PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a super heavyweight MMA rules bout between Dick Army (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Alexey Oleynik (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Army's ring entrance music is that housewives' favourite, Vagina Coastguard. Oleynik is bouncing up and down as he enters the arena, backed by Gustavo Lima – Balada Boa. Over to our ring announcer for the fighter introductions!

Army
vs
Oleynik

189 cm
20
215 lbs
8 - 1 - 0

190 cm
23
205 lbs
2 - 3 - 0

BJJ White Belt
Excellent boxer
Granite chin

BJJ Purple Belt
Counter fighter
Solid chin

GREEN!160

Namunamu Clothing
GREEN!160

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 5 rounds, in the super heavyweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 8 - 1 - 0, fighting out of Sydney, Dick Army!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 2 - 3 - 0, fighting out of St Petersburg, Alexey Oleynik!
The judges for this bout are Igor Prikhodko, Konstantin Menshow and Ivan Kurochkin.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Army throws a leg kick but Oleynik sees it coming and moves out of range.
A clash of legs there as Army blocks the low kick.
Army's jab looks to have found its range, popping Oleynik under the eye.
Army swinging wildly here.
Army pushes Oleynik away with a front kick.
Army feints and then cracks Oleynik's leading leg with a nice low kick. He's obviously looking to slow Oleynik down.
Oleynik fakes a jab and throws a low kick but Army checks it well.
We can't be sure of the tactics at this early stage but we have heard that Oleynik has been working on his takedowns a lot in the buildup to the fight and we can only assume he's going to look to take this to the mat.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Army pushes Oleynik away with a front kick.
Oleynik avoids the head kick by Army.
Oleynik misses with a body shot.
Oleynik doesn't react quick enough there as he takes a shot to the body.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Army lands a vicious shot with the stealth of a sniper and the strength of a viper. Are vipers that strong? I can think of lots of things that are stronger than a viper - not many rhyme with sniper though.
Dick Army seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Army lands a straight punch to the body, keeping Oleynik at a distance.
Dick Army is looking to keep the fight on the feet at all costs.

Army gets a clinch.
Oleynik doesn't land with the attempted body shot.
Army lands a hook that snaps the head of Oleynik backwards.

Army breaks the clinch and we return to the middle of the mat.
Army has been talking about how he's improved his wrestling in the run up to the fight so let's see if that's enough to sway the balance.
Army scores with a jab to the jaw of his opponent.
Oleynik walks forward, straight into a front kick from Army.
Army scores with a jab to the jaw of his opponent.
Oleynik throws a lazy uppercut
and Army counters with a good right hand that lands right on the jaw.
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
Oleynik throws the left hand but Army avoids the punch easily.

Army gets to the clinch - let's see what his plan is here.

Army's corner calls for him to break the clinch, which he does.
Army swings and misses with a hook to the body.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Army scores with a decent looking hook.

Oooooh!!! Army has knocked Oleynik down with a huge combo! Army steps away and waves a wobbly Oleynik back to his feet! This one might not go much longer!

It looks like Alexey Oleynik has been cut.
Oleynik throws a shot from downtown. Army moves away and avoids it.
Army throws a monster overhand right that drops Oleynik! Army follows up with more strikes from mount and the fight is all over!

Ladies and gentlemen, after 2:23 of round 1, we have a winner by way of TKO (Strikes). Dick Army!
A very excited looking Dick Army made sure he remembered to thank all the fans both in the arena and on the internet. He said all the coolest people spend all day on MMA websites, which got a big reaction.