PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a heavyweight MMA rules bout between Jabba Christ (ranked 4680 p4p, 5759 weight class) and John Dickweed (ranked 485 p4p, 543 weight class). Over to our ring announcer for the fighter introductions!

Christ
vs
Dickweed

200 cm
19
215
1 - 1 - 0

200 cm
19
275
0 - 1 - 0

BJJ Purple Belt
Excellent MT
Granite chin

Good takedowns
Basic striking
Granite chin

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the heavyweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 1 - 1 - 0, fighting out of Helsinki, Jabba Christ!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 0 - 1 - 0, fighting out of New York, John Dickweed!
The judges for this bout are Ian Loll, Trevor Gratis and Robert Douchet.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Dickweed tries to clinch up.
It looked like Christ wanted to counter with a hook but didn't fully commit.
Nice uppercut there from Christ.
A big left from Christ misses.

Dickweed shoots in for a takedown and gets it.

Dickweed is looking for a kimura here.
Christ looks like he's trying to stand up.
Dickweed is pressing down on Christ's thigh, looking to free his foot. Christ is holding on for now.

Dickweed is trying for a guillotine from the top but the pressure isn't in the right place so Christ is just riding it out for now. Dickweed eventually gives up the hold.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Dickweed stops Christ from getting back to his feet.

Dickweed is looking for an arm triangle, whilst trying to pass to side control. Christ doesn't seem that keen to cooperate though. No luck this time Dickweed.
Christ's coaches at Zero Tolerance have been working on his defensive grappling in preparation for this fight so let's see if he can get out of this tricky position.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.

Dickweed is looking for a kimura but he's never going to get it from there.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Christ is trying to stand up here but Dickweed is controlling him well.

Dickweed is sneakily working for an arm triangle but Christ sees it coming and defends easily.
Christ is looking to escape.

Dickweed is actively looking for submissions here but good counter grappling here from Christ as he works his way to full guard.
Dickweed trying to pass the guard but can't manage it just yet.

Dickweed drops back for a leg! It's a sloppy attempt though and Dickweed jumps back into guard quickly, to retain the dominant position.

Dickweed is trying to work a guillotine from the top, or something like that? Don't know how he thinks he's going to get a finish from there.
Christ wants to stand up but Dickweed is controlling him.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Well. There's a bit of a lull in the action here and the crowd are starting to get restless.
Dickweed looks more muscular than last time we saw him. He must have been on the weights.

Dickweed is trying to work a guillotine from the top, or something like that? Don't know how he thinks he's going to get a finish from there.

Dickweed is trying to work a guillotine from the top, or something like that? Don't know how he thinks he's going to get a finish from there.
Dickweed trying to pass the guard but can't manage it just yet.
Christ wants to get back to his feet but Dickweed is in a dominant position and won't allow it.
We must be close to a standup if these guys don't pick up the pace.

Dickweed is trying to work a guillotine from the top, or something like that? Don't know how he thinks he's going to get a finish from there.

Christ pushes Dickweed off and gets back to his feet.
Christ lands a glancing blow to the side of Dickweed's head.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Dickweed shoots in but no luck this time.
Christ lands a straight punch to the body, keeping Dickweed at a distance.
A really sloppy takedown attempt there from Dickweed.
Christ stalks Dickweed and leaps in with a furious combination of punches. Uppercuts and crosses smash into Dickweed's face. Dickweed staggers backwards, shaken.
Christ waving his hands out in front of him, looking to distract Dickweed.
Christ scores with a nice head shot.
Dickweed wants to clinch
and Christ counters with a quick right hand to the jaw.
Christ lands with a nice body punch.
John Dickweed seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Christ misses with a looping left.
Christ stuffs the takedown.
Jabba Christ has stuffed three takedown attempts in the round now. That's going to take a lot out of John Dickweed.

Dickweed shoots in and bounces Christ off the cage to secure the takedown into guard.
Wooooo! Give it up for these two warriors! They are putting on a show!
Christ wants to get back to his feet but Dickweed is in a dominant position and won't allow it.

Dickweed is trying to work a guillotine from the top, or something like that? Don't know how he thinks he's going to get a finish from there.

That's four minutes gone in the round.

Dickweed thinks about going for a leg but decides against it, in order to maintain the position.
Both fighters have adopted an aggressive gameplan on the ground!

Dickweed is trying to work a guillotine from the top, or something like that? Don't know how he thinks he's going to get a finish from there.
Dickweed won't allow Christ to get back to his feet.

Christ pushes Dickweed off and gets back to his feet.
Dickweed shoots in for a double leg but Christ sprawls well. That's going to sap some energy.
A swing and a miss from Dickweed.
Dickweed shoots and misses
and Christ counters with a good right hand that lands right on the jaw.
Jab, jab by Christ - just one landing.

Dickweed closes the distance and gets a trip takedown into side control. Christ quickly recovers to half guard.
Christ tries to kick Dickweed off but Dickweed keeps his base steady and stays in half guard.

Dickweed is looking for an arm triangle, whilst trying to pass to side control. Christ doesn't seem that keen to cooperate though. No luck this time Dickweed.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.

Christ has one foot on Dickweed's thigh - he pushes off and manages to get back to his feet.
And that is the end of the round. The fighters go back to their corners.

Jabba Christ dominated that round.
OK. That's time! The bell goes and we're back to the action.

Dickweed tries to shoot in for a takedown. He's got hold of a leg but Christ swivels and escapes.
Christ is the aggressor but that punch slipped nicely by Dickweed.
Dickweed keeping his hands up high there, blocking the jab from Christ.
Boom, another hit is landed. "You're gunna get knocked out" taunts Christ, as that shot connected.
It really doesn't seem like the step up in weight is hurting Christ here at all. He's more than holding his own against the bigger man.

Dickweed darts in and lands a nice takedown into half guard.

Christ has one foot on Dickweed's thigh - he pushes off and manages to get back to his feet.
Christ scores with a jab. Dickweed acknowledges it with a nod of the head.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
Dickweed shoots in for a double leg but Christ sprawls well. That's going to sap some energy.
Christ is really head hunting here, hardly looking to strike to the body at all.
Dickweed shoots in but Christ avoids the takedown attempt easily.
Jabba Christ has stuffed three takedown attempts in the round now. That's going to take a lot out of John Dickweed.
Christ throws a hook to the side of Dickweed's head but Dickweed sees it coming and ducks under it beautifully.

Dickweed is looking for a takedown here. He's shot in and has managed to get it, finishing up in Christ's half guard.
Christ tries to kick Dickweed off but Dickweed keeps his base steady and stays in half guard.

Dickweed is trying to work for a kimura but Christ is defending well.
Christ looks like he's trying to stand up.

That's one minute gone in the round.

Dickweed is working for a kimura but Christ is defending it quite comfortably.
Christ is trying to stand up here but Dickweed is controlling him well.

Dickweed is trying a forearm choke… I don't think that's going to do much at this level of the game.

Dickweed is looking for a kimura but Christ is holding onto that half guard position, so it's hard for Dickweed to get the leverage.
Christ is looking to escape.

Dickweed is trying to work for a kimura but Christ is defending well.

Dickweed wants to work for an arm triangle but Christ is really keeping half guard well and defending the submission attempt.
Dickweed prevents Christ from standing back up.
John Dickweed has got the better of the ground game so far.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
A few boos can be heard. I'm sure they will multiply if the fighters don't pick up the pace.

Dickweed is working for submissions here but there's nothing on.

Dickweed is sneakily working for an arm triangle but Christ sees it coming and defends easily.
Christ tries to kick Dickweed off but Dickweed keeps his base steady and stays in half guard.
Christ trying desperately to get back to his feet here but he's not having any joy at all. He's going to tire himself out if he's not careful.

The referee has decided to stand the fighters back up, so we'll restart on the feet.

Excellent takedown into side control there by Dickweed.
Christ wants to get back to his feet.

Dickweed is trying to land an Americana. He has the arm isolated but Christ is keeping cool and he's avoided the danger for now.

Dickweed wants to work for a kimura but he's foiled early by Christ, who protects the arm well.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Dickweed prevents Christ from escaping the position.
Christ is really dominating this fight. Is there anything that Dickweed can do to turn this around?

Dickweed is looking to finish here, going for an Americana. Christ knows the correct defense though, so he's OK.

Dickweed wants to work for a kimura but he's foiled early by Christ, who protects the arm well.

Dickweed tries for an arm triangle. That looks pretty tight to me. Is this one over!?! Possibly, maybe, no Dickweed has let go of the choke. Obviously it wasn't as tight as we thought!

Dickweed is looking to finish here, going for an Americana. Christ knows the correct defense though, so he's OK.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
The crowd are hurling abuse towards the fighters... You can hardly blame them though because there isn't a lot going on in the fight.
Christ is trying to escape and get back to his feet.

Dickweed is trying to land an Americana. He has the arm isolated but Christ is keeping cool and he's avoided the danger for now.
Christ wants to get back to his feet.

Dickweed is trying to get an arm triangle but Christ is defending well.

Christ bucks up and manages to escape back to his feet!
Dickweed shoots in but doesn't get the takedown
and Christ counters with a crisp hook to the side of the head.
The fighters circle momentarily. Christ darts into range and connects with a nice straight punch.
Dickweed throws a looping left and ducks down for a takedown. He's got his arms around Christ's waist but Christ gets an underhook and avoids the takedown by throwing Dickweed off to one side.
Christ went nuts there looking for a big combo counter but none of the flurry connected.
Christ scores with a hook.
And that is the end of the round. The fighters go back to their corners.

Jabba Christ dominated that second round.
The corners get their ten second warning. Both fighters stand from their stools and stare each other down, ready to get back to the action. This is the final round!

Christ lands a jab. Then a cross. Then finally a nice hook to the body. Good work there by Christ.
Christ stuffs a takedown. It's all about dictating where the fight takes place and Christ wants it to stay on the feet.
Christ slaps away a takedown attempt from Dickweed, before circling back to the center of the mat.
A big left from Christ misses.
Dickweed shoots for a takedown but Christ saw that one coming a mile off and avoided it easily.
Jabba Christ has stuffed three takedown attempts in the round now. That's going to take a lot out of John Dickweed.
Christ stalks Dickweed and leaps in with a furious combination of punches. Uppercuts and crosses smash into Dickweed's face. Dickweed staggers backwards, shaken.

Dickweed scores with a takedown into Christ's guard.
Christ wants to stand up but Dickweed is controlling him.

Dickweed drops back looking for a leg! Christ is in trouble here! The fighters roll with the hold and Christ manages to kick Dickweed off! Dickweed jumps back into Christ's guard.
Dickweed looking to pass the guard.
Dickweed won't allow Christ to get back to his feet.

Dickweed drops back looking for a leg! Christ is in trouble here! The fighters roll with the hold and Christ manages to kick Dickweed off! Dickweed jumps back into Christ's guard.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Christ is looking to stand up but Dickweed isn't so interested in that idea.

Dickweed drops back looking for a leg! Christ is in trouble here! The fighters roll with the hold and Christ manages to kick Dickweed off! Dickweed jumps back into Christ's guard.

Dickweed is holding a leg here, probably looking for an ankle lock - he drops back and goes for it! Christ is in trouble! Is it all over??? No! Christ has escaped and now he's on top!

Dickweed has a closed guard, preventing Christ from standing up.

Dickweed is looking for a guillotine. You can't force these things though and Christ defends well.
Christ wants to stand but Dickweed is controlling his posture from full guard.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
A few boos can be heard. I'm sure they will multiply if the fighters don't pick up the pace.

Dickweed had isolated an arm as going for a kimura. Christ defends it easily.
Christ trying to stand up but can't free himself from Dickweed's guard.

Dickweed is looking for a guillotine. You can't force these things though and Christ defends well.

Christ got a little sloppy there for a moment and Dickweed has worked his way into a loose triangle - can he finish it?! No, Christ has managed to get both his arms back between Dickweed's legs - danger averted.
Christ wanted to stand there but Dickweed had control of the position.

Dickweed looking for submissions from the bottom here. Moving his hips around, possibly looking for an armbar.

Dickweed looking for submissions off his back, moving his hips, looking for an opening.

Christ decides he's had enough of playing guard and decides to stand. Come on Dickweed, up you get!

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Dickweed closes the distance and clinches up with Christ, looking for a takedown. Dickweed pushes Christ against the cage but Christ circles to the side and manages to break the clinch.
Dickweed fails with the takedown.
Dickweed takes a big intake of breath there - he's definitely tired.
Dickweed gets his takedown attempt stuffed easily
and Christ counters with a nice uppercut.
Dickweed closes the distance and clinches up with Christ, looking for a takedown. Dickweed pushes Christ against the cage but Christ circles to the side and manages to break the clinch.
Christ circles away from the clinch attempt.
A jab lands there for Christ.
Christ shuffles to his left behind two crisp jabs. Dickweed eats them both and turns towards Christ to reposition himself and eats a stinging right hand-left hook combo.
John Dickweed is looking to throw some combinations by the looks of things.
Christ misses with an uppercut. Dickweed saw that one coming.
Dickweed wants to counter with a clinch but Christ pushes him away.
Jabba Christ is looking to keep the fight on the feet at all costs.
Christ works his jab well there, keeping his opponent at a distance.

Dickweed darts in and lands a nice takedown into half guard.
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!

Christ manages to create a bit of space in order to work his way back to his feet. Dickweed keeps hold of his opponent and drives him back against the cage.
Dickweed is trying to pull guard but Christ turns him against the cage and we stay in the clinch.
A head punch on the inside from Christ fails to land.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Dickweed jumps guard but his hands slip and he falls flat on his back. Well, he's made himself look a right mug there, as Christ walks away with a smile on his face. Dickweed gets slowly back to his feet and shakes his head.
A jab from Christ finds it's way through Dickweed's defenses.
Christ throws a lazy right hand but Dickweed sees it coming a mile off and sidesteps it easily.
Christ leaves Dickweed with his face pressed against the mat as he sprawls beautifully, defending against a solid takedown attempt.
Dickweed on the wrong end of a vicious looking body shot.
Christ scores with a shot to the body.
Jabba Christ is winning the standup battle so far.
Christ punishes Dickweed's body with a nice straight punch.
John Dickweed has stepped it up - he knows he needs a finish here!
Christ's jab looks to have found its range, popping Dickweed under the eye.
Christ lands with a right hand.
Dickweed has a pretty nasty looking mouse under his right eye.
Christ darts in and out, connecting with a jab.
A big left from Christ misses.
Dickweed tries for a takedown but Christ sees it coming a mile off and avoids it easily.
Dickweed shoots in for a takedown. "I don't think so" says Christ as he avoids it easily.
Dickweed gets his takedown attempt stuffed easily
and Christ cracks him with a counter punch right on the button.

And that's the end of the fight!
Jabba Christ showed his dominance in that final round.
Well I reckon that's a shut out for Christ, winning every round. Will the judges agree? They are the ones who matter, even if they are often depressingly incompetent. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Ian Loll scores the fight 30:27
Judge Trevor Gratis scores the fight 30:27
Judge Robert Douchet scores the fight 30:27

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Jabba Christ!
An out of breath Jabba Christ thanked his loyal fans in his post fight interview, giving them credit for his success over the course of his career.