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Jay: Hello Rio De Janeiro, I'm Jay and this is my pops Ray. We're here in Rio on special assignment to tell you about Rio Chain Gang's duel events this weekend.
Ray: Thats right Jay, the Chain Gang will be taking over Rio this Saturday with events at both Hayashi's Lounge and the Hard Knocks arena. Both events will be sponsored by Chain Gang Bookie where you'll find the best odds.
Jay: First up is RCG 9: Stein vs Jenkinson; which will be taking place at the Hard Knocks arena. We have a lot to go over so why don't you get us started pops.
Ray: OK, we start off the undercard in the light heavyweight division. Jordan Golevkin and George Chuvalo will bang it out for three scheduled rounds. Both of these guys are trying to bounce back after losing their RCG debut. They are very evenly matched, but Jordan holds a slight edge if this one ends up on the ground. I could see this fight going either way, but to be honest I'm not sure that George has completely recovered mentally from that vicious beating he took at RCG 4. So I'm gonna have to go with Golevkin on this one. But I don't think he has the power to score a knock out. Jordan by decision.
Jay: There you go, f@ckin up already. For all you new viewers out there, my pops here, doesn't know what he's talking about half the time. And the other half he is just bullshitting. And he has just done it again. Chuvalo isn't mentally broken after his fight with Joker, in fact he has quietly asked for a rematch. I think you've got this backwards, Chuvalo will not only score a knock out here but he will then go on to avenge his loss to Joker. Chuvalo by KO in round 3.
Predictions
Ray: Golevkin by Decision.
Jay: Chuvalo by KO at 2:31 of round 3.
Jay: This next match up is an interesting one indeed. In the bantamweight division, we've got a wrestler with a blue belt, Kali Parlsh going up against a boxer with a purple belt. What makes this so interesting is that Antonio Souza having a purple belt has no wrestling skills to speak of, but has three wins all by way of submission. Kali will have his hands full in this one. I'm going with Souza by submission here.
Ray: I thought we agreed not to smoke any more of that stuff before the show. It's obvious you aren't in your right mind. In order for Souza to score a submission he's going to have to go to the ground and that's not somewhere you want to be against Parlsh. Parlsh will beat him senseless. Souza my have a chance out scoring him in the stand up but I see this one going to the ground. Parlsh TKO round 2.
Predictions
Jay: Souza by Submission at 3:46 of round 2.
Ray: Parlsh by (T)KO at 2:01 of round 2.
Ray: The next fight on the undercard pits Frank Schuurman against "The Biggest Star" Canis Majoris for 3 scheduled rounds in the welterweight division. I'm gonna make this fight my upset of the week. On paper this fight looks likes Majoris' to take. But Schuurman is looking really good. He is incredibly talented and he's looking really sharp in his sparring sessions. So I'm going to go with the experience with this one. Schuurman by KO in round 2.
Jay: Schuurman? Are we even looking at the same fight?!? Schuurman doesn't have the necessities to best "The Biggest Star" Majoris by... However he wants. (Chuckles) but officially I'll say by KO in round 1.
Predictions
Ray: Schuurman by KO at 3:37 of round 2.
Jay: Majoris by KO at 1:34 of round 1.
Jay: Now for the final fight on the undercard, the wrestling phenom TJ Hearts will bang it out for three rounds against the boxing sensation Justin "Big Time" Biggs in the light-heavyweight division. The undefeated TJ will put his chin to the test here. If TJ is able to secure a takedown then it shouldn't be too long before TJ is standing center octagon with his hand raised. But if Justin can stuff the takedown for long enough then it's lights out for TJ. I think I'll go with experience on this one and say that after losing the first round Justin will drop him. Biggs by KO in round 2.
Ray: Boy it's obvious you got your fight handicapping skills from your mother. 'Cause Biggs doesn't stand a chance in this one. Hearts will prove to be too much man for him. Hearts scores an easy TKO victory here and Biggs will be snuggled up against his mommy looking for some reassuring comfort. Hearts TKO in the first.
Predictions
Jay: Biggs by KO at 1:28 of round 2.
Ray: Hearts by (T)KO at 1:18 of round 1.
Ray: That brings us up to the maincard. The first fight on the main card will be in the middleweight division. Fighting in the red corner, a clinch specialist, Jakob "The Viking" Filby will test his clinch skills against another clinch specialist in Daniel "Buzzkill" Midas. I don't need to talk to anyone, I don't need to look at any stats or records, I just can't see myself picking someone with a nickname "Buzzkill". Filby by decision.
Jay: Jakob Filby is one tough son of a... Daniel Midas is as mean as they come. This one should be fireworks. I see both men scrambling for position in the clinch and when applicable, pounding away on their opponent. I feel Midas has the slight edge in the clinch though so I'm going with him on this one.
Predictions
Ray: Filby by Decision.
Jay: Midas by (T)KO at 3:58 of round 3.
Jay: A heavyweight match up is the next fight on the card. Furry Monster Truck and Magnus "Monster" Magnusson will find out who is more dominate. Both men are former champions in other orgs. Monster Truck was the HW champ of Extreme Mixed Martial Arts on the Island while Magnusson was champion over at HUSTLE.mma in Las Vegas. Expect to see Magnusson coming out hard and coming out fast. Magnusson will most likely just stand toe to toe and bang it out. Furry despite being a former champion is simply outclassed. Magnusson by KO in round 2.
Ray: Monster Truck is one of my favorite fighters. I've been following him since his debut on the island. He may have fallen on hard times recently but watch for him to come back strong. I know he has had some problems with his ex and that has probably effected his fighting his last few outings. Now that he has straightened out his personal life, I expect he will do the same in his professional life as well. Truck by KO round 2.
Predictions
Jay: Magnusson by KO at 3:12 of round 2.
Ray: Monster Truck by KO at 4:11 of round 2.
Ray: The third fight on the maincard is in the welterweight division. Chevie "Ragdoll" Case will face Charlie "Morbo" Morbolev for a scheduled three rounds. Case is a good ground fighter, capable of tapping almost anyone out. The problem is that I down think he can take Morbolev down. Case will expend all of his energy on failed takedowns, while Morbolev will use his superior stand up abilities to easily outscore is opponent. Morbolev by decision.
Jay: The problem is pops that you didn't get into the proper mind set with a fat dab, like I did. (gives a lazy smile) If you had you would realize the awesomeness of Chevie. He is a really cool dude. But he has tiny lungs. (Laughs) Haha Mr. Cough man. He might not be able to hit the bong like a champ but he'll hit Charlie like a champ. I'm going with my dab takin buddy Mr. Coughy man. Case by TKO.
Predictions
Ray: Morbolev by Decision.
Jay: Case by (T)KO at 2:36 of round 3.
Jay: Armen Petrosyan just might be one of the flashiest fighters the RCG has to offer. Now he is on the final fight on the maincard, across from him will be "Ranger" Cordell Walker and these two will bang it out for three rounds in the middleweight division. Cordell will be making his RCG debut here and with 4 fight of the night and 1 KO of the night, I expect this one to be a candidate for fight of the night. These two are very evenly matched and it will be an amazing fight. My skins jumping just thinking about this fight. I can not wait. But as for a winner, I'm going with the RCG vet, Petrosyan by decision.
Ray: Finally, something we can agree on. You know usually we agree on a couple of fights anyway, must be the South American air, got your head all crazy. Anyway, look for Petrosyan to take it into the clinch and have his way with him. Ref stops this one in the second, probably due to a cut. Petrosyan (T)KO (Cut) round 2.
Jay: Petrosyan by Decision.
Ray: Petrosyan by (T)KO(cut) at 3:33 of round 2
Ray: Our first main event at Hard Knocks Arena has two of RCG's most dangerous welterweights. You have the insane clinch of the Muay Thai specialist Tupa Dufu going up against undefeated wrestling sensation Sean "Tornado" Taylor. This fight features a clash of styles. Both fighters are devastating in their own right. Tupa will try to take it into the clinch and Sean will try to take it to the mat and work the ground and pound. The winner will be determined by who can dictate the place of the fight. Personally I'm going with Tupa I'm even gonna go out on a limb here and say that Tupa will be RCG's next welterweight champion of the world. Tupa by TKO round 1.
Jay: What happened pops?!? I thought you did your research? But apparently you did no such thing. Because if you had you would have realized that Dufu is going to get his face bashed in with hammer fist after hammer fist. Dufu doesn't have the required takedown defense to handle the amazing takedowns of Taylor. Fun fact for you; did you know that Sean Taylor has the biggest ears in all of the RCG? It's true. Anyways, I'm going with good ol' floppy ears on this one. He will remain undefeated. Floppy ears by ground and pound TKO in the second round.
Ray: Here's another fun fact; you have the biggest mouth.
Jay: The better to take dabs with!
Predictions
Ray: Dufu by (T)KO at 3:55 of round 1.
Jay: Taylor by (T)KO at 4:58 of round 2.
Jay: Now for the other main event. This fight goes down in the heavyweight division as to two beasts will collide in the octagon this Saturday! The first brute to enter the octagon will be the undefeated animal Elias Stein, and his opponent, a creature that needs no introduction among RCG and MMA fans alike Roan "The Monster" Jenkinson. Although very talented and adored by fans, I'm afraid that "The Monster" is just out of his comfort zone here. Stein is simply out of Jenkinson's league. Stein by TKO in round 1.
Ray: Ditto. (Chuckles) Stein by TKO in the first.
Predictions
Jay: Stein by (T)KO at 3:41 of round 1.
Ray: Stein by (T)KO at 1:18 of round 1.
Jay: Well there you have it. 10 awesome fights. 20 amazing fighters. I can't wait. For those of you that go to RCG 10 don't forget to set your TiVo and DVR's because this is one event you won't wanna miss out on. Well anyway all this talking has completely worn off my buzz. I'm off the take another dab. Peace I'm out! (Stands up and walks off without a glance back).
Ray: Hey kiddo hold up, we still have another whole event to cover.
Jay: Woah, now?!? I thought we'd do that later, after my smoke break.
Ray: Yeah, right now! (Chuckles) Just get it over with.
Jay: I'll tell you what; I'm gonna go take a little smoke break and you and start it off. (Without another word, turns and walks away)
Ray: Alrighty, RCG 10: Kettu vs Kristoffer will be happening at the same time across town at Hayashi's Lounge in front of a sold out crowd. RCG 10 is probably the biggest event yet for the RCG featuring some of the biggest stars the RCG has to offer.
Ray: Well Jay still isn't back yet, and I'm not waiting any longer. So let's start into the undercard, first fight is in the middleweight division. Jar Jar "Ruined The Movie" Binks and Riki "Monstrous Reprisal" Maru will bump heads in the octagon this Saturday. Binks is a clinch fighter that has limited power but devastating knees. While Maru is a true submission artist but is pretty much useless in the stand up. (Jay come walking up coughing) If Binks could keep this fight standing it would be his for the taking. But the thing about a submission artist like Maru is get only needs to get is to the ground once to work his magic. I predict Binks dominates the first two rounds but Maru finally lands his takedown early in round 3 and quickly taps out Binks with a nice submission.
Jay: (Coughs*) I love Star Wars. Meza thinks Jar Jar Binksa gonna wina (Laughs). Binks by TKO (laughs).
Predictions
Ray: Maru by Submission at 1:18 of round 3.
Jay: Binks by (T)KO at 2:31 of round 2.
Jay: (Coughs) Ok so our next fight (coughs). Damn a dab'll do ya. (Coughs) Our next fight on the undercard see two middleweights (coughs) duke it out for three scheduled rounds. "Captain" Jason Shepherd and "Cyanide" Brian Grimes will battle it out to see who moves up in the middleweight rankings. You realize if you take both their nicknames and put them together it sounds like a super villain "Captain Cyanide" (laughs). Anyways, this will be one hell of a fight, Cyanide will probably look to take this one into the clinch and Captain will most likely just stand and bang. I'm not sure who will win this one... I'm going with Captain Cyanide on this one. (Laughs)
Ray: Captain Cyanide huh? I don't know who you actually picked! Doesn't matter, I see this fight as a toss up. It could go either way. But I don't see it ending in a draw, so I guess the only way to tell is to flip a coin, heads captain and tails is cyanide. (Flips a coin) Tails it is, Cyanide by decision.
Predictions
Jay: Captain Cyanide by Decision.
Ray: Grimes by Decision.
Ray: Next up is yet another middleweight bout, this one has Doo Doo Brown and Derek "Sacka" Patterson going toe to toe for three rounds.
Jay: (chuckles) You said Doo Doo. (Chuckles)
Ray: Brown will be looking to be coming back after back to back losses. But he just might be facing the toughest opponent of his career. Patterson has future champion written all over him. But I'm afraid this week his march toward the title belt takes a little detour, compliments of Brown. Looks to me like Patterson landed in a big fat pile of Doo Doo. Brown by KO round 1.
Jay: I just can't see myself rooting for a pile of Doo Doo. Patterson by TKO ground and pound, round 1.
Predictions
Ray: Brown by KO at 3:22 of round 1.
Jay: Patterson by (T)KO at 3:42 of round 1.
Jay: We finish up the undercard with a match up that promises to amuse. The very deadly ground and pound specialist and batshit crazy "The Jester of Genocide" Mr Joker will put the sanity of the very experienced Quill "Stick" Styles to the test. Amongst all his rambling about George Chuvalo on the smack thread, The Jester Of Genocide A.K.A. The Clown Prince Of Crime has called out Quill Styles saying and I quote "Mr. Styles; I hope you have insurance. It's going to cost a lot to pay the teams who scrape you off the walls!" Then he goes on ranting about obviousness or something but the guys is plain nuts. If that craziness doesn't scare off Styles then Joker could be in for disappointment. Styles is almost as good as Joker in wrestling but better at stand up. If joker isn't careful he'll be sleeping before the end of the first. Styles by KO in round 1.
Ray: You are right about Mr Joker being crazy. But I think that that craziness has worked to his advantage in the cage. If they judge p4p on ground and pound only, I would say Mr Joker would be in the top 5 in the world. Joker by TKO early in round 1, just like his last two.
Jay: Styles by KO at 2:13 of round 1.
Ray: Joker by (T)KO at 0:37 of round 1.
Ray: Now we jump straight to the main card. First bout is in the welterweight division. Gary "Goat" Glover will square off with Haku Ryu. After a promising start to his career, Glover has look flat in his last few fights. But I look for him to come out strong this Saturday. But be that as it may, I think he's just outclassed in his one. Ryu by decision.
Jay: I don't see this one the same as you do pops. I don't think Ryu's clinch game will be strong enough to hold Glover and Glover will be the one edging out the decision victory.
Predictions
Ray: Ryu by Decision.
Jay: Glover by Decision.
Jay: "Prince" Yngve Stolt, the undisputed, undefeated King of the welterweight division and crowned champion will place his championship on the line. The unfortunate soul that has to step into the octagon with this beast of a man is Luk Yuha. The champion comes in holding a distinct advantage in Muay Thai, wrestling, and Jui Jitsu. But the challenger holds the edge in boxing, which I don't think will phase the champion even a little. Stolt will come out like a true champion and dominate his foe.
Ray: Wow you really like this guy huh? Personally I think he is a paper champ, who has only gotten where he is by luck. But this week I think that his "Luk" has run out. I see Yuha dropping the champ on his ass early. Yuha by KO round 1.
Predictions
Jay: Stolt by (T)KO at 2:31 of round 2.
Ray: Yuha by KO at 1:49 of round 1.
Ray: We follow that title fight with a heavyweight match up between the wrestler, Bruce Honeybottom and the exciting boxer, Billy "The G.O.A.T" Gruff. Gruff is a monster, his boxing skills are unsurpassed in the RCG. Honeybottom is a good fighter and hold his own, most of the time. But in this one, Gruff will be too much for him to handle. Gruff by KO in round 1.
Jay: Gruff is definitely a beast. Honeybottom is in real trouble here. Gruff's hands are registered deadly weapons, and he has the power to put away anyone. It won't be very long into the fight before Honeybottom will have his eyes will roll into the back of his head and he will be in la la land. The G.O.A.T by KO in round 1.
Predictions
Ray: Gruff by KO at 2:50 of round 1.
Jay: Gruff by KO at 1:32 of round 1.
Jay: Fred "The Natural Born Killer" Alsop and John "Blitzkrieg Bob" Eugemia will finish up the main card in the bantamweight division. I really like this guy Alsop. He shows some real talent in Jui Jitsu and isn't bad in the clinch either. But he might have bitten off more than he can chew when accepting the fight with Blitzkrieg Bob! Blitzkrieg Bob is highly talented in all areas of MMA and holds a brown belt in Jui Jitsu as well. I see Alsop trying to get a quick takedown but not succeeding, sapping too much energy and Blitzkrieg Bob will capitalize and land big shots putting Alsop down and out. Eugemia by KO in round 2.
Ray: Both of these fighters have a lot on the line here. As I understand it, the winner will be fighting for the title on their next fight. Alsop is a ground fighter who prefers to work off his back, most of his wins have come via submission off his back. This should be a great ground battle, but in the end, I see Eugemia with his arm raised and giving his victory speech. Eugemia by submission, round 3.
Predictions
Jay: Eugemia by KO at 3:20 of round 2.
Ray: Eugemia by Submission at 2:00 of round 3.
Ray: Our first main event at Hayashi's Lounge will be in the middleweight division as Christian "Kommandant" Volland and Bobby "Bonecrusher" Bones will fight it out for three rounds. These guys are both great fighters and they're very evenly matched. Jones holds a slight edge in experience but I'm not sure if that's going to be enough to put away Volland. The problem is I don't think Volland has the skills to put away Jones either. I don't do this very often but I call this one a draw.
Jay: A draw? Did you steal some of my dabs? Because you're definitely smoking something! I didn't even need to look at stats or records or any of that bullshit. I knew as soon as I saw who was fighting who would win, I said to myself 'there is no way a dude named Kommandant would ever beat a dude named Bonecrusher' I mean how can Volland fight with crushed bones? (Chuckles) Bones by Submission in round 1.
Predictions
Ray: Draw
Jay: Bones by Submission at 2:30 of round 1.
7
Jay: RCG's biggest named fighter and the RCG undisputed heavyweight champion of the world, Kalle Kettu is the headliner this Saturday, and will be putting his belt on the line against the extremely talented and hard hitting Lars "Slaughterhouse" Kristoffer. Kalle Kettu has been a dominate champ thus far destroying all those who oppose him. Lars might be one of the tougher opponents Kettu has faced. The biggest problem for Lars will be to get the fight into the clinch, as Kettu has shown great grappling defense against the clinch. I fear for Lars if he is unable to get this one into the clinch. If Lars can secure the clinch though then he is a formidable adversary. I personally don't see Kettu's reign lasting past this fight. I see Kristoffer beating the champ into submission and in the end having his hand raised as the new heavyweight champion of the world.
Ray: There you go again, off in your fantasy world. Kettu has been champion since day 1 and I don't see anyone beating him for years to come. Kettu by KO, round 2.
Predictions
Jay: Kristoffer by (T)KO(Submission) at 4:50 of round 5.
Ray: Kettu by KO at 1:45 of round 2.
Jay: So we finally made it to the end. That was 40 of Rio's best fighters to make up 20 of the best fights Rio will see, until the next RCG event anyways, and there you have it. Remember that you can place bets on these fights over at Chain Gang Bookie and at UPF Sports Book over in Hilo. You won't win if you don't bet. I think we're done here. I'm gonna go take another dab. (Gets up and walks away).
Ray: Thank you Rio it's been a blast, but it will be good to get home. Check out our Jay and Ray's excellent MMA adventures in the paper, we are there all the time. Thanks Chain Gang, this is Ray signing off.
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