt
and Joensen counters with a three punch combo that has McDonald backing up. McDonald nods at Joensen to acknowledge the strikes.
McDonald misses the shot to the body.
The fight stays on the outside here - McDonald looks like he's thinking about clinching though.
McDonald throws a nice looking combination but Joensen bobs and weaves to avoid any damage.
Joensen tries to clinch but McDonald moves out of range.
McDonald throws a right hand that Joensen ducks under and follows up with a left that Joensen also avoids with ease.
Joensen checks a leg kick.
Joensen misses with a few strikes there.
Ronald McDonald has stepped it up - he knows he needs a finish here!

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Joensen scores with a nice right hand.
A kick lands to the mid section there for McDonald.
Joensen throws a nice outside leg kick.
McDonald throws a leg kick that is checked
and Joensen counters with a head kick.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.
McDonald tries to land a front kick but Joensen steps back. That was a bit too telegraphed.
Joensen just misses with a punch to the body.
McDonald rushes forward with a series of wild hooks but Joensen moves out of range and avoids them all easily.
McDonald blocks the body kick.
Joensen showing good head movement there, avoiding the strikes from McDonald.
Both of our modern day gladiators look out of it here - an gruelling 5 rounds of action taking it's toll on them, no doubt.
Joensen tries a switch kick but it misses it's target.
Nice defenses there by Joensen.
McDonald uses some good footwork to avoid the body shot by Joensen.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Joensen misses with a body shot. Nice footwork from McDonald.
Joensen does a little shimmy and throws a leg kick. The leg kick missed by a considerable margin though, making him look a little bit silly for doing the shimmy.
Joensen jabs McDonald to the body, keeping him at a distance.
Joensen misses with a body shot. Nice footwork from McDonald.
Joensen's jab looks to have found its range, popping McDonald under the eye.
McDonald lands a nice leg kick that just misses Joensen's sensitive parts.
Joensen misses with a jab, cross combination.
Joensen swings for the body but McDonald moves out of range.
Joensen lands a high kick!
Joensen stumbles momentarily as he takes a strong leg kick from McDonald.
Joensen throws a head kick that connects with a bit of head and a bit of hand.
Joensen misses with a wild body shot.
Joensen misses with a kick to the body.
Joensen misses with a body shot.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Joensen circles away from the clinch attempt.
McDonald lands the left hand.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
Good exchange - McDonald coming out on top.
Joensen misses with an uppercut.
Joensen fakes high and swings low for a body shot but McDonald manages to avoid it.
McDonald throws a perfectly timed hook that sends Joensen crashing down! Joensen tries to stagger back to his feet but McDonald just hammers him until the ref stops the fight! A confused Joensen asks the ref what just happened. Poor fella.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 4:32 of round 5, we have a winner by way of TKO (Strikes). Ronald McDonald!
Post fight, Ronald McDonald stared into the camera and said 'That fat sack of sh*t decided he was gonna call ME out? That was a big f*cking mistake buddy. Why don't you and your slutty mom go back to South Park where you belong, go eat some cheezie poofs and cry about it. F*ck you Eric Cartman! Geezers Palace rules! Goodnight ladies and gentlemen! '.