PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a featherweight MMA rules bout between Roy Rage (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Hanz Titties (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). I'm sure you'll be fascinated to know that I was talking to some pointless Z list celebrity before the fight and he thought that Hanz Titties was going to win. Let's see if he was right.

Rage
vs
Titties

170 cm
21
150 lbs
8 - 1 - 0

180 cm
25
158 lbs
6 - 1 - 0

Good wrestling
Excellent boxer
Very strong

Good wrestler
Excellent boxer
Good gas tank

Shaman Supplements
NBK Outfitters

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the featherweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 8 - 1 - 0, fighting out of Hilo, Roy Rage!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 6 - 1 - 0, fighting out of Tokyo, Hanz Titties!
The judges for this bout are , and .

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Rage fails with the takedown.
Titties misses with a jab and misses with a cross straight after too.
Rage fakes high and shoots in for a takedown but Titties avoids it really well and circles away.

Titties gets caught on his heels momentarily as he allows Rage to score an easy takedown into full guard.
Rage wants to get up but he can't break Titties's closed guard. He needs to be careful trying to break the legs open, as he's open to submissions here.
Titties working the defensive guard well to avoid strikes from Rage.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Rage throwing shots from guard but he's hitting more mat than opponent.
Rage sitting in guard, not really doing much.
Titties controlling Rage's posture.
Rage working some ground and pound from guard but it's not doing any damage.
Rage wants to control from the top but Titties keeps moving.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
My god... these two guys really need to pick up the pace or everyone will leave to go get a beer.

The referee has ruled that neither fighter is active enough on the ground and has stood them back up.
Titties throws a jab when Rage was well out of range.
Rage fakes high and shoots in for a takedown but Titties avoids it really well and circles away.
That's three failed takedown attempts in the round for Roy Rage. That's going to take a lot out of him.
Titties looks to score with a jab to the body but Rage is just out of range.
Hanz Titties seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
A looping hook to the body misses from Titties. Rage does a little dance to reset his feet.
Rage staying out of range there.
Rage shoots in for a takedown but doesn't get it.
Titties tries to score with an inside leg kick but telegraphs it and Rage is able to avoid easily.
Rage avoids the body shot from Titties.
Rage lands a jab to the head.
Rage tries a low kick but Titties avoids it.
Rage uses good head movement to avoid the hook from Titties.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Titties throws a hard body shot but it just misses.
Titties fakes high and swings low for a body shot but Rage manages to avoid it.
Rage ducks under a wild hook from Titties.
Rage uses good footwork to get in and out and land a nice right hand before Titties has time to react.
Rage shoots in and drives through. Titties sprawls well.
Titties misses with a hook.

Rage closes the distance and looks for a trip takedown... aaaand he's got it - Rage lands in his opponent's guard.
Rage pressing down on his opponent's thigh, looking to pass guard. Titties is keeping the position for now.
Titties tries to land a sweep but no joy.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
A real slowdown in the pace of the fight for a moment, as Titties holds on and takes a little breather.
Titties keeping moving, preventing Rage from controlling successfully.
Boooooooooooooooooooo!!! God, this has been a terrible round. Come on you two, sort yourselves out!
Rage pressing down on his opponent's thigh, looking to pass guard. Titties is keeping the position for now.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Roy Rage dominated that round.
OK. That's time! The bell goes and we're back to the action.

Rage swings away with a body shot that misses
and Titties counters with a stiff right hand.
A shot to the body from Titties misses

and Rage counters by moving into the clinch. Good anticipation by Rage.
Rage changes levels and goes for a takedown here. Titties fights it off and pushes away nicely.
Titties attempts a low kick but it misses it's target.
Rage uses good footwork to avoid the strikes from Titties.
Titties just misses with a punch to the body.
Rage shoots in but doesn't get the takedown
and Titties counters with a good right hand that lands right on the jaw.
Rage lands a straight punch to the body, keeping Titties at a distance.
Titties scores to the head and body with a nice combination!
Rage throws a two punch combo that lands nicely.
Rage shoots and misses
and Titties counters with a one-two to the body.
That's three failed takedown attempts in the round for Roy Rage. That's going to take a lot out of him.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Rage with a poor takedown
and Titties counters with a nice jab to the body that keeps Rage thinking.
A looping hook to the body misses from Titties. Rage does a little dance to reset his feet.
Titties throws a hard body shot but it just misses.
Rage with a lazy takedown attempt
and Titties counters with a left and a right that stings Rage.
Titties scores with a body shot.
Rage lands three nice shots there - that looked like it hurt!
A telegraphed right hand from Titties misses the target.
Titties will need to close the distance a bit before he attacks - that leg kick was thrown from too far away.
A shot to the body from Titties misses

and Rage counters with a single leg into guard. Titties didn't expect that.

Rage drops back, looking for a kneebar! Titties looks panicked! The fighters roll across the mat, one looking to finish, one looking to escape. Titties looks to have wriggled free... Yes, he's got his leg free and he's dived into side control! Good work there from Titties!
Titties wants to lay and pray for a moment but Rage keeps working.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Rage wants to get back to his feet.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.
Rage is looking to reverse the position.
The referee tells the fighters to keep busy.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.
Rage struggling a bit here.
Rage is letting Titties control him for a moment.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Rage is not content to let Titties control the position.
Rage manages to get back to half guard.
Rage is looking to improve his position.
Rage has no desire to be mounted, so is trying to control. Titties is working away from the top position though.
Rage gets back to full guard.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
The crowd are showing their displeasure at the lack of action as loud boos ring out around the arena.
Titties is just sitting in guard, looking to avoid any submissions.

Rage is looking for a guillotine. You can't force these things though and Titties defends well.
Titties wants to control from the top but Rage keeps moving.
The crowd applaud the fighters efforts here as the round comes to an end.
Titties controls the pace of the fight for a moment.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Hanz Titties showed his class in that round. I'd imagine he'll take it on all the scorecards.
OK. That's time! The bell goes and we're back to the action. This is the final round!

Titties misses with a hook to the body

and Rage counters with a single leg into guard. Titties didn't expect that.
Titties manages to land a sweep and now he's in mount on top!
Rage working to try and regain half guard.
Rage is working hard here to advance position.
Titties controlling from the full mount.
Rage is working to get back to half guard.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Rage is squirming around, avoiding Titties's attempts to control the action.
Titties controlling his opponent.

Despite being in the dominant position, Hanz Titties just isn't active enough and the referee decides to stand the fighters back up.
A nice leg kick lands there from Titties.
Rage avoids the body shot from Titties.
Rage misses with a takedown
and Titties counters with a three punch combo that has Rage backing up. Rage nods at Titties to acknowledge the strikes.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Titties jabbing away but nothing is landing.
Titties misses with a body shot.
The fighters circle momentarily. Titties darts into range and connects with a nice straight punch.
Titties throws a couple of head shots and lands with the final one - a decent hook, which struck Rage on the side of the head.
Titties does a little shimmy and throws a leg kick. The leg kick missed by a considerable margin though, making him look a little bit silly for doing the shimmy.
Titties swings and misses with a hook to the body.
Rage fails to land with a series of punches.
Rage has his takedown stuffed
and Titties counters with a stiff right hand.
Titties misses with the combination.
Titties looks to score with a combo but nothing lands.
Rage gets his takedown attempt stuffed easily
enabling Titties to counter with a crisp jab.
That's three failed takedown attempts in the round for Roy Rage. That's going to take a lot out of him.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Titties misses with a body shot. Nice footwork from Rage.
Titties is throwing a lot of body shots here, looking to wear down Rage rather than just go for the knockout.

Rage gets a takedown into half guard.
Rage wants to control but Titties is keeping him busy.
Rage is really struggling to control Titties but he's trying to hold on to the position.
Rage is stalling here. Titties is in no mood to hang around though. He's locked up a kimura from the bottom! Rage seems to be keeping calm but he's forced to roll out of the hold and Titties has ended up in side control on the top. Nice work.
Titties lands some shots froms side control.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Rage is looking for a sweep.
Titties working away.
Titties is looking to take a break and control but Rage is keeping him honest, looking to work from the bottom.
Rage tries to get back to half guard but can't.

The referee decides to stand the fighters back up.
Titties misses with a wild body shot.
Titties loads up on a big right hand but Rage slips the punch.
Titties throws a hook to the side of Rage's head but Rage sees it coming and ducks under it beautifully.
Rage fails with the takedown
and Titties counters with a leg kick that reverborates around the arena.

And that's the end of the fight!
Hanz Titties comfortably won the final round on my scorecard.
I think Titties has won this one but let's see whether the judges agree with me. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Andi Peters scores the fight 28:29
Judge Gordon Ramsey scores the fight 28:29
Judge Frank Skinner scores the fight 28:29

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Hanz Titties!