Reports Of My Death ...

About Me: Roland Lawrence

... have been greatly exaggerated," said returning manager, Roland Lawrence, at our interview last night.
Why did everyone who disappeared from the game feel the need to misquote Mark Twain upon returning?

Q. We actually hadn't heard such reports, you were relatively unknown when you left the last time.
But where have you been this past year, Mr. Lawrence?

A. It was amazing, really. I was on a private flight across the Pacific Ocean, when our plane was struck by lightning, and started to go down.
The pilot somehow managed a controlled descent.
There was nowhere to land, however, and we skipped across the water like a stone on a pond.
Against all odds, it appeared we would come safely to a stop.
But we must have hit a wave at the wrong angle, and the plane flipped on that last skip.
We were tossed about like rag dolls, and the vessel was torn to shreds.
I managed to grab on to a flotation device and woke up on a deserted island.

Q. Incredible! And how long were you there?

A. Three years! I began to lose my mind, and made friends with a volleyball that washed ashore.
I called him Wilson, and we conversed daily to pass the time.

Q. Um, isn't that the exact story line of the movie Cast Away, with Tom Hanks? And wait a minute, haven't you only been gone a year and a half?

A. I've heard it both ways, next question please.

Q. Okay, Mr. Lawrence, you seem to by hyping yourself up quite a bit on this return.
None of your fighters went on to do great things, and although you had a good win-loss record, you were still largely an unknown quantity.

A. Hey, many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.

Q. What do you hope to accomplish this time around? Can you stay with it, despite the superior position of the top managers?

A. My mother always told me to respect my superiors, and If I had any, I suppose I would.

Q. Is there any reason you keep quoting Mark Twain?

A. Do I? I never saw that movie. Listen, I've got a promising stable of young trainees, and I'm excited about the future.
My fighters will do the talking from here on.

Thanks for nothing, Mr. Lawrence. Next interview, please.

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