PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a middleweight MMA rules bout between Roscoe P Coltrane (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and John Slade (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). P Coltrane comes to the cage accompanied by The Dukes Of Hazard Theme Song. Roscoe P Coltrane has the better chin. Will he look to stand and bang today?

P Coltrane
vs
Slade

195 cm
25
190 lbs
7 - 1 - 0

182 cm
24
199 lbs
9 - 2 - 0

Good wrestling
World class boxer
Very quick

BJJ Purple Belt
Lethal high kicks
Heavy handed

Undead clothing. All items 10$

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the middleweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 7 - 1 - 0, fighting out of Hilo, Roscoe P Coltrane!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 9 - 2 - 0, fighting out of Helsinki, John Slade!
The judges for this bout are Arvi Lind, Marco Blurström and Anni Minnemäki.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
P Coltrane slips a straight right by Slade.
Slade goes for a spinning back kick but it misses.
A looping hook to the body misses from P Coltrane. Slade does a little dance to reset his feet.
Slade attempts a low kick but it misses it's target.
P Coltrane throws a combination but comes up with nothing but fresh air.
Slade throws a hook to the side of P Coltrane's head but P Coltrane sees it coming and ducks under it beautifully.
Slade explodes with a nice body kick and back out of range. Nice work.
P Coltrane moves out of range as Slade throws a body kick.
P Coltrane throws a monster uppercut resembling something out of street fighter but it doesn't land.
P Coltrane connects with a body shot.
P Coltrane moves out of range of the body kick.
Slade throws a nice looking combination but P Coltrane bobs and weaves to avoid any damage.
Slade dodges the punch combination from P Coltrane.
Roscoe P Coltrane seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Slade finds nothing but air with that leg kick attempt.
Slade throws a jab when P Coltrane was well out of range.

That's one minute gone in the round.
P Coltrane rushes forward with a series of wild hooks but Slade moves out of range and avoids them all easily.
Nice defenses there by P Coltrane.
P Coltrane swings and misses with a hook to the body.
A big left from P Coltrane misses.
Slade is on the wrong end of a nice combination from P Coltrane.
Slade showing good head movement there, avoiding the strikes from P Coltrane.
P Coltrane misses with a jab and misses with a cross straight after too.
P Coltrane throws a lazy uppercut
and Slade counters with a good right hand that lands right on the jaw.
P Coltrane throws a body punch but Slade moves out of range.
P Coltrane thows a body shot but no joy.
P Coltrane missing with a left hand there. Slade was out of range so wasted energy throwing that one.
Slade tries to land a body kick
and P Coltrane counters with a shot to the ribs. That looked like it hurt.
P Coltrane punishes Slade's body with a nice straight punch.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
P Coltrane avoids the head kick by Slade.
P Coltrane is looking to wear down Slade with body shots, infact he's throwing more body shots than head shots at the moment.
Slade thows a left - swing and a miss!
Slade slips a straight right by P Coltrane.
P Coltrane lunges in with an uppercut that skims his opponent's chin.
John Slade is looking to keep the fight on the feet at all costs.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.

P Coltrane shoots in with a lovely double leg takedown. Slade manages to land in full guard to minimise the damage.
P Coltrane will need to keep those long limbs tucked in whilst he's on the ground, to prevent any submissions.
The referee wants the fighters to be more active or he's going to reset them on the feet.
Slade is looking to stand up but P Coltrane isn't so interested in that idea.
P Coltrane trying to control but Slade is working from the bottom.
P Coltrane is frustrating his opponent with some stalling tactics from top position.
P Coltrane trying to land body shots but he keeps hitting the mat.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Hammerfist, elbow! yells P Coltrane's corner. There ya go! There ya go!
A big thud reverberates around the arena there as P Coltrane accidentally thumps the mat. Hopefully he's not broken his hand.
Slade wants to stand up but P Coltrane is controlling him.
Slade can't do much from the bottom at the moment, as P Coltrane controls the pace.
P Coltrane looking to pass the guard.
Slade is working an open guard here, looking to improve his position. No doubt that will leave him open to counters but at least he's being more offensive.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
P Coltrane throwing elbows and punches but not connecting, as Slade works some decent striking defense from the bottom.
P Coltrane postures up and lands some nice ground and pound.
P Coltrane tries to free his leg and advance position but Slade is retaining full guard.
P Coltrane throwing elbows and punches but not connecting, as Slade works some decent striking defense from the bottom.
As the round comes to an end the crowd are showing their appreciation for a great round of action.
P Coltrane throwing shots from guard but he's hitting more mat than opponent.
P Coltrane pushing down on Slade's thigh, trying to pass to half guard. He's managed it... Nice work.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Roscoe P Coltrane dominated that round.
OK. That's time! The bell goes and we're back to the action.

Slade just misses with a punch to the body.
P Coltrane misses with a body shot.
Slade is really struggling to land any decent head shots against his taller opponent.
Slade connects with a slap. Keep your fist closed son.
P Coltrane moves out of range as Slade throws a body kick.
P Coltrane misses with a body shot.
Slade pivots as if he's going to throw a leg kick but stops half way.
Slade listening to his corner there, landing a nice uppercut.
P Coltrane ducks down and throws a hook to the body but Slade moves away.
P Coltrane looks to land a combination but Slade avoids it well.
P Coltrane defending well as Slade loads up on a big left hand.
P Coltrane swings and misses with a hook to the body.
P Coltrane connects with a body shot that sends Slade's belly button to the back.
Slade looks to land a left hand but P Coltrane moved out of range nicely.
P Coltrane misses with a wild combination.

That's one minute gone in the round.
P Coltrane punishes Slade's body with a nice straight punch.
P Coltrane thows a left - swing and a miss!
Slade loads up on a big right hand but P Coltrane slips the punch.
A cross from P Coltrane lands.
Slade scores with a nice strike.
Slade wants to slow P Coltrane down by chopping away at his legs.
P Coltrane avoids the body shot from Slade.
P Coltrane lands a vicious shot with the stealth of a sniper and the strength of a viper. Are vipers that strong? I can think of lots of things that are stronger than a viper - not many rhyme with sniper though.
P Coltrane chopped to the floor by a nice leg kick but he springs right back up before Slade can pounce on him.
Slade waving his hands out in front of him, looking to distract P Coltrane.
P Coltrane catches Slade with a nice straight right. He seems pissed - ooooh, it's on now! On like donkey kong!
P Coltrane checks a leg kick nicely.

P Coltrane feints and as Slade raises his hands in defense, P Coltrane changes levels and drives through with a takedown into guard.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
Slade is trying to control the position but P Coltrane postures up.
P Coltrane looking to pass the guard.
Slade is trying to control the position from the bottom.
P Coltrane works over Slade with some ground and pound from guard.
P Coltrane throws a big elbow that misses.
P Coltrane prevents Slade from getting back to his feet.
Slade working the defensive guard well to avoid strikes from P Coltrane.
Slade is trying to stand up but he's not managed so far.
Slade is breathing heavily.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
P Coltrane throws a big right hand that misses.
P Coltrane is frustrating his opponent with some stalling tactics from top position.
P Coltrane has controlled the position for a good 20 seconds, which will no doubt be starting to frustrate his opponent.
P Coltrane sneaks a leg through and gets to half guard. That was like a knife through butter how easily he passed Slade's guard.
P Coltrane tries to pass to full mount but Slade defends it.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Slade regains full guard, whilst avoiding punches from P Coltrane.
P Coltrane trying to pass the guard but can't manage it just yet.
P Coltrane preventing the sweep.
P Coltrane postures up to throw the ground and pound strikes but they don't connect.
P Coltrane trying to control but Slade is working from the bottom.
P Coltrane landing some decent shots from guard.
As the round comes to an end the crowd are showing their appreciation for a great round of action.
Slade manages to land a sweep and now he's in mount on top!
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Roscoe P Coltrane dominated that second round.
That's time! P Coltrane's corner gives him a slap on the ass as he gets ready to fight. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the final round!

P Coltrane slips under a jab.
P Coltrane swinging wildly here.
P Coltrane fakes a head punch and goes low to the body. Nicely done.
Slade misses with a half-hearted attempt at a head kick.
Slade walks into a stiff left hand from P Coltrane.
Roscoe P Coltrane is winning the standup battle so far.
Good standup being displayed there by P Coltrane as he connects with a hook.
P Coltrane lands an overhand right.
P Coltrane tries to land with a swinging hook to the body but Slade was well out of range. Poor timing from P Coltrane.
P Coltrane lands a jab followed by a nice looking cross.
P Coltrane scores with a jab.
Slade throws out a loose jab but P Coltrane uses good head movement to avoid it.

That's one minute gone in the round.
P Coltrane uses good head movement to avoid the hook from Slade.
A combination from P Coltrane does no damage.
A slow jab from P Coltrane misses its intended target.
Slade tries to bum rush P Coltrane with a series of wild strikes but P Coltrane uses good footwork to avoid the assault.
Slade takes one to the chin there.
P Coltrane swings wildly with a right hand that was never going to find it's target.
P Coltrane swings for the body but Slade moves out of range.
P Coltrane getting the better of the striking in that exchange.
Slade misses with a low kick.
P Coltrane fakes high and swings low for a body shot but Slade manages to avoid it.
Slade uses good footwork to get in and out and land a nice right hand before P Coltrane has time to react.
P Coltrane lunges in with swinging rights and lefts but Slade circles away quickly and effectively.
P Coltrane ducks right into an uppercut from Slade.
John Slade has stepped it up - he knows he needs a finish here!

That's two minutes gone in the round.
P Coltrane thuds a left hand into Slade's body.
Slade throws a solid leg kick but P Coltrane takes the impact on his shin and smiles at Slade.
Slade takes a big intake of breath there - he's definitely tired.
Slade throws a leg kick but P Coltrane moved away.
P Coltrane connects nicely with a jab. Noted by the judges no doubt.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.
P Coltrane fails with a rather predictable takedown attempt.
Slade takes a shot to the nose. Hopefully that hasn't broken it.
P Coltrane is using his height advantage well here, landing a good percentage of his punches.

P Coltrane shoots in for a takedown and gets it. Oh and he's advanced to full mount straight away.
P Coltrane controlling from mount.
Slade sneaks a leg back under and regains half guard and is working straight away to try and get back to guard. He hasn't managed just yet though.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
P Coltrane trying to pass the guard but Slade defending well.
Slade tries to roll over but P Coltrane keeps him under control.
Slade looks like he's trying to stand up.
P Coltrane seems very keen to just sit and control from half guard but Slade does not like that idea so much and is remaining active off his back.
P Coltrane thows a huge punch but Slade dodges it nicely.
P Coltrane trying to mount his opponent but Slade defends it.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
P Coltrane sitting in half guard, looking to land shots. Slade defending well though.
Roscoe P Coltrane is fighting for a decision here - he's started to take the cautious approach.
Well, if P Coltrane is going to just lie there, perhaps we should talk about what we're having for dinner tonight… I'm having a ham and pineapple pizza… Yum. Can't wait.
As the round comes to an end the crowd are showing their appreciation for a great round of action.
The referee is asking the fighters to pick up the pace.

The referee decides to stand the fighters back up.
Slade wings a very wild body shot but it does the job and lands to the midsection.
Slade misses with a lunging right hand
and Slade takes a counter punch right on the button for his troubles.

And that's the end of the fight!
Roscoe P Coltrane showed his dominance in that final round.
Well P Coltrane has outscored his opponent in every aspect of the fight today. Only a scarily incompetent judge or two will keep him from a well deserved win... Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Arvi Lind scores the fight 30:27
Judge Marco Blurström scores the fight 30:27
Judge Anni Minnemäki scores the fight 30:27

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Roscoe P Coltrane!
Roscoe P Coltrane seemed lost for words in his post fight interview but he remembered to thank his fans and directed everyone to his website.