Snake and a Flashlight

Fighter profile of Jake Drake by Outlaw Bleak

So there he was, alone in the swamp with nothing but a torn loin cloth and a gig. He was hunting, and frog legs were on the menu. Frog legs are surprisingly full of protein, you know! What was that? A sound behind him? Couldn't be, he had just come from there and had found nothing. There it was again, something is in the water with him, and it's not a fish. Swoosh, now that's a sound Jake knows, he grew up a sci fi fan, after all. "You know that thing isn't real, right?" Jake said. "I mean, it's plastic and uses batteries. It's just a glow in the dark version of your wife's bedside friend." Luke jumps from behind a tree. "I am a Skywalker, you think that shit's made up?" Jake continued "I'll show you fake! Aaaarrrrggghhhh!!" Luke lunged through the air, his plastic glow stick held overhead, ready to come crashing down onto Jake's head. This dude is serious, Jake thought. Jake sidestepped as Luke splashed in the muck beside him, light flickering out as it submerged in the dark muddy water. "What the, you'll pay for that!" Shouted Luke. Jake is now getting angry so he tosses his gig to the side and grabs an arm from the assaulting Luke. He twists the arm behind his back, grabs Luke around the throat with is other arm, swings over his back and wraps his legs around his waist as they tumble face down into the muck. Jake holds Luke's head above the water. "Do you know how many snakes there are in these parts? Do you know how long it takes the venom to overtake your body? Do you know how far away the nearest hospital is? Why would you journey out here with a flashlight and go hunting for the biggest, baddest snake out here?" Asked Jake. Luke "You're an ass!" Jake "I'm a Snake, and you're in my house. Skywalking won't help you in the swamp. Go tell your mentor you need the power of the dark side, because whatever this shit is ain't gonna help you come the 23rd. You're gonna feel the squeeze of the Anaconda, brother!" Luke "I've got a bad feeling about this.." "Hmm, I'm pretty sure that's not your line. But you're right, you should check your whitey tighties, these waters are filled with leeches and they love those tender spots. But, as that's probably the only suction you'll get down there... well, just check." And with that, Jake picked up his gig and grumbled to himself about having to travel away from this clown to find his frogs. Those Frog leg cakes ain't gonna make themselves, and he hasn't even gotten the main ingredient yet!

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