PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a welterweight MMA rules bout between Pao Ling (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Napoleon Dynamite (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Ling's ring entrance music is that housewives' favourite, Jay Chou - General/Checkmate. Pao Ling has the better chin. Will he look to stand and bang today?

Ling
vs
Dynamite

180 cm
22
170 lbs
10 - 1 - 0

185 cm
25
170 lbs
13 - 7 - 0

BJJ Purple Belt
World class boxer
Very strong

BJJ Blue Belt
Good low kicks
Powerful

Conviction
Convicted Trap House

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the welterweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 10 - 1 - 0, fighting out of Helsinki, Pao Ling!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 13 - 7 - 0, fighting out of Helsinki, Napoleon Dynamite!
The judges for this bout are Ben Zyskovitsi, Matti Vanhoillinen and Tarja Halkonen.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Ling loads up on a big right hand but Dynamite slips the punch.
Dynamite lunges in with an uppercut that skims his opponent's chin.
Dynamite tried to score with a low kick but Ling checks it.
Ling uses good head movement to avoid the hook from Dynamite.
Dynamite avoids a punch combination nicely.
Dynamite tries to score with an inside leg kick but telegraphs it and Ling is able to avoid easily.
Dynamite uses good head movement to avoid the hook from Ling.
Ling tries to land a front kick but Dynamite steps back. That was a bit too telegraphed.
Ling throws a body kick that misses.
Ling misses with an attempted mid kick.
Dynamite slips a straight right by Ling.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Ling tests Dynamite's chin there with a solid looking shot.
Ling misses with a body shot.
Both fighters circling a little - Ling finishes the exchange with a kick to the body.
Dynamite misses with a low kick.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Dynamite tries to score with a low kick but Ling moves his leg out of the way.
Ling looks for the body kick but Dynamite saw that one coming.
Dynamite waving his hands out in front of him, looking to distract Ling.
Ling misses with a looping right.
Dynamite throws a front kick aimed at Ling's knee but Ling avoids it well.
Ling looks to throw the jab but Dynamite is out of range.
Ling throws a wild body kick that Dynamite sees coming a mile off.
Dynamite lands an overhand left. A wild punch that just about connected.
Ling lands a jab.
Dynamite fakes a jab and throws a low kick but Ling checks it well.
Dynamite uses good footwork to avoid the strikes from Ling.
Ling stumbles momentarily as he takes a strong leg kick from Dynamite.
Danga de danga de dang - Ling scores with a four punch combination!

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Ling lets loose with a powerful body kick. Dynamite will feel that in the morning.
Ling throws a lazy right hand but Dynamite sees it coming a mile off and sidesteps it easily.
A looping hook to the body misses from Ling. Dynamite does a little dance to reset his feet.
Dynamite lands a leg kick and bounces back out of range.
Dynamite jabs away that one connects to the head of his opponent.
Ling scores with a crisp jab that stopped Dynamite in his tracks.
Ling lands a jab. Then a cross. Then finally a nice hook to the body. Good work there by Ling.

It looks like Napoleon Dynamite has been cut.
Wooooo! Give it up for these two warriors! They are putting on a show!
Dynamite dodges the punch combination from Ling.
Dynamite swings away with a leg kick that misses.
Ling throws a big shot that misses.
Dynamite is moving around nicely and scores here with a single head shot.
Ling checks a leg kick.
Dynamite misses with an uppercut. Ling saw that one coming.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Dynamite walks forward and throws out a flicking leg kick. Ling checks it nicely though, as he moves to the side.
Ling fails to land with the punch combination there - jab, cross, hook, miss, miss, miss.
A punch lands to the side of Dynamite 's head but he takes it in his stride.
Ling swings for the body but Dynamite moves out of range.
Ling misses with a body kick.
Dynamite throws a leg kick that misses.
Dynamite pivots, looking for a leg kick but Ling is out of range and Dynamite settles back down.
Dynamite takes one on the chin but seems OK.
Dynamite misses with a double jab.
Ling throws a right and a left that Dynamite avoids nicely.
Ling swings wildly with a right hand that was never going to find it's target.
Dynamite uses good footwork to avoid the strikes from Ling.
Dynamite wants to clinch.
Dynamite tries to work over Ling's front leg with a kick but Ling checks it.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Well. There's a bit of a lull in the action here and the crowd are starting to get restless.
Dynamite ducks under a wild hook from Ling.
Ling checks a low kick. Bone on bone - not my idea of a good time.
Some bone on bone action there as Ling checks a low kick. Luckily it wasn't a particularly hard one.
Dynamite tries to move into range but Ling moves to the side and lands with a nice right hand.
Dynamite thumps Ling with a low kick.
Dynamite buckles his opponent's knee momentarily with a nice leg kick.
Dynamite throws a jab when Ling was well out of range.
Dynamite tries a low kick but Ling avoids it.
The crowd applaud the fighters efforts here as the round comes to an end.
Ling misses with a body kick.
Ling tries to bum rush Dynamite with a series of wild strikes but Dynamite uses good footwork to avoid the assault.
Dynamite tried to score with a low kick but Ling checks it.
Ling works his jab well there, keeping his opponent at a distance.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Pao Ling dominated that round.
The cut man is working on Napoleon Dynamite's cut.
The corners get their ten second warning. Both fighters stand from their stools and stare eachother down, ready to get back to the action.

The sound of bone on bone echoes around the arena as Ling checks a leg kick.
Dynamite dances in quickly and lands a nice inside leg kick on Ling. That did some damage!
Dynamite lands with a hook. Ling tried to avoid it but it clipped the top of his head.
Dynamite uses good footwork to avoid the strikes from Ling.
Dynamite connects with a solid leg kick.
Ling keeps the fight on the outside.
The fighters circling - Dynamite throws out the jab but it was never going to land.
Dynamite moves out of range as Ling throws a body kick.
Ling ducks low and lands a nice hook to the body of his opponent.
Dynamite wants to slow Ling down by chopping away at his legs.
Napoleon Dynamite seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Dynamite darts in and out, connecting with a jab.
Dynamite connects with a right hand. Ling shakes it off.
Dynamite moves out of range of the body kick from Ling.
Dynamite loads up on a big right hand but Ling slips the punch.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Dynamite throws a leg kick but Ling sees it coming and moves out of range.
Ling throws a push kick but Dynamite slaps the foot to one side.
Dynamite wants to clinch up but Ling keeps it at a distance.
Ling checks the leg kick nicely there.
Ling showing good head movement there, avoiding the strikes from Dynamite.
Dynamite throws a jab when Ling was well out of range.
Dynamite does a little shimmy and throws a leg kick. The leg kick missed by a considerable margin though, making him look a little bit silly for doing the shimmy.
Dynamite throws a leg kick but he was too far away and it doesn't land.
Ling uses good footwork to get in and out and land a nice right hand before Dynamite has time to react.
Ling checks a low kick from Dynamite.
Ling throws a push kick but Dynamite slaps the foot to one side.
Ling throws a right high kick that is partially blocked by Dynamite.
Ling throws a sloppy head kick and Dynamite moves out of range easily.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Ling moves out of range of the leg kick from Dynamite.
Ling checks the leg kick.
Dynamite misses with a wild combination.
Dynamite scores with a jab to the body.
Ling bobs and weaves well there to avoid the strikes.
Ling throws a big shot that misses.
Dynamite tries to close the distance and clinch but Ling swats him to one side with an open hand palm strike and circles away.
Good work by Ling as he checks the leg kick.
Dynamite swinging wildly here.
Ling checks the leg kick.
Dynamite stuns Ling with a nice body shot, before stepping back out of range.
Dynamite swings wildly with a couple of big hooks
and Ling counters with a shot to the ribs. That looked like it hurt.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Dynamite fakes with the hands and throws a leg kick but Ling is out of range.
Dynamite showing good head movement there, avoiding the strikes from Ling.
A left and a right from Ling both land. Nice combination.
Ling is the aggressor but that punch slipped nicely by Dynamite.
Dynamite swings wildly with a couple of big hooks
and Ling counters with a nice uppercut.
Dynamite throws a leg kick
and Ling counters with a nice uppercut.
Pao Ling is winning the standup battle so far.
A low kick from Dynamite misses
and Ling counters with a three punch combination, finished off with a leg kick. Nice work.
Ling lands three nice shots there - that looked like it hurt!
Dynamite throws a looping overhand right but Ling ducks down to avoid it.
Ling throws a hook to the side of Dynamite's head but Dynamite sees it coming and ducks under it beautifully.
Ling is moving around nicely and scores here with a single head shot.
Dynamite throws a leg kick
and Ling counters with a quick right hand to the jaw.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Dynamite thows a leg kick but Ling checks it
and Ling counters with a nice kick to the body.
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
Dynamite feints with a shoulder and throws a nice leg kick to Ling's calf.
Ling connects with a body shot.
Ling scores with a nice body kick.
Dynamite is breathing heavily.
Dynamite swings for the body but Ling moves out of range.
Ling moves into range and connects with a jab.
Dynamite takes a step back and watches a body kick go sailing past his mid section.
Ling scores with a punch to the gut of his opponent.
Dynamite throws a leg kick that is checked
and Ling counters with a lovely straight right hand!
Dynamite throws a leg kick
and Ling connects with a straight left hand counter down the middle.
As the round comes to an end the crowd are showing their appreciation for a great round of action.
Dynamite staying out of range there.
Ling on the receiving end of a decent leg kick there by Dynamite. Dynamite obviously looking to wear him down.
Dynamite throws a leg kick
and Ling makes the exchange count by landing a cracking kick to the body. Dynamite really felt that one!
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Pao Ling dominated that second round.
The cut man is working on Napoleon Dynamite's cut.
OK. That's time! The bell goes and we're back to the action. This is the final round!

Oooooh!!! Ling has knocked Dynamite down with a huge combo! Ling steps away and waves a wobbly Dynamite back to his feet! This one might not go much longer!

Dynamite is rocked!
Ling misses with an uppercut.
Dynamite is still on wobbly legs! Can Ling finish him?
Dynamite ducks under a wild hook from Ling.
Dynamite seems to have recovered his senses.
Dynamite on the wrong end of a vicious looking body shot.
Dynamite moves out of range as Ling strikes.
Ling throws a lazy right hand but Dynamite sees it coming a mile off and sidesteps it easily.
Dynamite looks to land a left hand but Ling moved out of range nicely.
Dynamite throws a combination but comes up with nothing but fresh air.
Good shot there by Ling.
Ling throws a looping overhand right but Dynamite ducks down to avoid it.
A big right from Ling misses.
Sloppy strikes from Ling. Those never looked like landing.
Dynamite thows a leg kick but Ling checks it
and Dynamite takes a counter punch right on the button for his troubles.
A solid body kick from Ling.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Ling throws a hook but Dynamite avoids it easily.
Ling takes a step towards his opponent and connects with a left hand, before circling away.
Ling throws a left and a right that both miss

and Dynamite counters by moving into the clinch.

Ling breaks the clinch and we return to the middle of the mat.
Dynamite walks straight into a jab right on the nose. That one stung - he's blinking and trying to clear his head.
Dynamite connects with a leg kick. Ling looked like he was expecting something else and didn't defend it.
Nice straight punches there by Ling. You know Roy Jones Jr respects the hands of Ling.
A low kick from Dynamite is predictable there
and Dynamite takes a counter punch right on the button for his troubles.
Ling keeps his opponent at a distance with a nice jab.
Dynamite slips a jab from Ling.
Ling with a nice cross.
Dynamite throws a decent looking leg kick but it doesn't land clean.
Ling throws out a loose jab but Dynamite uses good head movement to avoid it.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Dynamite tries to clinch up
The fighters are starting to perspire pretty heavily.
and Ling counters with a stiff right hand.
A looping hook to the body misses from Ling. Dynamite does a little dance to reset his feet.
Ling misses the shot to the body.
Ling cracks Dynamite with a right hand to the side of the head.
A low kick from Dynamite misses
and Ling counters with a nice body kick.
Ling scores with a punch to the gut of his opponent.
This has been an exciting period of action!
Ling slips a straight right by Dynamite.
Ling throws a body kick that sends a sickening thudding noise reverberating around the arena.
Dynamite takes a big intake of breath there - he's definitely tired.
Ling slips in close and lands a nice hook before moving back out of range.
Dynamite takes a big uppercut there. He seems a bit wobbly but no, he's OK.
Ling fakes the leg kick and cracks Dynamite in the body.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
A big left from Ling misses.
Ling works Dynamite's body with a nice hook.
Ling misses with a straight left.
Ling goes for a spinning back kick but it misses.
Ling lands with a good body shot.
Ling misses with a looping left.
Dynamite ducks under an overhand right and circles away with a smile on his face.
Ling stooping low to avoid any incoming strikes and then lunges in with an uppercut come cross that lands flush.
Ling throws a hook but Dynamite blocks it.
Dynamite swings wildly with a right hand that was never going to find it's target.
Ling looking to land some kicks to the body here.
Dynamite has a pretty nasty looking mouse under his right eye.
Ling looks to score with a combo but nothing lands.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Dynamite misses with a body punch
and Ling counters with a nice jab to the body that keeps Dynamite thinking.
Dynamite slips under a jab.
The fighters circle momentarily. Ling darts into range and connects with a nice straight punch.
Napoleon Dynamite has stepped it up - he knows he needs a finish here!
Danga de danga de dang - Ling scores with a four punch combination!

That has opened up Napoleon Dynamite's cut even more.
Dynamite ducks under a wild hook from Ling.
Dynamite thows a leg kick but Ling checks it
and Dynamite takes a counter punch right on the button for his troubles.
Jab, jab by Ling - just one landing.
Ling defending well as Dynamite loads up on a big left hand.
Dynamite misses with a double jab
and Ling counters with a crisp hook to the side of the head.
As the round comes to an end the crowd are showing their appreciation for a great round of action.
Dynamite thows a left - swing and a miss!
Ling looking to land some kicks to the body here.
Good standup being displayed there by Ling as he connects with a hook.

And that's the end of the fight!
Pao Ling showed his dominance in that final round.
Well I reckon that's a shut out for Ling, winning every round. Will the judges agree? They are the ones who matter, even if they are often depressingly incompetent. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Ben Zyskovitsi scores the fight 30:26
Judge Matti Vanhoillinen scores the fight 30:26
Judge Tarja Halkonen scores the fight 30:26

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Pao Ling!