PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a middleweight MMA rules bout between Eyeonly Fuckwell (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Lars Nilsson (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Fuckwell's ring entrance music is that housewives' favourite, call to prayer. Man, I cannot wait for this one!

Fuckwell
vs
Nilsson

191 cm
37
194 lbs
24 - 17 - 1

188 cm
28
195 lbs
4 - 6 - 0

Good wrestling
World class boxer
Very quick

Good wrestler
World class MT
Good gas tank

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the middleweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 24 - 17 - 1, fighting out of London, Eyeonly Fuckwell!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 4 - 6 - 0, fighting out of New York, Lars Nilsson!
The judges for this bout are Ian Loll, Alec Ball and Yves DeLean.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Nilsson misses with a hook. Fuckwell ducked under it nicely.
Fuckwell defending well as Nilsson loads up on a big left hand.
Nilsson uses decent footwork to sidestep a right hand from Fuckwell.
Nilsson appears to be waiting to throw a counter punch to the body.
Fuckwell scores with a shot to the body.
Nilsson moves into range and lands a nice leg kick.
Fuckwell changes levels and scores with a jab to the body.
Lars Nilsson seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Fuckwell looks to score with a combo but nothing lands.
Like a baseball bat into the meat of his leg there - nice leg kick by Nilsson.
Fuckwell throws an uppercut from half a mile away. Nilsson sees it coming and avoids it easily.
Nilsson scores with a shot to the body.
Nilsson lands a lovely overhand right.
Fuckwell avoids a low kick by using good footwork.
Fuckwell misses with a half-hearted attempt at a head kick.
Fuckwell moves out of range as Nilsson strikes.
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
Fuckwell looks to throw the jab but Nilsson is out of range.
Fuckwell jabbing away but nothing is landing.
And an attempted straight right on the counter from Nilsson! But no joy.
Fuckwell connects with a body shot.
Fuckwell misses with a few strikes there.
Fuckwell takes a nice looking leg kick right on the meat of his thigh there.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Fuckwell throws a hook but Nilsson blocks it.
Nilsson lands a leg kick that knocks Fuckwell off balance momentarily.
Fuckwell feints a straight left to the body, then turns around with a flashy move and hits Nilssons jaw with a dramatic spinning back fist!
Nilsson lands a jab to the head.
Nilsson jabbing away but nothing is landing.
Fuckwell is the aggressor but that punch slipped nicely by Nilsson.
Fuckwell slips a straight right by Nilsson.
It looked like Fuckwell was trying to counter with a body shot coming off that last attack from Nilsson.
Fuckwell misses with a hook. Nilsson ducked under it nicely.
Fuckwell blocks a leg kick.
Fuckwell throws a quick counter kick to the body but Nilsson avoids it.
Fuckwell throws a hook to the side of Nilsson's head but Nilsson sees it coming and ducks under it beautifully.
Nilsson waving his hands out in front of him, looking to distract Fuckwell.
Nice jab there from Fuckwell.
Fuckwell misses with an uppercut.
Nilsson blocks a jab.
Fuckwell connects with a lovely right hand, straight down the pipe.
Fuckwell looks to land a combination but Nilsson avoids it well.
We've seen a great period of action over the last minute or so - credit to both fighters for going all out!
Fuckwell lands with a nice low kick. That'll leave a bruise.
Fuckwell scores with a jab.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Nilsson slips a jab from Fuckwell.
Nilsson looks to score with a jab to the body but Fuckwell is just out of range.
Fuckwell scores with a nice right hand.
A looping hook to the body misses from Nilsson. Fuckwell does a little dance to reset his feet.
Nilsson ducks under an overhand right and circles away with a smile on his face.
Nilsson looks to land a combination. Fuckwell sees it coming but can only parry a couple of the shots.

It looks like Eyeonly Fuckwell has been cut.
Fuckwell slips a straight right by Nilsson.
Nilsson throws a jab but it's blocked by Fuckwell.
Nilsson throws a nice inside leg kick.
Good work by Nilsson as he checks the leg kick.
Fuckwell darts in and out, connecting with a jab.
Fuckwell fails to land with a series of punches.
Nilsson connects nicely with a jab. Noted by the judges no doubt.
Nilsson misses with a hook. Fuckwell ducked under it nicely.
Jab from Nilsson.
Fuckwell on the wrong end of a vicious looking body shot.
Fuckwell misses with a head kick.
Nilsson throws a nice inside leg kick.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Nilsson lands a leg kick and bounces back out of range.
A slapping leg kick lands for Nilsson.
Nilsson misses with a few strikes there.
Nilsson stuns Fuckwell with a nice body shot, before stepping back out of range.
Fuckwell fakes a head shot and lands one to the body.
Fuckwell uses good footwork to avoid the strikes from Nilsson.
Nilsson connects with a body shot that sends Fuckwell's belly button to the back.
Fuckwell lands a slapping body shot.
Fuckwell misses with a hook. Nilsson ducked under it nicely.
Fuckwell scores with a slapping inside leg kick.
Nilsson uses good head movement to avoid the hook from Fuckwell.
Nilsson scores with a leg kick.
No joy there for Fuckwell, who threw a few shots but didn't land.
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!
Fuckwell throws a nice hook to the body that draws an oooh from the crowd.
Nilsson throws a looping overhand right but Fuckwell ducks down to avoid it.
A counter left hand to the body from Fuckwell misses its target.
Fuckwell throws a looping overhand right but Nilsson ducks down to avoid it.
Nilsson unleashes a big counter combination but Fuckwell bobs and weaves and avoids any damage.
Jab from Nilsson.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Fuckwell chopped to the floor by a nice leg kick but he springs right back up before Nilsson can pounce on him.
Nilsson misses with a looping left.
Fuckwell takes one on the chin but keeps coming.
Nilsson moves away from the strike by Fuckwell.
Fuckwell fakes a jab and then connects with a hook.
Nilsson throws a hard body shot but it just misses.
Fuckwell gets cracked there but stands up to it.
Nilsson throws a leg kick but Fuckwell sees it coming and checks it nicely.
Nilsson avoids the body shot from Fuckwell.
Fuckwell checks a low kick from Nilsson.
A jab from Fuckwell misses.
The fighters circling - Fuckwell throws out the jab but it was never going to land.
The crowd applaud the fighters' efforts here as the round comes to an end.
Fuckwell pushes forward with a 1-2 combination that forces Nilsson back to the cage. Fuckwell follows up with a solid lead hook to the liver.
Nilsson misses with a body shot.
Nilsson throws a hook but Fuckwell blocks it.
Nilsson keeping his hands up high there, blocking the jab from Fuckwell.
Fuckwell is hobbling a little on that front leg after taking quite a few leg kicks so far in this fight.
Nilsson is the aggressor but that punch slipped nicely by Fuckwell.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

A close round but Lars Nilsson will probably get the nod.
The cut man is working on Eyeonly Fuckwell's cut.
The fighters get back to their feet, the hooter sounds and we're back to the action!

Nilsson throws a monster uppercut resembling something out of street fighter but it doesn't land.
A big right from Fuckwell misses.
A big right from Nilsson misses.
Nilsson checks a leg kick.
Fuckwell fakes with the hands and throws a leg kick but Nilsson is out of range.
Nilsson lands a leg kick. The shin dug right into the meat of the thigh.
Fuckwell takes one to the side of the head.
Fuckwell checks a leg kick.
Nilsson keeps his opponent at a distance with a nice jab.
Fuckwell on the receiving end of a decent leg kick there by Nilsson. Nilsson obviously looking to wear him down.
Nilsson keeping a good distance there, avoiding the body shot.
Fuckwell swings wildly with a right hand that was never going to find it's target.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Jab, jab by Fuckwell - just one landing.
Fuckwell stumbles momentarily as he takes a strong leg kick from Nilsson.
Nilsson swinging wildly here.
A big right from Fuckwell misses.
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!
Nilsson scores with a punch to the gut of his opponent.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Nilsson walks into a left hand.
Donk. Fuckwell catches Nilsson right on the button with a cross.
Fuckwell throws a jab when Nilsson was well out of range.
Nilsson takes a shot right to the liver - Bas would have been proud of that punch.
Fuckwell scores with a jab to the head.
Fuckwell clobbers Nilsson with an overhand right that has the crowd gasping. That made a horrendous noise.
Nilsson comes forward and lands a shot to the body, then darts back out of range.
Nilsson lands a nice leg kick that just misses Fuckwell's sensitive parts.
Fuckwell scores with a jab to the jaw.
Fuckwell walks into a straight right hand from Nilsson.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.
Fuckwell bobs and weaves and throws out a fast jab that snaps Nilsson's head backwards.
Nilsson throws a leg kick which misses Fuckwell's front leg but catches the back leg as Fuckwell tries to avoid it.
Nilsson swings and misses with a hook to the body.
Fuckwell connects with a good right hand that stumbles Nilsson. Nilsson circles away out of range and recomposes himself.
A looping hook to the body misses from Nilsson. Fuckwell does a little dance to reset his feet.
Nilsson bobbing and weaving, closes the distance and lands a hook to the side of Fuckwell's head.
Fuckwell moves forwards but Nilsson connects with a nice, crisp jab.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Nilsson moves away from the strike by Fuckwell.
Nilsson tests Fuckwell's chin there with a solid looking shot.
Nilsson's hands are dropping dangerously low here and Fuckwell connects clean with a right hook that sends him down to one knee! Nilsson scrambles back to his feet.
Nilsson looks to land a left hand but Fuckwell moved out of range nicely.
An attempted straight right counter from Fuckwell misses the target.
Fuckwell misses with a left hand
and Nilsson counters with a crisp hook to the side of the head.

Fuckwell is rocked!
Nilsson drops a shoulder and throws an uppercut that cracks Fuckwell right on the button. Fuckwell goes down! Nilsson follows him to the mat and finishes the job with more strikes! Nilsson gets the win via TKO!

Ladies and gentlemen, after 2:30 of round 2, we have a winner by way of TKO (Strikes). Lars Nilsson!
Eyeonly Fuckwell was interviewed post fight and said 'It's at times like this, one must reach deeply into his soul,challenge his heart, feel new courage, endure the fuck pain and say 'FUCK ISLAM AND MOHAMMED WAS A PEDOPHILE''.