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Conrad ' The Joker' Mcgillicuty


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#1 bjornmma1

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Posted 06 July 2015 - 09:10 AM

On the 6th of July 2015 , the world press assembled to attend the long awaited first press conference of the biggest prospect in MMA history. The man who can move a 1000lbs weight with his left toe and has the record for the longest masturbation session in the Western Hemisphere ; the one and only ... (drum rolls) ... 

 

 

 

Conrad "The Joker" Mcgillicutty

 

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Announcer: We are very happy to finally have been able to find a day that suited Mr. Mcgillicutty to speak to the press and all his fans. It wasn't easy for him to find a bit of free time in his busy scedule, but he took some time to sit down with us and is here to answer all your questions. 
 
Conrad: I am a busy man for sure, but I'm happy as well that I can finally do this. I love my fans and they love me, so it's only right that I do this. 
 
Announcer: It's an honor having you here sir. The press will start with the questions and if there is some time left, we'll try to let some fans shoot a few questions for you as well. Just a quick reminder to the journalists; Mr. Mcgillicutty is a superstar and this show will be watched from all around the world, so please don't ask stupid questions. 
 
Conrad: They are journalists. These guys are born to ask stupid questions. Aah well, lets see what they have in mind this time. Shoot! 
 
Journalist: Hey sir! Is it ok if we call you Conrad for the rest of the press conference? We feel blessed to finally meet you, so I'm wondering what took you so long to set up a press conference. 
 
Conrad: (turns around to the announcer) You see, I told you. These guys with their stupid questions! ( faces the public and press again now) Why wouldn't you be allowed to call me Conrad? It's my name. Show me your name tag.  Euh what !?! Eugene? Wow, ok, from now on , I'll call you Shitface. Even that is a better name. 
 
As I already said Shitface, I'm a very busy man, so I have to try and find a balance between training , being epic and pleasing my fans. Anyone has a better question? 
 
Journalist: Apologies for the stupid question of my colleague Conrad. What I'm wondering is what made you decide to join the MMA circuit at age 18? 
 
Conrad: Aaaaah! That's what they call a good question! I actually used to be a big ginger fatty that was being bullied 24/7. When I turned 18, I decided that such thing wouldn't happen again to me. I joined a gym and turned into this piece of epicness in just one year. I hear they are going to do a documentary about my amazing story, but there is a bidding war for the rights of the docu at the moment, so I'm just waiting to cash in. 
 
Journalist: People have commented in the past that you are a bit of a risk taker and that you have a big mouth. What do you have to say about that? 
 
Conrad: Obviously I have a big mouth, as I eat 20lbs of pure epicness each day. If you mean that I like to talk tough , yeah, I do. The thing is that what you call smack talk, I call the truth. I don't lie or act any different than I am. If you are pure epicness , the world needs to see that. About the risk taking, that is a bit exaggerated. If jumping out of airplanes, riding bulls,.... is risky, ok, then maybe, but I know what I'm doing. 
 
Journalist: How do you feel when you step towards the octagon? I have no clue how pro MMA fighters feel when they walk towards the cage and now they will be facing a trained pro fighter. 
 
Conrad: There is no better feeling than that. When I enter the arena, the crowd goes crazy and the girls get wet. It's not often that they see a 225cm 300lbs Irish beast from upclose and they really enjoy it. Before I actually reach the cage, I already have 20 phone numbers in my back pocket and the smell of pussy all over me. I am confident stepping towards the cage and once the door locks behind me, nothing can make me lose my focus. 
 
Journalist: That's great! You have been doing amazing so far in the tournament and I suppose there is hardly any room for improvement right? 
 
Conrad: Hahaahahaha! You fool! If you think that there is little room for improvement, then you are badly mistaken! I am not happy with how the tournament has gone so far, as I have actually lost a fight. The opponent was a tricky bastard, but I'll admit that he did a great job. I am 3-1 in the tournament with 3(t)KO's . My only losses comes by being hugged and then being forced to tap out due to that bitch putting his crotch in my face and the smell was just too much. 
 
Journalist: The idea that you can still improve is scary. I'm looking forward to how you will do in the rest of the tournament. 
 
Journalist: What victory tasted the best for you? 
 
Conrad: My superman KO was sweet, but I would have to say that my last win ( also a one punch KO) tasted even better as my opponent had been trying to talk crap about me all the time, so shutting him up felt pretty damn good. 
 
Journalist: Where do you see yourself in 2 years time? 
 
Conrad: Hard to say, but I know where I'll be in 2 hours; in your bed! I can not believe they allow such sweet brunettes to be journalists. Your tits are just the right size and your ass seems like a the perfect match for my sausage! Lets make hotdogs ! 
 
Journalist: (blushes) . I'm flattered sir, but I would rather not have you speak about this in public. 
 
Conrad: You won't be calling me 'sir' anymore tonight. You'll be my princess and we'll make a fairytale together. ( his hand slides in his pants for a few seconds to adjust some stuff)
 
Journalist: I can't wait! 
 
Announcer: It seems like Conrad has already scored! Lets move on to the fans for one or two questions and then let Conrad finish it in his room. 
 
Fan: I have a question for you Conrad. Howcome do you get all the girls? 
 
Conrad: It's the Irish accent and the looks man. No woman can say 'no' to me. When I enter a changing room for women, legs open. 
 
Fan: That's just epic Conrad! Can I get an autograph please? 
 
Conrad: Sure kid. ( Leaves his chair and takes some time to sign posters, mma gloves ,...) 
 
Fan: How do you think the rest of the tournament will go? 
 
Conrad: I have asked my manager to contact the org owner and see what the plans are. I don't know, so I'm just going to focus on training and improving myself while I wait. I know, it looks as if this 300lbs of epicness has little room for improvement, but for sure I do. I might talk a lot , but I also train a lot. THey say that hard work beats talent if talent doesn't work hard. I say that hard working talent beats everything. (looks at his watch) Speaking about that, I'm heading to training now or I'll be too late and my coach will want me to run extra laps then. See you!!
 
The 3000 in attendance quickly shout back a mix of ' We love you Conrad' , ' See you!' and ' This is my phone number,... ' as they see their idol leave the stage. 
 
Announcer: Thank you everyone for coming over. I hope that you all enjoyed it and I'm sure we'll hear more from Conrad ' The Joker' Mcgillicutty in the future. His enormous presence and amazing choice of words makes him the star people have been looking for the last decade. 
 
Have a great day everyone! 
 
Unplugs the microphones and asks his assitants to empty the room and clean it. 
 
 


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#2 762x39

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Posted 06 July 2015 - 10:16 AM

Good write up! Good luck with him.


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#3 Grasman

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Posted 06 July 2015 - 12:49 PM

good stuff Bjorn. :)


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#4 Sohito

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Posted 06 July 2015 - 02:11 PM

hah, really nice ;)


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Posted 06 July 2015 - 04:36 PM

love his avatar


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#6 Tycooner

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Posted 06 July 2015 - 04:37 PM

Great write up ! Real good read.


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#7 bjornmma1

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Posted 06 July 2015 - 04:55 PM

Thanks guys! I really put a lot of effort in the press conference. 

 

I started smacktalking with him before the tournament and hadn't done a test fight with him, so you can imagine that I was happy when I found out that his hiddens seem decent enough :P 


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#8 Mr.J

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Posted 16 July 2015 - 02:27 PM

here's one  of his fans. :thumbup:


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Modesty is the pride of the Mediocre.
According to me is the only according to me that matters.
A lion doesn't concern himself with the opinion of a sheep.

Self interest is the best interest.


#9 bjornmma1

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Posted 16 July 2015 - 03:48 PM

here's one  of his fans. :thumbup:


Conrad "The Joker" Mcgillicutty

 

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Great to hear! I love spreading the truth about my epicness and so do you and your fighters. We know that we are just too epic to not let the world enjoy a part of it. I get up in the morning, look in the mirror and all I can think is 'wow, great job mom and dad!'. Too bad that the rest of the tournament fighters are only sheep and not wolves. They hide in the shade while I enjoy the sun.


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#10 bjornmma1

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Posted 20 July 2015 - 08:00 AM

Conrad "The Joker" Mcgillicutty

 

14270347009408.jpg

 

4-1-0

 

19 years old

 

225cm

 

300lbs

 

 

Hey Conrad! Great seeing you again. I heard that you don't have much time, so I'l try to keep it short, altough I have like a million questions that I would like to ask you. 

 

Thanks for the understanding. I'm indeed a very busy man. I have a party scheduled in Ibiza and I still have to decide what bitch to take with me. My mom said 'Why chose? ', but she is crazy and doesn't think about stuff. My Ferrari only has room for two, so unless that I'm able to put one in the booth of the car, I'll have to pick only one for today. 

 

Luxury choices, that is what you have. 

 

Maybe. What can I say? Hard work pays of man ! 

 

I'm sure it does. Congrats on your latest win. You once again looked in full control of the fight. Did it go down as you expected? 

 

100% . I did to him exactly what I wanted at the time that I wanted. I've kicked that ugly Afghan shitface back to his country and I hope he blows himself up . You might think that it harsh, but you know what I have to say to you then ? ' Fuck you bitch! I don't care! ' 

 

I wouldn't dare disagreeing with you Conrad. You looked great again and your fans are very happy with what you did in the octagon once again. 

 

Thanks. I am happy that I have another win , but I would have liked to have had no referee in there and that it would have been a death match. I really wanted to take his life and make a statement, but I guess smashing his face in is a statement also. 

 

Do you already know who you will be facing next? 

 

I don't know. The tournament organizer has a lot of work and I understand that, no worries. I am in this tournament for as long as it goes on. I'm enjoying myself, so I'm back in training already this evening and we'll hear from him later.  

 

Who do you see as the favorite to win the tournament? 

 

Well, that's an interesting question. Who the fuck do you think!?! Me obviously. 

 

Sure, but anyone else is a serious contender? 

 

I think that apart from me, there are two more good fighters in the tournament. The rest are shit and will need luck to win a fight against any of us 3. 

Derp Wyatt looks strong. He has power and a granite chin, so he would be ready for a war as well. The other fighter that really stands out is Roy Palmer. He has some serious power and has sparred a lot. Perhaps he neglected some basic work because of it, I don't know. 

 

To be honest, I never really had seen Wyatt before yesterday, but he looks interesting as well for sure. It's between us in my opinion to be crowned the king of the castle. 

(starts singing 'king of my castle' out loud) 

 

You should consider a singing career man! It sounds great!

 

I know. I'm actually sleeping every wednesday and friday with a promising young irish singer. She is amazing, not only on stage, but in bed as well. She just turned 18, so it's finally legal now what I've been doing for two years. 

 

( Doesn't know what to say and starts blushing out of shame) 

 

I guess your sex life isn't that amazing poor fella!

 

Euh... that's not important for this interview. 

 

(Conrad grabs the microphone out of the hands of the journalist and starts singing ' He is a virgin ' on the melody of Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley . The fans in attendance stand up and sing along. Conrad follows up with his own versions of Country Roads by John Denver and finishes it off with Molly Malone from The Dubliners. The people want to hear more, but Conrad doesn't want to anymore. He turns around and puts on a video clip of the entrance of his last fight. 

The crowd goes wild! 

 

 

 

When the video clip is finished, the crowd looks back to the table were Conrad was sitting and they see that he has left, but has left a little present. There is a huge amount of Guinness on the table with a small message next to it. 

 

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Rumor has it that all fans joined the dark side and now are still lying higher 'n a kite on the ground, hours after Conrad left the scene. 


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#11 bjornmma1

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Posted 05 August 2015 - 08:23 AM

Conrad "The Joker" Mcgillicutty

 

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I am waiting for the 16th of August to find out who I will be fighting in the single elimination part of the tournament as it is getting to it's final stages. The two ranked fighters, being me obivously and Roy Palmer , have received a free ticket to the next round and we are waiting to find out what the rest will do in their fights. 

 

My predictions :

 

Derp by 1st minute (t)KO, if not, he is a loser. 

Flash by 1st minute (t)KO, if not,... yeah, he is a loser.

Brasi by (t)KO, but this one could be close , as it's a battle of losers. 

 

 

Conclusion of my predictions: nothing but losers, apart from possibly Derp, but then he needs to finish the fight in the first minute for sure against the zero morale kid. Hopefully Palmer is training well so that at least he can give me a good fight. 

 

It looks as if this tournament will be dominated by the one and only, the future G.O.A.T. , yours sincerely , Conrad McGillicutty! 


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#12 stpierrecanada

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Posted 07 August 2015 - 08:50 PM

Dont diss the name Eugene! Thats my real name hahahaaha


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#13 bjornmma1

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Posted 10 August 2015 - 02:40 PM

Conrad "The Joker" Mcgillicutty

 

14270347009408.jpg

 

4-1-0

 

19 years old

 

225cm

 

300lbs

 

I am slowly getting bored to death in my gym. The kids fight in 6 days and then the two big boys will be thrown in the mix as well for the final stage of the single elimination part of the tournament. When I don't have a fight sceduled, that is the only time that I get nervous. I need targets and I want to have a date that I need to appear on to smash skulls and break bones. Hopefully a fight will be set up soon after the event with the kids and then I can throw some serious leather again. Me without a fight is like a dick without balls;  useless...! 

 

C'mon guys, who wouldn't want to see this epic 300lbs of pure awesomeness get in the cage again and knock these midgets out cold?!!! 

These bitches can't deal with me. I am too tall, strong and sexy for anyone to deal with. 


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#14 bjornmma1

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Posted 23 August 2015 - 01:57 PM

Conrad "The Joker" Mcgillicutty

 

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I had two of my 3 fight picks correct, so not bad. Luckily the org owner found someone who will run the org from now on, so hopefully the semi-finals will be set up soon, so that I can destroy another opponent. I am not sure why some of the suckers even accept the fight offer against me. It's like signing a death sentence. Props for that I guess. Anyway, I'm eager to fight again, so lets hope this doesn't take too long. 

 

I am too sexy for my own good. When I was taking a late night walk in NY city, 2 girls came up to me and offered me a BJ in the park. I said 'no!' . They were amazed and wondered why I hadn't accepted their offer. I told them ' Do you really think that I will let some random chick give me a BJ in the park? ' .   They walked off and I went home, where I fucked 4 girls in one night. I can't really remember their names anymore, but I know that they at least showed me their ID's before we started. Honestly, there is no better way to get your cardio up. I can go 4 rounds of 10 minutes already , so I think that by next week, I'll up my training schedule and get myself a 5th round also. Aah, training can be so much fun!!  :toot:


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#15 bjornmma1

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Posted 27 August 2015 - 02:38 PM

Conrad "The Joker" Mcgillicutty

 

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Follow me on Buzz by going to this page and click on 'follow Conrad Mcgillicutty' and also rebuzz my post. 

 

Two free avatars will be handed out randomly to my followers: 

 

jb200j.jpg  and  w2m4x4.jpg

 

If more than 50 people follow me, my lovely assistant Brittney will also hand out a cash prize randomly. 

Come join the fanbase of the most entertaining 225cm 300lbs fighter you'll ever see! #RealFightingProudOfIreland  


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Posted 27 August 2015 - 03:11 PM

done :)


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#17 bjornmma1

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Posted 27 August 2015 - 03:28 PM

done :)

 

 

Conrad "The Joker" Mcgillicutty

 

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Great! Tell your friends to do it as well. The more the better. I am a loud irish HW and entertaining as hell, but also very loyal towards my fans and they get avatars and money ! :)


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#18 bjornmma1

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Posted 28 August 2015 - 10:46 AM

Conrad "The Joker" Mcgillicutty

 

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Only 5 followers at the moment?!! WTF ! C'mon guys, follow the Irish HW sensation and you are able to win free avatars and cash!

Follow me on Buzz by going to this page and click on 'follow Conrad Mcgillicutty' and also rebuzz my post. 


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#19 catako

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Posted 28 August 2015 - 02:07 PM

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Orpheus "Big Guy" Boagrius

 

I would have followed if not for the fact that I don't like twitter at all and buzz pretty much seems to be the same material :P. I prefer to relax have a drink and train like a maniac so I can keep this shiny belt around my belly. 


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#20 bjornmma1

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Posted 28 August 2015 - 02:29 PM

Conrad "The Joker" Mcgillicutty

 

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That's no problem man, I understand that. I know that you are a hard working man and don't let my fancy looks fool anyone, I train very hard as well. 

 

You know what I like the most beside fighting?  Pussy. 

One thing, there must be a female body attached to it. I just encountered a pussy, called Omega, and he/she is so scared of the rest of the HW's that he/she has just decided himself/herself to no longer fight in it in an act of 'kindness'. He/she didn't want to lose another fight. If you enter a tournament, you fight until the end and you don't just say that you are out after even winning your last fight that was a qualifier for the next round. Mangina is the worst thing in the world and dude, that Omega guy/ girl really has a huge mangina!!! 

 

I sacrificed my guaranteed spot in the semi-finals now to fight him and see if he wants to take that fight. He didn't want the fight that was proposed because it was vs a grappler. Do I smell some family ties with Yates...  ? 


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