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Forum Game - Jokes about countries


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Q: Why is there no Disneyland in China?
A: No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.
Q: How do you know if an Chinaman robbed your house?
A: Your homework is done, your computer is upgraded, but two hours later the little f**ker is still trying to back out of your driveway.
If Japanese Pop is Jpop then what is Chinese rap? CRAP?

I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in Chinese.

 

No two snowflakes ever look exactly the same. Unless they're Chinese snowflakes, obviously.

 

Brasil

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Too much delay! To be honest, Brazil is one of those countries I don't know many jokes about. So given the lack of response, I went here: http://tlkhelp.lastknights.nl/knc/random.php

 

Random country picker

You've picked France, enjoy your stay.

 

 

 

So be it!

 

 

Did you know the toothbrush was invented by the French?

If it were invented by anyone else it would have been called the teethbrush.

 

 

What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad?

A salesman

 

 

How do you get a French waiter's attention?

Start ordering in German

 

 

How do you separate the men from the boys in France?

With a crowbar

 

 

How many Frenchmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one to hold the lightbulb while Europe revolves around him

 

 

I've heard the French are trialling a new wartime flag. It's a white cross on a white background.

 

 

You can identify French infantry by their sunburned armpits.

 

 

After God created France, he thought it was the most beautiful country in the world. People were going to get jealous, so, to make things fair, he decided to create the French.

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1. I overheard a woman on the bus the other day saying she needed a Sperm Donor.

 

They'll sell anything in Kebab shops these days.

 

2. I stayed in a Turkish Hotel, my room overlooked the sea.

 

Unfortunately it also overlooked hygiene, good service and edible meals

 

3. Life is like a box of chocolates, everyone hates the turkish c***

 

4. What do you say to a turkish baby?

 

Shish Kebaby

 

Next country: Mexico

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People are just scared to piss off an angry Brazilian. They cut you, man!!!!

 

A Finish girl was watching the news where they announced 12 Brazilian soldiers died in combat the other day. She became worried and asked, "How much is a Brazilian?"

 

Why do Mexicans make re-fried beans? Ever heard of one doing something right the 1st time?

 

Why are there no pools in Mexico? All the ones who can swim are already here.

 

Why were there only two thousand Mexicans at the battle of the Alamo? Because they only had two trucks.

 

How do you know when Asians are moving in to the neighborhood? When the Mexicans start buying car insurance.

 

Japan

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Why is it that, every time Japan made a substitution, the same player was going back on?

 

After Bush was re-elected Japan sent 100,000,000 cases of Viagra to the United States after hearing that they were unable to hold an election.

 

I just rung my Japanese friend to make sure he was okay after the Tsunami and all he did was go on about his social life.

Just kept going on and on about a huge rave.

 

Whenever I dump a Japanese girl, they act like everything is fine.

It's like I have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message.

 

 

 

 

Next: Russia

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1. What do you call a gassy Russian?

 

Vladimir Tootin

 

2. Why wasn't Jesus born in Russia?

 

They couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin

 

3. What do you call a Russian in the knockout stages of the World Cup?

 

A Referee

 

4. My wife reckons my obsession with conspiracy theories is getting out of hand

 

I wonder how much dirty money the Russian governement paid her to say that

 

5. What do you call a Russian with Tourette's syndrome?

 

Yukanol Fukov

 

Next: Germany

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Why are so many Germans born via caesarian?

Ever try to fit a square head into a round hole?

 

 

Why didn't Hitler drink alcohol?

It made him mean.

 

 

During the 1960s both the USA and the Soviets sent rockets into space. Upon passing within short wave radio distance of each other they turned to the local frequency and the US astronauts exclaimed to the Soviets, "Endlich! Wir können wieder deutsch zu sprechen!".

 

 

My German boss had the audacity to tell me there is no "I" in "Team", yet he got upset when I reminded him that there is a "U" in "Holocaust".

 

 

The next country can be Belgium, the gateway to France.

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What do you call a Belgian with 5 naked children chained to a heater in the basement?

Just Belgian.

 

Why did the Belgian planned invasion of the Netherlands fail?

The French defeated them in Paris.

 

An Englishman, American, and Belgian were on the helm of the Titanic as it crashed. The Englishman being a typical gentleman shouted, "Women and children first!"

The American being a typical American shouted, "Fuck the children!"

The Belgian being a typical Belgian then replied, "Do we have time for that?"

 

Have we done Canada yet?

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  • 2 months later...

This died out but seen it on a page and thought we should revive it. Ill post some Canada Jokes:

 

I fucking hate Canada. Half of them speak French and the other half allow it to happen!

 

Canada had the most potential of any country in history. They could have had the cuisine of the French, the culture of the British and the technology of the Americans. Instead, they ended up with the technology of the French, the cuisine of the British and the culture of the Americans!

 

It was announced today that Canada is preparing to increase it's commitment to assisting the United States in its war against terrorism.
They have promised to commit two of their largest battleships, 6,000 armed troops, and 60 fighter jets.
However, after the exchange rate is factored in, that comes down to a canoe, two Mounties and a flying squirrel.

Finally got my Canadian history results back, I got an EH

 

Next country can be Ukraine after recent stories!

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Ukraine announced today that they plan on turning Chernobyl into a tourist attraction. They say its just like Disneyland except the 6ft mouse is real

 

How many Ukrainians does it take to change a lightbulb. They don't need them, they glow in the dark.

 

A Ukrainian man wants a drivers license, "C Z W I X U P Z" the instructor asks him to read it, the man replies "Read it, I know the guy"

 

 

Next country, Ireland

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What's the difference between Chernobyl and Disneyland?

Chernobyl's six foot mice are real.

 

How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Ukraine doesn't use lightbulbs since they all glow in the dark.

 

A Ukrainian goes to the DMV and is asked to read it eye chart. It says:

CZWIXNOSTACZ

The woman behind the counter asks if he can read it. The Ukrainian guy answers "Sure, he's my cousin."

 

Let's move on to the country I've enjoyed living in the most: South Korea.

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Ukraine announced today that they plan on turning Chernobyl into a tourist attraction. They say its just like Disneyland except the 6ft mouse is real

 

How many Ukrainians does it take to change a lightbulb. They don't need them, they glow in the dark.

 

A Ukrainian man wants a drivers license, "C Z W I X U P Z" the instructor asks him to read it, the man replies "Read it, I know the guy"

 

 

Next country, Ireland

Would reply to this one but I have to head out. All I can say is this though. The biggest joke? The FUCKING WEATHER!

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Ukraine announced today that they plan on turning Chernobyl into a tourist attraction. They say its just like Disneyland except the 6ft mouse is real

 

How many Ukrainians does it take to change a lightbulb. They don't need them, they glow in the dark.

 

A Ukrainian man wants a drivers license, "C Z W I X U P Z" the instructor asks him to read it, the man replies "Read it, I know the guy"

 

 

Next country, Ireland

 

What's the difference between Chernobyl and Disneyland?

Chernobyl's six foot mice are real.

 

How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Ukraine doesn't use lightbulbs since they all glow in the dark.

 

A Ukrainian goes to the DMV and is asked to read it eye chart. It says:

CZWIXNOSTACZ

The woman behind the counter asks if he can read it. The Ukrainian guy answers "Sure, he's my cousin."

 

Let's move on to the country I've enjoyed living in the most: South Korea.

Well this is awkward haha

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Ukraine announced today that they plan on turning Chernobyl into a tourist attraction. They say its just like Disneyland except the 6ft mouse is real

 

How many Ukrainians does it take to change a lightbulb. They don't need them, they glow in the dark.

 

A Ukrainian man wants a drivers license, "C Z W I X U P Z" the instructor asks him to read it, the man replies "Read it, I know the guy"

 

 

Next country, Ireland

Haha we used the exact same jokes.

 

What do you call two Irish gays?

Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick.

 

What do you call an Irishman sitting on your back deck?

Patty O'Furniture

 

Why is there no third Irish joke?

Because I'm part Irish and when has a lazy Mick ever finished anything?

 

Now, on to the country I've enjoyed living in the most: South Korea.

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Dont want to interrupt,...I am American/Native-American and of German blood,.....I love this thread. anything that can make you laugh at yourself is good medicine . Thanx guys, the Reads were a blast, and I am going to follow this one. Lmao

Unity in humor, cant beat that ! :mf_popcorn1:

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Now, on to the country I've enjoyed living in the most: South Korea.

What did the Korean father tell his daughter?

You allergic to bees.....Good! Get A's or C your way out of my house.

What is the capital of South Korea?

About 3 dollars

 

KOREAN PREGNANCY TEST: Put an unsolved Rubik's cube into her vagina. If it comes out solved, she is pregnant.

 

I wonder if the Koreans put their smileys like this ¦)

 

 

Next Country: South Africa (Im expecting a few Oscar Pistorious jokes here)

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Have you not seen the quality of football (soccer)?

It is actually not too bad when you think about the lack of funds they receive. Also, the standard won't be as high as normal because a lot of English Clubs send scouts to Ireland since it is only across the water and cherry pick the good players. I remember a goal someone scored in the Irish League was nominated for the FIFA Puskas Award.

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Oscar Pistorius jokes?

It's crass to pick on the handicapped.

 

What do you call a South African in Australia?

A cbomb.

 

South Africa Post released stamps with President Zuma's face on them that refused to stick to enveloped. After a short investigation it was determined that this was because people were spitting on the wrong side.

 

After the death of the great statesman Nelson Mandela, all flags in South Africa were lowered to halfmast. Any lower and some kaffir would steal them.

 

My South African missus is leaving me for "teaching her son to wink". She assured me she is "never coming bick".

 

 

GO GO GADJET INDIA.

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