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ITFL Season 2 Preview: Steel Penn


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INTERNATIONAL TEAM FIGHTING LEAGUE SEASON 2 PREVIEW

 

Steel Penn

 

*I was back in Hilo, picked up by one of the many Steel Penn lackeys and off to the Steel Peen Towers, a new hotel chain that Steel Penn has been working on. Along with the ICON project, Steel Penn is very well known for his attempts at globalization, successful and unsuccessful. Steel Penn just may be the most polarizing man in all of MMA right now, and for good measure. He has been surrounded by controversy ever since he arrived on the Hilo MMA scene and has remained controversial ever since...from accusations of fraudulent supplements, to his wild ideas of globalization.

The idea of globalized MMA started back with Johnny Sepulveda, or Johnny Sep as most people knew him. Sepulveda owned a very successful org in Montreal known as Combat Pro. While running a Grand Prix-style tournament, 'Sep' started mulling the idea of true world champions of a true world tournament. The first thing he did though, was branding. Branding came very natural to the charismatic Sepulveda. He convinced several managers and owners, from all over the world, to join his Combat Pro "empire". Mostly fight orgs at first, obviously for the world tournament aspect but he soon branched into supplements, clothing and eventually gyms.

With the branding in place, it was time to work on the actual tournament part, when Sepulveda mysteriously disappeared. For weeks, no one knew what had happened, the MMA scene was in shock as those close to Sepulveda searched high and low, to no avail.

 

During this time, Mac McNulty had just branched out from St. Petersburg to Los Angeles. He didn't have the branding expertise like Sepulveda but he did have the world tournament format in place. After meeting with the remaining heads of the Combat Pro companies, they all decided to pick up the pieces and move on. The first thing they did, was change the name, and the Combat Pro Empire became "ICON".

ICON succeeded where Combat Pro had failed, the world tournament and Combat Pro had succeeded where ICON failed, branding, unity, solidarity. ICON did keep enough of the main members to successfully run a world tournament and eventually crowning 2 world champions, Neo Nova and Emile Hainesberg at Featherweight and Lightweight, respectively.

McNulty and ICON were not immune to controversy as Matty Blayze and several others criticized McNulty's use of the Openweight Division for his world tournament and the skewed rankings as a result of it. This eventually lead to a complete overhaul of the ranking system to include a separate Openweight rank. The controversy eventually took it's toll on McNulty and forced him into retirement. ICON could not continue to operate without it's leader and no one wanted to step up and take the wheel. ICON and it's world tournament eventually crumbled, even though it had gotten one step further than it's predecessor, Combat Pro.

 

The idea virtually remained dormant, until Steel Penn realized the dream, studied the pro and con and revived the idea of not only a world tournament but branding as well, with the majority of his alliance using the Steel Penn name within their own companies. One group, with one common goal...

 

The verdict is still out so far. The Steel Penn ICON project goes relatively unheralded. Many of the fighters and champions are unnoticed by the public. They are very love/hate, about as much as their fearless leader, and he is fearless. Steel Penn shies away from no one and is not afraid to discuss or debate his controversial doings. Nevertheless, he is doing what he is doing and he remains as influential as anyone in the world, recruiting here and there to add to his ever growing alliance.

 

We arrived at the hotel...*

 

http://www.ascendcollection.com/media/eBrochure/ebrochure/SC/SC474/SC474A1.JPG

 

*My stay was excellent as always here in Hilo. The food and service at the hotel was top notch. I drank my Starbucks in the lobby as I waited for my ride. He showed up promptly and loaded my bags. We exchanged no words, even when I asked him questions. We just drove. I put my headphones on to cure the boredom.

We drove to the outskirts of the city and soon realized we weren't in Hilo anymore but driving towards some small hills. The driver then got on his walkie-talkie, something I hadn't seen in years, and spoke a language I have never heard before. We then went off-road and as we drove down a muddy road, I began to fear for my safety. I texted JBomb, just to let someone know where I was and what was happening. He didn't reply. I remembered to stay calm and breathe.

We came to a dead end, a cliff that looked like the side of a lavaflow. as we curved to the left, I realized it was an illusion. The road didn't end, it went into the lavaflow and we came up to a gate, the kind of gate you would see in a kung-fu movie except slightly modernized with a sophisticated video camera system and razorwire.

The driver showed the armed guards his badge and we drove inside. It was an amazing campus...part military compound, part farm, part Shaolin Temple. As we drove, I looked to my right and there were men dressed like monks, working in a garden. To my left, there were several outdoor octagons set up with fighters sparring. As we moved forward, we came upon a group of uniformed soldiers practicing maneuvers and hoards of kids, all in ranks, practicing punches and kicks like some sort of midget kung-fu army. We continued on and passed more gardens and beautiful ponds with some of the most superb landscaping I had ever seen. Concrete bridges over tiny streams running from pond to pond. Bonsai trees and sculpted bushes everywhere, Steel Penn had quite the set-up here.

We made our way up through the compound and through another gate. I could see the main building from here. There was only one way to describe it and it sounded so cliche...redundant...it was a steel temple, Steel Penn's Steel Temple, go figure.

 

We got out of the car and the driver grabbed my bags. He made his way to a side door and as I started to follow, the two huge doors swung open and a man came out. I recognized him from photos...it was Steel Penn.*

 

Penn: "How was the trip? Good I hope..."

 

Reporter: "It's been great so far. The hotel was great and..."

 

Penn: "Please...come inside..."

 

*We went inside and it was a lot more empty than I thought it would be. I'm not sure what I expected, maybe servants running this way and that or suited men on cell phones coordinating and planning. We did pass a small office with 3 men in suits inside. They shut the door as we past as if I had seen something I shouldn't have.

The place was more modern, too. Very clean, minimal, spacious. We walked past a kitchen, living room area and dining area before we got to the big office. It was fairly standard with the exception of a heavy bag and a Muk Yan Jong, or Wing Chun wooden dummy, in the far left corner. This room had more wall decor and a few more plants than all the other rooms we had seen so far.

On one side of the massive rectangular table, sat Klatz Matz, Umberts Doofenshmirtz, Karl DeGroot and Damien Washington. Charles Lee Ray, AJ Hearts, Arnie Ironz and Rodrigo Costa all sat on the other side. Upon our entrance, and introductions, all of the men left except Matz, Umberts and Rodrigo...and obviously Steel Penn.*

 

Reporter: "So, Mr. Steel, Penn...what should I call you?"

 

Penn: "Just Penn or Mr. Penn is fine."

 

Reporter: "Okeedokee...So what drew your interest to the ITFL? I mean, with your hand in so many global operations, what got you into this?"

 

Penn: "We heard about last years event in our gym, it was all anyone could talk about for a while. I decided to ask about it and as they explained it to me, all of my sparring partners felt I might be a good fit for this years competition. They felt we could put together a really good team for it. I looked into it more and decided with Klatz to make it happen, although I do feel a bit out of my league with all of these famous fighters being involved...but I will make the best of it."

 

Reporter: "Pencil?"

 

Pencil: "..."

 

Reporter: "Alrighty then...So can you describe the team for me?"

 

Penn: "Well, we..."...*receives phone call*..."So sorry, we'l talk later, I have to take this. Please finish here though."...*exits the room*...

 

Reporter:...*sighs*..."Klatz?"

 

Matz: "Mostly alliance, we replace Donovon with Costa due to absence. Ezekel is in Las Vegas awaiting your arrival."

 

Reporter: "Okay then...where are all your ITFL fighters at? Shouldn't I be asking them..."

 

Matz: "They train."

 

Reporter: "I get that but is there ever a time where they don't...train?...maybe?"

 

Matz: "They focus very hard."

 

Reporter: "I see...Umberts? Would you like to add anything?"

 

Matz: "He doesn't like to speak English."

 

Reporter: "Hmmm...okay, good talk. I'm hungry, what's for dinner?"

 

Matz:...*stands up*..."Dinner will begin shortly."...*exits the room with Costa and Umberts*...

 

*I sat there, alone...thinking about how I could be at the beach right now but no, I was in some Twilight Zone, MMA, Farmcamp. Not to mention, I was starving and kind of tired. I contemplated just leaving but wasn't sure if I could get past the guards, or the gate. I wondered why Matz was so...odd. Why Umberts doesn't like to speak English? I mean, I can see it if you just flat out can't because you never learned it but Matz said he didn't like to...meaning he could speak it, but chose not to.

Why was a professional hockey player fighting in an MMA league? He made more playing hockey, no doubt. Maybe Malkin just didn't get enough rush from one sport? He definitely wouldn't be the first 2 sport athlete...but Deion? Bo? They didn't do MMA and hockey is plenty physical.

Why would a man name someone Wooden Pencil? Was it a Penn thing or was it a zen thing? Or Magnetic Symphony for that matter? I've heard some major hippie-type names but Magnetic Symphony...well, I guess he has nothing on Golden Glory, Sunny Disposition or several other past fighters.

Was this the actual son or grandson or legendary Lou Thesz? The man who got re-popularized in the mid-90's by professional wrestler "Stone Cold'' Steve Austin, who modified a move that was named after him, the "Lou Thesz Press"? These guys were weirdos and I was feeling a bit uneasy being here.

Just as I was ready to freak out, Arnie Ironz came back and told me to follow him to dinner. Okay, maybe this wasn't so bad, things were lookin' up.

 

I reached the dining room, not the one we passed earlier, this one was much more elaborate.*

 

http://www.3dhousedownload.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/Classical-Chinese-banquet-hall-design.jpg

 

*This place was great. So beautiful, a lot different than the rest of the place I had seen earlier. Slowly, the place started filling up and I think this was the first time I realized just how large the Steel Penn organization really was. I didn't even know how many of his crew wasn't here, and they still filled this room. Granted, there were plenty of women around, entertainers like bellydancers, firebreathers, some Shaolin monks that were jumping all over the place with live steel and cinder blocks.

We sat at our tables just watching and before I knew it, the food was being brought to the tables. This stuff looked absolutely amazing and I wasn' sure if there was a type of food that wasn't represented. These guys have everything from Cantonese to Mexican, from pizza and burgers, to lobster and shrimp...they had it all, and I was determined to try all of it.

 

After I gorged myself and watched some lovely entertainment, Steel Penn came over to my table and asked me to walk with him. We got up and walked out to the south side of the building. We walked along a wooden deck and then turned the corner. There was a stream, a beautiful stream between two buildings...*

 

http://img.travel.rakuten.co.jp/share/image_up/67818/LARGE/cLz5Vx.jpeg

 

Reporter: "What are those two buildings right there?"

 

Penn: "Sleeping quarters and a supply house. I don't go to Hilo much for anything other than business. We like it here."

;

Reporter: "I don't blame u one bit, man. it's so peaceful here. Who are those guys?"

 

*I saw 4 uniformed men hauling a large container with yellow and black stripes on it, almost like some sort of warning or biohazard style markings. They had hardhats on and it was pretty clear that they weren't wait staff or businessmen.*

 

Penn:...*ushers inside*..."Come in, come in...that's nothing, just some experimental things we are working on with our supplements."

 

Reporter: "The fake ones?"

 

Penn:...*scoff*..."Absolutely not! Our supplements are of the highest quality and have been in compliance for some time. If you're here to drudge up false accusations and wicked lies, the door is that way."...*points to the left*...

 

Reporter: "Naw, man...we're cool. It was just a question. You know, you never described your team to me."

 

Penn:...*calmly begins walking*..."My team has been very supportive and helpful with my preparations, trying to give me all the tips they have experience with already. I am very lucky to be around these guys and will gain so much from them at this point in my career. Live like you will die tomorrow but learn like you will live forever."

 

Reporter: "I like that, that's cool. Okay so, is there any fighter in the ITFL that you're scared of? I mean, not so much physically scared but you know, a bad matchup or just someone you can't see your guy beating?"

 

Penn: ''This would be better answered by my fighter, Wooden Pencil, since he is the one who will be doing the actual fighting. Every matchup can be difficult if you let it be."

 

*Wooden Pencil appears around the corner not even 10ft. in front of us, very creepily I might add.*

 

Pencil: "I fear no fighter in the cage. The cage is my world and I play by my own rules. I am a god in my world."...*disappears back around the corner*...

 

Reporter: "What the..."

 

Penn: "He does that. He only speaks when needed, or when he feels it is needed, as do all of my fighters."

 

Reporter: "Weird..."

 

Penn: "Come, it's getting late, let me show you to your room."

 

Reporter: "Okay..."

 

*We walked for quite a while. This main building was massive. As we exited the main building and made our way across a small stream, I looked to the right and saw more men in helmets with those same containers I saw earlier. I noticed they were heading to the same building. This piqued my curiosity quite a bit. What were they doing and why did those containers look so hazardous? Something was going on here and I wanted to find out.

We arrived at my room and it was every bit as nice as the hotel from the night before.*

 

Penn: "Shall I send a meal? or a woman over?"

 

Reporter: "How about a woman and a meal?"

 

Penn: "Most excellent."...*turns to leave*...

 

Reporter: "Wait!"...*pauses*..."is there any manager you would least like to face in this thing? Like someone that's in your kitchen or just seems to have your number?"

 

Penn:...*pensively*..."I fear old school vets who know my weaknesses...Captain Lou, he was on our team and I had to boot him since we had 5 already when he accepted my invitation, so I feel very bad about that...and I feel that when the time comes, karma will be on his side. Rest up, you have an early flight tomorrow."...*walks out of the room and locks the door*...

 

*Why did he lock the door? Really? I'm locked in? This was getting weirder by the second. I needed a plan and I did not want to wait until my flight in the morning. I wanted to get out of here now. I texted JBomb again but he did not respond. I figured my best bet was to wait until the woman showed up with the meal and make my move, whatever that was gonna be.

I've been in some strange predicaments before and each time I've had this same exact same feeling. The only difference was, I was already in those situations, but this time, I was getting ready to be in one of those situations. I wondered if this is what goes through the head of JBomb or Karter right before they do something completely crazy? Like they have this feeling, this almost knowing that something bad is going to happen, and yet they do it anyway...like they can relax in their confidence to get out of any situation. I felt that, at this very moment i felt that confidence. I needed to know what was going on here and I had full confidence that I was going to find out...and not only find out but get away with it.

 

There was a knock on the door, followed by a jiggle of the handle and the door opened. A beautiful Hawaiian woman walked into the room with a silver platter on a cart. She had amazing black hair to her mid-back and big brown eyes. Her skin was magnificent and it was as if she didn't walk, she glided across the room. *

 

Woman: "Aloha, the food you ordered?"

 

Reporter: "Hello..."

 

Woman: "..."

 

Reporter: "Oh yes, the food...over there please."...*points near the door*...

 

*The woman turned and walked back toward the door. I knew this was my chance and I grabbed her from behind, just enough for her to let out a small scream. As I expected, a guard came running in with a weapon. I wheeled as he threw the butt of his rifle. It drilled the woman square in her beautiful face, I was definitely going to have to apologize for that one...on my way to hell.

The guard cracked a shocked look and that was my opening. I punched him in the nose with a left and grabbed at the rifle with my right, knocking it to the floor. As he grabbed for his nose, i kicked him in the shin and he went on to one leg. I rushed him, knocking him to the ground and just like so many of the MMA fighters I cover, I was in full mount and just wailing away. His arms went limp and I knew he was out.

 

I hurried up and looked out in the hall to see if any more were coming but it was dead quiet. I went back in and gagged them both. then used the guard's zip ties to tie them to door handle. I grabbed the rifle, a card key and his walkie-talkie. I locked the door behind me and made my way to that building I saw earlier. I stayed in the shadows mostly, avoiding any of the lighted areas while moving as quickly as possible. I only saw two guards on my way to the building and they seemed pretty caught up in whatever it was they were talking about.

 

The building was right in front of me. I just needed to watch it for a little bit and make sure I knew the guard's patterns, if there were any guards. I waited for quite a while and didn't see any. Suddenly, with no warning, I felt cold steel on the back of my head. Chills went down my spine and the hair on the back of my neck stood up. Before I really had a chance to be scared, a familiar voice whispered to me...*

 

JBomb: "Dude, chill, it's me...shhhh..."

 

Reporter:...*turns slowly and whispers*..."JBomb? What the fuck are you doing here? Why'd you put the gun to my neck?"

 

JBomb:...*whispers*..."Got that text n' flew out. Thought you might need some help. Oh...and it's dark as fuck out here."

 

*I couldn't believe JBomb showed up. This dude was as crazy as it gets, and he wasn't alone. He had Martin Cristos and Felipe Calderon with him, two former fighters, two dangerous former fighters. These two got out of MMA because it wasn't gangsta enough. They actually make more money doing this sort of thing than being legit. In other words, my safety level just multiplied by 3.

 

JBomb whispered to Felipe and Martin and they both took off, one in each direction. When they secured the corners of the building and gave the signal, we made our move toward the building. JBomb went to Felipe and he stayed behind to cover our backs. Martin went in first, followed by J, then me. There was too much light to be very sneaky, but Martin was very good at what he does. We came across a guard with his back to us and without hesitation or noise, Martin just dismantled him. He crumbled to the floor like a sack of spuds. Cristos dragged him into a closet of some kind and we moved on.

We never saw another guard as we made our way to a large garage that had some of those containers stacked towards the back. I told them that this is what we were looking for and we had to see what was inside them. We made our way over to them without any resistance. It took some time, and a little bit of muscle to get one op\en but it was empty.*

 

JBomb: "What the fuck...what's going on here, dude?"

 

Reporter: "I don't know but this shit is just weird. I get this feelin, ya know?"

 

Cristos: "Si, ese...Me too, creepy."

 

JBomb: "Seriously? I got nothin'...but if you wanna scope more shit, let's go before the sun comes up, or the next watch comes in."

 

Reporter: "Okay, gimme a second here..."

 

*I searched all over for anything, any type of clue that would lead me further along this wild goose chase...then I saw it, all the containers had the same numbers on them, like a room number or lab number. Suddenly, I wanted to go back into the building but to the other side.*

 

Reporter: "I bet there's a lab in this bitch."

 

JBomb: "What!? Are you fucking crazy, man..."

 

Reporter: "No, man...I'm not. It's a hunch...a strong one. Let's go back in."

 

*Before J had a chance to say anything, Martin took off. We had to follow at that point. J called Felipe and told him to move to the other side and keep his eyes peeled. When we got back in the building, We used the card key I got from the foolish guard. He had to be waking up by now. There was no time to waste. We found what I had suspected...labs. Lots of them, lots of labs and lab equipment...everything from syringes to vials to beakers and burners, but nothing that had anything to do with the containers. Martin let out a short "ssss" and we headed towards him. He found stairs and an elevator.*

 

JBomb: "Fuck that elevator, we usin' the stairs..."

 

*We all agreed and slowly went down the stairs, not making a sound. After what seemed like 8 flights, I saw a number by the door. It was the same number on the side of the containers.*

 

Reporter: "This is it!"

 

Cristos: "Let's go, ey."

 

* JBomb checked the door for an alarm but it was clean and we entered the building. This part of the building was very dark, almost too dark but all the way at the end of the hall we could see a glow, a soft yellowish green. JBomb and MArtin pointed towards it and nodded their heads. Just as we were about to start, we heard voices, one of them familiar...it was Steel Penn.

 

We couldn't make out what was being said, just that he seemed a bit angry. The glass went the distance of the hallway so we decided we were going to have to crawl or belly scoot the entire way, hoping there were no silent alarms or triggers of any kind. This was going to be sketchy, but I was confident.

As we slid our way down the hall, I kept imagining all those movies I had seen and what those people did. I wondered if their hearts were beating as intensely as mine was. I wondered how they looked so calm in the movie and how come the director didn't make them look a bit more shaken...that would be more believable because while I was excited and confident, I was also scared to death. I was literally fearing for my life and for the first time, it was a situation I actually put myself into. What was I doing?

 

Before I could answer myself, I heard a horrifying sound...an alarm. We all looked at each other, immediately stood up and ran for the glow. We didn't care if anyone saw us at this point, they knew we were here. Martin was the first to round the corner and then JBomb. As I rounded the corner, they were both right in front of me, stopped dead in their tracks...*

 

Cristos: "What the fuck is that, holmes?"

 

JBomb: "No fuckin' way..."

 

Reporter: "Holy shit...I knew somethin' fucked up was going on but not this..."

 

*Before us was a huge room with huge ceilings and tubes, hundreds of tubes, big tubes filled with fluid...and bodies inside of them. They each had a control panel at the foot of the tube with mostly yellow and green lights, hence the glow. I slowly walked toward the closest tube, to see who or what was in it, and I couldn't believe my eyes...it looked just like Steel Penn. I looked over at the others...they all looked like Steel Penn.*

 

JBomb: ''Yo dude, why the fuck they all look the same?"

 

*Only one word came out of my mouth and it was the only word going through my head, over and over...*

 

Reporter: "Clones..."

 

to be continued...

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*As we flew across the Pacific in Eric Murphy's private jet, I reflected back on what had just happened. We were lucky to be alive. We were lucky that Steel Penn was just forgiving enough to order his guards to step down. We were lucky that JBomb always has a backup plan and competent people to carry out such plans.*

 

JBomb:...*walks over with a drink and sits down*..."Was that a fuckin' crazy shootout or what!? I mean, me n' Karter been in some crazy ass gunfire before but that was just nuts!"...*takes a drink*...

 

Reporter: "Yeah, man. I've never been involved in anything like that. I'm surprised I didn't have a heart attack."

 

JBomb: "I'm proud of ya, man! You kept your shit together n' didn't fuckin' freak! I didn't know you were so good with the heat neither...you been practicin', dude!?"

 

Reporter: "Yeah, after that night over at Crown, when Spliffs n' Blunts flipped the couch and tossed me the pistol, I realized I had better actually learn how to use a weapon so I didn't hurt myself or someone else. Fuck, man...my heart is still racin'..."...*takes a drink*...

 

JBomb: "Bahhh...shit's over now, man. Fuck I'm glad Ripgut bought that helicopter..."

 

Reporter: "I know! Who the hell buys a helicopter?"

 

Cristos: "I'm jus glad Felipe had out backs, ey. Viva Calderon!"...*holds up his drink for a toast*...

 

Calderon: "Too easy. You had Penn talking so long, I had plenty time to line up shots. What did he say?"

 

Reporter: "Oh, he was sayin' how everything is cool and there was no need for authorities 'cause there was nothing wrong with what he was doing...it was all legit..."...*drinks*..."where'd you learn to shoot like that?"

 

JBomb: "Felipe was a sniper in Nicaragua, dude...bad mu'fucka right there. Father was ex-Sandanista, mother was a nurse, raised by wolves..."

 

Reporter: "What!?"

 

...*laughter*...

 

JBomb: "Just kiddin', dude...about the wolves obviously."

 

*We laughed for a bit and recalled the daring shootout some more. JBomb went on to explain that Sean (Ripgut) had received his pilot's license and bought a helicopter from some guy in Honolulu. During his flight to Hilo, he called Sean and told him to be ready with the chopper just in case it was bad and they needed a quick out.

He also told me that Calderon and Cristos were not alone and they had 4 other guys with them. I asked who but he explained that it would be better if I didn't know that info. I thought JBomb had left this lifestyle in the dust, and for the most part, he did...but he told me that it's always better to have and not need than need and not have.

I wondered about the legitimacy of Steel Penn's claim. How long had he been doing this and how many of those clones were out in the world? For all anyone knew, these clones could be everywhere and the entire backbone of his global operation. I also wondered if it was something I wanted to dig deeper into or if I should just let it go. If the authorities really had no issue with it, why should I, right? Damn the moral dilemma building in my head...I needed sleep.

 

I woke up when we touched down in Las Vegas. When my head hit my pillow at home, I was out and I slept for an entire day. I couldn't believe it, I've never slept that long before. My whole body was sore, I'm assuming from the adrenalined tension during the shootout...I needed to start going to the gym if I was to keep this lifestyle up.

After I ate breakfast, I called Ezekel Rage. I remembered what Klatz Matz said, that Rage was waiting for me in Vegas. When I got him on the phone, he seemed unlike himself. I asked if he was okay and he told me he had just gotten out of the hospital. I tried to get him to explain but he told me he'd explain later.

 

I cruised over to Rage's gym, Void Training Facility just off the strip, right after lunch. He gave me a nice tour of the place, pretty standard gym and then I explained the trip out to Hilo. Surprisingly, he just laughed and seemed enthralled in more of the story. When we got to his office, he offered me a drink and we sat down...then Kirk Lazarus walked in, yes...THE Kirk Lazarus.*

 

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_K4ncs0BvIRA/SItjp08J7MI/AAAAAAAAAs0/Mzm7qtQT5iI/s400/untitled.JPG

 

Reporter: "So let me get this straight, you just got out of the hospital?"

 

Rage: "Man, I got bit by a spider and it tore me up!"

 

Lazarus:...*laughs*..."You hear that mate!? A bloody spider, hahaha!"...*gets up and walks over to the t.v.*...

 

Reporter: "Holy hell, that is crazy! So what happened, you got sick? guts twisted up? what?"

 

Rage: "I don't remember much. I started feeling sick and then next thing I knew, I was in the hospital."

 

Reporter: "Wow, man. So..."

 

Rage: "Hold on, no offense but we're not here to do an interview about a spider, are we?"

 

Reporter: "Oh! No, man, no! It's cool, man...glad you're feeling better. Okay, so what drew you to the ITFL?"

 

Rage: "Honestly, the press. This thing gets a ton of press and I kind of like that sort of thing. The cash for winning is nice too and it keeps us busy."

 

Reporter: "Can you describe your team, team Steel Penn?"

 

Rage: "We're just a rag tag team lookin' to have fun, although now with Josh (Donovan) gone, it's mostly Steel Peen alliance and myself but whatever. It makes no difference to me."

 

Reporter: "Any fighter in the ITFL that scares you at all?"

 

Rage: "Well in my case it's just anyone, really. Any of these older fighters will be a tall order for me since Kirk is really an actor that's practicing for a particular role. He's very dedicated to his craft and really goers balls deep into every role he's ever played, but no matter the opponent, we should have some fun.

 

Lazarus:...*from across the room*..."Bloody well right, mate!"

 

Reporter: "Any managers you don't particularly want to face?"

 

Rage: "Just Captain Lou since we're in the same alliance."

 

Reporter: "True. So why will you guys dominate?"

 

Rage: "I don't know, good question...we have a fairly young crew, maybe the freshness will be to our advantage?"

 

Reporter: "Fair enough...Kirk!"

 

Lazarus: "Yeah!"

 

Reporter: "Come over here for a minute!"

 

Lazarus:...*walks over and sits down*..."Yeah, mate..."

 

Reporter: "First of all, I'm a huge fan.

 

Lazarus: "Well, thanks. That means a lot."

 

Reporter: "So, what got you interested in the ITFL? Is it strictly this role you're playing or is it something else?"

 

Lazarus: "Look, I am a man of many talents. Obviously, acting is my bread n' butter, mate...but when I was a youngster, I fought a lot...at school n' such."

 

Reporter: "No offense Kirk, can I call you Kirk? Anyways...no offense but fighting on a school playground as a child is a lot different than fighting in a professional MMA fight."

 

Lazarus: "Absofuckinlutely it is, mate...but that's where the bloody acting comes into play. I can mimick anything, I'm that damn good and you all better bloody believe it. Nobody is tough, we all just act tough, everything fucking hurts, mate. So I've been training for quite some time now and you can bet your ass that I'm gonna upset some people in this league."

 

Reporter: "I certainly hope so. So do you like the league format?"

 

Lazarus: "I can dig it, mate. It gives me plenty of opportunities to showcase my many talents on a regular basis, all the while serving it's purpose in my study for this role."

 

Reporter: "Is there any fighter in this league that scares you?"

 

Lazarus:...*laughs*..."Myself! Hahaha! When I step foot in that cage mate, I'll make all my opponents look like Simple Jack going full retard in MMA! Hahaha!"

 

Reporter: "I loved that movie..."

 

Lazarus: "Of course you did, who didn't?"

 

Reporter: "Well...anyways, why are you, Kirk Lazarus, going to dominate the ITFL?"

 

Lazarus: "Listen up. I'm Kirk Lazarus, mate...and Kirk Lazarus pours his heart and soul into every bloody thing he does, everything! Greatness, is the only possible result, mate."

 

...*Anderson Silva walks up and Lazarus follows him out of the office*...

 

http://www.therichest.com/cdn/300/300/75/t/wp-content/uploads/Anderson-Silva.png

 

Reporter: "Was that..?"

 

Rage: "Anderson Silva? Yeah...the spider, go figure. Kirk brought him in as a training partner. I mean, if you have the chance to learn from the best, you might as well right?"

 

Reporter: "Wow...who else is he going to bring in here, Jigoro Kane? Hakuin Ekaku? GSP?"

 

Rage: "Knowing Kirk, maybe all of them!"...*laughs*...

 

*Rage had more questions about the Steel Penn incident. We talked for a bit longer about life, his spider bite, The Fighter's Pit and The Ultimate Manager Tournament. Rage had a lot of hands in a lot of barrels but that's how he liked it...busy.*

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updated the first post. when i first got done, the formatting was fucked up...again. this is the second time that has happened and i gotta go back thru and edit the edit...annoying as fuk. anyways, hope u guys dig this one, it is not meant to harm or slander...it is just for entertainment purposes...

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Great work, I really enjoyed reading this. Very nice.

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  • 6 years later...

Nostalgia...Throwback Thursday...whatever.

 

That time I "busted" Steel Penn. Me n' this reporter went through a lot of shit. I wonder if he's still around?

 

 

One of my fave writeups. Not even trying to hide the fact that I was watching Enter The Dragon while I was typing lmao.

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