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UPF Smack Thread

UPF fight smack thread Ultimate Pit Fighting Fight Smack thread

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#1 BigDaddy

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Posted 13 December 2012 - 11:25 PM

Hey there! Dale here, owner of The UPF. It occured to me that all fighting organizations should have a shit talking thread. So, this is ours... Is there something you wanna say to another fighter? Wanna challenge someone? Wanna boast your fighter? This is the place...

Most UPF orgs have a trash talker of the month award of some sort. So I have decided to add one here, which will be added to the "Records" page. Starting in May the award will be $5,000 to the most active fighter in the smack thread.

Ways of talking smack that can get you the award are by posting an interview of your fighter or just talking smack about your next opponent or any opponent for that matter. You may also boast your fighter. Posting in the events discussion is another way of getting noticed for this award. Submitting an article about your fighter will help too as long as you either also post it here as well or post a link to the article. But you must put your manager or fighter name to receive the award. The forum and manager names do not always match up so to keep it clear on who is doing the trash talking.
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Posted 02 March 2013 - 11:17 PM

In today's issue of Showboat Magazine, we get to sit in on an interview with actor-turned-fighter Charlie Sheen who has taken an interest in the mixed martial arts.

Sheen started his career in the MMA promotion known as GFL, racking up a career record of 2-2. When asked about his mediocre tenure in the promotion, Sheen had this to say:

It wasn't the company owner's fault at all. He didn't have a suitable welterweight division so you pretty much kept fighting the same guys ad infinitum. They kept giving me this guy Nammer Da Hammer because he and I were respectively the baddest dudes in the division. Unfortunately I was new to MMA and couldn't keep up with an experienced vet like Nammer. I beat everyone in that division not named Nammer Da Hammer. And thank god for that because that's one obnoxious name.

After parting ways with the division due to lack of talent acquirement, Sheen made his kickboxing debut at the widely successful Dynasty K-1 68 event. His opponent was elite Muay Thai striker Herbie Versmellon.

Once again I find myself being asked to face this elite striking god that was sent down from the heavens for an easy squash match. Little did he know he was fighting a fucking WARLOCK. I hit that man in the head more times than anyone had hit him prior and nobody has hit him that much since. Did I mention that I'm a warlock?

Indeed, Sheen surprised many with his victory over the kickboxing star. In his next fight, he took on the even more dangerous Ikki Minami. Sheen came up short, suffering the first KO loss of his career.

You need to understand- I was brought in to lose. When I humiliated Herbie Versmellon I made the entire division look bad. Here you have this elite gorilla in kickboxing trunks and then a little actor that is completely high out of his mind comes in and wipes the floor with him? Come on! So yeah they set up another squash match against another highly regarded opponent. Except this time they wouldn't let me take my “medicine”. I went into the fight unprepared and unaware that I was being set up until it was too late.

Not everyone sees it this way. Both fighters landed multiple blows flush to the head of the other but Ikki Minami was just too much for the former actor.

He kicked my ass.” Sheen laughs, “I thought to myself: Okay. I've learned my lesson. Surely they will give me a more even matchup now. They proved that kickboxers are tougher than stoned actors. Fair enough.

Instead Sheen was paired up with long time kickboxing legend and eventual K-1 welterweight champion Chucky Kahn. The two met at Dynasty K-1 80 in a highly contested match that saw the former actor truly dominated for the first time in his career.

He pushed me into the clinch and put a beating on me. Rumors circulated backstage that Kahn was unofficially popped for testosterone or some such bullshit but fighters make up stories so who knows? I went into a depression and retired from fighting altogether. After my bid of blowing my former boss to get reincarnated on Two and a Half Men didn't pan out, I took a year off to snort crack off the cracks of every hooker from Imperial Beach to Orange County.

Charlie has since announced his return to the sport of mixed martial arts. He signed a deal to fight for the Ultimate Pit Fighting organization in Hilo, Hawaii.

Bitches, man.

We don't know why he kept muttering that but the recorders caught it anyways. UPF has decided to host a welterweight tournament after the long time champion set sail for more competitive waters. Sheen has opted to participate due to the opportunity for quick fame should he win the tournament.

Nammer you bastard! I want my rematch!

We shook him out of his coke fueled insanity to ask him who he expects to face first in the highly anticipated tournament.

I'm in a tournament? I don't know anything about that. I'm under the impression the division needs to be rid of some guy named Igor Crazy though. He'd have to be crazy to accept the fight with me. No man that came from his mother could ever beat me. I'm a fucking warlock, don't you people listen? I was the highest paid actor on television. I have 99 problems and bitches are ALL of them. Can Igor say that? Can Igor fucking say that? I don't think so. I'm going to smack that face right off that cocky little smirk. I'm going to make him wish he never heard my name. It's time to give Dr. Frankenstein a call 'cause you're about to be out of a job you impish little lab assistant.

It was at this point in the interview that security arrived and escorted Mr. Sheen from the premises. We apologize if anything he said was out of line as it clearly doesn't reflect our position on any of the individuals mentioned in this article.
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#3 masto

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Posted 03 March 2013 - 05:09 AM

Igor Crazy said this in an interview to the media:"I don't have bitches, i have women, Charlie stop talkin' trash u r a joke go back to your bored show"
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Posted 06 March 2013 - 11:53 PM

Igor Crazy said this in an interview to the media:"I don't have bitches, i have women, Charlie stop talkin' trash u r a joke go back to your bored show"



A message from Sheen's publicist:

We're, um, holding this press conference at the request of Charlie Sheen. As you know, Charlie was the highest paid actor on television until he made the conversion to mixed martial arts and the kickboxing circuit.

We tried to find a reputable publication or magazine to host an interview regarding his upcoming fight with Igor Crazy but unfortunately only one magazine responded to our short notice request. With no further adieu I bring you: Cat Fancy interviews Charlie Sheen.

Fancy: Mr. Sheen, would you like to start us off?
Sheen: Please, Mr. Sheen is my drug deal- uh, I mean pharmacist.

Fancy: You asked for this interview, not us. Are you going to take this seriously?
Sheen: My manager contacted my publicist and told him to get me a short notice interview. All I said is that I wanted to talk crap about Igor Crazy.

Fancy: So it's safe to assume that you haven't prepared a planned response and this is going to be a typical improv style train wreck interview which is to be expected with your declining social capacity?
Sheen: Hello, I'm Charlie Sheen. Each year thousands of fighters are killed by the disease known as stupid.

Fancy: What's happening right now? This isn't how an interview works.
Sheen: If you donate just one gloved fist per face, you can provide fighters suffering from stupid an escape from their doomed careers. I will be demonstrating this by laying hands on Igor Crazy on March 23.

Fancy: Well that was worth my time. Thanks for nothing.
Sheen: My interviewer just got up and left so now I have the show. My name is Charles F. Sheen. Do you know what the F stands for? It stands for fuckin' fighter. Igor Crazy... my name doesn't belong in his mouth, which is doubtless not the only thing of mine he wants in there. Igor you're crazy to think you stand a chance in the ring or on the mic with me. You're dry brush and I'm a California fire, Igor. Do you know what that means? You will get burned my friend.

Sheen: Everyone is telling me to be afraid of his Jujitsu submission skills. Really? His only career submission came over a guy that has made a career out of getting submitted. If Igor Crazy submits me I will come on the air and issue a public apology to Igor and both of his fans.
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#5 masto

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Posted 08 March 2013 - 12:57 AM

Igor's twitter acount:"I don't care what drugaddicts and alcoholics say I JUST DON'T CARE!!!"
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Posted 08 March 2013 - 11:40 PM

Igor's twitter acount:"I don't care what drugaddicts and alcoholics say I JUST DON'T CARE!!!"


Charlie Sheen wrote a message on a cocktail napkin and handed it to head reporter of Showboat Magazine to be published. The message read as follows, "You'll care soon punk. Bitches man". It appeared that there was more written on the napkin but unfortunately the rest of the message could not be salvaged due to the fact that it was soaking wet when Mr. Sheen handed it over.
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Posted 24 March 2013 - 05:14 AM

This is Shere Khan with Cat Fancy magazine. Due to the extreme popularity of our most recent article featuring actor-turned-fighter Charlie Sheen, we have decided to host a second interview with the 'Men' star.

Shortly after Sheen announced his return to the sport of mixed martial arts, he quickly signed to fight in the welterweight tournament being hosted by Ultimate Pit Fighting, a league based in Hilo, Hawaii. The tournament was set to feature eight prospective welterweights in a winner takes all format with the tournament champion becoming the official Ultimate Pit Fighting champion of the world.


It was never supposed to be a big thing, my return. I just felt that I had more to do in the sport. My MMA record was 2-2 and I had never really been put in any danger against anybody. In kickboxing I went 1-2 and I got my ass kicked twice in a row. The one thing I hadn't done was claim a world title. This tournament was my ticket and I jumped on it.

In the first round of the tournament, Sheen was billed to face grappling sensation Igor Crazy, the last standing middleweight champion of Newday Fighting, a league based in Las Vegas, Nevada. While Igor was known primarily for his submission prowess, he held a very respectable striking game as well.

Charlie Sheen took to the media, launching a vicious campaign of trash talk and slander against his opponent, insulting everything from his name, to his fighting skills, event his past opponents. For his part, Igor Crazy didn't have much to say; he made it clear he would do his talking in the ring.


It was never anything against Igor himself. It was more that he had the audacity to agree to face me. Like, okay, doesn't he know who I am? The fans back in Japan knew me as a very vocal fighter that expressed himself in and out of the cage and they loved me for it. I wasn't going to back down in this new market. I wanted to make sure Igor knew who I was.

The two met on March 23 and fireworks were had. Crazy came out aggressive but was never really able to dominate Sheen en route to a unanimous decision loss. Crazy did briefly secure a takedown but he opted to stand and continue striking rather than push for a submission.

I was actually a bit surprised when Igor let me up. When he got me down I was like, shit, here we go. But he let me up and didn't push his grappling advantage on me. Can't say that I agree with his choice but I have to give him props for agreeing to strike with me.

When asked if Charlie had anything to say to Igor Crazy now that the fight is behind them. Perhaps if the animosity could subside.

Igor who? Look I don't need more fans following me around my gym and asking me to sign autographs. If this Igor guy wants an autograph he'll have to wait in line like everybody else.

Next up for The Warlock is well rounded fighting sensation Oktawian August, a man who has won ten of his fights; always by stoppage. He comfortably rides a seven fight winning streak comprised of four stoppages due to strikes and three due to submission. He is undefeated in his UPF career.

When asked about him, Sheen was less than complimentary.


Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffft. Right. Igor Crazy was a submission wizard and this Octogonian-whatever is a fighting demi-god. And I'm chopped liver, right? Alright, look, listen... find me an MMA guy that can finish me and I'll give him some props. I've been stopped by two of the greatest strikers in all of Dynasty K-1. This September guy got knocked out by a no count that held the IFC title for about half an hour. Wake me up when September ends.

Despite his talk, Sheen has reportedly flown back to Japan to return to training as soon as possible. Before he left, however, he made a few predictions about the other contestants in the tournament.

It's going to be Sheen versus McCready in the tournament finale. Might as well book it now. Or hey, just send me the check and the belt and the other guys can go cry over a bowl of missed opportunities with Igor.
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Posted 29 March 2013 - 01:41 AM

Due to the increasing popularity of our Charlie Sheen interview articles, we have sent our field reporter Shere Khan to visit with Mr. Sheen. They discussed issues ranging from past opponent Igor Crazy, the legitimacy of the UPF Welterweight Tournament, current opponent Oktawian August's legitimacy as a fighter, and strippers. Check it out!


Khan: Charlie, it's great to have you back again. To recap, you're riding the heels of your latest victory over Igor Crazy in the quarter-finals of the UPF welterweight tournament.
Sheen: Indeed. Everyone had Igor picked to take me down and grind me out to a decision or submit me but I guess I'm tougher than I look or something.

Khan: You talked a lot of trash about Mr. Crazy leading up to your fight with him. How much of that was real and how much of that was just you trying to sell the fight?
Sheen: I don't have to sell the fight. UPF hosts sell out shows without my help. I meant every word I said about Igor.

Khan: Do you just not like the guy?
Sheen: It's not that at all. He had the audacity to fight me, to respond to me... the odds were in his favor to beat me. I'm not going to just sit with my thumb in my ass.

Khan: Fair enough. In the semi-final round of the tournament you've drawn the ever dangerous Oktawian August. What do you know about him?
Sheen: I had the opportunity to talk to him as we signed the contract to fight each other and I can say he's a nice enough guy. He has five wins by knockout and five by submission. He's also in for a huge surprise when he fights me.

Khan: And why is that?
Sheen: He is riding something crazy like a seven fight winning streak which makes him a clear favorite to win the whole thing, right? Well I'm here to tell you that he's a total sham. Who is his biggest win in those seven fights? Slim fucking Shady? Robert Smith? Are you fucking kidding me? He has made a career out of fighting bums with glass jaws. If you lined me up with any of the bums he fought I may not knock them out but I would dominate them from bell-to-bell and you can bet the house on it.

Sheen: The most telling thing about his career isn't who he has beaten, though. Take a look at the people that have beaten him: Mark Slystarr aka a poor man's Igor Crazy; Mike Tyson jr aka a guy who had just lost five of his last six fights, almost always by knockout. I mean come on! August has been built up as this indestructible destroyer that is going to knock me out or submit me, right? But he hasn't really beaten ANYbody. I've beaten two guys in pure striking matches that had better striking than I do. I've tussled with grapplers in their world and prevailed. I personally think if Mr. August stepped into the ring and fought Herbie Versmellon he'd get humiliated by the Herbie. I made Herbie the laughing stock of the K-1 league for God's sake!

Khan: ...yet despite all of this you think August is a nice fellow?
Sheen: Oh, sure, he's a great guy. He's just not going to win this tournament by a long shot. He can't knock me out and he can't submit me; he has never won a judge's decision. Not even against the cans he went the distance with. You know where this is going, man! I'm going to beat the shit out of thus bum and get on to a real fight with McCready.

Khan: You're predicting that Declan McCready will defeat Scott Banks?
Sheen: Of course. Keep this on the D-L but Scott Banks is a place holder. I'm sure they were looking for more killers but they couldn't find anybody better than August, McCready, and myself so they grabbed Slim Shady, Igor Crazy, and Scott Banks to give us three easy wins.

Khan: You didn't mention Hank Patterson.
Sheen: Nobody has mentioned Hank Patterson since the doctor said “Oh my mistake, it's a boy.”

Khan: So in your scenario, it's Sheen versus McCready in the tournament finale?
Sheen: Fuckin' A it is. I'm almost upset with the UPF management because this entire tournament is a ruse. They brought me in for my celeb' status because they know that I will put the asses in seats every time. But they couldn't just GIVE me the belt so they brought in these poor bastards and put together this bogus tournament. None of these guys stand a chance against The Warlock and they already know it.

Khan: Okay well that just about wraps up this interview. Again, that's Charlie Sheen; the actor-turned-fighter.
Sheen: I JUST WANTED TO GIVE A SHOUT OUT TO CHANDELLE, MARIA, AND CANDICE. They're the best strippers down at the Booby Trap, the hottest gentleman's club in all of Tokyo!
Khan: ...right.
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Posted 29 March 2013 - 08:17 AM

We're with Oktawian August, in Tokyo, in Apex Evolution Den before Oktawian's training session.

Black: Hello Oktawian! How are you doing?
August: Hey! I am doing good. It's great to see you there!

Black: Thanks for warm welcome. I am here to talk about UPF Welterweight Tournament, your next opponent and your future plans. Let's start the interwiev. What's your opinion about the turnament?
August: Well, that's my first tournament. I really like this idea, and i want to say thank Dale for giving me an oppurtunity to fight in such event. Fans are great. I really enjoy fighting in Hilo.

Black: By the way, your carrear looks impresive. You fought in Reach, one of the best org in Hilo and in the whole tycooniverse! That's impressive. What's your opinion about your ex-opponents. They were on top level, am I right?
August: Yea, you're right. Opponents were on top level. I am not sure what that cockaine junkie meant by saying that i had been fighting against "cans". I fought against Olympian Wreslter - Peppy Greco, weteran Akuma Zetto, another weteran Brett Wiliams, dangerous Karl Hungus. He don't know what he is saying, i guess he is mental disabled. I am not sure if that information is public, but Charlie was retired. But he wasn't in Bahamas. He spent his time in Columbia, snuffing some cocaine and having fun with prostitutes. He is not even a fighter nor an actor! They kicked him from that shitty TV series. Two men or something.

Black: Wow... I think there's a lot of bad blood between you and Charlie.
August: Bad blood? Well, maybe... He denied my victories. I wasn't such a skilled fighter while fighting against those guys. I almost never rejected a fight offer. Sheen was very brave or stupid accepting the fight offer against me. I will make a pudding from his little white brain.

Black: Your victories was really impresive, expect one against Al Bundy. How are you gonna to comment that?
August: I didn't expected that he would accept the fight offer against me. I was wrong, and i regret the fight against him.

Black: Do you have any game plan for the fight against Charlie? And do you want to share it with us?
August: My plan is really simple. I want to knock him out. I am faster than him. He will say to the judge: "Hey! Do something! There is three of them!". One thing i have to addmit. His striking skills are good. Too bad his chin is so weak. After the fight it will looks similar to consistency of that white powder which he is enjoying.

Black: What's your oppinion about him as a person?
August: I don't know him personally, but I am sure that my manager - Bragi, changed a few mails with his manager. I am not sure if you know but we're in the same alliance, but I am not a mate for Sheen.

Black: Okay, what are you thinking about potential final of the tournament?
August: I will fight in the finale against Declan. He is great fighter and i want to prove everyone that August is a real deal!

Black: Do you have any plans for the future?
August: In the future I am seeing myself as a winner of the turnament. I see Charlie's dealer crying because of his inability to do simple things after our fight. I can say buy tickects for the event! Come to see our war alive! You'll get the chance to see how medcis safe someones (Charlie's) life!

Black: Thank you very much for your time! Good luck in the fight! Do you have any last words?
August: Charlie I will prove everyone that your chin is hard like a glass. You had woken up the beast! I'll show you no mercy!
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Posted 30 March 2013 - 12:13 AM

Cat Fancy 3/29/2013 “Interview with the Sheen pt. 3”

At the request of Charlie Sheen, we have sent Shere Khan to Sheen's private gym in Tokyo for an impromptu interview.


Sheen attempted to appear intellectual upon my arrival. I know this because as I walked into the locker room, Sheen looked up and suddenly grabbed a dictionary. He then proceeded to act surprised as I walked in.

Sheen: Oh! I didn't see you coming in. I was just doing a little lite reading. I like to read the dictionary for half an hour each day because it makes me feel... what's the word...
Khan: Educated?

Unfortunately, Sheen grabbed the dictionary hastily and it was upside-down as this brief exchange took place. Sheen led me to a back office which also served part time as a cleaning product supply closet. He referred to this closet as his office yet there was no furniture. As we settled in on the floor, Sheen commented on the heavy fumes coming out of the bleach bottles scattered around the room. They had no caps on them so the smell was overpowering.

Khan: Well, Mr. Sheen, you requested this interview so I would imagine that you have a subject matter in mind?
Sheen: Yes, I do. Recently I got wind of an interview being held by Oktawian August where he made disparaging comments to the media. He talked trash and crossed the line. He made remarks about something which I hold very dear and I wanted to clear the air immediately.

Khan: And that is?
Sheen: I have never been to fucking Columbia. Everyone knows that the drugs are flown into the United States and from there my dealer buys them and sells them to me. Cutting out the middle man is what Walmart does- they run small mom and pop shops out of business by cutting out the middle man. I don't support this atrocious behavior at all and I would like for Mr. August to apologize to Juan. Juan works very hard carrying cocaine to my mansion on his ten speed.

It became abundantly clear that this was going to be “one of those interviews.”

Khan: Right, well, I'm sure Mr. August meant no disrespect to your bicycle riding druggie friends.
Sheen: That's a little disrespectful as well, Mr. Khan. Heh, Khan. Like Star Trek. KAAAHN!

I stared at him with no expression, waiting for him to continue.

Sheen: Well, I mean, Juan prefers to be called a paraphernalia engineer.
Khan: That would be retarded.
Sheen: You agree to call people a lot of things when you're high out of your fucking mind.

Khan: Do you have anything to say back to Oktawian August?
Sheen: To be honest with you, I don't even know what he said really. I just know he said I went to Columbia or some shit. I can afford to have Columbia come to me. Here, tell me some of the shit he said. I'm sure it isn't that bad, though, really. He seemed like a nice kid.

Khan: He implied you spent your retirement “snuffing” cocaine and having fun with prostitutes.
Sheen: Yeah, see? He knows me too well. He's not a mean kid at all.

Khan: He implied you were brave or else very stupid for accepting to fight him as well.
Sheen: I have to fight him to win the welterweight title. Besides it won't be so much a fight as a warlock schooling a kid. To really put a lot of learning experience into one night, I will be helping teach some young paramedics about how to apply stitching to a battered face and likely they will be resetting his broken bones as well. I mean that with love because I plan to go easy on him. My easy mode is still more raw than most people going hard. What else did he say?

Khan: He said he's going to expose your... glass chin... and knock you out.
Sheen: Pffffff.. I mean.. pfffffffffffft. BAHAHAHAHAHA. No he won't. See? He isn't offensive in the least. Next.

Khan: He said your drug dealer is going to be out of work.
Sheen: Oh that two-faced, sniveling little son of a bitch. How dare he bring Juan into this? That does it. I'm going to rain on his parade. After I beat his ass, I'm going to snort lines off his little honey's crescent moon, I'm going to smack his mother, and I'm going to tell his father to wash my truck. I'm going to take out a mortgage on his family home and stop paying it. Gangsters say that, right? No? Okay, let's just stick with the other stuff. Also, when he wakes up post-fight I'm going to knock him out again.
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Posted 01 April 2013 - 07:19 PM

Our magazine sent Mr. Purple for an interview with Oktawian August to Tokyo, to famous Apex Evolution Den.

Pink: Hello, Okawian. Peoples calls me Mr. Pink, but please call me Pink.
August: Hey. Why Mr. Black can't arrived? I don't want to offend you but i really like that guy.

Pink: Well... He had problems in a warehouse, with other reporters, such as famous Mr. White, Mr. Brown and Mr. Blonde.
August: Oh, okay, say Hi from me when you'll see him, okay?

Pink: Okay, I will do that, don't worry. But I think that he won't be avaiable. Your next opponent Charlie Sheen responded on your words. How are you gonna comment that? Have you read his interview?
August: I saw the interview with him. His "office" is a reflection of his carrear as a fighter and it needs to be cleaned. He is a stain on clean MMA world. My job is to be a bleach. I will clean him out of that business.

Pink: How are you going to comment his words about beating you on "easy mode"?
August: Easy mode? He can play on easy mode with that dude Juan. That will be two guys in the cage. Mr. Decision want's to knock me out? My manager sent me some of his fight videos. He is more boring than John Fitch. I felt asleep two times while his enterance to a fight.

Pink: Do you have anything that you want to say to Charlie?
August: Yes. You may afford to bring Columbia to you, but you can't buy skills. You never had a winning streak. And it's never gonna happened. I hope you know where your rehabilitation will take place. Even your friend from G.I. Jose won't help you. NOW IT'S PERSONAL!

Pink: Thank you Oktawian for the interwiev. Good luck in the fight!
August: No problem! Thanks for coming.
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Posted 03 April 2013 - 02:26 AM

Hello all, I'm Marcus Whitman. I manage and represent Mr. Sheen in all of his personal and professional interests in relation to his fighting career. Following Mr. August's recent interview, Charlie called me up pretty upset. Unfortunately I missed the call and had to sit listening to his twenty minute rant on my voice mail. Some of it was pretty interesting and I'm sure he would appreciate me sharing it with the world. I'll post the parts I can comprehend, some of it became a clenched teeth spittle flying rage fest that I just couldn't work out. Anyways, enjoy the unofficial interview he gave himself!

"Hey, Marc, it's Charlie. Can you believe the nerve of that bastard? I'm sorry. I've been taking anger management as per your request and I know I should avoid listening to these interviews because it makes it impossible to contain myself. But come on! Seriously? This little shit has the nerve- no, the AUDACITY to call me out like that? He does these fucking interviews with the colors of the crayon box and talks about my career and my office? I mean, okay granted, I brought the Cat Fancy guy to a broom closet for our interview. I'll give him that. If that little fucker wants to go to sleep just tell him to take me to the ground and see if he doesn't take a nap. I don't care if he talks shit about me but when he starts bringing my drug dealer into it, that's too far man! Do you know how hard it is to sell crack on a ten speed bicycle when you're nine? It's fucking hard, man! That little bastard works harder in a week than August has worked in his fucking life! And then he says I'm going into rehab? Bitch, please! Rehab is for drug addicts which I am not. Crack isn't addictive, motherfucker! I'd know, I've been using it for like twenty years now! I don't even like crack, I just like the way it smells. Heh. Get it, Marc?"

I'll cut it out from there because Charlie proceeded to talk to me about which fast food place has the best spicy chicken sandwich (Wendy's by the way). He did talk more about Mr. August but to be honest with you it was getting harder and harder to understand his garbled bullshit. Perhaps in the next few days he will take this energy to an actual interview session. I can only imagine the frightful headway we would make if Mr. Sheen would expend this much energy on training.
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#13 Guest_nunnker_*

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Posted 03 April 2013 - 03:21 AM

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#14

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Posted 03 April 2013 - 03:30 AM

MMA Monthly: And here we go folks, we are here with perennial UPF 205 pounder contender Willie Leak. Gotta say Willie... this is your first interview ever, are you ready?
Willie: BUCKFUTTER!

MMA Monthly: Yes... well, ummm, you have a huge bout...
Willie: Sorry, been watching way too much Celebrity Jeopardy lately... for some reason my Manager Sean "BuckFutter" Connery makes me do it. He also has me researching Penis Mightiers in my spare time... something about Trebek is sitting on a gold mine.

MMA Monthly: That's quite alright.. now your next fight, Jose Lopez, are you ready?
Willie: I think so. I beat him once, I'm gonna do it again. Don't get me wrong, he is a dangerous opponent and I'm sure has learned some new tricks since our last encounter.. but I'm confident I can finish.

MMA Monthly: Speaking of finishes, you have gone for the title in 2 out of your last 3 fights... and been finished each time, what does that do to your psyche?
Willie: It pounds it... it's not easy. The good news is I have not lost a round in a championship fight, the bad news is I got caught in both of them. That's why they are champions and I am not, they finished.

MMA Monthly: What have you learned from those 2 defeats?
Willie: Well first off from Gracie it was DUCK! THAT hurt! And with Hugo... it was just how much of a bitch it can be to put someone away.

MMA Monthly: When are you ready for your next title fight?
Willie: Anytime! I don't care if it takes 10 more shots at it to make it happen... it will happen. Right now our division at the top 6 or so is really tight, no one can really get a good win streak going because we keep beating each other off from the top... wait, you can cut that out right?

MMA Monthly: Sure we can... After your fight with Jose who would you really want to fight???
Willie: Jimmy Stone, we have fought twice and are 1-1... so we need to settle the score.

MMA Monthly: Now one more question, you mentioned a "Penis Mightier"... what exactly is that?
Willie: Are you daft? It mighties your penis of course! Sheesh!
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#15 HankM1

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Posted 03 April 2013 - 07:39 AM

Henkka Reem just updated his facebook status

Tony Brown is one sad joke. I thought I would be next in line, but instead he'll fight some Mauricio, whom he has already beaten. This is
just fucking sad. I'll beat the shit out of Barch and after that you better be ready for me, if get even past Mauricicicicio. Try dancing stand up
with me and I'll punch you silly, GTA SA style.
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#16 Guest_nunnker_*

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Posted 03 April 2013 - 08:13 AM

Henkka Reem just updated his facebook status

Tony Brown is one sad joke. I thought I would be next in line, but instead he'll fight some Mauricio, whom he has already beaten. This is
just fucking sad. I'll beat the shit out of Barch and after that you better be ready for me, if get even past Mauricicicicio. Try dancing stand up
with me and I'll punch you silly, GTA SA style.


Well my friend, thats because all of the opponents that Reem has fought so far have a combined record of 7-21 and the guys Reem has submitted have had no higher than a blue belt in BJJ. Don't try to bite off more than you can chew so soon. You will jus talk a tough game to be humiliated numerous times by sub-par UPG fighters before, if ever, earning a shot at the title. Rack up more than 4 wins and over guys better than 1-10 records, etc.. Jus because your fighter has a brown belt does not mean his jiujitsu is nearly the level of Pitbull Calvancante nor even Tony Brown. Reem is only 20 and I don't think his hiddens are up to par with my fighters' and plus Reem has yet to defeat anyone with a decent ranking belt. With that being said, Pitbull will gladly give you a shot at his belt assuming Reem gets past Barch.
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#17 RozzaD

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Posted 03 April 2013 - 08:42 AM

Posted Image
Light Heavyweight Champion, Hugo Llorente:

Yep its really me, try not to get star struck.... Anyway, just thought I would pop in and say a couple of things. Firstly, well done to Willie Leak; he did a lot better than I expected him to do but my BJJ was better and he lost. I was expecting to knock him out with a head kick to be honest but he had good take downs and executed his game plan pretty well so I just decided to start trying and subbed him, simple. My next opponent Carlos Ricci will probably be the toughest opponent I have faced to be honest even though he has lost to Leak and Gracie, who I beat. I am a striker at heart and love to battle on my feat but this guy has absolutely no skills in that department, he is one of those sit on the floor and dry hump fighters. I won't lie and say this will be an easy win though because it will be a challenge but I trust in my BJJ skills to pull off a submission like I did with Leak. See you on the 20th Carlos!
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Posted 03 April 2013 - 10:33 PM

MMA Monthly: And here we go folks, we are here with perennial UPF 205 pounder contender Willie Leak. Gotta say Willie... this is your first interview ever, are you ready?
Willie: BUCKFUTTER!

MMA Monthly: Yes... well, ummm, you have a huge bout...
Willie: Sorry, been watching way too much Celebrity Jeopardy lately... for some reason my Manager Sean "BuckFutter" Connery makes me do it. He also has me researching Penis Mightiers in my spare time... something about Trebek is sitting on a gold mine.

MMA Monthly: That's quite alright.. now your next fight, Jose Lopez, are you ready?
Willie: I think so. I beat him once, I'm gonna do it again. Don't get me wrong, he is a dangerous opponent and I'm sure has learned some new tricks since our last encounter.. but I'm confident I can finish.

MMA Monthly: Speaking of finishes, you have gone for the title in 2 out of your last 3 fights... and been finished each time, what does that do to your psyche?
Willie: It pounds it... it's not easy. The good news is I have not lost a round in a championship fight, the bad news is I got caught in both of them. That's why they are champions and I am not, they finished.

MMA Monthly: What have you learned from those 2 defeats?
Willie: Well first off from Gracie it was DUCK! THAT hurt! And with Hugo... it was just how much of a bitch it can be to put someone away.

MMA Monthly: When are you ready for your next title fight?
Willie: Anytime! I don't care if it takes 10 more shots at it to make it happen... it will happen. Right now our division at the top 6 or so is really tight, no one can really get a good win streak going because we keep beating each other off from the top... wait, you can cut that out right?

MMA Monthly: Sure we can... After your fight with Jose who would you really want to fight???
Willie: Jimmy Stone, we have fought twice and are 1-1... so we need to settle the score.

MMA Monthly: Now one more question, you mentioned a "Penis Mightier"... what exactly is that?
Willie: Are you daft? It mighties your penis of course! Sheesh!


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#19

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Posted 03 April 2013 - 10:36 PM

Charlie Sheen tweeted the following message this morning, "Remember guys -- Bet your houses on Oktawian August (if you want to sleep in your car) #Winning #Champion #Cocaine"
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#20 Lenik

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Posted 04 April 2013 - 06:11 PM

Yep its really me, try not to get star struck.... Anyway, just thought I would pop in and say a couple of things. Firstly, well done to Willie Leak; he did a lot better than I expected him to do but my BJJ was better and he lost. I was expecting to knock him out with a head kick to be honest but he had good take downs and executed his game plan pretty well so I just decided to start trying and subbed him, simple. My next opponent Carlos Ricci will probably be the toughest opponent I have faced to be honest even though he has lost to Leak and Gracie, who I beat. I am a striker at heart and love to battle on my feat but this guy has absolutely no skills in that department, he is one of those sit on the floor and dry hump fighters. I won't lie and say this will be an easy win though because it will be a challenge but I trust in my BJJ skills to pull off a submission like I did with Leak. See you on the 20th Carlos!

Hello everybody Mary Jane here from Motavation Magazine. I have with me here UPF light-heavyweight title contender Carlos Jos Ricci.

MJ: Thank you for talking with me today Mr. Jos Ricci.

Future Champ: You're very welcome. I always enjoy talking with a pretty lady. But, please just call me Carlos.

MJ: Alright, Carlos. You have a upcoming title fight with Hugo Llorente. How are you preparing for this fight?

Future Champ: Well, Hugo is a tough guy. But, to be honest I think Rickson Gracie was a tougher opponent. I know Hugo beat him. But, I'm pretty sure he couldn't do it again if his life depended on it. 

MJ: I did get to watch that fight. Hugo pretty much dominated that whole fight. 

Future Champ: Yeah but I don't think Gracie brought his "A" game. I've faced Gracie, I know what he is capable of. He could easily best Hugo. But didn't and that's all that counts. Now when I face Hugo he will feel the power of my takedowns and the skill of my BJJ as I pound his face into the canvas before making him tap or go to sleep.

MJ: So, it's safe to say that that is your game plan then? Take him down, ground and pound to soften him up, then work for a submission?

Future Champ: Precisely. I will finish him early in the fight. I would like to apologize to UPF fans and my fans alike in advance for finishing Hugo too early.

MJ: What about Willie Leak? He also holds a victory over you but was bested by the champ. Does this concern you at all?

Future Champ: Not in the least. Leak got lucky, caught my slipping. I had just lost to Gracie and was not in the right place in my head. Won't happen again.

MJ: Sounds good. We are about out of time. Anything you would like to say to Hugo or anyone else?

Future Champ: Yeah. Hugo you're right I am the toughest you'll face thus far. See you on 4:20. I'll be high as fuck whooping your ass. And my last name is Jos Ricci not just Ricci. I will beat your face in before putting you to sleep. You fucked up accepting the fight against me, you're gonna go down sucka. And I would like to thank Mr. Saw and the UPF staff for giving me this title opportunity.

MJ: Well good luck in your fight with Hugo, I'll cheer for ya. Ladies and gents Carlos Jos Ricci. 


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