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Need fighters to learn some killer new submission moves?


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Have you ever waylaid an opponent using Andy Kaufman's Polish Cripple Pickle, or suffocated an opponent with the semi-legal submission move ,the Electric Armpit? When was the last time you finished a fight on an unsuspecting fighter with the legendary Gorilla Scrotum-Stomp? Have you ever even attempted a Spitting Feral Yak Bombardment? Well now you can!


Written by Freelancer, Rapper, 911 Truther, and Miley Cyrus Historian, InsipidB



"Hello, Hellooo?!? Oh, Is this on? Yes?! Come to me, Hustle that buttock on down to Handicapable Hamed's House of a 1000 Bodyslams". ?We have moves, submissions and takedowns to suit every fighter's style at a price every fighter can afford".


Have you ever wanted to perform MMA quality Backbreaker? Why apply tired, predictable moves my mother -in- law can perform, when you can excite the crowd with a parilyzing move like the Yam Bag crusher? Here at House of 1000 Bodyslams, We can teach you this and 999 more techniques guaranteed to get you ALMOST tossed out of the match. Believe me when the Referee heres they crowd roar with approval, they will look other way while you perform Randy Savage's Epic Anal Dance House Party.


Hello, I am wrestling legend Handicapable Hamed and here at Hopuse of a 1000 Bodyslams, you can learn from MMATYCOON legends like Mike Evans, Waldorf Astoria, Renan St. Juste, Hassan "The Hatchet" Lawmaster and many more.


Act now, because i am lonely and hungry, I will take trade in and teach you my signature moves. Just bring me demure Goat or submissive Yak or a hot plate of Belish Con Popo in Foblabosh sauce............ Love the Foblabosh........ and I will teach you my primo moves.... yes?


Get to know me, I will teach the secrets of Andre the giant's Pubic Slam, The McMahon Fetid Bunion Stomp., even Ann Coulters Split Legged Brouge kick. Care to learn the secrets of Dr Phil's Modified Nasal Puncture Hump? Yes?!?!. I know infamous attacks like Goldbergs illegal Slippery Teabag Nipple rip, I know John Cena's Aborted Fecal slam. If variety is spice of life, let me spice up your variety with legendary Jim Duggins Lazyyyy Macromae Dookie Roll and Ronda Rousey's Rabid Backdoor Hamster Suplex.


And tonight at midnight, I offer once in lifetime coaching session where you will learn Hulk Hogan's Flying Douche Nozzle?

Keep that on the down low brother, no?!


And speaking of douche, I have 4 days left on one time special. Connor McGregors go to move, the Filthy Irish Sanchez and his Shittalk Spewing Tonsil Stomp. Buy those moves now, and get the now infamous Kahbib's Nurmagomedov's Irish Ookie Cookie Bomb at half price. Yes? Get to know me!


SO bring me relaxed goat, or a handicapable Yak and you too can go home with Max "morphine Drip" Yamaguchi's Stinky Cobra Strike.


And please not to worry, I, "Handicapable Hamid, am a licensed MMA Submission Coach, legal to teach most deadly finishing holds, tosses, chokes and gropes in states or natons such as The Badlands of Cherokee nation, Pago Pago, and Utah.


So learn these moves with confidence and with little to no risk of future Manslaughter charges, and dont forget Tepid goat or roofied Yak!


Remember, Handicapable Hamid says to tell them ..."Not Guilty"!

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As the bathroom was just finished Mikes wife pointed out they need a new kitchen now, he has been like this ever since. Just talking vaguely MMA-related gibberish.

I can respect that, vaguely related gibberish is the glue that holds life together. TY.

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