Carnage Clothing

[GeorgeC]

Name:                   Carnage

Base:                     Las Vegas

Owner:                 Dead Disney

 

Episode I: A Valentine's Day Story

February 14^th, 10:47AM

 

… and as he watched the couple embrace underneath the soft glare of the street lamps, Cupid knew that his arrow had struck true.

 

The old man leans back in his rocker chair, closing the book on his lap. The End

Wow Grandpa, says one of the two children sitting in front of him, is that story true?

Of course it is, silly, replies the other. That’s how Grandma and Grandpa fell in love.

Pffft, booorrrinnggg. I’m talking major zzz’s Grandpa, mocked a man coming out of the shadows.

Who goes there? Step out where I can see you.

Hi, I’m Punch McDermott, world-class MMA Tycoon fighter, Carnage spokesperson, and part-time Courtois d’amour. Do you kids want to hear another story?

Yaaayyyy, they yell in unison.

Okay then. Open your ears and steel your heart because this is a true Valentine’s story. He pushes the old man with his foot, motioning him to the floor. Move it Grandpa.

But that’s my chair …

Let me get glasses and my book out and we’ll start.

That looks like a parking ticket, the old man says.

Once upon a time, Punch begins …

 … in an enchanted kingdom far, far away, a young couple walks along the river’s edge. Their fingers are entwined and their faces are warmed by the late-summer’s sun and young love.

 

That’s so romantic, one of the children sighs.

The young man leads her to a bench, which he first cleans off, and he motions her to sit. She does, eagerly looking up into his handsome face with adoration.

 

Our love, he begins, is like this river. It flows strong and steady, day after day, never ceasing, growing bigger as it cuts through this fertile land …

 

Sounds like a sexual metaphor to me, pal. A third person, a man judging from the scruffy beard and deep voice, has joined them by the river.

 

I beg pardon, asked the young man.

 

You may, but it probably won’t matter.

 

Where are your pants, asked the young lady.

 

They chafe. Now my little youngsters, you may be wondering why I’m accompanying you on such a fine day. I am here …

 

You have festering wounds, sir, said the young man.

 

… to strike with an arrow. An arrow which will fill you with such uncontrollable desire …

 

You have blood on your lip as well, said the young lady.

 

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Do you want love to conquer all or do you want to sit there and talk about my physique all day?

 

Am I to understand that you are Cupid?

 

Clearly. Now stand still. I’ll just pull this string back and let fly. Steady now.

 

TWANG

 

A blood-curdling scream erupts as the young man’s head disappears in a shower of blood and bits.

 

Cupid lowers his bow. Oh-oh.

 

Wendylin! Oh dear god in heaven, what you have done to my love?

 

Oh my.

 

Call for help, please. Please! Oh my sweet, sweet Wendylin. Stay with me my darling.

 

Part of him is lying over there.

 

CPR. I must do CPR. She begins to do chest compressions. ‘Stayin alive, stayin alive. Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive’.

 

He has no head. You’re just squirting blood from his neck.

 

Noooooooooo.

 

Punch takes off his reading glasses, folds his “book” and looks at the children. The End

One child is sobbing uncontrollably; the other is holding its knees against its chest and rocking back and forth, muttering incoherently.

And that, children, is the true meaning of Valentine’s Day. Some people will tell you that Valentine’s Day is about love and harmony, but did you know it evolved from martyrdom and Carnage? Punch stands from the rocking chair and faces the camera.

Yeeessss ladies and gentlemen, Carnage. A new clothing company out of Las Vegas, Nevada, owned and operated by Dead Disney and approved by thousands. It’s the best clothing at affordable prices, but more importantly for you, it’s a philosophy. Are you going to dance through life, conforming to ideas that someone else made up for you? Are you willing to break with the status quo and be a better you? Where there’s conflict and chaos, there’s Carnage, and where there’s Carnage, there’s change. Change for the better, join the movement. And as a special Valentine's Day gift to motivate you, the first five fighters to message Dead Disney and mention this advertisement will receive an amazing $50,000 Carnage sponsorship. One fighter per manager, act now!

 

Offscreen. And cut. That's a wrap. 

 

Well, what did you think, Pops? Do you think the message will get through to them?

 

Are you mad? You break into my house, traumatize my grandchildren? And for what, a-a-a damn commercial!

 

Not just a commercial, old man, a message. There's disorder coming and we're starting from the ground up. Listen to the message, learn the lesson.

[GeorgeC]

 

 

 

Episode II: A Child’s Cry

 

 

Wednesday February 17^th – 11:34AM

Outside of a daycare centre in Las Vegas, Nevada, a boy is sitting on the stairs, head in hands. Every few seconds his chest heaves, and his tiny little body spasms as if it is trying to shake something loose. A cold perhaps? Covid? Your mind is already turning away from him - should have worn a mask kid - and you feel the briefest bit of shame for being so callous. As you get closer, you hear that that he’s crying. No, not crying, but sobbing. Unfiltered and traumatic, it pierces your heart and you are about to approach when a man sits down next to him, wrapping his big arms around the boy and holding him close. Undefined words of encouragement and reassuring whispers, the boy finally looks up, wiping tears and snot from his face.

 

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” the man (his father you now assume) says softly.

One last spasm and the boy sighs deeply. “It was Harmony and Tranquility, they were bullying me again.”

The father echoes his son’s sigh. “I fear we’ve done you wrong, son. We’ve always taught you to turn the other cheek, ignore the taunts and the teasing, because the world is full of bullies. Those that think they’re better than you, work in bigger organizations, have stronger backing or more money. They’ll always look down on people like us, those who are willing to work hard to earn what we get. I just don’t know what to do.”

Another man, well dressed, smiling and holding a balloon, makes confidence steps towards the pair. Here you go kid, he says as hands the child the balloon. He then turns in your direction. 

 

Hi, I’m Punch McDermott, world-class MMA Tycoon fighter, hater of bullies and part time child psychologist. Does this scene look familiar to you? Are you constantly looking over your shoulder and not focusing on what’s in front of you? Ashamed of crying in public and looking for a better life?

 

Hey, that’s not fair, the father says.

Don’t be a Harmony, be Carnage! A new clothing store right here in Las Vegas, Carnage is your one-stop shop for all your clothing needs at affordable prices. Run by Dead Disney and approved by thousands, you’ll cause havoc in your new Cypress Skull shirt and GJJ Fighter shorts. With new designs appearing on shelves near you, you’ll never have to turn the other cheek again. Be a better you, be Carnage.

 

Who’s he talking to, Daddy?

 

The father is nodding slowly, wiping his own tears away. All of us, son, all of us.

[GeorgeC]

  

Episode III: Custom Jobs and Vegas Heartthrobs

 

Thursday February 25th – 7:31AM

 

Hyde Park Middle School

900 Hinson St, Las Vegas, NV

 

The three girls faced her in a rough semi circle, closing in with each childish insult thrown. The victim was holding up her book bag in protection, trying to shrink back into the ground as they approached.

“What a gorgeous t-shirt …,” mocked the blonde girl in the middle.

“Why, thank you,” the victim began, perking up at the unexpected compliment.

“… for a pie-eating turd hound!” girl #1 finished, elbowing her neighbour and guffawing. 

The neighbouring girl took up the torch. “Yes, it’s absolutely stunning …,”

The victim clasped her hands against her chest and sighed in relief. “That’s very sweet of you.”

“…  for a fat stinking billygoat bullyboy!” girl #2 girl screamed, chortling at the look of hurt in the victims eyes.

Girl #3 stepped forward, putting a comforting hand on the victims shoulder. “Don’t listen to these girls,” she said soothingly. “I think your wardrobe is just fine …,”

The victim smiled, wiping tears from her eyes. “Thank you so much, that means a lot.”

“… for a saddle-goosed jelly-belly!” All three girls turned and, linking arms, laughed their way into school.

“Tsk-tsk, children can be so cruel,” said a voice behind the victim.

She turns, startled at first, then anger passes over her face.

“You were standing there the whole time? Why didn’t you say something?”

He drinks the rest of his coffee and throws the cup on the ground. “Ahhh, cocoa mochanut. Hi, I’m Punch McDermott, world-class MMA Tycoon fighter, Carnage spokesperson, and part time fashion consultant. Did you know that Carnage now offers their customers custom work?”

“Carnage? Where have I heard that before?”

“Yes it’s true. Carnage, right here in Las Vegas, is the world’s fastest growing clothing company. It already offers a wide variety of tops like ‘Shall We’, ‘Smash’, and my personal favorite, ‘P1 Green’. But due to unprecedented demand, Carnage is expanding its product line to include custom tops and bottoms.”

“Wow, that’s amazing.” A brief look of concern crosses her face and she stares at her feet. “I don’t have much money though, can I afford it?”

“No money? No problem. Just go somewhere else to buy your garbage clothes and continue to look like the frumpy, bland, unpopular, unwanted victim of society that you are. Carnage can turn you, yes even you, into a Vegas Heartthrob. Just look at this quality workmanship.” He pulls a top from his bag, proudly showing it to the girl. She looks confused at first and Punch pushes on. “The Fighting Feral Biros? Your school mascot?”

“Oh, you mean burro.”

“Did you know that they’re the loudest ass in the world and that scientists can’t determine why they smell so bad?”

“Interesting.”

“They think it may be brain rot.”

A small crowd approaches from the direction of the school, gesturing towards Punch and the girl. Girl #3, surrounded by her two minions, pushes to the front of the crowd. “Hey mister, is that your shirt?”

“Actually, no. It’s hers,” he says, handing the custom school design to the victim.

“Amazing,” says Girl #2.

“So chic,” says Girl #1.

“You’ll be the envy of everyone, where in the world did you get this and why aren’t we best friends?” says Girl #3.

“I…I…,” stumbled the victim.

“She came up with the idea herself, brought it to Carnage, who turned it into the glorious masterpiece you see before you.”

“Oh dude, you gotta give me one.”

Punch waggles his finger, “Ah-ah-ah my eager little beaver. Get your own idea, contact Carnage and you can turn yourself into Vegas’ hottest ticket in one, two, or even three months. With quality like this, no amount of time is too long.”

[GeorgeC]

 

 

 

Episode IV: Fireproof

 

Thursday March 4th – 1:36PM

In a poorly lit backroom of a small, two-bedroom apartment in the Showboat region of Las Vegas, a balding middle-aged man is doing what he does best; sitting in front of the television watching his shows. Tonight is Gold Rush and yeah they may be re-runs, but he watches for the same reason hundreds of thousands of folks migrated to the Klondike to begin with. The rush. Who knows where the next big goldfield was? Would the next pan reveal the huge placer deposit? And if he was being honest with himself, wasn’t part of the interest seeing the disappointment in these idiot’s faces when they found nothing at all? Ah yes, there was more than a little bit of truth in that there nugget wasn’t there?

His belly hangs over a pair of well-worn and dirty grey sweatpants, a feature he jokingly tells his wife – sorry, ex-wife – is all baby fat. The only exercise he gets these days is pushing his recliner up and down or changing the channels with the remote. He’s a slob (we’re still being honest here aren’t we?), unemployed and his best days are on the horizon in the rear-view mirror.

From the TV - We’ll be back after these important messages …

Goddamnit!

The camera pans to a couple sitting on a couch. The man has his feet up on the coffee table in front of them, one arm around the woman who is nestled closely against his chest, casually tossing popcorn into her mouth. The man stretches and yawns, biceps and forearms bulging noticeably.

Wow, honey you look great. Have you been working out?

He laughs. Twice a day, six days a week. You don’t get to look this good by watching TV and eating cheesies.

The man wipes his cheesie fingers on his sweatpants. Sonofabitch.

The woman rubs the man’s chest, purring playfully. You’re so hot. She pulls her hand back quickly, concern spreading over her face. Baby, you’re burning up, you’re on fire!

The man laughs deeply, holding up his hands, mockingly warding off her compliments. Oh you.

No seriously, babe, you’re on fire!

The man turns his head and notices flames shooting up from his sleeve. To the woman’s surprise, he laughs again, casually patting the flames until they die out. Don’t worry, baby, this is Carnage Clothing.

Carnage?

Ya, Carnage Clothing. Just opened right here in Las Vegas, you should check them out. Not only do they have great prices and loads of selections, but they’re made from the best non-flammable material in the world. Watch. He flicks the BBQ lighter and puts the flame to his sleeve. It sparks, catches, and he pats it dead. See?

That’s amazing. What’s that name again?

Carnage Clothing.

A man appears from behind the couch behind the couple. Hi, I’m Punch McDermott, world-class MMA Tycoon fighter, Carnage spokesperson, and part-time volunteer firefighter. Carnage is not just another fly-by-night clothing company offering you flashy designs and gimmicky slogans. Carnage is a lifestyle. It’s like the pin in this hand grenade …

The couple on the couch jump up and back away towards the door. A natural reaction to a violent situation. Woa, woa, woa, what the hell, man? Settle down!

… leave it in and all you have is a funny looking rock. But pull it out and what do you get? Beautiful and instantaneous Carnage. You! Fat ass on the recliner.

M-Me?

Yes you. Making excuses for what you’ve become?

What? No, I …

Longing for better days? Looking for change?

I guess …

Be the change, fat man. All you have to do is pull the pin.

I can do that!

Yes you can, fat man, yes you can. Be a better you, be Carnage.

[DeadDisney]

Hello townsfolk, I've started doing custom work at Carnage and thought I'd drop these in here. My Photoshop skills are gradually improving (shout out to Vlad at KO), so stop by every few weeks and see if something tickles your pickle.

Drop me a pm if you wanna get put in the custom queue, or to tell me how much I suck. ?

 

[Skizz81]

Good job guys, I wish I had the skill to make clothes/avs. No skill and no patience here hahaha

[GeorgeC]

 

 

Episode V: My Huckleberry Friend, Katharine … no wait, Audrey Hepburn

 

Friday March 12th – 12:40PM    

 

It’s a well known fact that Katharine and Audrey Hepburn, though they share an uncommon last name, are, in fact, unrelated. Two of the greatest actresses in the history of cinema from opposite sides of the pond . I mean, what are the odds? Infinitesimally small is what I figure, but what do I know? A lovelier woman you’ll never see, am I right? Audrey I’m talking, not Katharine.

The two crows had been sitting astride the highway most of the morning, picking at the remains of a squirrel that had either fallen from the power pole, or been electrocuted by it. Same difference to Gus and a free meal was a free meal so he wasn’t about to complain. Leroy on the other hand? The guy just wouldn’t shut up and it was starting to really get on his nerves.  

Do you see Breakfast at Tiffany’s? Remember the opening scene when she’s eating the danish?

And that was the problem wasn’t it? Leroy had no off switch.

Did you know that she didn’t even like pastries? It’s true, but could you ever picture it as anything else now?

It was incessant, words dribbling out of his beak like diarrhea. Gus would go through the same ordeal day after day, from sunup to sundown, half-listening to Leroy spew comment after comment and wondering how he managed to get enough oxygen to the brain to survive. The guy took no breaks that Gus could see.

Pastries are the best, am I right? Give me a pastry any day over this ol squirrel carcass, that’s my motto. I prefer the sweetened ones of course, but the savoury will do in a pinch. Choux, have you ever had it? They sometimes look like cabbage, but don’t taste like it, am I right?

Shut up, shut up, shut up!

I don’t think cats make very good conversationalists, do you? I know we’re supposed to hate cats, duh, but they’re overrated as companions. You show me a cat who sits and listens like a dog does and I’ll show you a wolf in sheep’s clothing. A cat will listen to your problems all day, but you can tell they’re just faking, am I right?

Leroy never heard the truck coming, how could he over all that talking? But Gus did. The once-red Ford-150 shot over the low rising bend in the road like it was being chased by the devil himself. The grill was covered in layers of dead bugs and it was cracked in such a way that Gus could swear it was winking at him. Maybe it was who was he to judge? In the split second Gus noticed all this, he had made up his mind. Hopping to his left onto the shoulder of the highway, Gus felt more than saw the truck pass by him. Wind buffeted his feathers and pebbles, hurled by the speed of the truck, struck his head and shoulders like thousands of tiny bullets. It hurt, he wasn’t going to lie, but he was alive.

The detritus once called Leroy caused by the carnage was difficult to look at and Gus briefly felt a moment of guilt. But it was a fleeting moment and flew past his mind as quickly as the truck had. He was, after all, just a crow and he wasn’t going to let a free meal pass him by.

 

Hi, I’m Punch McDermott, world-class MMA Tycoon fighter, Carnage spokesperson, and part-time ornithologist. Children’s programming sure has changed since I was a child, but true tales of morality stand the test of time. Should we expect anything less from our clothing? Clothing shouldn’t be gimmicky, it should represent who you are and where you want to go. Join the Carnage revolution. New lines appearing on shelves near you and don’t forget to join the queue for your very own and personal customized clothing.