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RFC 4: Red Alert brought to us by Hilo’s own Vikai Gear!!! The new merchandise partner of Rebirth FC! Be sure to check them out, as Vikai has some reasonably priced clothing for your fighters.
The 4th installment of RFC was the best event yet. The 155lb champ Samwell Tarly is extremely popular and is packing the house. On hand to watch Samwell and the other RFC fighters were many celebrities. George R R Martin was once again on hand to witness Samwell’s MMA mastery.
George was asked if he was concerned for his favorite fighter, Samwell. George just laughed and said, “Velgar’s odds of winning are about as good as my odds of living to finishing the last GOT book.” Kaley Cuoco was also on hand to watch the event. TMZ has recently linked Kaley to RFC major FA signing, Algernon Cadwallader. Impaler had his typical harem of starlets including Irina Shayk, Arianny Celeste, and Kate Upton. The women were seen getting cozy with top Tycoon FAs Drako Bravo and Cisowianka Naleczowianka.
The men looked like they were having a good time. Impaler will surely have them signing on the dotted lines soon. Shaquille O’Neal and Dwight Howard were on hand, both seen wearing Michael OMalley shirts. Peter Dinklage was on hand with Serena Williams and Martha Stewart.
155 lbs Samwell Tarly vs Velgar Disosiondars TKO (Punches) 1 01:18 155 lbs Title
Velgar talked himself into this fight by IMing Impaler and talking all kinds of game about how he could take the champion. Impaler, always up for a good laugh, decided to allow Velgar his title shot as requested. Impaler even bet Velger’s manager a higher contract if he were to beat the champ. Samwell Tarly, the People’s Champion, was carried to the ring on the Iron Throne with Sophie Turner sitting on his lap wearing a hula skirt and coconuts. Tarly with his belt in one hand and a coconut in the other while he bobbed to Jay-Z’s 99 Problems blaring in the PA.
After a quick kiss from Sophie, Samwell turned his attention to Velgar. The announcers, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Vin Diesel were quick to wonder how Samwell would keep his attention on the fight at hand. With The Rock pointing out he was currently more in the mood for pie than fighting. Pror to the fight people even questioned Tarly’s training, as he seemed to be pulling a “Great White Hype” and eating ice cream instead of training.
The Island Gazette even rushed to wonder if Samwell was even taking Velgar seriously. But turn his attention to the cage he did, as Samwell came out guns blazing on Velgar. Velgar appeared stunned the pudgy Tarly could move so fast, and with such cardio. Tarly quick took Velgar to the clinch and began punishing the Juggernaut to the head. After a big uppercut, Tarly landed a monster strike, and Velgar was left dreaming about his big pay day contract as Impaler stood cage side laughing. Later that night Sophie posted some Instagram pictures from a hotel room of her wearing only Samwell’s belt and a smile.
The racy photos caused quite a stir on the island as the background of one photo appeared to have a “little person” being double teamed by Serena Williams and Martha Stewart in it while a fat bearded man sat in the corner watching on.
155 lbs Algernon Cadwallader vs Neil McArthy TKO (Strikes) 1 03:13
The co main event of the night saw Algernon Cadwallader looking to set up a big pay day vs the champ, Samwell Tarly. But first he had to get by the always dangerous Neil McArthy. Cadwallader promised to Chew him up and spit him out in a prefight interview. But McCarthy was coming off his stellar KOOTN performance in RFC 2 and was ready to bring it. Unfortunately for McArthy, his one weakness, MT was Algernon’s strength, and it allowed Algernon to impose his will during the match. Cadwallader wasted little time in taking McArthy to the clinch and working him over to the body and head. As Algernon brutally tenderized McArthy’s ribs and pulverized his face, Algernon could be heard calling to Samwell in the camera. Algernon looked into the camera and told Samwell “Winter is Coming.” Algernon has been repeatedly calling his clinch Winter in previous interviews leading up to the fight. Tarley better be prepared, or it will indeed be a long, brutal winter for him.
155 lbs Hanzo Hasashi vs Nikolay Stefanov KO (Punch) 3 00:50
The next fight saw quite possibly the man with the most dangerous ground game in all of Hilo, Hanzo Hasashi, take on Nikolay Stefanov. The Real Dog has some ground game of his own to bring to he cage. Somewhere Dana White could slightly be heard masturbating and rambling about two wrestlers turning into a striking battle as Hanzo and Nikolay did just that for much of the fight. Hanzo used is impressive ground game to scare Nikolay into a stand up battle that ended late in round three as Hanzo finally got to his opponent’s chin with a thunderous cross. For a minute the sounds made everyone worry a volcano was erupting, but it was the cross followed by the gurgling sound of Nikolay twitching on the canvas from the big time knockout. Immediately Nikolay’s manager, Krum Koev, came to the ring, spit on the unconscious fighter, and tore up his contract. Apparently a share of FOTN is not enough to get a second chance from Koev. It would appear Nikolay didn’t cut it in the Koev camp. Krum is notorious for dropping fighters if they lose, and Nikolay found out the hard way he earned his reputation honestly.
265+ lbs Hanaiakamalama Luahoomae vs Jake Lea TKO (Strikes) 1 04:57
The next match was destined for a ground war, as Luahoomae took his University of Hawaii wrestling skills up against Jake Lea’s purple belt. The fight started as everyone figured as both men attempted to take the fight down to the mat. The PAC 12 All American was the successful of the two fighters, and wasted no time imposing his will on the mat. The Hilo native and Rainbow Warrior brought the crowd to their feet as he brought the ground and pound to the Heat. Lea worked for some space and a limb, but in the process took massive shot after massive shot until the ref had to step in and save him from the merciless onslaught of the Rainbow Warrior. It didn’t take Nostradamus to see what was coming next as Impaler brought Hawaii’s other hero, Akuma “The Big Kahuna” Kamealoha to the cage for a stare down. The two men are rumored to have crossed paths before in a bar fight, and the Island is divided over who got the better of the scrap. Impaler has decided to let them prove it once and for all in the RFC cage.
265+ lbs Mega Pope vs Julian Kong Submission (Armbar) 2 00:54
The first fight of the main card brought His Holiness to the cage vs Cruiser Julian Kong. Kong is one of the more well-rounded fighters in RFC. Cruiser is riding high off his QFC win over Emmett Smith. Too bad for Cruiser he was cruising too much against the Mega Pope. His Holiness wasted no time taking care of the Cruiser. After beating Kong at his own game in the clinch, Mega Pope forced Kong to take the fight to the ground in the second stanza, and latched on to his arm. It wasn’t long before Kong was tapping from a slick armbar by His Holiness. Who would’ve known the Mega Pope had such a glorious ground game. Then in a real puzzler, the Mega Pope discussed his goals of world conquest, putting the Hilo crowd a little on their guard.
Honorable Mention: Michael O'Malley put out Kobe Bryant's lights much to the joy of Shaq and Dwight, who finally seemed to find some common ground and celebrated together in the front row. O'Malley won KOOTN for the brutal KO.
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