PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a super heavyweight MMA rules bout between Jacob Rees Mogg (ranked 735 p4p, 706 weight class) and Anti Half Assed (ranked 18 p4p, 15 weight class). Anti Half Assed has the power to score a knockout today if he connects clean with Jacob Rees Mogg's chin.

Rees Mogg
vs
Half Assed

180 cm
35
192
30 - 16 - 0

179 cm
35
170
28 - 19 - 1

Good wrestling
World class boxer
Insanely flexible

Excellent grappler
World class MT
Granite chin

Vegan Gains

PWNAGE Elite - $25 Tees
Vegan Gains

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the super heavyweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 30 - 16 - 0, fighting out of Los Angeles, Jacob Rees Mogg!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 28 - 19 - 1, fighting out of St Petersburg, Anti Half Assed!
The judges for this bout are James Glass, Paul Tew and James Atkins.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Rees Mogg gets cracked there but stands up to it.
Half Assed throws a lazy uppercut
and Rees Mogg connects with a straight left hand counter down the middle.
Rees Mogg missing with a left hand there. Half Assed was out of range so wasted energy throwing that one.
Rees Mogg throws a jab but it's blocked by Half Assed.
Half Assed tries to bum rush Rees Mogg with a series of wild strikes but Rees Mogg uses good footwork to avoid the assault.
Half Assed throws a jab, cross combination which is slipped
and Rees Mogg counters with a lovely straight right hand!
Half Assed fails to land with a series of punches.
Half Assed throws an uppercut from half a mile away. Rees Mogg sees it coming and avoids it easily.
A jab from Rees Mogg misses.
Rees Mogg scores with a big left there. The judges will like that one.
Half Assed misses the jab.
Rees Mogg throws a hook but Half Assed blocks it.
Rees Mogg keeping a good distance there, avoiding the body shot.
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
Half Assed stooping low to avoid any incoming strikes and then lunges in with an uppercut come cross that lands flush.
Rees Mogg looks to land a left hand but Half Assed moved out of range nicely.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Rees Mogg pushing out the jab but it's not landing.
Half Assed throws a big shot that misses.
An attempted straight right counter from Rees Mogg misses the target.
A big left from Rees Mogg misses.
Half Assed misses with an uppercut
letting Rees Mogg counter with a right hand.
Rees Mogg throws out a loose jab but Half Assed uses good head movement to avoid it.
Rees Mogg connects with a combination that backs up Half Assed into the cage. Rees Mogg lands a flurry of punches that gets past Half Assed's guard. Half Assed is down and the referee has seen enough. It is all over! Rees Mogg bursts into tears - this win obviously means a huge amount to him.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 1:32 of round 1, we have a winner by way of TKO (Strikes). Jacob Rees Mogg!
As Jacob Rees Mogg got his breath back, he grabbed the microphone and managed to blurt out the following: Churchill would be delighted.'.