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The most hostile takeover


JLP

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On a hot summer day in Las Vegas, Syn owner Dark Soul (yes, that is his real name) is wisely hunkering down in his office to keep safe from patriotic Americans celebrating Independence day. He knows that his funny accent and teeth will make him a target of a drunken mob of slobbering neanderthals. Instead he is gazing lovingly at a picture of Devin Styles, trying to figure out how to make the first move. Soul is startled by a disturbance outside of his office and puts the photo on his desk just before his office door explodes inwards. Two men barge in the door, the first one Soul recognizes as MMA legend and linear Syn champ Kid Torres. The next man is former DSC fighter and Latvian heartthrob Edgars Simans.

 

 

 

"What the fuck mate?" Soul cries out. Torres and Simans say nothing. Kid holds the door open while humors glowers at Soul. A whining hum can be heard coming from his secretary's office. A sick feeling starts to form in Soul's stomach as part of him remembers hearing that sound before. Fish and chips turn into a bitter cold knot of gross as it dawns on him....... JLP is coming.

 

 

 

"G-g-g-g-g-get ooooouuuuut" Soul protests, but inside he knows it is too late already. He is trapped and he gave all of his security men the day off for the holiday. The whining gets louder as the all too familiar hover-round enters the room. Perched atop the laboring machine is a man Soul hoped to never see again. Breathing heavily, with gravy stains on his straining shirt, JLP enters Dark Soul's office, a triumphant look on his many jowled face and a .45 in his massive ham-hand.

 

 

 

JLP pilots his craft straight into the desk at ramming speed, causing the desk to bounce back a few inches. Dark Soul dies a little inside as his picture of Styles plummets to the ground. "I wish Devin was here", Soul whines to himself, "I need you now my sweet prince."

 

 

 

A pregnant pause comes over the room, beads of sweat break out all over Soul who struggles to not vomit in terror and revulsion at this monstrosity before him. Finally, JLP speaks, filling the room with the foul sickly sweet odor of his breath. "Dark Soul, you fool. Do you know why I am here?"

 

 

 

Soul opens his mouth to reply, but JLP cuts him off sharply. "Quiet mongoloid. I'll tell you why I am here. I don't want your tiny brain to burst trying to understand the motives of a super genius. This is a hostile takeover. The most hostile of hostile takeovers." JLP turns to Kid and nods. Kid moves around the side of the desk and as Soul stands in alarm, Torres cracks the inside of Dark Soul's front leg. Dark Soul is a little confused.

 

 

 

"If you dont play ball there will be more of that." JLP pants.

 

 

 

"Que?" ponders Kid.

 

 

 

Dark Soul, feeling emboldened by the lack of any power in JLP's bodyguard's kick, starts to feel a little tough. "Fuck you JLP, you wanker!" he cries.

 

 

 

Kid Torres throws a leg kick but Dark Soul sees it coming and moves out of range. Torres is off balance and slips, he lands on his ass, the jarring fall knocking him unconscious. JLP and humors both have slight smiles on their faces as snores come from behind the desk.

 

 

 

"Thats right you cbombs, now get out of here!" Dark Soul exclaims, feeling quite pleased with himself. "Or you two tossers will get what he got."

 

 

 

An uncomfortable silence fills the room as JLP centers his icy glare on Soul. Soul's stomach churns and a dribble of piss goes down his leg as he stares into JLP's dead green eyes. "You fool, do you really think Kid is my instrument of intimidation? I feel sorry for that walking vegetable. He is here to amuse me only. These are my instruments." JLP says as he taps his sweaty forehead and waves his .45. "Although giving your security guys the day off made humors efforts to keister my pistol ultimately unnecessary but amusing."

 

 

 

"I how a lot of fun doing it boss, and now this guy knows have far we will go." humors mutters in his dumb accent.

 

 

 

"Quiet fool. Speak when spoke too." JLP replies and returns his gaze to Soul. "Well?"

 

 

 

As DS' terror continues to rise, made all the more potent by Kid's labored snoring, he finally lets out a terrified squawk, "I'll do it, I'll sign Syn over to you! Just leave me alone! Forgive me Devin Styles!"

 

 

 

A look of confusion crosses JLP's face, his many chins shudder in contemplation. "I'm talking about Dark Soul Combat."

 

 

 

"Oh, really?"

 

 

 

"Yeah, I wanted to take that over."

 

 

 

"Why? I mean, sure, whatever. You could have just called and asked." Soul says.

 

 

 

"Ok, fine. I just like this way better though, its more dramatic" JLP growls.

 

 

 

"Fine, good. Please leave, this was kind of a dick move."

 

 

 

"Sorry," JLP says as a way of apology. A new shean of sweat breaks out on JLP's face as he pilots his hover-round out of Syn's corporate HQ's, farting contently. Humors prances after him happily, he loves that smell. Dark Soul says a little prayer and pick up his picture of Devin Styles again. He weeps silently and tweaks his nipples as Kid Torres snores thunderously and dreams of better days.

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Where did frank rizzo jr come from? I hope to discuss my soon to be offered fight with him.

Rizzo was under Dark Souls desk.

Actually, I used ingame text for the two leg kicks and forgot to change the name to Dark Soul the second time. I fixed it.

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JLP pilots his craft straight into the desk at ramming speed, causing the desk to bounce back a few inches. Dark Soul dies a little inside as his picture of Styles plummets to the ground. "I wish Devin was here", Soul whines to himself, "I need you now my sweet prince."

 

 

 

 

.....Seriously?!? That picture frame cost me $6.99....

 

 

 

 

Great writeup for sure!

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Where have you been fool, Rizzo got tired of waiting on a worthy dance partner and moved on to grab hold of a new title belt. You need to follow along son!

You left after I called you out, I even made a thread about it

 

http://www.mmatycoon.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=43518&hl=%2Bfrank+%2Brizzo+%2Bbitch

 

You are a grade A duck and bring great shame to the Cocksmen. I once again throw down the gauntlet you scoundrel. Your father is a hamster and your mother smells of elderberries.

 

http://img.geocaching.com/cache/large/56cd7694-3827-4bed-b28b-3c10d6ec8b33.jpg

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  • 2 weeks later...

The Kid's Corner

Featuring MMA Tycoon legend Kid Torres

 

Kid: Hola amigos, it es I, Kid Torres. Linear Champeen of Blitz, Syn and EVO. Greatest p4p fighter of all time. The man who took Charles Martel's virhinity. Welcome to inaugural edition of my new show Keeds Corner. Si. Dees week I interview the new CEO of DSC, my boss JLP and we break down number one DSC card. Si. Then we have interview with some hombre named Tim Smith.

Kid: Heelo Mr. JLP, I big fan of things you do here. I also beeg fan of you giving Kid a job. Si.

 

JLP: Thanks for having me Kid. When i found out you were sleeping in a dumpster behind Syn's offices in Vegas, I was concerned. When I heard that you were involved in a illegal cock fighting operation I had to step in.

 

Kid: Yees, thank you Mr. JLP. It was horrible. Si. I did not want to fight thee chickens, but Kid needs to eat.

 

JLP: No need to justify your actions to me Kid, I am a degenerate as well.

 

Kid: Mr JLP was very kind to give me a job and pay my hospital bills after my last fight as well. Thee cock was brutal to Kid. Si.

 

JLP: You know Kid, I don't really get how a chicken put you in a coma though kid. Or how you had a losing record fighting the chickens. I would think a leg kick spammer like you would be able to smash a chicken. Your leg kick skills would put your foot right into there heads easily.

 

Kid: Si. No. Kid don't kick to the head. The theeng about chickens is they have little legs that are close to the ground, very hard to kick the cocks in the legs. Si.

 

JLP: Yeah right, God you are stupid. Anyways, lets break down the main card from the first event. I have my daily injection of apple cider vinegar, propophol and ketamine to get to.

 

Kid: Si, boss. Dees fight card starts with Arthur Smith vs Dark Fear. Arthur Smith is managed by long time Tycoon manager and koala roper Cus Tomato. Dark Fear is managed by former DSC owner Dark Soul. Neither of dees guys is very good. I would knock them both out very easily. Si. I think I would knock Arthur Smeeth out faster so i pick Soul to win fight. Si.

 

JLP: Are you fucking kidding me Kid? If thats the level of analysis I get out of you you'll be back in that dumpster in no time.

 

Kid: Si boss. You can't do that though, I sublet dumpster to fighters from Latvia. I do better boss.

 

JLP: You better. I have to go. My permanent state of comfortable numbness is wearing off. Have that idiot Tim Smith come in here and finish the breakdown. His chin is as shitty as yours.

 

Kid: Si.

 

Kid: Hola Tim Smith. Welcome to Kids Corner starring Kid Torres. Si.

 

Smith: Aw shucks, Kid. Great to be here. You are my favorite fighter.

 

Kid: Si. I am everyone's favorite fighter. I planned this good, because your fight is next on the list. Do you think you are going to win?

 

Smith: I think so Kid. My main problem has always been my shit chin and Andrew Jackson is not known for knocking people out.

 

Kid: Is true. Not everyone can have a granite chin and be undefeated like me, Kid Torres. Si. What is your terrrible strategy for dees fight?

 

Smith: Im just trying to keep it standing and exchange some shots with Jackson. Either way, its not going to the judges.

 

Kid: Good idea amigo. The judges and refs have robbed the undefeated Kid Torres on many occasions. Si. However, the Kid predicts you lose this fight. Andrew Jackson will pound you out on thees ground like a tortilla.

 

Smith: Thats kind of uncalled for Kid, to say it like that.

 

Kid: Quiet boy, or Kid will smash your shins. Next fight is Ribeiro Da Silva vs Gustin. According to boss, winner of this fight may get title shot in MW division. Da Silva is my favorite fighter in DSC right now. He has great strategy. Si. He throws almost 25 leg kicks per fight. A true Kid Torres inspired fighter. We all know leg kicks are most important part of fight, so Da Silva wins easily.

 

Smith: I like Gustin in this one. He's got great hands and KO power. He should win this fight if he can dictate the distance here. If he gets into a sloppy brawl with Da Silva then things could get real exciting.

 

Kid: Si. Next fight es De Fran vs Rold. Who you got in this one Bonecrusher?

 

Smith. Rold is going to want to get this fight down to the ground as soon as possible. De Fran is known for throwing lots of power and being aggressive. I think he keeps the pressure on and takes a win by late KO.

 

Kid: Let me say first that I would beat either of these guys pretty easily. Then let me say that I could probably beat them both at the same time. But if thees two guys are too scared to fight the champ, Kid Torres. Then i guess its an entertaining fight to see them fight each other. Si. I can see De Fran's aggressiveness getting him into trouble in dis fight. He needs to be patient and hold back his power so he dont get taken down and tapped out after a counter. Kid thinks De Fran can do it though, but not easily. De Fran by judge robbery. Si.

 

Kid: Final fight on card is title shot Molina vs Matrix. Winner of this to likely fight winner of Da Silva/Gustin. Molina is a long time DSC fighter. Si. He currently is on a 5 fight win streak. Matrix has been around for a while too. He got this fight after winning his last two in very exciting performances. Molina is a more well rounded fighter, he is dangerous anywhere in the cage. I think Molina gets a judges robbery.

 

Smith: I tend to lean towards Molina too. It will be interesting to see what he has planned for Matrix. Matrix absolutely has to get the fight to the ground early on or he will be playing catch-up to the champ. I got Molina taking a decision here too.

 

Kid: Gracias amigo. Thanks for being part of first Kid's Corner. Next week we have interviews scheduled for two young LW's. Kid will be sitting down with Derek Patterson and Zito Bandito. If they get out of line, Kid will knock them out for the fans. Si.

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