PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a light heavyweight MMA rules bout between Vladimir Zhirinovsky (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Charlie Parsons (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Zhirinovsky comes into the arena with Zhirinovsky and Serega - Murka blaring out of the sound system. Parsons is bobbing his head along to his entrance song: Call Me The Breeze. The fight MMA fans around the world have waited their entire lives for!

Zhirinovsky
vs
Parsons

180 cm
27
218 lbs
14 - 10 - 0

189 cm
32
222 lbs
19 - 15 - 0

Good wrestling
Excellent boxer
Insanely flexible

Good wrestler
Good low kicks
Powerful

Cobra Pharmaceuticals (159++ Stamina)

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the light heavyweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 14 - 10 - 0, fighting out of St Petersburg, Vladimir Zhirinovsky!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 19 - 15 - 0, fighting out of Amsterdam, Charlie Parsons!
The judges for this bout are Aafke Stam, Albert Achterberg and Paulsen Ambrosius.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Zhirinovsky shoots in but Parsons avoids the takedown attempt easily.
Zhirinovsky looks to score with a combo but nothing lands.

Zhirinovsky is looking for a takedown here. He's shot in and has managed to get it, finishing up in Parsons's half guard.
It looks like the ref is thinking about a standup.

Parsons is defending against the submission attempts here by Zhirinovsky.
Zhirinovsky is taking a breather. Parsons says something to him but it's hard to make out. Perhaps he's telling him to get on with it and actually do something.
Zhirinovsky prevents Parsons from improving his position.
Zhirinovsky throwing punches and elbows but they're not doing any damage.
Parsons is looking for a sweep. Zhirinovsky is wise to his cunning plan and keeps the top position.
Zhirinovsky seems very keen to just sit and control from half guard but Parsons does not like that idea so much and is remaining active off his back.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Parsons is pressing down on Zhirinovsky's left leg trying to get back to full guard. He's managed it.

Parsons looks to be working for a triangle here. Oh, it looks like he might have it! Zhirinovsky has picked Parsons up and slammed him! Parsons can't keep hold of the triangle and Zhirinovsky manages to pass to side control!
Parsons gets one leg under and gets the fight to half guard.
Both fighters really going for it on the ground here!
Zhirinovsky scores with a couple of good hammerfists.
Parsons tries to get to full guard but Zhirinovsky has control of the leg.
Parsons is trying to control but Zhirinovsky manages to pass to mount!
Zhirinovsky breaks from Parsons's wrist control and lands an elbow.
Parsons is looking to improve his position but Zhirinovsky isn't that keen on the idea.
Zhirinovsky has been looking to land a fair amount of strikes on the ground. He might be looking to soften his opponent up in order to work for a submission.
Zhirinovsky looking to control but Parsons is working nicely, looking to advance position himself.
Zhirinovsky with the ground and pound from mount.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.
Zhirinovsky trying to control but he's not successful this time.
Parsons keeping his composure momentarily, calmly looking to get back to half guard.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Zhirinovsky lands an elbow that was bordering on illegal but the referee lets it go with a warning.
Parsons is desperately trying to improve his position but Zhirinovsky has a good base and remains in mount.
Zhirinovsky controlling from the full mount.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.
Zhirinovsky landing shots from mount.
Parsons can't escape the position.
Zhirinovsky trying to control but Parsons is having none of it.
Parsons can't escape the position.

Zhirinovsky is working on an americana here. Ooh, that looks pretty nasty! Nope, Parsons has managed to escape the submission attempt.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Zhirinovsky with shots to the head and body - Parsons looks very uncomfortable down there.
Parsons really trying hard to get back to half guard here.
Zhirinovsky lands a big shot there that rocks Parsons but he's holding on and managing to survive for now.
Parsons is in a horrible position here. Zhirinovsky smacks him with another shot as he tries to escape the position.

Parsons is rocked!
This has been an exciting period of action!
Zhirinovsky postures up and connects with a big shot that has rocked Parsons badly. He's trying desperately to grab hold of Zhirinovsky around the waist but Zhirinovsky pushes him off and unloads with more strikes, forcing the referee to jump in and save him! Zhirinovsky is the winner by TKO! Zhirinovsky jumps onto the cage and shouts into the camera. "We did it momma!"

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3:48 of round 1, we have a winner by way of TKO (Strikes). Vladimir Zhirinovsky!
Vladimir Zhirinovsky seemed lost for words in his post fight interview but he remembered to thank his fans and directed everyone to his website.