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Sucker Punch Pro Series (Unrestrained) Opens in Sydney


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Post Event Cheap Shots

Middleweight Cockshot Sorter Series: Finals

Machado vs. Routerhead

Hey all you raging, crazy Sucker Punch fans out there! C’mon Sydney, are you all awake yet?! How about recovered from last night’s insane event? I hope so, because I, Hare Rumpler, am here to take a look back at all the action along with our analyst, Donkey “Dan”, and our media correspondent, the incomparable Suzy Sucker Punch!

Also, we have a special announcement for you folks out there before we kick into this Cheap Shots review! We have a new member of our “staff”, well, maybe not exactly staff, but part of the Sucker Punch Pro Series organizational team and definitely somebody who will help liven up the big events! Unfortunately, we couldn’t introduce him last night and have him do his thing due to some last minute haggling with the union reps over at the Bondi Outdoor Arena and their requirements to use their own personnel for certain activities despite the type of event. But, we’ve pushed back on that, threatening some serious legal action…or a quick shot to the nuts…repeatedly…possibly all of the above! And now going forward we have the full green light…to introduce…Juice Fluffer!

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Yes, Juice will be stepping in for the big fights going forward to do the “in-ring” announcing…both during the previews and our post-event reviews! So if a huge fight is on the line, expect Juice to step in and belt out exactly who’s involved or what the big result was! Which means…look for him towards the end of this review as we get to the main event, which was our very first Middleweight Championship…and as such…you know the words that will be coming out of him…ANNNNNNND NEWWWW!

This was a truly exciting event for us…and especially me Donkey…as finally we crowned a champion on this card over at the Bondi Outdoor Arena! Everything we’ve been doing over the past 3-4 months has been leading up to this point, and the Middleweights started out the parade of six events over the next 3-4 weeks that will belt champions in all of our divisions! Damn Donkey…we made it man, we made it! And we couldn’t have done it without our amazing managers and fighters…so let me stop right here, and say, Thank You. From the bottom of our nasty little cheap shot taking, dirty jingle jangle snapping, underhanded hearts…thank you for being along with us for the ride and helping to make Sucker Punch what it is! And also the ride going forward, as we continue to improve and make this one of the most fun orgs out there for everybody to the best of our abilities.

So let’s get into this thing! I can’t put it off any longer, nor do I want to Donkey!

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As always, a big shout-out to Shadow Warrior Nutrition! They were at the event, giving out samples, getting the party kicked off so if you missed them, and if you haven’t grabbed some Shadow Warrior Tea 160Q for your fighters yet, it’s time to do so! This fantastic energy loss reduction supplement is the absolute best way to keep your fighters in the gym fighting rather than sitting out sessions resting! Check them out today, you won’t be disappointed!

 

Featherweight Undercard Bout

Dino Ebedi Defeats Alex Kozlovski via Submission (Arm Triangle)

We weren’t really sure if Ebedi would go for some GnP or submission action in this one if he was able to successfully score a takedown. Donkey seemed pretty convinced that not only would he get the takedown, but that he’d win this fight, and for that prediction Donkey gets to put a notch in the win column for his picks!

Well, now we know…Ebedi got the takedown early, within the first 30 seconds of this one. Kozlovski had instigated the clinch but immediately got himself in a tough position pressed to the cage. Koz was able to stop a first outright takedown attempt with a body lock go from Ebedi, but then after a few strikes Ebedi was able to pull guard instead. At that point, it was going to be a bit of trouble for Kozlovski based upon what we’d seen from his past fights and knew about his tendencies.

Koz came into this with low morale as well as energy. While this one never got to the point where fatigue factored in, one can hardly question whether the morale did. My feeling is that Donkey was right on when he guessed that would affect Koz’s ability to prevent the takedown and then fight off the ensuing damage either from GnP or submission attempts. Well, it turns out it was the submission that was to be looked out for, as a reversal was soon in order, putting Ebedi on top, and then the arm triangle followed shortly after with this fight taking just shy of two minutes from start to finish.

 

Donkey, what say you sir…?

 

Donkey’s Takeaways:

It wasn’t hard to guess that Ebedi would get this one. One thing I do wish people would take seriously and believe me about is the energy and morale thing, and how important it is to be topped off on both if you don’t want to immediately be behind the eight ball in a fight. People still don’t listen, but I’ve called enough of these correctly based almost solely on that that people SHOULD take it seriously. Ebedi does a really nice job and went about this in a manner that we expected. It will be fun to see how his game progresses as he moves forward. For Kozlovski, he should focus on getting that morale up, training hard, and coming into the next fight fully prepared to walk out with the W!

Suzy grabbed Rob Hell for a word or two before he could sneak off with his victorious fighter…

Rob Hell, manager of Dino Ebedi "Morgoo": We were prepared for everything, I am sorry we couldn`t go in stand up fight with such a good boxer. Now I am going to give back Dino`s book which he started reading before the fight.

Suzy Sucker Punch: What kind of book, Rob?

Rob Hell: hmmm... Cujo by Stephen King.

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Middleweight Undercard Bout #1

Jacques Piaget Defeats Daniel Son Karate via KO (Head Kick)

Piaget has been flip-flopping between wins and losses up to this point in his career. Now, he’s gotten a win after losing the prior fight and I’m sure is determined to end that trend and start the winning streak he and his manager have been looking for!

One thing is for sure Donkey, he ended this one in dramatic fashion! Everybody, and I do mean everybody, loves a nasty head kick that takes a guy out of the fight! We knew that this fight was going to stay on the feet as both fighters have focused on standup in all of their fights. This one was no exception and the head kick KO duplicates Piaget’s only other win over Crisis Smoove two fights back. Now, if he can only figure out the puzzle of avoiding submissions against ground based fighters, he’ll be in business!

There’s really not a lot more to say about this fight, it was a great early card fight to get the juices flowing for the fans. Karate was fairly one dimensional in this, striking with the hands almost exclusively outside a few missed kicks. Piaget was a bit more diverse with his attack, but the majority of his strikes landed with the feet. Including the BIG ONE!

Donkey, anything to add…?

 

Donkey’s Takeaways:

Piaget evens up his record at 2-2 and has some momentum now. He needs to start stringing those together and really bring his entire outlook around from on and off to fully ready to go and get that thing each fight! Hopefully this was the jump start he needed. For Karate, well, his parents maybe should have named him Daniel Son Stockboy instead.

Suzy Sucker Punch: Guys, rumor on the street has it that Karate was not offered a ride back to the hotel after this fight. His manager looked none too happy and I’m hearing through the grapevine that they finally had enough of him not going out there and executing the game plan that the camp puts together for him fight after fight. One of the production crew told me they saw him and Al Briscoe sharing an Uber back to the hotel later in the evening after Briscoe’s fight as both are now manager-less.

 

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Middleweight Undercard Bout #2

Jim Beam Defeats Al Briscoe via KO (Strikes)

 

Wow Donkey! Well, you got the pick right, and even called the way this one ended for the most part, via strikes…but…I know you intended for this to be a Beam victory standing up! Instead, Beam decides to take Briscoe’s tactics and turn them loose on Briscoe’s head!

Briscoe is usually the guy with that boxing and wrestling who attempts the GnP game. That’s how he had achieved his sole victory to date. Briscoe was the one to take this one to the ground shortly into the first minute of action…but soon after it was Beam who got the reversal, putting him on top, and then Beam starting raining down the punishment showing Briscoe what it’s like to be on the receiving end! Wow, now that was a turn of events and perhaps Beam found something that works for him!

The torrential downpour of strikes once Beam was on top was just too much, and once he obtained a full mount Briscoe was in serious trouble. It got to the point where he was just dropping bombs and they were barely defended, if at all, and the ref just had to stop the thing with Briscoe looking like he possibly didn’t even know where he was anymore!

Donkey, anything…?

 

Donkey’s Takeaways:

Not a lot Donkey, I mean you pretty much covered it and congrats to Beam for going out there and really going after it, whether it was his last fight and meant something or not. There’s a lot to be said for going out there and doing it as a point of pride and not because it’s necessarily going to make a difference to anybody but yourself! Maybe he needs to remember that every fight, that it should be for him, and he should love it! Suzy has some surprising info for us I hear…

 

Suzy Sucker Punch: So in the previews, I had spoken with Yamashita Craven and he’d told us about how he didn’t really want Beam to even take this fight. There was no point, they were thinking it was time for Beam to walk away. Beam on the other hand apparently had a bit of a chip on his shoulder about it, and, I quote, told his manager, "I do what I f*cking want bro!". Well, apparently that was just a lot of frustration pouring out over the way things have gone for him up to this fight, because clearly he went out there and just did his own thing! And…it worked! So…in a bit of an about-face…Mr. Craven called back into the league office today, with Beam no longer under contract, and told us that he was reconsidering and wants to stick it out a bit longer, maybe there’s a spark there and this kind of reinvigorated his hunger to win! Anyways, Beam is back with the organization, and looking to build upon this win and carry it forward! Great stuff! Perhaps some day he’ll look back on this fight, and talk about it as the start to something great, and something he’ll eventually tell stories about with his kids and grandkids!

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Middleweight Undercard Bout #3

Kirill Krasnov Defeats Angenor De Oliveira via Submission (Guillotine)

In a fight between two ground based fighters, this one had to give one way or the other. Unfortunately, the writing was a bit on the wall for this fight. De Oliveira came in with his morale low which was going to make this a very tough outing against Krasnov who shares a purple belt with him, but has the better wrestling on top.

We still expected De Oliveira to try to take this to the ground anyway. That really seemed to be his only path to victory and he’s won via submissions more than once I the past. We just also expected it was going to be a tough road for him against a skilled Krasnov. Sure enough, De Oliveira did just that about a half minute into this fight, and used his wrestling skills to get this to the ground.

From there, he did surprise us a bit, and turning things around and switching them up isn’t always necessarily a bad thing. He decided to go with the ground and pound rather than sub attempts once he got Krasnov down on the canvas. And, it was working. Sort of. He landed some decent shots, but, at the same time, he was allowing Krasnov to have his way with sub attempts starting to pile up. He did do a nice job of fending them off for a while, with Krasnov failing to land not one, not two, but six submissions…but it only takes one. And that one finally came in the form of a guillotine that was locked in tight, forcing a tap from De Oliveira.

Donkey, what about it...?

Donkey’s Takeaways:

I’m simply going to repeat what I said in the preview…and then allow you to look at the fight and think…yep…Donkey nailed that! Haha. “I definitely think this fight makes it to the ground, probably sooner than later there Hare. And once it does, we’re quickly going to find out if Krasnov’s wrestling will give him a definitive advantage or not. That’s not why I’m picking him here though, I’m also picking him due to the lowish morale that Oliveira has. I think that the combination of the two factors may decide this one.

Suzy got a word with Krasnov as he exited the cage…

Suzy Sucker Punch: Kirill, fantastic job in there, once again you walked away with a submission victory, something you seem to do with ease when things get going your way. Did everything go exactly according to plan?

Kirill Krasnov: Well I actually wanted to surprise him with my improved striking game but he took me down. His mistake.

Suzy Sucker Punch: Guys, I guess sometimes you just have to take what you’re given! Chalk up another one for Krasnov!

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Middleweight Undercard Bout #4

Scott Summers Defeats D B Cooper via Unanimous Decision

As we finish out the front half of the card we get ourselves a match here that went the entire distance there Donkey! You did call Summers for the win, but you had him getting the finish via submission.

Instead, Summers pulled a fast one on us…and D B Cooper’s camp. He did take this fight to the ground as you’d expect…repeatedly and pretty much at will. But once he was down there he didn’t attempt a single submission! Which, frankly, is a bit shocking! And possibly why this didn’t end up in a finish. No, no sub for Mr. Cooper…he doesn’t get out that easy. I’m thinking that maybe Summers just doesn’t like Cooper…because rather than put him out of his misery, he chose to pound on him relentlessly for three whole rounds! I mean, he literally dropped everything he could on him, striking him 66 times on 66 tries on the ground! That’s…that’s just insane. And honestly, how do you drop that many shots on a guy on the ground and NOT have the ref finally call it at some point?!? Really now?

Cooper wasn’t able to muster up the interest in this fight to bother with any offense for the most part. He tried a few shots standing, landing only two. He tried two on the ground, but for the most part was just hanging on trying not to get murdered by any big bombs. He was out there just to get in and out of the cage as soon as possible, with no real interest in being there. Summers didn’t let him off that easy and instead decided to abuse him for his lack of interest! Ha.

Any other thoughts Donkey…?

 

Donkey’s Takeaways:

Cooper had zero morale coming into this and for that reason it’s not surprising at all that he wouldn’t seem to be invested in the fight. This was a gimme win for Summers, and maybe he knew that and simply decided to have a little fun with it! With this win, Summers is now 2-2 and has evened up things in his career. If he can build on this he can definitely start climbing that ladder, but he also needs to realize they won’t all be this easy! Get that eye of the tiger son!

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Middleweight Main Card Bout #1

Nyah Hirst Defeats Brendan Moker via TKO (Strikes)

We get into the main card now…and with that we see that our suspicions that maybe Hirst is a young, talented bit of a prodigy may possibly be right on the money! This kid continues to impress. This time he did it in a fight that we very much figured to be a standup, toe to toe, “let’s bang” war. And sure enough, for the almost seven minutes and two rounds that it lasted, that’s exactly what it was!

Moker’s minutes were numbered in this fight from the start though. He needed to finish this thing well before it ever made it to the third round, because if he didn’t, I suspect that a doctor stoppage was in his future. He’s shown a tendency to cut before in his career, and in this fight, he got cut early and that thing just kept getting worse the more punishment he took from Hirst. Now, he did dish the punishment back as well…so the fans were certainly enjoying the action…but Hirst was landing at about twice the rate Moker was, despite Moker throwing more punches. That said, fatigue was another issue that Moker was going to have to deal with if this made it to the third round.

Instead, Hirst made the executive…execute being the key part of that word…decision to end this damned thing! Just under two minutes into the second he set his feet and delivered a strike that sent Moker down, and then he pounced, forcing the refs to call this thing! Nice job by Hirst, and once again, and impressive victory over a tough opponent!

 

Anything to add there Donkey…?

Donkey’s Takeaways:

It was nice of you not to flat out call me out for my wrong pick on this one there Hare. But I’ll fess up to it, yeah, I picked Moker in this one thinking that his time training was going to give him the advantage, possibly in physicals, despite looking to be behind in the primary skill areas. He did hang in there well, but eventually Hirst’s hands got to him. As you mentioned, fatigue and cuts were also going to become a factor if Hirst hadn’t ended it sooner, so that’s something that Moker’s management is going to have to figure out how to…um, manage. Hirst, amazingly for such a young kid with his ID, is climbing the ranks fast and I believe when the official Rankings come out tomorrow, he’s going to be well into the Top 10! Wow.

 

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Middleweight Main Card Bout #2

Buster Scruggs Defeats Ivan Smirnov via Unanimous Decision

Alright boys and girls, we’re getting into some big ones now! These last four fights all have either big time immediately consequences…or are really important for some very near term impacts.

This Scruggs/Smirnov match was set up with the intent of determining which of these two fighters was best positioned and deserving of fighting for a top contender spot. Our thoughts were to have the winner of this fight face off against the winner of the next fight, Psiris/Zhao, to determine the fighter who would get a shot at the title in the second title defense in September!

Scruggs came into this thing with focus, sharpness and serious intent! And the fact that this thing went all the way is frankly amazing and a testament to Smirnov’s toughness! But despite the respect you have to give to Smirnov for being tough, you have to give even more to Scruggs. He bounced back from his prior loss to Psiris Fuhren last month and came into this one on top of his game!

Smirnov’s tactics and approach were no secret. We knew he’d want this fight on the ground, and as soon and often as possible. Scruggs stuffed a TON of his takedown attempts. And then, when Smirnov did manage to get the takedown, four times actually over three rounds, Scruggs essentially shut him down and controlled him on the ground. Smirnov was not able to improve his position, he was not able to set up any sub attempts, and he was barely able to get more than a shot or two off even! None of which landed. We have to assume that Scruggs really worked on that ground game hard this past month in preparation for this fight.

On the feet, Scruggs was just as sharp as on the ground. His striking defense was on point, allowing Smirnov to land only eight shots. Out of 62 attempts! That’s pretty impressive and had to be frustrating for Smirnov. Scruggs on the other hand landed about half of his strikes, proving to be accurate and effective with his boxing! How he didn’t finish this thing is amazing, given that in the second round he rocked Smirnov…and Smirnov actually managed to shake it off, score a takedown, and give himself time to recover. As we said, Smirnov’s toughness was impressive, but he couldn’t overcome Scruggs’ ability to score in this fight!

Donkey, how about it…?

Donkey’s Takeaways:

Well…apparently, shame on you Scruggs! Because he not only fooled me once, but now he’s fooled me twice! Haha. He didn’t come into this fight fully prepared energy/morale wise, so I picked against him. Why, well, because typically that’s my rule of thumb, and last month when I didn’t follow my rule and picked Scruggs, he lost. This time, I didn’t pick Scruggs and he won! So apparently, when it comes to Scruggs, I just can’t win, and he’s fooled me twice. Congrats on his win, he now has the option to try to fight Psiris Fuhren (more on that in a minute) in Fuhren/Scruggs II if he’d like to do so to determine top contender going forward! Will he take the opportunity? We’re talking to his management now to get their feel on it!

 

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Middleweight Main Card Bout #3

Psiris Fuhren Defeats Longsun Zhao via KO (Punch)

Another fight with huge implications, we were expecting some fireworks in this one, eh Donkey? Well, there were fireworks…and we’ll never know if Zhao might have chosen the tactic we talked about in the preview and thought about taking this to the ground where he might be able to grab an advantage despite being mostly a striker.

Why? Because Fuhren ended this thing in record time…literally. Longsun Zhao held the record for fastest knockout for Middleweights prior to this fight at 14 seconds. The key word there being “held”. And it’s a bit ironic that the one who held the record…now got his block knocked off in TEN seconds by Fuhren to lose the record! Wow.

Zhao came in fast and aggressive in this fight…and unfortunately right out of the bell rush straight into a Fuhren uppercut that was waiting to greet him! That shot not only cut Zhao, but startled him enough that Fuhren was able to tee up a second time with yet another huge uppercut that knocked his stunned ass to the floor! And then…Fuhren motioned to the ref to get him up…fast…which the ref did…and before Zhao could even figure out what was going on…POW…a huge straight right…RIGHT ON THE KISSER…as ole Ralphie boy would say…and OUT COLD goes Zhao. I’d be surprised if he had any clue that the fight ever started when the docs got him awake with the salts.

This fight put Fuhren right up there in the conversation for future top contender in September. And now, he’ll have a fight with Scruggs, their rematch fight, on offer if Scruggs wants it to determine who does get that opportunity! Big stuff, I love it Donkey!

Donkey…?

Donkey’s Takeaways:

We’d been hearing whispers before the fight that Fuhren might be cocky regarding this fight with Zhao. We wondered, could he be overlooking this fight and taking it for granted, giving away and advantage to Zhao? I thought perhaps, and therefore I took Zhao in this one. Well, my “ticket”, if this were the races, would have been torn up and tossed the floor mere seconds after this one got going! Fuhren ended this one emphatically…proving that while yes, he may have been being a bit cocky…he damn well could back it up! Seeing him basically destroy a fighter who has proven himself very capable on his feet in his own right is a bit scary…and every future opponent should take note of this!

Suzy met with Slick Gunderson and Furhen cage side as a victorious, and smiling, Psiris trotting down the steps out of the cage…

Suzy Sucker Punch: Wow, there was some big talk before this fight started guys, and I know at least Donkey was questioning if it was a bit too big. Needless to say, you’ve quieted any who questioned you, at least if they have any wits about them. Great job Psiris, any thoughts on this fight or what lies ahead?

Psiris Fuhren: Thank you, Suzy. It was a good fight. I felt like we had a really good plan for Zhao, who obviously is a very talented and dangerous opponent. We knew his head kicks were lethal and planned accordingly, but honestly the fight played out exactly like we expected. I feel like I'm the best 185-pounder in this company and would've been in the finals fighting for the belt if I'd signed with Slick/SP earlier. I promise, one way or another, that belt is finding its way around my waste. Quickly, I'd like to thank my team, Wolves of Sydney, and my sponsors, Conquer and Big Chief Nutrition, for always believing in me.

Slick Gunderson: And if I may chime in quick, Suzy. Psiris is a humble kid, but that's your No. 1 contender right there. He beat Scrubs and Zhao quicker than you can finish a gas-station hot dog. Seriously, Zhao could've stayed home and been equally as effective as he was in the cage tonight. No punches. No kicks. Nothing. And if that wasn't enough, I think Psiris broke Zhao's own record for fastest KO in 185-pound SP history. Donkey, you gotta start showing this kid some respect. He's the real deal and he's your next 185-pound champion.

Suzy Sucker Punch: Mr. Gunderson, I think Donkey’s starting to pay attention! Haha! Although, he is a bit of a slow study at times…so…

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Co-Main Event

Middleweight Main Card Bout #4

Tyrion Lannister Defeats Rob Tanner via Submission (Arm Triangle)

Our Co-Main Event of the evening turned into a heck of a shocker! Well…apparently for almost everybody out there, except…DONKEY! Yes, almost everybody had Tanner down as a huge favorite to win this fight and become the top contender of the Middleweight division. Fighters had been dodging him already and he hadn’t even had a fight at Sucker Punch here with us yet!

But…this fight alone should be all the proof anybody ever needs that this is why you have to actually fight the fights! Not only did Lannister win this fight and prove himself worthy of a title shot…but he took control of this thing almost right away, focusing on exactly what he wanted to accomplish…getting it to the ground…and getting back to exactly what has worked for him in the past. He didn’t let the loss to Routerhead get into his…well, head at all it seems. Like a good quarterback or pitcher, he forgot about what had already happened and couldn’t be changed, and just focused on what was next in front of him. And that was Tanner!

Lannister went for the takedown right from the bell. To Tanner’s credit, he stuffed not one, but two of those attempts. But then Lannister succeeded on the third try and the rest is history! The sub attempt parade started in earnest…and a dozen attempts later, with Tanner desperately trying to fend one after the other off…Lannister finally locked an arm triangle on tight and there was no escaping it for Tanner!

Impressively…Tanner refused to tap! No! TAP! Not for that man. No, if he wasn’t going to win, it certainly wouldn’t be by him quitting…so instead, the ref and doc had to wake him up halfway through Lannister’s celebration up on the top of the cage!

Donkey, I think it’s safe to say everybody is impressed with your call on this upset…proud of yourself…?

 

Donkey’s Takeaways:

I wouldn’t say that Hare, no, not proud of myself. But…I did have that weird nagging suspicion in the back of my mind that Lannister would be ready for this one and have adjusted his tactics since the Routerhead loss. Well, the tingly thingy was right this time, and Lannister has proven himself deserving of the next title shot. Tanner will be back though, that man is way too talented to just fall away, and it’ll be interesting to see how he analyzes what happened here and adjusts his tactics/training for it!

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Main Event

Middleweight CSS Championship Bout: #2 vs. #8

Wanderson Machado vs. Vinchito Routerhead

Here we are ladies and gentlemen!!! This is the big one! The one we’ve been waiting months for! The one that everybody in this division was working towards and finally two men got a chance to go out there and see who could take home the belt and stake their claim as King of this Middleweight division here at Sucker Punch Pro Series!

And dang, was this exciting…Juice Fluffer was finally here with us for the big one! Dang Donkey, I got chills just seeing him walk up to the cage and prepare to enter it! To recap…this is how the fight started…

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Juice Fluffer enters the cage…

“Ladies and gentlemen…this is the Maaaain Event of the evening!”

“The judges for this bout are Winston Howard, Damien Edna and Eliza Hachem.”

“Our sponsor for this event is Shadow Warrior Nutrition.”

“Annnnnnnd Now! The moment Sucker Punch Pro Series fans around the world have been waiting for!”

“LIVE!, from The Bondi Outdoor Arena, Sydney, Australia…”

“Iiiiit’s TIME! Three rounds for the Undisputed Sucker Punch Pro Series Middleweight Championship of the World!”

“Introducing first…to my right, fighting out of the blue corner. With professional record of three wins, NO losses and one draw, he stands 185 centimeters tall, weighing in at 185 pounds and 20 years of age, fighting out of New York, United States…the number eight seed overall in the Sucker Punch Middleweight Cockshot Sorter Series, Vinchiiiiiito…ROUTERRRRRHEAAAD!!!

“And now introducing…to my left, fighting out of the red corner. With a professional record of four wins, NO losses and NO draws, he stands 175 centimeters tall, weighing in at 187 pounds and 20 years of age, fighting out of London, England…the number two seed overall in the Sucker Punch Middleweight Cockshot Sorter Series, Wanderson...MAAAAAAAACHADOOOOO!!!

And we were off Sucker Punch fans! With the entire Bondi Outdoor Arena erupting into absolutely insane levels of energy!!!! Donkey, truly, this was a spectacle and a treat all wrapped into one! I loved it!

I’d love to tell you that this fight went on forever, the distance almost…with a finish of course…and that your pick was correct Donkey. But it didn’t…it was…and you weren’t! Haha!

If you saw our preview, you knew that we expected the expected from these two. Machado to clinch up, try and abuse the hell out of Routerhead in tight, tenderize and pulverize, and then do what he does. On the other hand, we expected Routerhead to try and run out his game plan, which is to take you Machado down and then tenderize and pulverize on the ground…boy, they do seem to enjoy similar methods eh? Haha. But that is NOT how this went surprisingly.

Sure, Routerhead did try to take Machado down…and failed…twice. And Machado made him pay for it in the process with some well-placed shots right to the kisser! But then, rather than continue from distance, Routerhead actually made what I’d think could have turned into a critical mistake…one minute into this fight, he gave up on the takedown from separation and must have decided that getting one from the clinch would be possible. Wow. You’re going to go into the clinch with Machado?!?! That’s like that man’s kitchen! Lucky for Routerhead, Machado was only able to land a single shot while in the clinch, but I have no doubt Router felt it. Router did attempt another takedown while in there, but again, no joy!

Back to separation, with Machado surprisingly deciding to be the one to break the clinch…and the abuse started raining down! Machado was landing strikes almost at will, a consistently placed, impactful shots landing at key moments for about a minute and a half…with Routerhead attempting a shot or two but Machado’s strike defense being way too slick for it on this evening!

And then…suddenly a stiff jab sneaks through Routerhead’s defenses…it didn’t look like much, but that is only telling of the deceptive power behind Machado’s strikes…because it staggered the hell out of Routerhead and gave Machado the opening he needed…and in came the monster uppercut that sent Routerhead to the canvas, out cold before he landed! And the place goes even more insane…if that’s at all possible!

Juice Fluffer enters the cage as the referee has both fighters in the middle waiting to announce the winner…

“Ladies and gentlemen, our referee has called a stop to this contest at two minutes and fifty seven seconds of round number one…”

“Declaring the winner…by knockout…ANNNNNNDDDD NEWWWWWW…Sucker Punch Pro Series…Undisputed…Middleweight Champion of the World…"

"Wandersonnnnnn…MACHAAADDOOOO!!!!

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WE HAVE A CHAMPION DONKEY! We have a champ! You have anything else…?

Donkey’s Takeaways:

I said it was almost insane for me to go against the top seed in this fight…and apparently I was! Especially given the situation with Routerhead’s manager being MIA and him not training lately. That really should have scared me away big time from making that pick. But it didn’t, and I did! The fight did not go down the way we thought it would…I don’t know if maybe it would have been different if Routerhead’s management was around? It may have led to Machado depending more on the clinch as the fight went on, or maybe even Router getting it to the ground. But we’ll never know! At least for now! But in the meantime…Congratulations to Mac Little and Machado, our new Middleweight champion!

*********

So there we have it Sucker Punch fans!

There we have it folks! Our highest rated event ever, but more importantly, for me at least, our most exciting for both Donkey and I, the fans, and I hope, the managers and fighters involved! This was a blast, and I really don’t have much more to say! So…

Thank you all, and till next time…

Keep it cheap and dirty…Sucker Punch Pro Series 355k+ style!

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Mr. Takahashi interpreter for Longsun Zhao issues the following statement: Longsun extremely disappointed in loss, he became too comfortable with the other opponents and did not prepare to meet a true warrior a miscalculation he will not make again. Longsun issues challenge to Psiris for immediate rematch and also wagers the sum of $50,000 to both Psiris and Slick Gunderson to allow for a true battle.

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Mr. Takahashi interpreter for Longsun Zhao issues the following statement: Longsun extremely disappointed in loss, he became too comfortable with the other opponents and did not prepare to meet a true warrior a miscalculation he will not make again. Longsun issues challenge to Psiris for immediate rematch and also wagers the sum of $50,000 to both Psiris and Slick Gunderson to allow for a true battle.

 

Dammmmmmmmmmmn!!!

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Sucker-Punch-Fist-Forum.png

 

Folks, we have our first set of rankings up, as the Middleweights are the first division to complete their Sorter Series and enter regular operation mode with a belted champion!

 

I'm posting them here, but the current rankings for each division as they are established will always be available here: http://www.mmatycoon.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=65096&p=910173

 

If you disagree, feel this should be different, etc....great! Let's argue about it, but I'm gonna take a cheap shot or two in the process! LOL! Honestly though, I'm not perfect, but know I will always do my very best to treat everybody fairly and be open with any information you need! So...hope you enjoy!

 

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Unranked outside the Top 10 at this time: Brendan Moker / D B Cooper / Angenor De Oliveira / Kirill Krasnov / Jim Beam / Jacques Piaget / Bonjour Arrivederci / Toth Orion

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Sucker Punch Preview

Heavyweight Cockshot Sorter Series: FINALS (Sorta)

Well hello out there to all you Sucker Punch fans joining us for our preview of tonight’s event! Hare Rumpler here, along with our analyst, Donkey “Dan”, and our media correspondent, Suzy Sucker Punch, We have what normally would have been a HUGE one tonight, and it’s still going to be a pretty big card with some huge implications. But, we won’t have a title fight like we’d planned on originally. Unfortunately, Baddaboom’s manager went MIA, never accepted the fight before doing so, and Chontamenti is left without an opponent in the FINALS of the Heavyweight Sorter Series! Now that’s one crazy turn of events eh?

Instead, we will have two fights on tap that have big time stuff on the line for the immediate future. That would be Rumble Johnson versus Aron Egomi to determine the #1 Heavyweight contender who will fill in for the missing Baddaboom, fighting Chontamenti to belt our first champion. Unfortunately, that belt determination will take a month longer now before we can finalize it and get this thing done! Also, Frankie Logan and Bobolo Jubbly go at it tonight to determine who goes on to the Finals for the Lightweights and faces off against Vinicius Verreira who is sitting by waiting to know who he faces next month!

In addition to those two great matches, we have some very highly hyped fights between Heavyweights Haden/Lesnar and Gaunce/Lik to round out the end of the evening. Earlier in the evening, six other great Heavyweight fights will get this crowd rocking and make all of Sydney look to Schooners Bar, wondering what is causing all of the excitement and wish they had a ticket to be there!

But now, before we get started a word about our sponsor!

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Shadow Warrior Nutrition always sets us up brilliantly at these events, dishing out the samples and generally creating a party atmosphere with the swag and games and general craziness they bring all around the concourse! For those who want their boys to come prepared with the best training possible, these are the guys to visit! Their Shadow Warrior Tea 160Q is the best energy loss reduction supplement money can buy and will keep your fighter in the gym training rather than sitting days out resting! Check them out today, you will NOT be disappointed!

Now, let's get to it!

 

Heavyweight Undercard Bout #1

Dookie Shoes (0-3-0) vs. Victor Ballsawash (0-3-0)

Our card tonight will start out with to kids who SHOULD be coming to the cage with intensity, focus and a determination to get on the right track and score a win! Both are 0-3 in their professional careers…and yet, amazingly…neither come into the cage tonight prepared. Both have zero morale. None. Nada. Seriously Donkey?!? This is NOT the way to start things off!

Dookie Shoes is managed by Chris Griffin and appears to still be wearing his tighty whities! Every time you lose, you lose some morale. He’s lost three fights, so obviously over time he has slowly worked his way down to nothing in the confidence department. The only way to raise that morale after a loss is with a win, which he has failed to gather, or by changing clothes several times over the course of a week, slowly letting the morale rebuild. Well, Shoes’ manager has not addressed that in any way.

Then there is Ballsawash. He’s changed his clothes at some point…but the question is, how long has it been and how stinky is this man at this point?!? He also has three losses, so he’s in the same boat when it comes to seriously needing to rebuild his morale. Right now, he has next to none, maybe 3-5%. Miles Graves, his manager, MUST address this if he ever hopes to win a fight against a fighter who is prepared. Tonight, he may, or may not, get a win only because his opponent is just as unprepared as he is!

 

What do you think Donkey…this is going to be a tough pick, eh…?

 

Donkey’s Pick: Shoes via TKO (Strikes)

Sure will, but not due to anything positive unfortunately. Tonight Shoes will be the more accomplished standup fighter and Ballsawash will be the man with a plan on the ground. Classic matchup…even though both are unprepared, one man must win. Well, unless it’s a draw, which would be fitting for this contest! Ha. I’ll go with the older fighter as his physicals may be more developed, but honestly, by now that age edge is either nullified due to the faster learning of a younger fighter, or even surpassed. You wouldn’t be crazy to say that this is Ballsawash’s fight if you wanted to pick that way!

 

*********

 

Heavyweight Undercard Bout #2

Devin Hill (0-0-0) vs. Gary Porter (2-0-0)

 

Donkey, I have a huge treat for you here with this next fight! Yes, this early on the card, and we have two young fighters who are both ready to go at it with everything they’ve got!!! Both come to this contest fueled up, full of energy and with their spirits on high! You have to love that the managers in the corners for these guys have got their heads on straight and have them rested and ready for battle!

Gary Porter is a 26 year old fighter out of New York City! He’s 2-0 in his career so far with knockouts in both of his QFC contests. Those fights were under his former management team led by Laundryboi Larry, but he now prepares for his Sucker Punch debut tonight under the careful guidance of Martin O. Will Martin continue to utilize the same strategy? If so, we can expect to see Gary try to take this fight to the canvas early and then attempt to punish his opponent with some ground and pound. That’s how he won those first two fights, and it sure seems like a good plan to continue forward with for now until he trains up in other areas.

With very little wrestling and a white belt in Jiu Jitsu, 19 year old Devin Hill will want nothing to do with that nasty rolling around on the ground stuff with Porter! Manged by Joe Tre, Hill comes to Sucker Punch a virgin to the cage! Let’s hope Porter treats him with loving care and respect and makes his first time a memorable one. Pfffffft!! Hahaha, I kid Donkey, no, that’s not how this will go at all, but that doesn’t mean Hill can’t come away with a smile…but in order to do so he’s going to have to utilize his boxing and Muy Thai skills on the feet to overwhelm and defeat Hill, as that’s where his big advantage lies in this fight!

Over to you Donkey, what do ya have for us…?

 

Donkey’s Pick: Porter via TKO (Strikes)

This fight could go either way with two young kids like this. Porter may have a slight advantage in the physicals and secondaries due to his age at 26, and with a solid ground game any takedown should immediately put him in the driver’s seat. However, he will need to be on guard, because Hill’s standup skills are far superior, and in order to score a takedown, you have to put yourself in close and in harm’s way. Hill could easily land a devastating shot in the process and that could make this, well…a night that Porter can’t remember…if he’s not careful.

*********

Heavyweight Undercard Bout #3

Rick Hatton (2-3-0) vs. Bomb Squad Lighting Hands (1-4-0)

Aside from our very first fight earlier on the card, it’s nice to see the majority of these Heavyweights so far coming to the cage prepared! Both of these fighters are fairly well topped off with morale and aside from just a small shortage by maybe 10% for Hatton, both seem to have their energy in order.

Hatton is 2-3 in his career so far and is coming off a streak where he’s put those two wins together back to back. Two of his losses were under a former manager’s watch and were in the QFC, both to the same fighter. Quite frankly, I think we can toss those aside and forget about them. So for what really matters, Hatton is 2-1 since joining Sucker Punch, with his sole loss to an extremely talented Bigga Baddaboom in the first round of the Sorter Series. Baddaboom, albeit with a manager who is now MIA, went on to qualify for the Finals… so no shame in that TKO loss, which was via a doctor stoppage for cuts! Speaking of which, cuts are a concern for Hatton, as he’s lost via them once, has shown a tendency to do so…and had cuts occur in both of his first two QFC losses. They seem to have been on hiatus the last two fights, with his opponents actually being the ones to get cut instead…but still something to keep an eye on in the future.

Lightning Hands is 1-4 so far in his career, with two QFC losses early, a win over Drizzy Haze once he joined us here at Sucker Punch, and then two losses since then. With a streak of losses ongoing, Hands will very much want to change turn his fortunes around and get things moving in the right direction!

Tonight’s fight between these two should be a lot of fun. Both fighters are about as evenly matched as you can get, and build wise, almost mirror one another. Hatton has shown a tendency to want to stand and box, doing most of the work with his hands, especially with combos, shots to the head and a smaller percentage of shots to the body. Hands has shown similar tendencies, the differences being that he’s also tried to clinch up in the past, although unsuccessfully for the most part with not much action in the clinch to judge and go by, and with a higher focus on combos followed by a solid number of head shots, and a small percentage of body shots for good measure.

Donkey, what say you sir...?

Donkey’s Pick: Hands via TKO (Cuts)

With these two being so closely matched skill wise, I have to go with something else to help me decide. For that, I’m going to lean on Hands’ age as well as the little bit of energy missing for Hatton as he comes into this contest. I think that perhaps the two very small advantages there are what may tip the scales for Hands and give him a decent shot at a win in this one! That, and with both of these boys being standup fellas, I have a bad feeling about those cuts rearing their ugly head for Hatton tonight.

 

*********

 

Heavyweight Undercard Bout #4

Emir Dervisevic (3-4-0) vs. Andrejs Medvedevs (3-6-0)

 

We head into our fourth fight of the evening here, and I can already hear Donkey hissing through his teeth over there next to me folks! I’m just going to say it, this fight…is all but in Emir Dervisevic’s hands already before it even starts. All he really needs to do is focus and come in with good confidence…oh…crap…wait…Donkey! Dervisevic is also low on morale tonight! Wait, not even just low…empty!!!

Ok, so let’s rethink this. I was going to say that this fight was already in the bag for Emir due to Medvedevs coming into this fight with three strikes against him! First, his morale is also non-existent. Second, his energy is off by about half, which is a horrendous combination. Then…and oh my Donkey…then he is also, due to the low energy, not yet able to make weight as of the first weigh-in! He’s 1.2 lbs off at 266.2 as of the last time his trainers told us what was going on…so that means after the first official weigh-in, he’s going to most likely have to go hit a local sauna and try to sweat out the rest of that weight for this fight to happen! Now, that’s not going to be a great thing, as it will drain him by another 5-10% of his energy most likely. A brutal combination to fight with no morale and 45% or less energy to start.

Dervisevic should still win this thing, even without any morale given those circumstances. But…when you have no focus and confidence, anything can happen. And if Medvedevs gets a chance to put this on the mat quickly and early, he may be able to sub out Dervisevic before the energy matters. But…that has to happen fast, otherwise he’s going to gas quickly and then Dervisevic’s boxing is going to take over and result in Medvedevs being saved by the ref!

How about it Donkey…?

 

Donkey’s Pick: Dervisevic via TKO (Strikes)

Too much going against Medvedevs here for me to pick in any other way. C’mon guys, both of you, get to the fight prepared! Emir, change the clothes up and give yourself every chance to come up big! This fight would be in the bad no matter what due to Medvedevs’ condition, but coming in with no morale, you open the door just a little bit. And if Medvedevs had come in prepared, you’d be at a huge disadvantage. Medvedevs, I don’t even know what to say. Also, change those stinky ass clothes, and for god’s sake, rest up before your fight man! Your energy should never be at 50%, not even for training, but absolutely not for coming to a fight!

*********

 

Heavyweight Undercard Bout #5

Tnt Winner (5-1-0) vs. Sith Rebel (2-0-0)

Wow, our last of the undercard fights, and yet, this is the type of fight that nobody in the arena should miss! Now there’s a treat this early on the card…both of these kids, Rebel and Winner, are fairly well accomplished with really nice records so far, and one of them is about to improve further!

Rebel comes in 2-0 after wins over Dave Ouellet in the QFC and then Donald the Donald here with us at Sucker Punch! Both times via (T)KO after a takedown and some use and abuse tactics. Really, there’s not a lot more to say here, as his approach has been fairly consistent in both of his fights so far.

Now, being that Winner also likes to take this thing to the ground, but then work on those nasty bendy thingy in the wrong directiony type stuff, I’d say that this fight is destined to end up down there. Unless Rebel decides the ground is too risky and tries, if he can, to keep it standing. That will be really interesting as he’s never tried to avoid the ground yet in his career. Winner is dangerous, with a 5-1 record so far, four of those wins via submission. But, he’s also not fully prepared for this fight with the energy slightly off and the morale just a tad more off than that.

 

Donkey, which direction are you leaning for this one…?

Donkey’s Pick: Winner via Submission (Armbar)

Alright, you know, I’m going to go against my better judgement here, which is not something I do often. What I mean by that is that Winner is slightly off on energy, not much, just a little…but is more off on morale. Again, not a ton, but probably about 20% low. But that can make the difference in a fight. However, I do like the advantage he has on the ground with the submission skills, and even if Rebel does decide not to try for the GnP victory and stay standing, I just don’t think he has the takedown defense to stop it anyway. Watch this pick bite me for not sticking to my guns though!

 

*********

 

Heavyweight Main Card Bout #1

Brian Mcclean (1-0-0) vs. Mike Badmean (1-0-0)

Our first bout in the top of the card will see Brian Mcclean face off against Mike Badmean. Both of these men come in with nice, pristine 1-0 records, so somebody is leaving here 2-0, with their record even more shiny than before, the other, 1-1 and hoping to get things back on track next month.

Mcclean’s camp calls him “The Bully” and with wonderful wrestling to compliment a purple belt in Jiu Jitsu he’ll show you why if you let him get you on the ground. His first fight and victory was here with us at Sucker Punch last month and it only took him until early in the second round to have Bomb Squad Lighting Hands tapping out in pain!

Mike Badmean will be the man on the other side of the cage tonight when these two step in there. While Mcclean has been training longer than Badmean has, Bad will have the age advantage at 26 years to Mcclean’s 19. That should settle up things a bit offsetting both advantages. Badmean has wonderful Muy Thai and strong wrestling, a combination that he uses to take you into the clinch and inflict some serious damage. His favorite pastime: romantic, bloody walks along the cage wall while staring lovingly into his opponents eyes and offering cuddles with his razor sharp elbows!

Mcclean’s job tonight is clear…steer clear of the clinch, avoid those cuddles and get this thing to the canvas fast enough to work his magic! Preferably with none of the romance! Ha!

Donkey, what are you thinking…?

Donkey’s Pick: Mcclean via Submission (Kimura)

Both men are fully prepped and ready to go in this one, so I won’t be leaning on a crutch of energy or morale when making this pick it seems! And that’s a very, very good thing for all the fans involved. Badmean won his last match via cuts, but that’s not always something you can depend upon. I’d like to see him win one more and see what else he’s got in his bag besides those five nasty elbows before I go to him. So for this one, I’m going to lean on Mcclean’s ground game and say that comes through again!

*********

 

Heavyweight CSS Finals Consolation Match: #5 vs. #10

Rumble Johnson (3-2-0) vs. Aron Egomi (3-5-0)

Tonight should have been the night that Thoth Chontamenti went head to head against Bigga Baddaboom for the Heavyweight Championship in the Sorter Series Finals. Instead, he is left without a fight as Baddaboom’s manager went inactive and never signed the fight contract. This leaves Chontamenti sitting around, twiddling this thumbs…the de-facto Sorter Series Champion, but without the satisfaction of having won the belt! He is the unofficial champion of the division at this point by virtue of winning the tournament, but without a fight, he lacks his crown!

This fight between Rumble Johnson and Aron Egomi sees the two who fell short in the Semi-Finals face off to determine which fighter becomes the #1 Contender. And with that status, gets a shot at claiming the belt for themself and denying Chontamenti the opportunity to make it official…or, a chance to become Chontamenti’s next victim! Only they can determine who that will be, and which way it will go once they get that opportunity!

Good news here Donkey…both of these guys are taking this opportunity extremely seriously…and both have come to the arena tonight ready to go, full of energy and focused with tons of confidence! I know you love that!

Johnson fell to Bigga Baddaboom in the Semi-Finals via TKO (Strikes) just before the three minute mark in the fight. He’s had plenty of success though since his QFC days and has proven he can win both by submission as well as strikes. When striking, he’s been effective both standing up and on the ground, although after rocking and sending opponents to the mat it seems he does enjoy following and continuing to serve up the pain!

We’ve talked before about how Egomi’s record is extremely misleading. Sure, he is 3-5 officially, but this man was abused and taken advantage of at his former org and therefore we don’t even look at that in terms of record. Since coming to Sucker Punch, he is 2-1, which is what really means something to us with comparable competition. He has submitted Donald the Donald previously as well as winning against Jack Ripper via a TKO head kick, which btw….was awwwwesome! He then lost to Chontamenti, something he should not dwell on…at least, not unless he has to face him again, and then…well, I guess it’s time to face your fears! Ha! Clearly his ability to win from all over the place is almost if not as versatile as Johnson’s, so this should be a fantastic fight!

Donkey, over to you, what do you have…?

Donkey’s Pick: Egomi via Submission (Armbar)

Egomi is at a slight disadvantage when it comes to boxing, but has a purple belt over Johnson’s blue in Jiu Jitsu. My guess is he’s going to want this fight on the ground more than Rumble does, but at the same time, I don’t see Rumbly shying away from that option either if that’s the way it goes. This could be an extremely entertaining fight, and I suspect it’s either over very quickly with one showing up and dominating…or it potentially goes the distance as a chess match! I really cannot decide on this one…So I’m going to flip a coin…oh, look, it’s Egomi! And again for Strikes or Submission…oh! Sub! Ok, there you have it! The all-knowing coin has spoken!

Suzy spoke with Rumble before he headed out for the trip to Sydney…

Suzy Sucker Punch: Rumble, a huge fight tonight with big implications! A win, and you are one step closer to getting the opportunity to fight for a title and have you name in the books forever. Feeling any pressure at all, or heading in full of confidence?

Rumble Johnson: The buildup to this fight has been emotional for me, Suzy, and that’s because I can see the light at the end of the tunnel for my career. When you fight the way I do and throw caution to the wind, you know longevity isn’t on your side. It’s only a matter of time before you have to make smarter decisions for the future. My wife Carmen Electra and I just welcomed a baby girl into the family as well. We named her Erin after my upcoming opponent, Miss Egomi. So there’s just a lot of thoughts running through my head right now; I can tell my career is winding down. But I told Donkey and the kind folks at Sucker Punch that I wanted to make one more run at the title, one more chase for glory. And that begins by knocking Miss Egomi into oblivion later this week. My right hand still has plenty of power. I’d like to put on a show for my loyal fans, whose unwavering support has been crucial to my success. Anyway, it’s getting a little misty in here. *wipes away a tear* I think that’s enough for today. Thanks, Suzy.

Suzy also had a message for Rob Hell and Egomi waiting at the front desk of the hotel, asking what they were expecting tonight for this big fight, against such a tough competitor and so much on the line. Rob Hell returned her call upon checking in…

 

Rob Hell: We are expecting a very interesting fight. Aron did a good job during the preparation and his opponent is a strong fighter too. Suzy, I hope this time you will not run away like last time. I`ll have some coffee without caffeine and sugar free cake for you. Please, sit next to me in the VIP sector, from here you have better view than from the journalist sector.

Suzy Sucker Punch: *blushing* Mr. Hell, that is so generous of you to offer…um, let me…um, check with my boyfriend and see if that’s where he’d like us to sit for the fight…I’ll, um, ah, get back in touch soon! Thanks again for the return call!

Donkey: Hare, I think Suzy has an admirer! Wait, Suzy’s seeing somebody now? Since when?!?

*********

 

Lightweight CSS Semi-Finals: #1 vs. #5

Frankie Logan (2-1-0) vs. Bobolo Jubbly (2-0-0)

Next up we have a monster fight between Frankie Logan and Bobolo Jubbly! This contest was put on hold for an extra week because Jubbly was taking part in the TWGC, so in the meantime, I think rumor has it Logan was seen roughing up the locals at the bars between 9 pm and 2 am, and sometimes even taking on the mechanical bull if he felt it was giving him too much lip! The winner of this contest goes on to face Vinicus Verreira who is waiting to meet a challenger in the Finals of the Lightweight Sorter Series. So big stuff on the line here for these two, and both are fully prepared coming in!

Logan will come into this contest as the prohibitive favorite on the feet. He’s got very proficient boxing and exceptional Muy Thai skills. But that doesn’t mean he’s a slouch on the ground either, as his wrestling is superb and he has a purple belt in Jiu Jitsu. It’s just that Jubbly has remarkable wrestling and a brown belt! The disadvantage here is going to be in the standup for Jubbly, who really does not have much skill in either area of standup.

Jubbly will desperately need this one on the ground where he will attempt to work his submission game. That is clearly the path to victory for him and an inability to get to the ground will undoubtedly lead to a very bad day and possibly a horrendous headache in the morning for him.

For Logan, he has solid wrestling and ground skills. So there is the possibility that even if Jubbly does get it to the ground, he could manage to fend him off. But I don’t think that’s something that Logan really wants to test often…or at all…in this fight. He’d much prefer to keep this standing I’d think and dish out the punishment. If he can do that, this one will end in a KO of some nature for Logan and he’ll walk on to the Finals against Verreira. However, if it does go to the ground, I’d say the odds shift in Jubbly’s favor, probably 70/30 at that point.

Well Donkey, who will it be…?

Donkey’s Pick: Logan via TKO (Strikes)

Jubbly is very, very talented on the ground and as you said, if it goes there, this thing swings in his favor. But it has to go there, and I think with a total lack of standup skills, Logan may take advantage and abuse him. Word on the street has it that folks have seen Logan using the extra week to work the takedown defense and grappling skills, so that could mean trouble for Jubbly!

Suzy caught Frankie Logan and his manager, P J Jones, out at one of the local bars last night. Once again Logan was face to face with the mechanical bull and seeming to take offense to whatever its unspoken response was…

Suzy Sucker Punch: Frankie, finally, a chance to get back in the cage and show your stuff. With such a long layoff between fights, how are you feeling, and do you feel you'll be as sharp as you'd like to be?

Frankie Logan: Feeling great, had a very fookin' long camp but gave us a chance to really boost physicals and tighten up some skills. I guess bubbles or whatever his name is, is going to be spamming TD's , he doesnt have much choice. We are looking forward to that, I hope he has cardio through the roof.

Frankie and PJ smile at each other…

Frankie Logan: A lot of people see me as just a kickboxer but I do have a TWGC title on my shelf and a guiness book of records training camp. Looking forward to the war.

*********

Co-Main Event

Heavyweight Bout

ZaDarius Haden (3-0-0) vs. James Lesnar (3-7-0)

Our Co-Main event of the evening is the first of two fights that will help finish sorting out the top of our division here. We already know who the two remaining Semi-Finalists are that will be competing to go to the finals tonight. And we know that the winner has a chance to face Chontamenti to become our first Heavyweight Champion.

But beyond that, we need to know who will be the next #1 Contender for the first title defense. This fight will give us half of that final equation. Whoever wins this, will go on to face the winner of our Main Event fight tonight, with the winner of that becoming the #1 Contender! Donkey, did I just give you a headache? You seem to be in pain trying to follow my logic there buddy! Trust me man, I swear, it makes sense…ya just gotta follow it on this handy chart I made out of one of those little paper fortune teller things my kids fold up and play with! So…anywho, about this fight…

Lesnar is 3-7 in his career professionally, but truly 3-3 in MMA. He went on a winning streak when with APEX, winning three in a row. Two of his losses are in the QFC, one of which ended up being against a 51 year old in QFC level 2. His most recent fight was a loss in WKBC that went the distance to a decision…against a 45 year old with skills that even at his age were a ridiculous matchup against a 357k ID 27 year old. So yeah, this kid’s been used and abused. And I expect now, we’re going to see his true colors! Whether it’s a win or not though is another question, and we’re about to find out tonight! He has the boxing advantage tonight, and while he could use that on the feet or on the ground, I’m guessing he’s going to want to stay off the ground…

…because Haden, his opponent this evening, has a purple belt in Jiu Jitsu which gives him the advantage down there. Haden will also have the advantage in Muy Thai, so clinching up and abusing Lesnar may be his plan of attack potentially. He also has wonderful wrestling, so combined with that purple belt, I wouldn’t rule out the possibility of trying to win this on the ground either. But the wrestling also lends itself well to the aforementioned plan of clinch and abuse. Haden is also a 357k creation, but is only 20 years old to Lesnar’s 27 years we mentioned. Normally this would mean that Lesnar should have a definitive advantage, but it would appear that Haden may be an extremely fast learner as his skills are very progressed. Lesnar will have to work hard for a win here, but you can say that for any fighter who steps into the cage!

Donkey, you have a call here…?

 

Donkey’s Pick: Haden via TKO (Strikes)

Normally I’d agree with you there Donkey, that Lesnar has his work cut out but with a good strategy, good execution and good level of confidence, he could pull out a win. If he had focus. And that whole confidence thing. Unfortunately, his chances plummet as soon as you speak with him and realize this kid is coming in with zero morale and confidence. And that’s a shame, it would have been fun to see what he could do with full preparation. Alas, that is not the case, and there is almost zero chance he can win without that morale being up. This is Haden’s to lose…or take, with extreme prejudice!

*********

Main Event

Heavyweight Bout

Rob Gaunce (4-0-0) vs. Random Lik (4-1-0)

Our Main Event of the evening will feature 4-0 Rob Gaunce up against 4-1 Random Lik! This fight, as we mentioned in the Co-Main Event, will help determine who gets a chance to fight for the #1 Contender status! So again, a huge one on the line here for these boys, Donkey.

These two come into this fight more or less fully prepared. One could argue that Gaunce’s energy and morale are both off just a smidge…but it’s nothing of consequence. For Lik, yes, his morale appears down by about 10, maybe 15%, and that could potentially come into play, but I don’t know that I’d bet on it unless you felt you just couldn’t make a call. Can you Donkey? Ha, we’ll find out!

These two match up fairly well, although Gaunce appears to have a little edge in the primaries. At the same time, Lik has the age advantage, so we’ll see! Gaunce will be the better striker and boxer in this fight, although he typically never attempts to do the majority of his work on the feet. Both have a blue belt in Jiu Jitsu, but Lik has as slight edge in wrestling, so you’d have to give the ground game to him. And that seems to hold true if you look back through his fight history and his past tendencies…which all include taking the opponent to the ground, and then beating him mercilessly into submission. Well, actually, not submission, more like until he cries to his mommy and the ref calls off any further strikes…or Lik just knocks him out!

Gaunce’s four wins in MMA (one loss in grappling, but we aren’t looking at that) have been via varied methods. He’s got a couple TKO wins via strikes, an armbar submission over Curley Cal two fights back, and a decision victory where he went the distance and got those nasty little judges to give him the nod! In every fight though, his goal has been to get it to the ground and then use a balanced attack of strikes and submission attempts to keep his opponent off-balance and unsure which direction it may go in and how to properly defend. And that should make this fight, against Lik who loves the ground game also, very, very interesting! So the question is…does Gaunce stick with the status quo, and do it like he does…or does he respect Lik’s ground game, and decide that maybe tonight the advantage for him is on the feet for a change?

 

A potentially thrilling and intriguing matchup here Donkey…?

Donkey’s Pick: Gaunce via Submission (Armbar)

I would not be surprised one bit if this fight goes completely sideways on us and ends up in directions we didn’t even think it would go in Hare! But, at the same time, for now, I have to go with what I see, and both have had success doing what they do, and I have to think they’re going to come in with confidence and an attitude that they can continue doing it and win. Until one of them can’t that way. But they’re both going to test the other and challenge them to step up and best them…if they can! Gaunce is a little more varied with his ground game, so I’m giving him the edge.

*********

So there we have it Sucker Punch fans!

Oh yeah, a big time fight card with a ton of fun and a lot of the big boys coming out to play on it! I’m really excited for the action tonight, can’t wait to see how it turns out, especially as Donkey had so much trouble calling these ones and I expect he’s going to be far from perfect this night! I hope you guys are ready for some fun, because we sure are!

Enjoy the bone crunching action, and till next time…

Keep it cheap and dirty…Sucker Punch Pro Series 355k+ style!

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Alright guys, I have our first very, very preliminary rankings for our Heavyweight division! Now...I say "very, very" preliminary because a) we don't have an official champion yet, although we do have a de-facto Cockshot Sorter Series Champion. He just didn't get to fight a title fight yet due to the disappearance of Bigga Baddaboom and b ) we have a LOT of new folks who joined the division in the past few weeks who have barely fought or have not fought yet for us. So I fully expect two things...that there will be a lot of grumbling and arguing over these rankings, who made them, who didn't and who is where. That's fine too! Bring on the dirt and let's mix it up! Just don't be upset if I flick you in the family jewels when you're too busy bitching to stay on guard! LOL! The second thing I fully expect, is that these are going to change...a lot, for the next month or two as the new folks work their way into things.

 

But, never one to fear the wrath of our fellow cheap shot artists here at Sucker Punch, here they are anyways! Now piss off if you don't like it! LOL!!!! Honestly though, same thing I said when I put the Middleweight rankings up...I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but know I will always do my very best to treat everybody fairly and be open with any information you need! So...hope you enjoy!

 

I'm posting them here, but the current rankings for each division as they are established will always be available here: http://www.mmatycoon.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=65096&p=910173

 

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Unranked outside the Top 10 at this time, but on the bubble: Emir Dervisevic / Rick Hatton / Steve Norton / Ivan Aure / Andre Powell / Callum Neenan / Tnt Winner / Sith Rebel

 

Also unranked outside the Top 10 at this time: Brian Mcclean / Devin Hill / Victor Ballsawash / Andrejs Medvedevs / Bomb Squad Lighting Hands / Dookie Shoes

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Post Event Cheap Shots

Heavyweight Cockshot Sorter Series: FInalS

Hello to all our Sucker Punch fans out there on this fine…and very hot here on the East Coast of the US…day! Hare Rumpler here, along with our analyst, Donkey “Dan”, and our persistent media correspondent, Suzy Sucker Punch. Well, we may have been short of a title fight on this card, but we sure didn’t fall short on the action and fun!

We had a few surprises the other night, a few debuts with kids having their Sucker Punch fights with us and generally the action was great. And, for the most part, the majority of the fighters showed up ready to go, fully prepared for their fights, which always thrills Donkey!

Several big matches determined some near-future fights in this one, including top contender for the Heavyweights, the remaining Finalist for the Lightweight Sorter Series and the two kids who will be next in line to go at it and find out who will be in line as the next top contender after the Heavyweights determine their champion next month! So a lot of really good stuff on this one, along with six other fantastic Heavyweight fights leading up to it all!

In addition to those two great matches, we have some very highly hyped fights between Heavyweights Haden/Lesnar and Gaunce/Lik to round out the end of the evening. Earlier in the evening, six other great Heavyweight fights will get this crowd rocking and make all of Sydney look to Schooners Bar, wondering what is causing all of the excitement and wish they had a ticket to be there!

Let’s get a word in about our sponsor and then move on to the fun!

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Now, let's get to it!

 

Heavyweight Undercard Bout #1

Victor Ballsawash Defeats Dookie Shoes via Submission (Strikes)

These two both came into this fight with their morale on zero. And here is how bad off they really are…Ballsawash got the win, and it STILL didn’t help raise his morale any! Wow. You win, but still can’t get up and have your confidence rise…not a great sign! Time for fix that morale for both of these kids.

This one lasted just a few seconds short of three minutes with most of that spent on the ground. Ballsawash instigated the clinch about a half minute in, and Shoes immediately used that position to pull guard. Perhaps not the best plan for Shoes though! Ballsawash was able to transition from one position to the next easily, and within another minute had the mount, putting Shoes in a seriously bad spot!

At this point, Ballsawash started raining down the shots, fists, elbows, you name it with Shoes desperate to improve position or escape, but unable to do either! It wasn’t long before a big elbow came crashing down that really got Shoes in trouble and it was only a few more strikes before Shoes had to tap it out.

 

Donkey, what do you have for us…?

 

Donkey’s Takeaways:

Both men seriously needed a win here, and Ballsawash does what he needs to to secure his first ever victory! Congrats. Now, as we said, get that morale up and come back strong again in the next fight to start stringing these together! This was a one-sided affair as soon as it went to the mat. Shoes offered no fight and Ballsawash landed everything without even having to put much effort in. Shoes will definitely need to figure things out before his next fight or one might start to question his career choice, if they haven’t already…

*********

 

Heavyweight Undercard Bout #2

Gary Porter Defeats Devin Hill via TKO (Strikes)

 

Porter and Hill, Donkey! Sounds like a law firm or something doesn’t it?

Donkey, I have a huge treat for you here with this next fight! Yes, this early on the card, and we have two young fighters who are both ready to go at it with everything they’ve got!!! Both come to this contest fueled up, full of energy and with their spirits on high! You have to love that the managers in the corners for these guys have got their heads on straight and have them rested and ready for battle!

So the bell rang, these two came together with Hill going aggressive right away and Porter trying for the takedown! One missed, but then after a failed combo attempt by Hill, Porter had this thing on the canvas. From there, this thing got ugly fast and consisted of Porter trying to dish out pain in any way he could, while transitioning to one position after the other. Hill on the other hand was trying to muster any defense he could come up with…hell, that legal firm might have come in handy for some defense here, Hill needed anything he could get to be honest.

It was towards the end of the first round when things went from bad to plain ugly. In a scramble to get up, Hill gave up his back and Porter was just bashing him from the side of the head…well, some of those shots were questionable at best! Sucker Punch was made proud by Porter when just as the round was closing out the ref had to pull Porter aside, put them back to the feet, and give Porter a stiff talking to about shots to the back of the head! Oooh yeah baby, ain’t no playing clean here for Porter! Protect your coconut and nuts at all times boys!

Round 2 came, Hill made a valiant effort given his condition at this point and rejected several takedown attempts from Porter…but then the inevitable happened and to the mat they went! It was only a matter of time after that as the GnP ensued and soon the ref was jumping in to stop things in favor of Porter!

 

Donkey, what do you have for us…?

 

Donkey’s Takeaways:

Hill’s takedown defense just wasn’t up to the task in this one, and without being able to prevent this from going to the ground he was pretty much at Porter’s mercy…and none seemed to be coming. This was a dominant victory for Porter from start to finish. For Hill, he’ll want to figure out what skills he needs to bone up on and come back strong next month! Porter continues the trend of GnP victories begun by his former manager and makes good on it once again under new management. No sense messing with what works!

*********

Heavyweight Undercard Bout #3

Rick Hatton Defeats Bomb Squad Lighting Hands via KO (Punch)

There’s really not going to be a lot to go over in the review of this fight boys and girls! We covered almost everything that was to be said in the preview, and this fight went down almost exactly as we expected it to! Well, with the exception of Donkey’s pick, which was…oh…WRONG!

But other than that, yes…they went toe to toe, both being standup specialists. This never went to the clinch by Hands, which we thought might happen, but that’s largely due to the fact that the fight itself lasted less than 90 seconds!

Hatton came out with fairly accurate and precise striking, going more for the head and such as we had noted previously, and Hands put more focus on combos. Hands landed a couple of those, but for the most part, a lot of it was wasted and actually opened him for the counter. It was one of those counters that led to the end result…

Lighting Hands throws an off balance right hand and Hatton counters with a huge right that knocks Lighting Hands out cold! Hatton is running around with a crazed look on his face - you can see how much that meant to him!

And that was all she wrote folks! Hatton’s first pure KO of his career, and he has now gone 3-0 in his last three fights after starting the career off with three fights ended via the docs looking at cuts!

Donkey, what say you sir...?

Donkey’s Takeaways:

Well, I was wrong about both Hands winning this thing, and about Hatton’s issue with cuts returning in this fight! Hatton was impressive in showing some skills against a similarly skilled fighter in standup. He’s been on a streak ever since that first loss in the Sorter Series, and is now primed to see just how high he can climb the ladder. For Hands, another loss puts him in a position no fighter really wants to be in, struggling so far in his career and trying to figure out what’s going wrong and how to fix it. He’ll need to figure that out sooner than later I’d think!

 

*********

 

Heavyweight Undercard Bout #4

Emir Dervisevic Defeats Andrejs Medvedevs via TKO (Punches)

 

Well, you did finally get this one though Donkey! For two fighters who both really needed a win, you’d really have expected both of these guys to come to the table fully prepared and doing everything they can to give themselves a chance to turn things around. Instead, we had two kids who were both bad off, but one more so than the other. It was just a contest of who was going to be less prepared to fight.

We knew that Medvedevs as the worse for wear before even stepping into the cage for this one. Even with next to no morale, Dervisevic was in a better position. It only took Dervisevic 15 seconds to prove us right on that one!

This was the fight…Medvedevs lands a leg kick, slips a punch from Dervisevic and then fails to clinch up. Dervisevic then fails to clinch and then decides to rush in with a combo, dropping Medvedevs.

Yep, that’s it.

I can’t imagine you have much to add Donkey…?

 

Donkey’s Takeaways:

Nope, nothing. We knew what was coming. The fans knew what was coming. Hell, the managers should have known what was coming. Maybe next time, they’ll both come better prepared! If this fight was against almost anybody else who wasn’t low on both morale and energy, this would have been a loss for Dervisevic, but the situation (and by that, we mean Medvedevs’ manager) granted him a gift!

*********

 

Heavyweight Undercard Bout #5

Tnt Winner Defeats Sith Rebel via Submission (Triangle Choke)

Ok, I know you called this one Donkey, but I’m still impressed and a bit shocked! Both by the result…and hell, not only the way this went down and ended, but the way it got there!

We talked in the preview about how we didn’t really think Rebel would do it, but that his best bet might be to stay off the ground against a dangerous Winner who has really shown some prowess in finishing with subs down there. That was not the approach he took though, and clearly he still was focused on using the ground in his typical manner to set up some GnP…

Winner got the takedown right away. It was a surprise though when he stood back up to reset things. It looked like he just wasn’t getting what he wanted down there though. Next, Rebel said, “Ah hell, I’ll do the takedown then and put myself on top this time!...my turn!” and got the takedown.

So all of that was a little surprising, but not crazy so. But then…Rebel stands up over Winner and prepares to come in with a flying punch…and OH DAMN!!!! Like a friggin’ hawk snatching its prey from the air, Winner catches Rebel with his legs and straight into a triangle, that was tight as hell!!! A few seconds later, Rebel is tapping and the entire arena is stunned!!!

What a submission finish Donkey! You gotta love that, eh…?

Donkey’s Takeaways:

Well there we go Hare! My spidey sense was tingling on this one and I went against my instincts to pick Winner, and boy, did he come through in spectacular fashion! This kid has been on a streak of late, and it’s probably time for him to take the next step. This was a first big one though, as Rebel is no slouch. I’d had to see what happens to Rebel’s next opponent as he’s undoubtedly going to come out of this one with a fire in his gut!

 

*********

 

Heavyweight Main Card Bout #1

Mike Badmean Defeats Brian Mcclean via TKO (Cut)

Remove the “e” from Mike Badmean’s name Donkey, and what do you get?!? No! Not “Mik”, you jackass! You know what I meant…you get “Badman”…and that’s exactly what this fella is!

Badmean won his first fight outside Sucker Punch against Ronald Strawberry by opening him up with some vicious elbows and eventually having the doc step in and stop the fight. So yes, we knew those elbows were razors, and we knew that Badmean was a Badman! What we…and by that I mean Donkey…weren’t willing to quite hang our hats on yet was whether this is something he could depend upon and continue using as a method to get the win.

Well, he may have just proven that if you come into the cage with him, you better have an answer for those elbows, because they’re coming at you with deadly intent! It took less than two and a half minutes for Badmean to get into the clinch, open Mcclean up, continue to make the place rain with blood with those elbows and dish out some shots to the head and body along the way in between! It was…almost like some horror movie slasher film out there!

 

Donkey, what about that one…?

Donkey’s Takeaways:

The rest of this card is going to come out to this cage and immediately wonder if a truck came through and hit a deer or something earlier in the evening! Yeah, that’s how much Mcclean bled all over at the hands…er…elbows…of Badmean. It was that ugly. This man literally landed 19 of 19 elbows! I mean, that goes beyond bad intent and straight to extreme prejudice! The police may want to speak with Badmean regarding attempted manslaughter. Mcclean has shown that he has a granite chin…well, I suppose this is one way to get around that chin!

*********

 

Heavyweight CSS Finals Consolation Match: #5 vs. #10

Rumble Johnson Defeats Aron Egomi via KO (Punch)

The good news for Egomi…he won’t have to face off against Thoth Chontamenti again next month right away. The bad news…that’s because he dropped this fight against Rumble Johnson…er, or maybe I should say…Johnson dropped him!...and instead it will be Johnson going on to fight Chontamenti for the Championship!

I was sort of expecting a bit of a battle in this one, to be honest Donkey! And clearly, you thought this one might go differently as well as you had Egomi winning via sub. But instead, Rumble came out uber aggressive in this one and Egomi never even had a chance to blink and get his bearings before this thing was over! Rumble came out swinging, a left, a jab, an overhand right, another left and hell…why not!...a spinning back fist to get the crowd really into this with a quickness!

Before Egomi could even figure out what to do next, Rumble came through with an uppercut that left him rocked! Egomi tried to offer a few token shots back in defense, but remember, this is a man who wants you on the ground…and Egomi was never able to gather his wits enough to even get a takedown attempt in! With Egomi phased and the chin just begging for attention, Rumble obliged and offered up another nasty uppercut that had “night night!” written all over it.

Donkey, over to you, what do you have…?

Donkey’s Takeaways:

Well, you can’t blame me for the bad pick Hare! I mean, you saw it, I let the coin pick! And I’ll be damned if that coin didn’t let us down! You have to be impressed with the way Rumble Johnson let it all hang out in this one. This was a go for it all, no guts no glory gamble that paid off big time for him! Egomi clearly wasn’t prepared for Rumble to come out with that level of aggression so quickly from the bell, and had he been able to weather the storm, Johnson may have ended up in trouble. But the gambit paid off, and Rumble moves on for a chance at the belt! Congrats.

Suzy snuck up to sit with Rob Hell for a little bit from his section in the box seats and was there when this fight ended…

Suzy Sucker Punch: Mr. Hell, clearly not the way you wanted to see this one end for Aron…any thoughts on the fight and Rumble Johnson’s camp?

Rob Hell: Congratulations on the victory, Johnson crashed into us like a crazy driver into the shop window. Hahaha... Congratulations on the baby too. I hope Johnson won`t be angry with her when she makes mock of him always calling him father. :-)

Suzy Sucker Punch: Alrighty then…not sure what’s going on behind the scenes there with the wives/girlfiends involved…but might I suggest a good DNA testing center? We’ll have the front office reach out.

On her way back from the club box section, Suzy ran across Mikey C, manager for Rumble Johnson and got a few words in with him…

Suzy Sucker Punch: A big, big win for Rumble who now moves on for a shot at the title! Wow. Any thoughts on how you guys move forward from this fight and into this next big one Mikey?

Mikey C: Rumble exerted so little energy last night that he was back in the gym for a cardio session this morning and a wrestling sparring session this afternoon. That means you're stuck with me for the post-fight comments, Suzy. And I just want to commend my fighter for his remarkable performance last night. Our game plan was to bum rush Egomi from the opening bell, and it takes a lot of guts to follow through on that plan. But Rumble was more than game. I can't tell you how many times he worked on that spinning back fist in training during his camp for this fight. There were days he got dizzy from throwing it so often. So to see that exact strike play a crucial part in finishing Egomi, it's just so rewarding for both of us. He'll be a heavy underdog once again when he fights Mr. Chontamenti, but all you can ask for is a shot at the belt. And that's exactly what Rumble has earned. Thanks, Suzy.

Suzy Sucker Punch: Well there you have it guys, and it seems you had it exactly right! Rumble’s game plan was indeed to rush Egomi and pressure him immediately, and it worked out. Just as you guys called it.

*********

 

Lightweight CSS Semi-Finals: #1 vs. #5

Frankie Logan Defeats Bobolo Jubbly via TKO (Strikes)

Well, let me admit to something straight up here Donkey. I messed up on this one. Not sure how it happened exactly, I thought I looked things over three times, and frankly, I don’t even know why this would have gotten changed…but apparently I must have accidentally scheduled this one for FIVE rounds! And not only that, but three minute rounds at that. Which makes no sense, since for the Sorter Series we’re not even making the Finals five rounds yet, that will happen once non-tournament title defenses kick in. So yeah, I almost want to say it was a system glitch, but that’s unlikely too, so it must have been me and I’ll take responsibility for that.

That being said, thankfully it wouldn’t have changed the result of this fight. Frankie Logan undoubtedly winning this on the cards after thee and would have won a decision victory with ease. Instead, it simply went an extra two rounds and he won via a finish instead.

The way this one got there though, was shocking! And highly impressive for Frankie Logan! Jubbly got him to the ground early…something we thought would swing the fight in his favor in a big way. But Logan not only fended off the ensuing sub attempts, but tossed one of his own out there and then managed to get a standup…out of mount!!! I was shocked by that! Shocked! To not take the opportunity to finish it with the fists in mount?!? Wow. From there, Logan stuffed a few takedowns, really draining Jubbly a bit.

Round 2 saw Logan doing his thing on the feet, scoring and fending off takedowns again. After the first minute Jubbly got the takedown again, but Logan escaped! Then he got another, and Logan fended off two more subs! Logan kept moving, was very active and was really doing a great job defensively.

Next round, more of the same, with Logan fending off takedowns, landing shots, getting taken down, fending off subs, offering one of his own, and even throwing in a reversal towards the end of the ground Wow, Logan must have really practiced up on the ground game! Fourth round, more of the same! And still, according to the play by play guys, winning the round with the judges.

The fifth round comes, and you could tell that Jubbly was just gassed out! He was trying to avoid the shots by Logan, who was still dishing and impressively, really was taking the shots well all night. Finally though, Logan got the one shot that counted, and with it, the ref had to step in and call this one, as Jubbly clearly wasn’t still with us, although still standing!

Well Donkey…?

Donkey’s Takeaways:

This was a very impressive fight for both fighters! I mean, you never want to be known for being a great punching bag, but you have to give Jubbly the credit for that. He took shot after shot from Logan and it took five rounds of abuse before he finally succumbed to exhaustion and just had been hit one too many times. Unfortunately for him, he ended up having to take that abuse because Logan’s ground game defense was just spot on for this fight! He fended off all nine of Jubbly’s submission attempts, managed to stay calm, focused and active on the ground to maintain position…and then let his standup do the job when he got the chance. And boy did it do the job! He was perfect in standup…32 for 32 to the head, 8 for 8 to the body, 3 for 3 combos, 10 for 10 leg kicks and…well, hell…throw a body kick in there too for good measure! Logan was focused and ready to go…and now we get to see what he can do in the finals!

Suzy was on hand to greet Frankie as he exited the cage, victorious, to meet his manager P J Jones…

Suzy Sucker Punch: Congratulations guys! A huge win tonight and now a chance to become the first champion for this division! Did things go as you planned for this victory and do you feel you’re going to be ready in time for the next big fight?

Frankie Logan: I am very honored to get my Brown belt from Far Q. I was hoping to get the sub to teach Bubbles the bum sniffing sub spammer a lesson but a KO is still good. Looking forward to the future. It’s going to be a difficult fight against Vinnicus, he looks like he has some power and I can’t wait to test it.

P J Jones: We had two plans, one was to get the sub early in round 1 or 2 while both fighters were dry which nearly paid off early in the first round. The other was to dominate him on the feet and grind him down physically and then step it up and put him to sleep in the later rounds. We knew bubbles would be desperate to play on the ground and we knew we had the advantage there.

*********

Co-Main Event

Heavyweight Bout

ZaDarius Haden Defeats James Lesnar via Submission (Strikes)

Our Co-Main event of the evening was a fight to determine which of these men was worthy of going on and getting a shot to become the top contender. Haden emphatically stated with this performance that HE is the one who should be facing off against the winner of our Main Event to determine who that contender is!

This one started out for the first minute or so with Lesnar and Haden dancing and boxing, feeling each other out a bit, with Haden clearly the aggressor both striking and with the takedown attempts. Shortly into the second minute Lesnar finally decided to clinch things up, probably feeling he’d had enough of Haden’s boxing attack, which was surprising given Lesnar should have had the boxing advantage.

Haden again was the aggressor in the clinch, but was still actively looking to take the fight to the ground. He managed to separate and then get that takedown he’d been looking for. At this point, Lesnar had lost all advantage and would desperately need to get this fight back to the feet to have any chance. Which he did do! He was back to the feet and probably sighing a breath of relief…and we were back to boxing…again with Haden the aggressor.

Unfortunately with a little lack of focus on Lesnar’s part, Haden got the takedown again…and the ground and pound began to bring the pain, especially after Haden was able to advance to mount! With one big drop of an elbow and then the following barrage of shots, Lesnar had no choice but to tap out of this to escape with his memories intact!

 

Donkey, anything to add here…?

 

Donkey’s Takeaways:

I hate to say it, but it’s not surprising that Haden was able to rain down the abuse on Lesnar and there wasn’t much Lesnar could…or was willing…to do about it. He came into this fight unfocused and unprepared and this is the result you get when you do that! I’m surprised he took as much abuse as he did before he checked his heart out of this fight. Congrats to Haden on moving closer to that title shot!

*********

Main Event

Heavyweight Bout

Random Lik Defeats Rob Gaunce via TKO (Strikes)

Our Main Event of the evening was a fight between two very accomplish mixed martial artists who both very wanted to extend their winning records and earn a chance to take on Haden, who on the prior fight, and see if they can become #1 Contender.

While Gaunce didn’t come into this fight fully topped off, it’s not what factored into the result. Donkey felt that his more varied ground game was going to give him the advantage and potentially the win. Lik had something else to say about that!

We weren’t sure if Gaunce would stay with the typical plan in this one, which is usually get to the ground, use that varied attack, and win in whatever way offered itself, GnP strikes or sub. He’s opportunistic like that. Or, with due respect for Lik’s ground game as well, would he stay on the feet and try to win that way this time?

Lik never gave him the chance to decide…instead taking this thing to the ground right away and putting himself on top, in a position to avoid the typical attack Gaunce likes to dish out. Right away, that seemed like a brilliant move, because Gaunce was on the defense and Lik was able to mix it up, much like Gaunce likes to do, between strikes and sub attempts. After the third minute of action, Lik seemed to decide not to waste any further energy on subs though, and decided instead to wear on Gaunce with a continuous ground attack, pounding and tenderizing him throughout the remaining two minutes of the first.

Gaunce managed to survive the onslaught though and make it to the end of the round, giving him and his corner a chance to regroup, rethink and strategize. Upon coming out after the bell, he went straight into the clinch, which seemed like a pretty good idea to try to take advantage on the feet. Unfortunately, Lik still had other ideas, and got underhooks and a trip takedown…and we were back to the status quo from Round 1 folks! Lik did get a bit sloppy, and Gaunce got an opportunity to try for a sub at one point, but Lik got out of it and then proceeded to continue with the brutal ground attack he’d taken a liking to in this contest. A few minutes later, with Lik standing up and coming down hard with a big left, this one was finally called off by the ref! Personally, I think Gaunce should have given him a shot to the boys before it got to this point, but, alas, he doesn’t seem to listen to MY advice!

 

Donkey, perhaps not as intriguing as we thought it might be, but fun…?

Donkey’s Takeaways:

Fun? Certainly not for Gaunce, who took a crap ton of abuse in this one. Lik made a strategic decision to try to get into the dominant position on the ground right away, as often as possible in this one. And that was a great decision by his camp. For Gaunce, his inability to either take advantage on the feet, which isn’t surprising, he probably doesn’t have much takedown defense…or to get into a dominant position on the ground put the ice on his normal method of doing things. In a position that didn’t favor his style of attack, he was in trouble. Ironically, clearly Lik used Gaunce’s own methods against him in this one, using his style of game plan to defeat him.

*********

So there we have it Sucker Punch fans!

Big time fun and excitement in this one even without a title fight I’d say Donkey! I hope the fans enjoyed it as much as we did, and this thing set us up really well for the next month or two in terms of the upcoming title fight and seeing who will be next in line to challenge! I can’t wait for the return of these big boys next month!

Till then folks…

Keep it cheap and dirty…Sucker Punch Pro Series 355k+ style!

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Interpreter Mr Takahashi with another release from Longsun Zhao: Psiris Fuhren, the fury of the Chi You Men will rain down. Accept the challenge and the wager will be raised to $500,000 if Longsun loses, with $0 expected if he wins, at the earliest event Donkey Dan and his subordinates can arrange, the Dragon will rise.

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Interpreter Mr Takahashi with another release from Longsun Zhao: Psiris Fuhren, the fury of the Chi You Men will rain down. Accept the challenge and the wager will be raised to $500,000 if Longsun loses, with $0 expected if he wins, at the earliest event Donkey Dan and his subordinates can arrange, the Dragon will rise.

 

You're willing to part with 500k just to duck my boy Nyah? Impressive.

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Not at all, your tone will come and you can consider the fight in 1 month accepted, looking to settle a score on the weeks prior too.

 

Hahaha, been laughing my butt off over this. Frankly, if Furhen wants to accept your little grudge match challenge, I may have a spot open on the card on July 29. That's only because it looks like Malachi Routerhead's manager may be MIA and therefore the title fight for that evening may not be scheduled, leaving Ronnie Bass as the unofficial Sorter Series Champion. Long story short, there may be an open spot there, and then depending upon results...INJURIES...etc. if you guys still wanted your regular fights on Aug. 19 you could still have it. That's a lot of fighting in one month though! haha. But honestly, for Fuhren, it's also looking like that fight for the 19th with Scruggs may be questionable as Scruggs' manager may also be MIA now.

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Hahaha, been laughing my butt off over this. Frankly, if Furhen wants to accept your little grudge match challenge, I may have a spot open on the card on July 29. That's only because it looks like Malachi Routerhead's manager may be MIA and therefore the title fight for that evening may not be scheduled, leaving Ronnie Bass as the unofficial Sorter Series Champion. Long story short, there may be an open spot there, and then depending upon results...INJURIES...etc. if you guys still wanted your regular fights on Aug. 19 you could still have it. That's a lot of fighting in one month though! haha. But honestly, for Fuhren, it's also looking like that fight for the 19th with Scruggs may be questionable as Scruggs' manager may also be MIA now.

 

Mr Takahashi: Longsun has the soul of a warrior, the heart of a dragon, and the loins of a stallion, he will be prepared for both fights and lives and breaths for this sole purpose. Ball is in Furhen's court if he is confident than he would never turn down a half million, if he denies then it shows him for what he is, a coward with a lucky shot. Longsun in an unprecedented move would also cover costs of hosting a separate event solely for this purpose to suckerpunch.

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Mr Takahashi: Longsun has the soul of a warrior, the heart of a dragon, and the loins of a stallion, he will be prepared for both fights and lives and breaths for this sole purpose. Ball is in Furhen's court if he is confident than he would never turn down a half million, if he denies then it shows him for what he is, a coward with a lucky shot. Longsun in an unprecedented move would also cover costs of hosting a separate event solely for this purpose to suckerpunch.

 

Mr. Takahashi, Slick Gunderson here. It's a pleasure to meet you. First off, has Longsun woken up yet? Is he cognitively aware that you're not only signing him up for another beat down...you're willing to pay $500,000 for Psiris to embarrass him again? That wasn't a lucky shot. That was a loud statement. That was a better fighter knocking a worse fighter into next week - not once, not twice, but three times. He cut him, he knocked him down and then he knocked out in 10 seconds. Psiris is in Sucker Punch for one thing and it isn't for Mattias Lundgren's money. It's to become a champion. And long before you desperately started throwing money at Psiris' feet to get back in the cage, he already accepted a title eliminator with Buster Scrubs. The fight is under offer. Now, if Buster and his manager are too scared to accept that fight, then we can talk. But one way or another, Psiris is one fight away from a title shot and he'll beat anyone Sucker Punch puts in his way to make that happen. But that's up to Hare, Donkey, and the rest of the SP brass. Not your daddy's wallet.

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Mr. Takahashi, Slick Gunderson here. It's a pleasure to meet you. First off, has Longsun woken up yet? Is he cognitively aware that you're not only signing him up for another beat down...you're willing to pay $500,000 for Psiris to embarrass him again? That wasn't a lucky shot. That was a loud statement. That was a better fighter knocking a worse fighter into next week - not once, not twice, but three times. He cut him, he knocked him down and then he knocked out in 10 seconds. Psiris is in Sucker Punch for one thing and it isn't for Mattias Lundgren's money. It's to become a champion. And long before you desperately started throwing money at Psiris' feet to get back in the cage, he already accepted a title eliminator with Buster Scrubs. The fight is under offer. Now, if Buster and his manager are too scared to accept that fight, then we can talk. But one way or another, Psiris is one fight away from a title shot and he'll beat anyone Sucker Punch puts in his way to make that happen. But that's up to Hare, Donkey, and the rest of the SP brass. Not your daddy's wallet.

Mr Takahashi: The insolence of this Slick Gunderson, Longsun clearly cuts easily it is no great deed to cut him, how do you think he keeps his skin so beautiful and porcelain? you can delay, you can claim what you may but we know two things, Longsun will have his vengeance, and also I recall one Rick Henderson back in Mengcun who often buys a mixture of Rhino Ejaculate, Ground Deer Antler, and ancient toad venom, which while not illegal gives a level of strength to fighters at cost of their own vitality, I believe you are one Rick Henderson,I believe Psiris has taken such chemicals that we would never give to our own, and I believe Psiris will also shrivel like his own loins regardless of next opppnent. We'll be waiting, when you want to make real money and fight for honor as opposed to an arbitrary belt give us a ring, until then what is that American saying? Oh yes "You can SLICK my balls" Mr. Gunderson

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Mr Takahashi: The insolence of this Slick Gunderson, Longsun clearly cuts easily it is no great deed to cut him, how do you think he keeps his skin so beautiful and porcelaim? you can delay, you can claim what you may but we know two things, Longsun will have his vengeance, and also I recall one Rick Henderson back in Mengcun who often buys a mixture of Rhino Ejaculate, Ground Deer Antler, and ancient toad venom, which while not illegal gives a level of strength to fighters at cost of their own vitality, I believe you are one Rick Henderson,I believe Psiris has taken such chemicals that we would never give to our own, and I believe Psiris will also shrivel like his own loins regardless of next opppnent. We'll be waiting, when you want to make real money and fight for honor as opposed to an arbitrary belt give us a ring, until then what is that American saying? Oh yes "You can SLICK my balls" Mr. Gunderson

 

Oh, you crossed a line there, Takahashi. While I agree Longsun's skin is soft and supple, you will not disrespect my fighter that way. I will have you know the Big Chief Sacred 160 Reduce Energy Loss supplements that Psiris is taking are 100-percent FDA approved. Just to cover all my bases, I sent them to my good friend, Jeff Novitsky, last week and you know what he told me? "We found trace elements of Rhino ejaculate and toad venom in these supplements but there's nothing performance-enhancing about them." It's merely for flavor and sophistication. It's also modern toad venom, not ancient. I don't have that kind of money. While Psiris may soon see his loins shrivel up inside his body as a result of all this, that day is not today. Nor will it be tomorrow. He will be the 185-pound arbitrary champion of this world very soon. And Zhao will bow down to his greatness. If Longsun doesn't, well let's just say he's in for another long night.

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Oh, you crossed a line there, Takahashi. While I agree Longsun's skin is soft and supple, you will not disrespect my fighter that way. I will have you know the Big Chief Sacred 160 Reduce Energy Loss supplements that Psiris is taking are 100-percent FDA approved. Just to cover all my bases, I sent them to my good friend, Jeff Novitsky, last week and you know what he told me? "We found trace elements of Rhino ejaculate and toad venom in these supplements but there's nothing performance-enhancing about them." It's merely for flavor and sophistication. It's also modern toad venom, not ancient. I don't have that kind of money. While Psiris may soon see his loins shrivel up inside his body as a result of all this, that day is not today. Nor will it be tomorrow. He will be the 185-pound arbitrary champion of this world very soon. And Zhao will bow down to his greatness. If Longsun doesn't, well let's just say he's in for another long night.

Mr. Takahashi: The insult came solely from your camp, we called Psiris a true warrior even after he criticized Donkey Dan and the matchmaking as Longsun takes all challengers but you issued disrespect, as the wise John Rambo said in his docrumentary, "You want war, you will not believe war I will bring" as the only Long nights for Longsun will be the ones spent in the gym and satisfying your mothers AND grandmothers...sexually -Takahashi removes a microphone from his jacket pocket and drops it-

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Mr. Takahashi: The insult came solely from your camp, we called Psiris a true warrior even after he criticized Donkey Dan and the matchmaking as Longsun takes all challengers but you issued disrespect, as the wise John Rambo said in his docrumentary, "You want war, you will not believe war I will bring" as the only Long nights for Longsun will be the ones spent in the gym and satisfying your mothers AND grandmothers...sexually -Takahashi removes a microphone from his jacket pocket and drops it-

 

I'm warning you, Takahasi. That will be the last time you will ever speak about Sophia Gunderson in that way. The next time you do, I'll make sure Psiris picks up that microphone and shoves it squarely up your ass. Not Longsun's. Yours, Mr. Interpreter.

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I'm warning you, Takahasi. That will be the last time you will ever speak about Sophia Gunderson in that way. The next time you do, I'll make sure Psiris picks up that microphone and shoves it squarely up your ass. Not Longsun's. Yours, Mr. Interpreter.

 

LMFAO!!! I'm dying over this entire episode. I have to get these two in the cage again...

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I'm warning you, Takahasi. That will be the last time you will ever speak about Sophia Gunderson in that way. The next time you do, I'll make sure Psiris picks up that microphone and shoves it squarely up your ass. Not Longsun's. Yours, Mr. Interpreter.

 

Mr Takahashi: You should honor your mother and grandmother's wishes and their choice to go for such a dynamo as Longsun Zhao, currently he is having me reach out to take them both out for a fancy seafood dinner which will assuredly get many calls back, most likely 3am ones requesting "U Up?" Perhaps you should have your monkeyboy Psiris sign the agreement for Longsun again as Buster is clearly running scared, but if not no worries we offer you a humble pre-congratulations on your future brother and uncle; Longsun always seals the deal. -Takahashi removes yet another microphone from his coat pocket and drops it-

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Mr Takahashi: You should honor your mother and grandmother's wishes and their choice to go for such a dynamo as Longsun Zhao, currently he is having me reach out to take them both out for a fancy seafood dinner which will assuredly get many calls back, most likely 3am ones requesting "U Up?" Perhaps you should have your monkeyboy Psiris sign the agreement for Longsun again as Buster is clearly running scared, but if not no worries we offer you a humble pre-congratulations on your future brother and uncle; Longsun always seals the deal. -Takahashi removes yet another microphone from his coat pocket and drops it-

 

HOW MANY MICROPHONES DO YOU HAVE IN THERE?

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Mr. Takahashi: AS MANY AS I NEED

takahashi.jpg

 

YOU WANT IT TAKAHASHI/ZHAO/LUNDGREN, YOU GOT IT. Psiris knocked Zhao's head into next week and it'll be a privilege to do it again. And you can make those $250,000 checks payable to Psiris Fuhren and Slick Gunderson after 'The Virus' leaves Zhao laying in a pool of his own blood a second time. Be careful what you ask for, whoever the hell it is I'm even talking to anymore. Because you might just get it. *Picks up microphone, holds it forward, drops it again*

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