PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a lightweight MMA rules bout between Old Fuck (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Charles St Lickitung (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). St Lickitung comes into a darkened arena with his song building. Pokemon Red Gym Leader Battle Music kicks in, the lights come on and the crowd goes wild! What a showman! Old Fuck had real problems making weight for this fight. After initially coming in at 156.8lbs, he had two hours to make the official fight weight. He made it but it will have taken a lot out of him to cut those extra few pounds. Old Fuck is staring across the cage at his opponent, tweaking his nipples... Tweaking his own nipples that is.

Fuck
vs
St Lickitung

170 cm
25
170 lbs
4 - 1 - 0

169 cm
22
160 lbs
5 - 3 - 0

Decent wrestler
Great elbows
Very strong

Powerful takedowns
Basic striking
Granite chin

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 2 rounds, in the lightweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 4 - 1 - 0, fighting out of Tokyo, Old Fuck!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 5 - 3 - 0, fighting out of Tokyo, Charles St Lickitung!
The judges for this bout are Shirou Masuda, Tatsuya Matsuyama and Ren Mimura.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Some bone on bone action there as St Lickitung checks a low kick. Luckily it wasn't a particularly hard one.
Fuck throws a jab when St Lickitung was well out of range.
St Lickitung fakes high and shoots in for a takedown but Fuck avoids it really well and circles away.
St Lickitung dodges the punch combination from Fuck.
Fuck bobs and weaves and unloads with a good uppercut.
A looping hook to the body misses from Fuck. St Lickitung does a little dance to reset his feet.
Fuck misses with a jab and misses with a cross straight after too.
St Lickitung has a takedown stuffed.
St Lickitung shoots in for a takedown but Fuck shows good takedown defense.
Old Fuck has stuffed three takedown attempts in the round now. That's going to take a lot out of Charles St Lickitung.
Fuck misses the jab.
Fuck thows a left - swing and a miss!
Nice defenses there by St Lickitung.

Fuck closes the distance and clinches.
St Lickitung is trying to pull guard but Fuck has him pressed against the cage.
Fuck lands a nice elbow from the clinch.

It looks like Charles St Lickitung has been cut.
Fuck lands a nice knee to the body.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Fuck lands a glancing elbow in the clinch.
Fuck scores with a knee to the head.
Fuck is struggling to control the position.
Fuck gets a warning from the ref for wasting time.
St Lickitung tries to pull guard but Fuck forces him back to his feet, against the cage.
Fuck is pushing St Lickitung up against the cage, for a bit of lean and pray action. Action being used the in the loosest possible sense of the word.
Fuck lands an elbow that stopped St Lickitung in his tracks for a moment.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
St Lickitung fails to pull the fight into his guard.
Fuck is struggling to control the position.
Fuck comes over the top with an elbow. That landed flush.
Fuck with the Thai clinch, lands a knee to the head.
A knee to the head by Fuck.
Fuck content to slow the pace in the clinch.
Fuck lands a damaging elbow.
Fuck connects with a nasty looking knee right to St Lickitung's face.
St Lickitung takes a knee right on the jaw!

That has opened up Charles St Lickitung's cut even more.
Fuck leaning his opponent against the cage.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
St Lickitung takes a knee to the side of the body.
Fuck is breathing heavily.
Fuck lands an elbow that stopped St Lickitung in his tracks for a moment.
Fuck lands a knee to the body.
Knees in the clinch landing for Fuck.
The two fighters are working to gain dominance in the clinch.
The ref breaks the fighters up, due to lack of action by Old Fuck.

St Lickitung gets to the clinch - let's see what his plan is here.
Fuck pressing his opponent against the cage.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Fuck lands an elbow that stopped St Lickitung in his tracks for a moment.
Fuck manages to get underhooks and slows down the pace for a moment.
Fuck lands an elbow just above St Lickitung 's eye.
Fuck creates a bit of space for himself and sneaks an elbow through St Lickitung's defenses.

That's five minutes gone in the round.
St Lickitung takes a knee to the side of the body.
Fuck using the Thai clinch to land knees to the body.
Fuck lands an elbow just above St Lickitung 's eye.
Fuck just leaning against St Lickitung, taking a breather.
Fuck lands a nice elbow.
Fuck lands a knee to the head.
Fuck just leaning against St Lickitung, taking a breather.
The ref breaks the fighters up, due to lack of action by Old Fuck.

Fuck clinches up with St Lickitung and pushes him back against the cage.
Fuck lands a knee to the head.
St Lickitung jumps guard but Fuck stands there with St Lickitung around his waist. St Lickitung gives up and drops back to his feet. We remain in the clinch.

That's six minutes gone in the round.
Fuck slowing the pace effectively.
Wooooo! Give it up for these two warriors! They are putting on a show!
St Lickitung takes a knee to the side of the body.
Fuck lands a nice elbow.
Nice elbow from Fuck.
Fuck is stalling here. The referee will be looking to step in if he doesn't pick up the pace.
Nice elbow from Fuck.
Fuck using the Thai plumb to throw knees but St Lickitung has his back arched nicely, preventing the strike.

That's seven minutes gone in the round.
St Lickitung jumps guard but his hands slip and he falls flat on his back. Well, he's made himself look a right mug there, as Fuck walks away with a smile on his face. St Lickitung gets slowly back to his feet and shakes his head.
Wow, both these guys are really going for it!
St Lickitung shoots in but Fuck avoids the takedown attempt easily.

St Lickitung has managed to clinch.
St Lickitung is trying to pull guard but Fuck has him pressed against the cage.

St Lickitung drags the fight down to the ground.
Fuck wants to control from the top but St Lickitung keeps moving.
St Lickitung looking to sweep here. No luck so far.
Fuck loading up with the ground and pound but he's missing more than he's landing in this flurry.
St Lickitung working the defensive guard well to avoid strikes from Fuck.
St Lickitung is working an open guard here, looking to improve his position. No doubt that will leave him open to counters but at least he's being more offensive.

That's eight minutes gone in the round.
St Lickitung bucks up whilst keeping hold of a body lock, managing to reverse the position. Now he's in top in Fuck's guard.
St Lickitung pushing down on Fuck's thigh, trying to pass to half guard. He's managed it... Nice work.
Still in half guard, St Lickitung seems content to control.
We've seen a great period of action over the last minute or so - credit to both fighters for going all out!
St Lickitung sitting in half guard, looking to land shots. Fuck defending well though.
Fuck trying to control from the bottom.
St Lickitung wants to lay and pray for a moment but Fuck keeps working.
St Lickitung stops Fuck from getting back to his feet.

St Lickitung is trying to work for a kimura but Fuck is defending well.

That's nine minutes gone in the round.
St Lickitung throwing shots but Fuck is blocking nicely.
St Lickitung missing with the ground and pound from half guard.

St Lickitung is trying for a guillotine from the top but the pressure isn't in the right place so Fuck is just riding it out for now. St Lickitung eventually gives up the hold.
St Lickitung wants to stand up but Fuck is controlling the position.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Old Fuck dominated that round.
The cut man is working on Charles St Lickitung's cut.
The minute break is over - no more time for sponges and pep talks - back to the action! So, we enter the final round. Let's see if either fighter can bring us a finish, or whether we're going to the judges scorecards.

St Lickitung shoots in looking for a takedown but Fuck manages to keep the fight standing, pushing St Lickitung's face into the canvas for good measure before circling away.
St Lickitung misses with a takedown attempt. He shot from a bit too far out.
Nice sprawl there from Fuck as St Lickitung shoots in.
Old Fuck has stuffed three takedown attempts in the round now. That's going to take a lot out of Charles St Lickitung.
St Lickitung takes a head kick and shrugs it off.

St Lickitung clinches with his opponent.
Fuck with a knee to the head.
St Lickitung fails to pull the fight into his guard.
St Lickitung takes an elbow to the temple.

The cut above Charles St Lickitung's eye is starting to cause him problems now.
Fuck creates a bit of space for himself and sneaks an elbow through St Lickitung's defenses.
Fuck manages to get underhooks and slows down the pace for a moment.
Both fighters are absolutely exhausted here.

That's one minute gone in the round.
The ref breaks the fighters up, due to lack of action by Old Fuck.
St Lickitung fails to land the takedown.

Fuck gets a double leg takedown into St Lickitung's guard.

Fuck has a momentary lapse of concentration, allowing St Lickitung to throw up a leg and lock on what appears to be a pretty tight triangle! Fuck is fighting it off but it's all too little too late - St Lickitung pulls down on the head and he's put Fuck to sleep! This one is all over!

Ladies and gentlemen, after 2:56 of round 2, we have a winner by way of Submission (Triangle). Charles St Lickitung!
Charles St Lickitung decided to go for the less than humble approach in his post fight interview, telling everyone how he is going to conquer the world. The crowd seemed to like it when really that sort of approach could have gone either way.