PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a light heavyweight MMA rules bout between Smelly Buttocks (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Mike Tank (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Mike Tank is the more experienced fighter, so let's see if that makes a difference tonight.

Buttocks
vs
Tank

200 cm
20
202 lbs
0 - 0 - 0

185 cm
26
205 lbs
1 - 5 - 0

BJJ White Belt
World class boxer
Cuts easily

Good wrestler
Basic striking
Solid chin

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the light heavyweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 0 - 0 - 0, fighting out of Rio de Janeiro, Smelly Buttocks!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 1 - 5 - 0, fighting out of Rio de Janeiro, Mike Tank!
The judges for this bout are Emerson Jorge, Leandro Rodrigues and Thiago Cunha.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Buttocks lands a nice shot that snaps Tank's head back.
Tank looks really tired already! That doesn't bode well for a good, competitive fight!
Buttocks scores with a hook to the body. Tank takes a step back and tries to catch his breath.

Tank throws a loose over hand right and dives in with a double leg takedown. Buttocks tries to sprawl but it's too late and the fighters hit the mat. Tank is in Buttocks's guard.
Tank stopping the sweep attempt from Buttocks.
Tank throws and elbow that misses. Buttocks uses the momentum to reverse the position. He's now in Tank's guard. Nice move by Buttocks!
Buttocks trying to control but Tank is working from the bottom.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Buttocks throwing shots from guard but he's hitting more mat than opponent.
Buttocks sitting in guard, not really doing much.
The referee is asking the fighters to pick up the pace.
Tank keeping moving, preventing Buttocks from controlling successfully.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
A few boos can be heard. I'm sure they will multiply if the fighters don't pick up the pace.

The ref stands the fighters back up. Smelly Buttocks wasn't doing enough on the ground.
Buttocks keeps the fight standing with a nice sprawl.
Tank changes levels and looks for a double leg takedown. Buttocks tries to avoid it but Tank manages to keep hold of a leg and drag Buttocks to the ground. Buttocks escapes though and pops straight back up to his feet.
Buttocks comes forward and lands a shot to the body, then darts back out of range.
Tank is on the wrong end of a nice combination from Buttocks.
Smelly Buttocks is looking to keep the fight on the feet at all costs.
Buttocks connects with a lovely jab that went straight through the gap between Tank's hands.
Buttocks lands with a cross to side of his opponent's head.
Danga de danga de dang - Buttocks scores with a four punch combination!

It looks like Mike Tank has been cut.
Danga de danga de dang - Buttocks scores with a four punch combination!
Buttocks connects nicely with a jab. Noted by the judges no doubt.
Buttocks throws a series of strikes that have Tank backpedaling.
Buttocks closes the distance and lands a one-two.
Buttocks lands a body shot.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Buttocks's corner calls for a 1-2. Buttocks obliges with the 1 part as he scores the single shot and moves back out of range.
Buttocks lands a straight punch to the body, keeping Tank at a distance.
Buttocks moves into range and throws a lovely three punch combination.
Buttocks lands a jab to the head.
Good standup being displayed there by Buttocks as he connects with a hook.
Tank on the wrong end of an overhand right that came out of nowhere.
Left hook, right uppercut from Buttocks.
Tank is on the wrong end of a nice combination from Buttocks.
Tank takes a punch to the jaw and another one to the bread basket.
Buttocks throws a jab to the body, straight down the pipe. Boom. That sent Tank stumbling backwards but he manages to regain his composure quickly.
Tank looks frustrated there after his takedown attempt is stuffed easily.
Smelly Buttocks has stuffed three takedown attempts in the round now. That's going to take a lot out of Mike Tank.
Buttocks scores with a punch to the gut of his opponent.
Wooooo! Give it up for these two warriors! They are putting on a show!
Buttocks scores with a straight right hand, right through his opponent's guard.
Buttocks connects with a right hand. Tank shakes it off.
Tank drops his hands momentarily and Buttocks takes advantage with a crisp shot to the head.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Buttocks lands a jab to the nose.
Buttocks lands a jab to the head.
Buttocks is really peppering his opponent's head with punches.
Buttocks displaying good standup as he scores with a three punch combination.
Buttocks scores with a one two! Tank had his feet all tangled up there and couldn't avoid the strikes.
Tank is on the wrong end of a nice combination from Buttocks.
Buttocks scores with a nice strike.
Buttocks is using his reach advantage well here, landing the more effective single shots from range.
Buttocks lands a head shot.
Buttocks cracks Tank with a hook to the jaw. Both fighters smile at eachother and high-five before getting back down to business.
Tank takes a punch to the jaw and another one to the bread basket.
Buttocks scores with a reasonable looking shot to the body. Tank doesn't seem bothered though.
A shot to the liver by Buttocks. Beautiful body shot.
Buttocks thuds a left hand into Tank's body.
As the round comes to an end the crowd are showing their appreciation for a great round of action.
Buttocks lands a vicious shot with the stealth of a sniper and the strength of a viper. Are vipers that strong? I can think of lots of things that are stronger than a viper - not many rhyme with sniper though.
Tank is on the wrong end of a nice combination from Buttocks.
Buttocks getting the better of the striking in that exchange.
Tank takes an uppercut right on the jaw but it doesn't phase him.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Smelly Buttocks dominated that round.
The cut man is working on Mike Tank's cut.
The corners get their ten second warning. Both fighters stand from their stools and stare eachother down, ready to get back to the action.

Buttocks lands a nice looking body shot.
Buttocks lands with a two punch combination before moving back out of range.
Buttocks scores with a one two! Tank had his feet all tangled up there and couldn't avoid the strikes.
Buttocks connects with the punch.
Buttocks digs a good body shot into Tank's ribs.
Buttocks lands with a straight right. Tank didn't see that one coming.
Buttocks digs a good hook to Tank's body.
Nice uppercut lands for Buttocks. That snapped Tank's head back.
Buttocks scores with a nice head shot.
Tank takes a really solid shot there but just smiles back and shrugs his shoulders.
Buttocks is working the combinations to good effect here.
Nice straight punches there by Buttocks. You know Roy Jones Jr respects the hands of Buttocks.
Buttocks displaying good standup as he scores with a three punch combination.
Buttocks lands a straight punch to the body, keeping Tank at a distance.
The fighters are starting to perspire pretty heavily.
Buttocks lands a vicious shot with the stealth of a sniper and the strength of a viper. Are vipers that strong? I can think of lots of things that are stronger than a viper - not many rhyme with sniper though.
Buttocks throws a shot to the body.
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!
Buttocks moves into range and throws a lovely three punch combination.
Both fighters are absolutely exhausted here.
Buttocks scores to the head and body with a nice combination!

That's one minute gone in the round.
Buttocks keeps his opponent at a distance with a nice jab.
Smelly Buttocks is looking to throw some combinations by the looks of things.
A left and a right from Buttocks both land. Nice combination.
A jab lands there for Buttocks.
Buttocks bobbing and weaving, closes the distance and lands a hook to the side of Tank's head.
Mike Tank seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
A jab lands there for Buttocks.
Buttocks fakes a head shot and lands one to the body.
Buttocks lunges at Tank with a hook that half lands and is half blocked by Tank's hand.
Buttocks scores with a jab to the head.
Left hook, right uppercut from Buttocks.
Tank has his head slapped from side to side by a 3 punch combination. That must have hurt him.
Nice sprawl there from Buttocks as Tank shoots in.
A left and a right from Buttocks both land. Nice combination.
Buttocks scores with a hook.
Buttocks bobbing and weaving, closes the distance and lands a hook to the side of Tank's head.
Tank fails with a rather predictable takedown attempt.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Buttocks closes the distance and lands a one-two.
Buttocks throws a two punch combo that lands nicely.
Buttocks connects with a slap. Keep your fist closed son.
Tank has a pretty nasty looking mouse under his right eye.
A left and a right from Buttocks both land. Nice combination.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
Tank moves forwards but Buttocks connects with a nice, crisp jab.
Buttocks lands with a cross.
Tank is on the wrong end of a nice combination from Buttocks.
Buttocks's corner calls for a 1,2 combination and Buttocks duly obliges.
Buttocks works over Tank's head and body with a nice combination.
Jab, cross, leg kick. Nice combination by Buttocks!
The fighters circle momentarily. Buttocks darts into range and connects with a nice straight punch.
Buttocks is using his height advantage well here, landing a good percentage of his punches.
Buttocks wings a very wild body shot but it does the job and lands to the midsection.
Buttocks dips to his left and cracks Tank with an uppercut!
Tank fails to land the takedown.
Smelly Buttocks has stuffed three takedown attempts in the round now. That's going to take a lot out of Mike Tank.
The crowd cheers as Buttocks lands an impressive looking overhand right. Tank doesn't seem phased though.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Buttocks getting the better of the striking in that exchange.
Buttocks dips down and scores with a jab to the body.
Tank takes a hook to the side of the head. I wonder if that's got his ears ringing.
Tank gets his head snapped back by a nice shot there.
Good standup being displayed there by Buttocks as he connects with a hook.
Buttocks scores with a sloppy punch to the body. Not much technique there but it did the business.
Buttocks scores with a shot to the body.
Buttocks lands a nice shot that snaps Tank's head back.
Left hook, right uppercut from Buttocks.
Buttocks is really dominating this fight. Is there anything that Tank can do to turn this around?
Buttocks displaying good standup as he scores with a three punch combination.
Buttocks moves into range and throws a lovely three punch combination.
Buttocks is moving around nicely and scores here with a single head shot.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Tank shoots in but Buttocks avoids the takedown attempt easily.
Tank takes a body punch that cleary hurt but he's trying not to show any weakness.
Buttocks throws a nice hook to the body that draws an oooh from the crowd.
Buttocks goes to the watering hole and comes back with a big thumbs up from the judges as he scores a three punch combo.
Tank walks into a jab.
Buttocks lands a jab to the nose.
A big right from Tank misses.
Tank has his head slapped from side to side by a 3 punch combination. That must have hurt him.
Tank gets cracked with a nice right hand there by Buttocks.
Buttocks stooping low to avoid any incoming strikes and then lunges in with an uppercut come cross that lands flush.
Tank takes a jab on the nose there. A little bit of blood seems to be coming out. Hopefully that won't affect his breathing.
As the round comes to an end the crowd are showing their appreciation for a great round of action.
Buttocks dips down and scores with a jab to the body.
Buttocks connects with a crisp jab.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.
Tank gets cracked with a nice right hand there by Buttocks.
Smelly Buttocks is winning the standup battle so far.
Nice shot by Buttocks.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Smelly Buttocks dominated that second round.
The cut man is working on Mike Tank's cut.
That's the end of the round. The referee orders the cornermen out of the cage so we can get back down to business. This is the final round!

A punch lands to the side of Tank 's head but he takes it in his stride.
Buttocks lands a pitter patter jab to the forehead of his opponent.
Tank gets cracked with a nice right hand there by Buttocks.
Tank fails to land the takedown.
Buttocks throws a one two combo.
Buttocks throws a combination. Tank tries to block but a couple of punches get through.
Buttocks fakes low and throws an overhand right that catches Tank on the side of the head.
Buttocks with a body punch. A glancing blow.
Buttocks lands a body shot.
Buttocks scores with a three punch combo!
Buttocks smiles there as he lands a nice right hand right on the button.
Tank misses with a combination
and Buttocks counters with a two punch combo.
Buttocks lands with a two punch combination before moving back out of range.
Both fighters are breathing heavily.
Buttocks scores with a hook to the body. Tank takes a step back and tries to catch his breath.
Tank doesn't react quick enough there as he takes a shot to the body.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Tank will have to do better than that with his takedown attempts.
Buttocks scores with a nice head shot.
Tank walks into a straight right hand from Buttocks.
Buttocks scores with a jab to the body.
Buttocks with a jab.
Buttocks lands a glancing blow to the side of Tank's head.
Buttocks works Tank's body with a nice hook.
Buttocks tests Tank's chin there with a solid looking shot.
Tank tries to score a power double leg takedown but Buttocks sees that one coming and sprawls well. That will dishearten Tank somewhat.
Smelly Buttocks has stuffed three takedown attempts in the round now. That's going to take a lot out of Mike Tank.
Buttocks comes forward and lands a shot to the body, then darts back out of range.
Buttocks bobs and weaves and throws out a fast jab that snaps Tank's head backwards.

Tank shoots in and gets a takedown into Buttocks's guard.
Mike Tank has stepped it up - he knows he needs a finish here!

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Tank postures up in Buttocks's guard and throws a big left but Buttocks blocks it.
Buttocks working a defensive guard here.
Tank postures up in Buttocks's guard and throws a big left but Buttocks blocks it.
Tank is looking to work some ground and pound but Buttocks has wrist control.
Tank lands a nice shot whilst sitting in his opponent's guard.
Tank throwing strikes from guard but Buttocks blocks nicely.
Tank with a nice head shot there.
Tank throwing strikes but missing.
Tank preventing the sweep.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.
Tank loading up with the ground and pound but he's missing more than he's landing in this flurry.
Buttocks not looking particularly offensive just at the moment.
Buttocks preventing the ground and pound from doing any damage.
Tank is sitting in guard, working some ground and pound.
Tank landing with the ground and pound.
Tank working some strikes from top position.
A big thud reverberates around the arena there as Tank accidentally thumps the mat. Hopefully he's not broken his hand.
Tank throws a big right hand that misses.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
There's not a lot going on here and the crowd are letting the fighters know they're not willing to tolerate a lack of action.
Buttocks is working from a closed guard but he's struggling to control his opponent.
Buttocks will need to keep those long limbs tucked in whilst he's on the ground, to prevent any submissions.
Buttocks utilising some decent striking defenses from the guard, preventing the ground and pound.
Tank stopping the sweep attempt from Buttocks.
Buttocks utilising some decent striking defenses from the guard, preventing the ground and pound.
Tank stands up over Buttocks, holding his feet. He dives back in and lands a decent shot to the head.

Tank thinks about going for a leg but decides against it, in order to maintain the position.
Tank loading up with the ground and pound but he's missing more than he's landing in this flurry.

And that's the end of the fight!
Smelly Buttocks showed his dominance in that final round.
Well I reckon that's a shut out for Buttocks, winning every round. Will the judges agree? They are the ones who matter, even if they are often depressingly incompetent. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Emerson Jorge scores the fight 30:26
Judge Leandro Rodrigues scores the fight 30:25
Judge Thiago Cunha scores the fight 30:25

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Smelly Buttocks!