PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a heavyweight MMA rules bout between Jacques Offembach (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Kimbo Slice (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Offembach comes to the cage accompanied by System Of A Down - Chop Suey!. Slice has chosen Hit em' Up as his entrance music. These two fighters really are very evenly matched on the feet - it will be fascinating to see who can assert themselves in that aspect of the fight.

Offembach
vs
Slice

185 cm
24
273 lbs
7 - 5 - 0

225 cm
35
277 lbs
19 - 8 - 0

Good wrestling
Counter striker
Insanely flexible

Dangerous GnP
Good low kicks
Powerful

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the heavyweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 7 - 5 - 0, fighting out of Rio de Janeiro, Jacques Offembach!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 19 - 8 - 0, fighting out of Rio de Janeiro, Kimbo Slice!
The judges for this bout are Seu Braga, Edson Gomes and Daniel Cesar.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!

Offembach throws a loose over hand right and dives in with a double leg takedown. Slice tries to sprawl but it's too late and the fighters hit the mat. Offembach is in Slice's guard.
The referee is pacing around the two fighters - he looks like he's thinking about a standup.
Offembach throws a strike but Slice rolls with it and manages to sweep. Now he's in guard on top.
Slice preventing the sweep.
Offembach has been looking to land a fair amount of strikes on the ground. He might be looking to soften his opponent up in order to work for a submission.
Offembach wants to control here, rather than go for any submissions from the bottom. At least for now.

Offembach has his feet on Slice's hips. He pushes off and gets to his feet. Nice work.
Slice pulls out of a head kick attempt.
Slice is a painfully thin specimen of a man. You do wonder whether a good body kick would snap him clean in two.
Slice misses with a head kick.
Slice pushes forward with a 1-2 combination that forces Offembach back to the cage. Slice follows up with a solid lead hook to the liver.
Slice dances in quickly and lands a nice inside leg kick on Offembach. That did some damage!
Slice lands a head kick. Offembach smiles back at him and beckons him forward.
Wooooo! Give it up for these two warriors! They are putting on a show!

Offembach shoots in and gets a takedown into half guard. Offembach showed some decent athleticism there.
Offembach wants to take a breather but Slice is having none of it.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Offembach is figuring out what he wants to do next.
Offembach is looking to take a break and control but Slice is keeping him honest, looking to work from the bottom.
We get told so often about how wrestlers don't like to be on their backs. Let's see if Slice can do anything to dispel that myth.
If this pace continues, the referee will definitely step in and force a standup.
Offembach thows a huge punch but Slice dodges it nicely.
Offembach throws a strike but Slice avoids it easily and moves to full guard.
Offembach works over Slice with some ground and pound from guard.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Offembach postures up and lands a big shot to Slice's brow.
Offembach engaging in some classic timewasting tactics.
Slice really doesn't want to stay on the ground with Offembach. If he can't get it back to his feet, it's only a matter of time before he'll be tapping out.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
Slice working the defensive guard well to avoid strikes from Offembach.
Offembach looking to pass the guard.
Offembach cracks Slice with a solid left hand.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Offembach in full guard, throwing the ground and pound. No damage this time.
Offembach slows down the pace of the fight, as he sits in guard.
Slice wants to get back to his feet but Offembach is in a dominant position and won't allow it.
Offembach throwing elbows and punches but not connecting, as Slice works some decent striking defense from the bottom.
Offembach throwing strikes but missing.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Offembach landing with the ground and pound.
Offembach sitting in guard here, content to control.
Offembach lands a couple of decent looking shots.
Offembach trying to control but Slice is working from the bottom.
A big thud reverberates around the arena there as Offembach accidentally thumps the mat. Hopefully he's not broken his hand.
As the round comes to an end the crowd are showing their appreciation for a great round of action.
Offembach with a flurry of punches that miss.
Offembach might be looking to lock onto one of his opponent's long limbs for a submission, whilst we're on the ground.
Offembach throwing strikes from guard but Slice blocks nicely.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Jacques Offembach dominated that round.
Well, the break between rounds is over. Let's get back to the scrappin!

Offembach shoots in and scores a nice double leg takedown into half guard.
Offembach controlling the action here.
Slice is trying to stand up here but Offembach is controlling him well.
Offembach missing with some ground and pound from the half guard.
Offembach throwing punches and elbows but they're not doing any damage.
Offembach prevents Slice from standing back up.
Offembach thows a huge punch but Slice dodges it nicely.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Offembach with a momentary lay and pray from half guard.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.
Offembach wants to pass the guard but Slice is defending well.
Well, if Offembach is going to just lie there, perhaps we should talk about what we're having for dinner tonight… I'm having a ham and pineapple pizza… Yum. Can't wait.
The referee looks like he's ready to step in and stand the fighters back up.
Offembach missing with the ground and pound from half guard.
Offembach seems content to maintain position for now, rather than mounting any offense.

That's two minutes gone in the round.

Jacques Offembach has forced the referee to step in and bring the fight back to the feet.
Slice throws a combination but comes up with nothing but fresh air.
Offembach walks into a left hand.
Slice slaps away a takedown attempt from Offembach, before circling back to the center of the mat.
Kimbo Slice seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Offembach misses with the combination.
Slice throws a series of punches but Offembach avoids them all with ease.
Slice checks the leg kick nicely there.
Kimbo Slice is looking to keep the fight on the feet at all costs.
Offembach shoots in for a takedown but Slice shows good takedown defense there and keeps this one on the feet.
Slice throws a quick head kick that skims the top of Offembach's head.
Offembach throws a wild combination but nothing lands.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Slice lands a jab to the head.

Excellent takedown into side control there by Offembach.
Offembach controlling from side mount.
Offembach creates some space and throws a big elbow, but Slice sees it coming and moves his head just enough to avoid the strike.
Offembach working the ground and pound from side control.
Offembach cracks Slice with an elbow. That is naaassty.
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
Offembach working the head and body with strikes.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Offembach controls the position from side control.
Offembach's ground tactics aren't going to win him many fans. Let's hope he's got fireworks for us if he gets back to his feet because he's not doing much on the ground.
Offembach in side control, throwing shots but Slice defends.
Offembach postures up a little and throws a couple of hammerfists but they don't connect properly.
Offembach scores with a couple of nice shots to the head there. The referee takes a look at Slice to see if he's OK.
Offembach landing a few strikes.
As the round comes to an end the crowd are showing their appreciation for a great round of action.
Offembach throwing ground and pound but whilst doing so, he forgets to control position and Slice works his way back to half guard. Good composure under pressure.
Offembach thows a wild elbow that connects with the canvas.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Jacques Offembach dominated that second round.
OK. That's time! The bell goes and we're back to the action. Let's hear some noise people - this is the final round!

A combination from Offembach does no damage.
A slapping leg kick lands for Slice.
Offembach lunges in with swinging rights and lefts but Slice circles away quickly and effectively.
Slice throws a right hand that Offembach ducks under and follows up with a left that Offembach also avoids with ease.
Offembach takes a swing at Slice's ribcage but misses.
The crowd cheers as Slice lands an impressive looking overhand right. Offembach doesn't seem phased though.
Left hook, right uppercut from Slice.
Slice slips a jab and a cross from Offembach.

Offembach shoots in for a takedown and gets it.
Slice avoiding damage under a succession of punches from Offembach.
Offembach is taking a breather. Slice says something to him but it's hard to make out. Perhaps he's telling him to get on with it and actually do something.
Slice avoiding damage under a succession of punches from Offembach.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Still in half guard, Offembach seems content to control.
Offembach is pressing down on Slice's thigh, looking to free his foot. Slice is holding on for now.
Offembach looks to score some points with some ground and pound.
Offembach throwing shots but Slice is blocking nicely.
Well, if Offembach is going to just lie there, perhaps we should talk about what we're having for dinner tonight… I'm having a ham and pineapple pizza… Yum. Can't wait.
Slice taking some punishment here, with Offembach in his half guard.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Offembach content to sit in half guard and control for a moment.
Slice wants to get back to his feet.
Offembach scores with a couple of good hammerfists.
This has been an exciting period of action!
Offembach sitting in half guard, looking to land shots. Slice defending well though.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.
The two fighters exchange a few words. I couldn't hear what they were saying but maybe it's more fun if you make it up yourself. Offembach connects with a nice short shot to Slice's temple.
Offembach thows a wild elbow that connects with the canvas.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Slice is staying active underneath Offembach, who seems content to just control the action from this position.
Offembach sitting in half guard, looking to land shots. Slice defending well though.
Offembach with a momentary lay and pray from half guard.
Slice tries to kick Offembach off but Offembach keeps his base steady and stays in half guard.
Offembach thows a huge punch but Slice dodges it nicely.
Offembach thows a wild elbow that connects with the canvas.
Offembach sitting in half guard, looking to land shots. Slice defending well though.
Offembach takes advantage of the dominant position to land a couple of big hammer fists.
Kimbo Slice has stepped it up - he knows he needs a finish here!
Offembach throwing punches and elbows but they're not doing any damage.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Offembach trying to control the action but Slice is working from the bottom.
The referee calls for the fighters to work.
Jacques Offembach is fighting for a decision here - he's started to take the cautious approach.
As the round comes to an end the crowd are showing their appreciation for a great round of action.

And that's the end of the fight!
Jacques Offembach showed his dominance in that final round.
Well I reckon that's a shut out for Offembach, winning every round. Will the judges agree? They are the ones who matter, even if they are often depressingly incompetent. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Seu Braga scores the fight 30:27
Judge Edson Gomes scores the fight 30:27
Judge Daniel Cesar scores the fight 30:27

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Jacques Offembach!
A relieved looking Jacques Offembach thanked the fans for their support and gave the usual line about them being amazing. They seemed to believe that he actually meant it.