Jan Paulsen talks Pekka Topohanta

[Guest]

Reporter: "We're live from Jan Paulsen's hotel room somewhere in Las Vegas, where he currently is training under the training guru Shiv VVhorra. So, Jan, how did it feel to leave Europe to come live in the United States?"

 

*Jan Paulsen looks surprisingly casual, wearing a black t-shirt and a plain pair of jeans. He pours himself a glass of vodka, looks out of the window, and finally answers*

 

Paulsen: "Eirik (his manager) came up to me one day and told me he had an offer I couldn't refuse. I never liked the Godfather movies, so I punched him in the throat for making a shit reference, you know what I'm saying?"

 

*Jan gulps down the vodka and pours himself another one.*

 

Reporter: "Do you want some ice with that, Jan?"

 

*Jan gives me a weird look*

 

Paulsen: "Ice is for pussies. Anyways, when he came to, he told me I had the possibility to move to the US and train with some people who didn't suck dicks. I said "sure", and so here I am. Didn't really think twice about leaving, as Russia is a shithole anyways."

 

*Jan gulps down another glass of vodka, and I start wondering where this is headed*

 

Paulsen: "But, you know, it's always interesting to move new places .."*Jan runs his fingers through his trademark mohawk*".. you know, people are completely different over here. Americans are so fuckin' stuck-up, you know? I mean, I used to go to the gym drunk and train, but now I suddenly gotta show up sober? What the fuck man? Another thing is their, you know, fucking kids? They all scream and make faces and shit. Back in Russia, you can punch them in the mouth if they act up, but here their parents get all pissed and shit. I had four lawsuits on my ass after the first week. Fuckin' prudes.."

 

*Some would say the bottle is half-full. I'd say that this guy drinks like his life depended on it*

 

Reporter: "... moving on, what do you think about your opponent, Pekka Topohanta?"

 

*In the few seconds I used to formulate that question, another glass of vodka had miraculously disappeared. Jan points at the fridge, and I go fetch another bottle of vodka like a trained dog. I'd like to avoid becoming another victim of his fabled mental instability*

 

Paulsen: "Phekka? Uhm, what did you ask about again? Hmm ..."*takes another swig of vodka*"... did I ever tell you I fusckhin hate dogsch?"

 

Reporter: "With all due respect, mr. Paulsen, no. Why do you hate dogs?"

 

*Jan Paulsen angrily throws the empty bottle at his TV, completely destroying the screen. As he opens the second one, I start to realize that things are going downhill*

 

Paulsen: "My fusckhin uncle had a dogh, ya knohw? It bit me when I wasch a.. oh, I dunno, kid or something ... so when I was older I kichked it in the head and it died....."

 

*Time to steer the conversation back on fighting*

 

Reporter: "So, moving on, what do you think about your opponent Pekka Topohanta? Do you consider him a threat?

 

*Jan studies the broken TV*

 

Paulsen: "How the fusckh did that happenh??? Yeah, uhm, Pekka finsches people, and I chan reschpect dat. But he's a pusshy, I tell you. A FUCKING PUSSHY! I'D KICK HIS ASSH IF HE WERE HERE RIGHT NOW! I WANNA GO FIND PEKKA AND KISCHK HISH ASSH!!!"

 

*As Jan Paulsen does his best Rolling Stones-impression and goes on a drunken rampage through the hotel room, I realize it's time to go. I barely dodge a flying vase and get the hell out of there. Jan Paulsen is fighting Pekka Topohanta on the 21th of August in St. Petersburg's premier MMA organization, Russian Combat. It'll be interesting to see if he takes his aggression into the cage as well*