Rock-A-Fella FC smack talk thread

[RozzaD]

http://www.mmatycoon.com/images/company/logo/1598902262ROCKFC2.png

Rock-A-Fella Fight Club (365K+) is open for business!

Merch Partner: The Dirty Needle Project owned by Dead Disney

Signing all divisions except 265+ and 205lbs which will be reserved for GONY 4 tournament. Anyone, who wants a contract send me a message here or let me know below. Cheers!

Rock-A-Fella FC and The Dirty Needle Project Awards:

Smack talker of the month:................................................50K

Fighter of the year (every 3 months IRL):............................200K

[RozzaD]

Been open 2 days and already got 40 fighters, looking for plenty more especially in the 135 and 265 divisions! Looking to book frequent events ASAP.

[DeadDisney]

The Dirty Needle's social media team will be monitoring RFC's smack talk thread and handing out cash awards for trash talking and fighter of the year (every 12 rl weeks).

 

100k for FOY (12 weeks)

 

25k monthly for best trash talk.

 

40k for Character of the year (12 weeks)

Have at it, boys.

[Kaufman]

As you wish.

The Truth Detector

PINNOCHIO “THE TRUTH?” CRUZ

 

*The camera pans over a seedy motel at the southeastern outskirts of downtown Los Angeles. It’s about half past seven in the evening. The sun is starting to set. At this locale, that means the residents are just waking up. The motel is a long one-story building with doors lining the front. There is a large backlit yellow and red sign above the motel with the name “S—D Piper Motel.” The “A” and the “N” are barely visible as the bulbs behind them appear to be out. The camera scans across the front of the motel until it reaches a door with the number “12” on it. Just outside the door is a man with a camera on his shoulder and wearing a vest with a little “K” on the right side of side of the chest. Standing in front of him is an irate African-American woman dressed in a sharp-looking purple business suit. She is whispering loudly into his face*

 

Vernita Perkins: What the hell are we doing here, Armando? It smells like f*ckin cat piss. This place is a goddamn f*ckin dump. Look at this f*ckin degenerate *Vernita nods over to a drunk passed out near the door number 13*

 

Armando: Ms. Perkins, we can’t keep going over this again and again. At Kuafman, we go where they send us. We don’t ask questions, we just go.

 

VP: Urgh! Why would Mr. Kuafman send us here anyways?

 

Armando: Hahaha… *starts to cough* Woowee, I need to quit smoking. Mr. Kuafman didn’t us send us anywhere. He’s not the kind of man that issues order.

 

VP: That don’t make no sense, Armando. What you mean “he don’t give no orders?”

 

Armando: It’s much bigger than that, Ms. Perkins. Mr. Kuafman is global. He gives orders to give orders to give orders.

 

VP: That still don’t make no sense, ‘mando! Alright, f*ck it. We’re already here. Let’s just get this sh*t over with. *Vernita lands a few hammer fists near the number 12 on the door*

 

*The door opens about ¼ of the way and a head pops out like out of turtle shell. It’s a serious looking man, with slightly crazy eyes. His straight, jet black hair is combed down his forehead at different lengths. The mans eyes dart back and forth at Vernita, then at Armando, then back. His head moving along with his eyes*

 

 

Pinocchio “The Truth” Cruz: You the ones? You the ones they sent to talk to me?

 

VP: No, you dumb sh*t, a woman with a microphone and a man with a camera are here to sell you encyclopedias. *Looks at Armando* I don’t get paid enough for this sh-t *Looks back at Pinocchio* Open the door, fool.

 

*Vernita pushes her way into the tiny motel room. Cruz, not expecting Vernita’s entrance is pushed back into the room but regains his balance quickly. At 5 feet 6 inches, The Truth stood about 4 inches shorter than Vernita. However, his ragged LA Dodgers tank top reveals an athletic build. The motel room is as simple as it gets. Ratty queen-sized bed in the middle, dresser with a decrepit microwave oven on top, and small desk pushed up against wall. Tupperware containers are strewn across the room. There is one lone container on the dresser with a half-eaten chicken breast and some stanky leftover broccoli. At the front of the bed are two black folding chairs. On the bed is some sort of device. It looks like a black wireless router with a bunch of wires coming out of the end. One of the wires is hooked up to an arm sleeve for measuring blood pressure, another wire has attachments for fingers. One wire leads to a laptop, also on the bed. The laptop has some sort of chart. Vernita and Armando take a couple of steps over to the machine. Vernita looks over at Pinocchio*

 

VP: The f*ck’s this? *motions to the machine. Cruz starts answering but she cuts him off* You know what? Hold up. Armando, get your camera going. I don’t wanna have to hear this shit twice.

 

*Armando sets up camera next to the two folding chairs. Pinocchio sits on the chair closer to the machine and Vernita sits on the chair along side him. We go to Armando’s camera…3..2..1…Action*

 

VP: *In perfect newscaster voice* Good evening, this is Vernita Perkins with Kuafman. We are live at the lovely Sand Piper Motel in Los Angeles, California with Rock-A-Fella Fight Club fighter, Pinocchio Cruz. Pinocchio, how are you feeling after your last fight.

 

PC: Truth..It’s Pinocchio “The Truth” Cruz. Verdad, Miss Bernita, Verdad. How I feel, you wanna know? I lose to a man named Slappy. Dammit *Cruz punches the bed* I shoulda hit him harder more times.

 

VP: OooK, now Pinocchio, what is this…thing…we have next to us *nods to the machine*

 

PC: Ohh this thing? Iz a pooly-grap. A lie detector test. Mira, Miss Bernita, they don’t want to call me the truth. I tell them. I don’t lie. I tell the truth. But they say noooo your name is Pinocchio, so we don’t call you the truth.

 

VP: Well, Mr. Cruz, this may be a bit insensitive, but your name IS Pinocchio. The little wooden dummy known all over the world to tell lies. You can understand the confusion, can’t you?

 

PC: All my life, Bernita, toda mi vida! Ok, let me tell you why. When I wa a little child. A little baby. I have a big nose. My nose so big that my mother even felt in her stomach before she give birth to me. When I was born, my nose was very prominent. A sign of great character in my family. So they called me Pinocchio in honor of my great-grandfather Pinocchio Vicente Hernandez Cruz.

 

VP: …but your nose is normal size now.

 

PC: Over the years my head and the rest of my body grew, but the size of my nose stayed the same. Until eventually, it became equivalent to my body. An average nose. Who want that?! It brought shame to my family. When I went into the world, I learned that no matter what I say, they don’t believe me because my name is Pinocchio. So I have this test and I can you to ask me questions and show the world *points to the camera* that I tell the truth. Let me get it set up.

 

**Cut to Commercial**

ARE YOU BORING?

KUAFMAN

 

VP: We’re back. And Mr. Cruz is attached to the Polygraph device. How do we do this? Do I just ask you questions?

 

PC: Exactly, and you look at the laptop monitor it will tell you that I am that I am telling the truth and you can tell the world. *points to the camera*

 

VP: Alright then, let’s get started. First question, Mr. Cruz. What is your full name?

 

PC: *Proudly* Pinocchio Vicente The Truth Cruz

 

VP: Hmmm, Mr. Cruz, the machine is telling me that your answer is…a lie.

 

PC: *Tapping on the machine and cursing under his breath* ehh este pedazo de mierda. OK, Bernita, maybe the machine is malfunction. Let’s try some more.

 

VP: Whatever you say. Are you scheduled to fight Randall Plaatijies at Rock FC 3?

 

PC: Yes

 

VP: Test says…not a lie.

 

PC: See, I toll juu.

 

VP: What do you think of Mr. Plaatijies?

 

PC: I not worry about him. Este hombre, his forehead, it take up more than a third of his head. It means he estupido. His head, es like a watermelon with little spikey hair on it. Es a big target for my hands.

 

VP: Right…umm…OK…let’s check the results. Oh *Looks at the monitor more closely and then looks at camera* Apparently, that is not a lie. Wow OK. Let’s try again. Are you going to try to knock Randall out this Saturday?

 

PC: I’m going to break his watermelon head.

 

VP: *Checks test. Eyes widen* Ehh this is a surprise. That is ALSO not a lie. Mr. Cruz, you lost your last fight by unanimous decision, you really think you have the ability to knock out “Gomsnuifertjie” Plaatjies?

 

PC: Kuafman says I gotta knock him out. I knock him out. Can I do it? You better believe it. I been doing the training, I been eating the chicken breasts *slaps a Tupperware container off the bed* pollo pollo pollo all day long. And the colly flowers. I eat em too. I’m in the best shape of my life. I watch the video of my last fight. My coach say hit him hard I say no, I hit him a lot. Well I was wrong. I got the fists of stone and I sculpt his face into little watermelon shape vergas. What do the machine say, Bernita?

 

VP: *Looks at camera slightly annoyed* Hmph…it says not a lie. Alright, Mr. Cruz, you win. Maybe you are the Truth after all. Why don’t we try that first question again. What is your full name?

 

PC: *Smiles confidently, puffs out his chest* Pinocchio Vicente THE TRUTH Cruz!

 

VP: *Checks the test, slowly looks up at the camera with a big smile* Mr. Cruz…the test says…that is NOT the truth.

 

*Pinocchio’s widen in shock and anger. He looks at Vernita, at the machine, then at the camera. Suddenly he starts furiously tearing all the machines attachments off him, picks up the laptop and hurls it against the wall producing a monstrous thud*

 

PC: You don’t know. None of you know. I AM THE TRUTH. I AM. I’ll show you *points to Vernita* and all of the world *points to the camera* and I want to especially tell to this little guy Randall. You got no business being in there with me. I got something to prove! You stepping in dangerous ground and you better bring your sleeping bag cause you’re going need it. Now you *motions to Vernita and the camera* all get the hell out of my room, I gotta do my exercises before bed. GET THE HELL OUTTA MY ROOM.

 

VP: UH UH, Aint no one talk to me like that. Armando, pack the shit, we outta here. Till next time folks. This is Vernita Perkins with Kuafman.

 

*Fade to black*

 

[DeadDisney]

Hmmm. I'll have to add another award category for stuff like this. Something along the lines of character or personality of the month or year. I'll update my previous post soon to reflect the award amount and frequency. Well done.

[RozzaD]

The Dirty Needle's social media team will be monitoring RFC's smack talk thread and handing out cash awards for trash talking and fighter of the year (every 12 rl weeks).

 

100k for FOY

25k monthly for best trash talk.

 

Have at it, boys.

 

As the owner of ROCK FC I will double both awards. Thanks DD!

 

As you wish.

 

 

Great write up mate, love to see it. Good luck to Pinocchio I will start doing some previews in here to pick this thread up a bit.

[RozzaD]

ROCK FC 3

Garbis Topalian vs Papa John

Both these guys fought in the opening event of ROCK FC and came out victorious, this has earned them a headline slot in ROCK FC 3 which will likely grant the winner the chance to fight the dominant Ralph Hall for the title of the welterweight division. Topalian looks to be an interesting prospect with some impressive all round skills, he may decide to take this fight to the ground and pound his opponent out although he has displayed decent skills on the feet as well, so the fans will be curious to see what his game plan will be come fight time. Papa John, clearly a man who loves his pizza is clearly a stand up fighter with heavy hands, having 3 KO victories to his name with just the one submission loss to aforementioned Ralph Hall in a title fight over at DFN. Let's see if John can maintain his form since then and earn a much anticipated rematch with a KO victory over Garbis.

Prediction: Topalian via TKO

Blake Leopoldo vs Tyrell Hatton

In the co-main event we have two grapplers, although one is clearly more dangerous on the ground than the other. Leopoldo is a brown belt with 5 submissions to his name with 1 submission loss in his last bout against Hall. Facing off with him will be Hatton who has shown he has some skills on the ground as well and an advantage in the stand up. Hatton may be looking to try and finish Blake on the feet early to avoid his superior ground game. Hatton has some nice momentum coming off a win in ROCK FC 1 and Leopoldo is coming off his first loss.... Will the tides change or will these guys maintain their streaks?

Prediction: Leopoldo via submission

Wyatt McLeod vs Angus Buchan

Next up we have two 25 year olds looking to throw down. Buchan will be looking to utilize his boxing skills and get an early KO, McLeod also possesses some stand up skills but has a blue belt in BJJ so may be able to sink in a submissio on the ground if he can take the fight there.

Prediction: Buchan via KO

Sami Rantanen vs Milo Andrianakis

I'm looking forward to this one, we have an 18 year old prospect with an intriguing well rounded skill set fighting an unproven yet promising 25 year old build in Rantanen. I think we might see a true MMA fight here with some grappling and striking taking place. Andrianakis has shown some vicious striking however taking less than half a minute to dismantle his previous opponent.

Prediction: Andrianakis via KO

Joel Kangas vs Joel Miller

Here we have the battle of the Joel's! Another one I am very excited to see here. Similar story to the previous fight, a young and budding prospect with vicious KO power taking on an older, wiser prospect coming again out of the Finnish camp Taneli Valkoinen. Much respect to the Valkoinen camp for stepping up to stop both these young lads in their tracks. This should be a tough fight and something tells me we could see a heavy handed bloody fight in the clinch, I have to make a prediction and only because Miller has shown he can finish a fight quickly before I am gonna have to give the winning Joel to him.

Prediction: Joel Miller via TKO

Adam West vs Cole Driscoll

Another age gap of 7 years in this bout between West and Driscoll. West will be fighting out of a fresh newly built camp where as Driscoll is represented by management that has returned to the MMA scene after some time off. these two guys fight with a similar style and both are coming off a debut loss, West unfortunately in more dramatic style suffering a brutal KO punch. It looks like he never fully recovered fro that loss and it has shaken his morale a little. Both are seeking their first victory and will surely come out swinging.

Prediction: Driscoll via KO.

Julian Swag vs Ilya Kushnevich

Kushnevich is trained by one of the oldest MMA management offices still around and will represent the world famous Convicted Alliance. Let's find out is he will 'piss excellence' on saturday night against the very self confident Julain Swag. Swag describes himself as an absolute unit and a fucking god so he won't be deterred by the hype that comes with being a Convicted fighter by the looks of it. Swag is gonna come in with a cocky grin on his face believing he can take his opponent down and choke him out no worries, but Ilya has other plans, he don't look like a slouch in the wrestling department and maybe he can keep the fight standing, where I believe he could prevail with ease if he can manage. Striker vs Grappler here I think.

Prediction: Hmmm perhaps the toughest matchup of the night but I'll flip the coin and say Swag via Submission.

Royce Machado vs Elroy Jetson

Oh dear..... it looks like Jetson is very down in the dumps, morale is low in his camp despite his 3-2 record. Machado will be fighting in his debut and something tells me he will have no issues taking Elroy down instantly and end his misery quickly. Let's hope Jetson can prove me wrong and at least put up a good fight for the fans and shock us all.

Prediction: Machado via Submission.

Eric Distefano vs Abdulrashid Taymorkhanov

Let me just take a sip of water after that mouthful of a name..... Ok, the saucy itlaian american Distefano is making his debut and we welcome him with open arms. reports say he is confident ahead of his fight and has been training hard to make it big in ROCK FC. Abdul is one of them silent but deadly type Dagestan guys though which quite frankly scares the shit out of me. He has a decision win under his belt and will not be phased by the outgoing Distefano so this makes for an interesting conflict of personalities and styles. Tune in for this one on the undercard!

Prediction: Distefano via decision.

Pinocchio Cruz vs Randall Plaaitjies

Last but not least we have Pinocchio vs Randall! Cruz was involved in what seemed to be a fight week mini documentary, which showed off his interesting and very TruThFul personality, he gained some fans and some haters with his bullish and eccentric personality and vows to smash Randall's watermelon like head! Unfortunately for him he has gone viral for losing to a guy names Slappy Johnson which saw Cruz getting slapped around for 3 rounds. consider this his revenge tour! Randall Plaaitjies fighting out of South Africa will look to continue slapping the shit out of Cruz in this next fight but that may be easier said than done as Pinocchio is out for blood, or so he claims! The first fight of the night will kick things off with a little spice as thee appears to be some friction here.

Prediciton: Watermelon head via decision.

[Kamikaze]

Vladimir Kalishnikov.

 

 

Number one in his division.

 

Number one in the whole org.

 

He drags strikers into deep water, and tenaciously ravages them until they lose their will to fight.

 

He is a dangerous man.

 

And he is here. Deal with it.

[Kaufman]

Pinocchio Receives a Package

 

*We are back at the S—D Piper Motel in sunny (southeast of) Los Angeles. Somewhere between downtown and Vernon. It’s 9:30 AM. Most rooms are either vacant or their inhabitants are in deep repose except by accident. Pinocchio “The Truth” Cruz is in suite number 12, as luxurious as we remember. Except, with more strewn Tupperware containers previously filled with poultry and steamed produce. Pinocchio is on the floor doing some sort of Spiderman planks. Everything comes from the core, after all. Mid-plank he hears a rough series of knocks on his door*

 

Pinocchio “The Truth” Cruz: *to himself* Im no ‘specting no body and I ain’t got the rent. Keep working out.

 

*Thirty minutes later. Number 12 opens and Pinocchio pokes his head out. He looks right, sees a row of closed doors. He looks left and sees door number 13 with Paco passed out alongside it. He looks down…*

 

PC: What the fuck?

 

*Just in front of door number 12 is a rectangular cardboard boxed with the words HELLBENT inscribed on it. Cruz looks closer*

 

PC: HELL-BENT? *Pinocchio walk over and kicks Paco in the foot* Hey! Hey Paco, wake up ey *Paco stirs and looks up bleary eyed* The fucks this? *motions to the package*

 

Paco: No se, wey. I dunno about your package. Why you waking me up? It’s like 6 AM!

 

PC: Well how’d it get here then?

 

Paco: Two tough looking white guys came by and dropped it off. I asked them if I could bum a smoke. They told me to go get a fucking job! Then they gave me this. *Paco’s eyes get big as he pulls out a now crumpled One Hundred Dollar Bill which he quickly smushes back into his pocket* and this *Paco goes into his other pocket and pulls out a sizable cannabis cigarette which (used to) span all the way across his palm from his wrist, down to where his fingers began*

 

PC: Fuckin Paco, this explains why you so damn sleepy all the time.

 

*Pinocchio grabs the box and returns into his room, slamming the door behind him. He throws the box on the bed, breaches the taped edges, and hurls open the flaps. Inside the box is a neat pile of immaculate gear. On top is a crisp document. Cruz looks at the box’s contents bewildered, and then down at his ratty LA Dodgers tank top which since our last foray had been adorned with additional stains and holes, and back at the gear. He picks up the document and squints at it*

 

PC: *mutters to himself* What? What this mean?? I’m not a fucking lawyer. Eh I need a lawyer. Ay fuckin shit here we go.

 

*Cruz speed walks outside right past Paco to door 13. Kicking Paco along the way. On purpose. He bangs on the door*

 

PC: HEY OPEN UP! OPEN THE DOOR!!

 

*After about 10 seconds of shouting and banging, the door bursts open. A plume of smoke emerges and at the door jam stands a slightly chubby, semi-balding, bespectacled man no taller than 2 inches past 5 feet. He is wearing boxer shorts, a white “wife-beater” tank top and business socks with suspenders. In the background we see two silhouettes of tall domineering people dressed in knee high leather boots and you can assume the rest. One of them appears to be attached a giant phallus-like object*

 

Gerald: What do you want Cruz?? I’m in the middle of seeing two very important clients.

 

PC: I gotta have you look over this paper for me! *Waves the document in front of Gerald’s face* Hey What you doin in there?

 

Gerald: Can’t tell you that *winks* lawyer client confidentiality. No can do, hombre *squints at the paper and points to his eyes* you know, my ojos don’t work. I didn’t bring my glasses.

 

PC: *Reaches into the pocket of his gray sweat pants and pulls out a dilapidated 20-dollar bill * Will this help you see better?

 

Overheard from behind Gerald: YOU BETTER DO WHAT HE SAYS AND TAKE THAT MONEY, MOTHER FUCKA! CAUSE YOU OWE US MUCH MO THAN THAT. AND WE HERE TO COLLECT!!

 

Gerald: Ahem yeah, oh wow, my vision has miraculously returned, praise God. *Grabs the 20* Alright what we got here? *Grabs the document and starts scanning* Holy fuck..HELLBENT wants to sponsor…you?!

 

PC: What is HELL-BENT?

 

Gerald: Having you been living under a fucking rock? *looks at surroundings* Uh ok kinda. HELLBENT is one of the top fight clothing brands in the world. Aren’t you an MMA fighter, how do you not know this?

 

Overheard from behind Gerald: AINT YOU THAT GUY FROM THE TV? THE ONE FROM TOY STORY OR PINOCCHIO OR SOME SHIT?? AHHH YOU THE PUNK WHO GOT HIS ASS BEAT BY SLAPPY JOHNSON.

 

Gerald: For some reason, these HELLBENT guys seem to love you… *recounts the terms of the contract to Cruz* you better do right by them in your next fight!

 

PC: Let me tell you something, watermelon cabeza better watch out. He should not show up. If he shows up he should wear a helmet. But that won’t help ‘cause I’ll break his helmet. Then I break his watermelon head until the seed fall out and then I will put the seeds down his throat until he choke. So you see, Gerald, I will win by KO and submission at the same time! All the haters they say I’m no telling the truth, I’m telling little fibs. They will see. And now that I got these clothes from the HELLBENT I don’t have to go around looking like a homeless person. With the win bonus, I can get outta this dump. Let me tell you something, Gerald..

 

Gerald: Cruz, I don’t give a shit about what position you’re going to fuck this watermelon in. Can’t you see I’m with some very important clients. Sign this damn contract before these people meet you. It says you need to sign electronically by email.

 

PC: *furrows eyebrows* What is email?

 

Gerald: Unbelievable. Hold on. *reaches over to a stand next to the door, picks up his smartphone. A few clicks later..* Congratulations, fibs, you with HELLBENT now.

 

Overheard from behind Gerald: BITCH, GET YO ASS BACK HERE!

 

Gerald: Hey uhh, Pinocchio, I gotta go.

 

*Door number 13 slams shut*

 

FADE TO BLACK

[Arcalimon]

 

ROCK FC 3

 

Great preview! : )

[Kaufman]

Rock FC 3 Post-Fight: Pinocchio “The Truth” Cruz

*We are backstage at Rock FC 3 at Hayashi's Lounge in the big apple, New York City. The first fight has just ended. Most of the fans are just arriving and their interest in these early fights corresponds with their blood alcohol level…low. We zoom to Pinocchio “The Truth” Cruz standing alongside Kaufman Reporter Vernita Perkins. In the background is what appears to be a broom closet transformed into Pinocchio’s locker room. At the edge of the shot lingers an angry looking man in a tracksuit surveying the surroundings with a menacing glare. Also, spread about the broom closet from floor to ceiling are watermelon innards and busted up rinds. The only part of the broom closet that doesn’t look gnarly is the neatly hung, immaculate HELLBENT Luchador t-shirt*

Vernita Perkins: Welcome fight fans, I’m Vernita Perkins with KAUFMAN reporting live backstage at Rock-A-Fella FC event Rock FC 3. We are joined, once again, by Pinocchio Cruz.

*Pinocchio is bouncing up and down and side to side. His shoulders are flowing back and forth like he’s doing the wave without arms. He resembles an oversized, hyperactive puppy, perhaps Chihuahua mixed with a Pitbull. Vernita looks down at the Cruz, whose about 5 inches shorter*

VP: Settle down, Cruz. *snaps in front of Pinocchio’s face* FOCUS. We’re on TV.

Pinocchio “The Truth” Cruz: *Grabs the microphone Vernita is holding and pulls it down bringing her arm with it. She looks peeved* WOOOO!! WOOO!! *fist pumps* Mira, Bernita, did you see it? I was like *throws slow motion 1-2-5 combo* BOOSH! And then his watermelon head explode!!

VP: *jerks the mic back towards her mouth* I saw it, Pinocchio. I’m here covering the event. I have to admit, it was impressive. You actually did exactly what you said you were going to do. *mutters under her breath* Unlike my ex.

PC: *Pulls mic back down* I been training hard. And I wanna tell the kids, don’t smoke the weeds. Eat the chickens and broccolis. I told you I didn’t lie. I told the world *points to at camera* I am THE TRUTH. And now I’m ready for the next watermelon head. *Looks back into broom closet* they send me this guy, from Latvia, to be my coach. He bring 25 watermelons and he tell me “break.” Bernita, I don think this guy know how to say anything else in ingles. So I just say OK, and do what he say. Bernita, I AM THE TRUTH. I wanna hear you say it, Bernita…PINOCCHIO “THE TRUTH” CRUZ!

VP: *Looks down at Cruz with a mix of disgust and annoyance, and puts her finger in his face displaying her highly decorative nails* You ain’t gonna tell me what to say. The day Vernita Perkins does what you say..Sh-bleeep-t…that’s the day cows will be butt-f-bleeepp-ing goats on Mars. Armando, pack it up. We done here. *Looks directly at camera, smiles, and in perfect newscaster voice* This is Vernita Perkins with KAUFMAN signing off.

FADE TO BLACK

[RozzaD]

ROCK FC 4

Welcome back to another ROCK FC event preview, things are heating up as this org begins to mature - Fighters are getting better, Arena's are getting bigger and Hype is growing in the beautiful city that is New york. Let's take a closer look at what we have in store for us this saturday night...

Vladimir Kalishnikov vs Islam Nurmagomedov

In our main event of the evening we have a battle of Russia! Vlad fighting out of St Petersburg will face Islam out of Dagestan... Correct me if I'm wrong but I believe there is some legit beef between Russia, well that's how it appears judging by all the scraps that have been taking place amongst Russian fans queuing up for the weigh-ins outside Hayashi's Lounge NYC. Kalishnikov has an impressive record of 5-0-1 and he avenged that draw later in a rematch with his opponent. 3 out of 5 fights have been finished via KO and no doubt he would love nothing more than to make that 4 on saturday night to prove to Russia he is the best they have. ROCK FC fans have been vocal about how Islam is not ready for Vlad yet with only 1 victory out of 2 fights, well frankly the hype of this matchup took priority and lets hope this fight lives up to it.

Prediction: Kalishnikov via KO.

Shaka Jones vs Vahid Azari

In our Co-main, we have another lightweight match up which should be a vicious standup war. all 4 fights among these guys have ended in a (t)KO and I expect nothing less come fight night, don't blink for this one. Shaka Jones will be the hometown favorite as a New York native himself and if I had to choose a country for an american crowd to route against Iran would be one of them... Let's hope Vahid gets to and from the cage without any coors light bottles to the dome. Need I say more, this should be a candidate for fight of the night and perhaps we will see the winners of the Co and main event face off in ROCK FC's near future.

Prediction: Jones via TKO

Rafael Bendetti vs Chad Mendoza

Fighting out of the mean streets of West Linn, Oregon - home to the great Chael Sonnen we have Chad Mendoza, who like Chael is a slick grappler so look out for Chad diving for ankles early doors to earn himself another submission victory. Standing in his way is a very interesting prospect in Rafael Bendetti! The undefeated 19 year old will be no walk in the park for Chad and if he can land an early punch to Chad's jaw then this one is gonna be all over very quickly. It all comes down to who has the best game plan in this one. Could easily go either way.

Prediction: Bendetti via KO

Mladen Petric vs Kinch Lebowski

Petric,looking to bounce back from a disappointing loss has the striking advantage over Lebowski but Lebowski showed he is no slouch and earned his debut victory in less than half a minute via submission. Petric's camp informed me he is out for blood this time though and he has had a solid camp - he doesn't want to suffer defeat again by all means necessary. Look for Mladen to come out like a bull in this fight. Kinch will be looking to tame that bull and using his cool calm and collected approach to channel Mladen's aggressiveness into a mistake and lock in a submission. Should be a fun fight.

Prediction: Petric via KO

Gon Freecs vs Arnar Sigurdsson

Reports from Sigurdsson's camp claim he has had a tough time dropping the weight for this fight and that has left him rather fatigued ahead of his bout. Hopefully he recovers well after the weigh ins and is ready on Saturday night. Across the cage from him stands Freecs from the Philippenes, Gon has 2 decision wins under his belt and appears to be a decent all-round mixed martial artist. Who will reign supreme? Found out at Hayashi's Lounge on October 3rd..

Prediction: Freecs via decision

Nate Kristersen vs Ace Pablo

Prediction: Kristersen via TKO

Cedrick Collner vs Khosrov Hashempour

Prediction: Hashempour via TKO

Bobby Robby vs Paul Lawrie

Prediction: Lawrie via decision

Kallie Knoetse vs Patrik Mustonen

Prediction: Knoetse via TKO

Patricio Silva vs Rob Bernard

Prediction: Silva via decision

[DeadDisney]

Pinocchio Cruz is the Rock-A-Fella STOTM. 50k is on the way to your manager's bank account.

[Kaufman]

Pinocchio Cruz is the Rock-A-Fella STOTM. 50k is on the way to your manager's bank account.

Thank you. I will be talking more shit soon.

[Kaufman]

Sergei Blumm Joins the Job Squad

 

Scene opens at Navy Street MMA. A bustling gym located in Venice, California. The gym is at about 65% capacity with everyone having ample space to work out with their teams on the excellent-quality equipment. In the back corner of the gym is Rock-A-Fella FC lightweight fighter Sergei “Sad Face” Blumm. Blumm is shadow boxing in front of a large heavy bag, but instead of punching the bag, he is allowing the bag to hit him in the face each time it swings in his direction. Blumm is essentially face-butting the bag, letting out a loud “Ommf” every time the bag connects. Besides the heavy bag, stands a colossal, bald-headed goon. The goon is barking instructions at Blumm in an Eastern European language. The buzzer sounds signaling to the fighters the start of their 30-second break.

 

Sergei, clearly frustrated, throws his hands in the air, exclaiming to the goon “What is this training? This isn’t striking defense!” The goon stares down at Sergei annoyed. Blumm gets the hint, shakes his head, and goes back to the bag

 

 

The buzzer sounds. Blumm takes a deep breath and resumes faceplanting himself into the heavy punching bag.

 

A few feet away from Sad Face’s workout area, a cadre of oddly shaped men and women are in the process of an “unorthodox” workout. They are being led by a bulky man, just over 6 ft. in height. He’s got long hair tied up in a pony tail and black-rimmed glasses. The gray lightly sprinkled in his hair and goatee are the only tells that he has advanced into middle age. The man pulls out his phone and films their “workout.”

 

 

The odd bunch lines up, each with a folding chair. A chubby midget with a mullet haircut and NASCAR t-shirt emerges to the front of the pack. One by one, his cohorts proceed to smash him over the head, back, and face with their folding chairs. The portly midget takes the shots surprisingly well, prancing about from chair shot to chair shot like a sleep-walking toddler.

 

The round-ending buzzer sounds once again. The chair shots cease. On his end, Blumm removes his face from the bag. He sits down glumly on a chair against the wall next to the bag, resting his elbows on his knees with his head in his palms. He looks sad. Even for sad face. The man leading the workout next to them walks over. “Hey buddy, what’s wrong?” Blumm looks up at him and signs deeply. “I think my career is over. Look, they are having me train to take punches I’m supposed to be training to give punches. Now the Kaufman lawyers sent me this fight and I don’t know if I can even compete with this guy. He’s got way more experience, even though he’s a few years younger.” The man looks Sergei Blumm up and down with a knowing smile. “I know exactly how you feel. Hey, my name’s Allen. Most people know me as Al. You’re Sergei Blumm, aren’t you. I caught the highlights of a Rock-A-Fella FC card recently. Tough break there on that decision.”

 

Blumm looks up at Al confused. He then turns his head towards Al's work out area, where the midget is now cleaning blood pouring out his ear. “Nice to meet you, Al. No offense, but what do you know about how I feel. And what is this training you are doing. This is worse than the “striking defense” Slava has me doing.” Sergei motions over to the goon, who remains emotionless. Al smiles, “You must not be a professional wrestling fan. Most people familiar with pro wrestling know me as Al Snow. Trust me, I’ve been in your shoes before. Sometimes in MMA, just like pro wrestling you need to take one for the team. In wrestling we call it “jobbing.” You know ahead of time you’re going to lose, but you go out there and you put on a show.”

 

Sergei shakes his head in disbelief, “Lose? On purpose?? And you know ahead of time. How could you agree to this???”

 

Al Snow acknowledges Sergei’s point with a nod, and continues… “I get what you’re saying. You sound like you’ve never heard of pro wrestling at all. It’s not exactly like MMA. Let me tell you a little story. I started wrestling back in 1982. For more than 10 years, I plugged away on the regional circuit hoping to get a chance at the bigtime, the WWF. That would be like you getting a contract with the top promotion in the world, Synchronicity. I had brief stints where I got called up, but it didn’t stick. Until 1998. I got another callback from the WWF. I created a gimmick where I was a “jobber” and had a stable called “The Job Squad.” I was going through some shit at the time. But I’ll tell ya, that was when the fans really started to recognize me. I even got to compete for the Hardcore Championship Belt at WrestleMania.”

 

As Al tells the story, Sergei’s eyes narrow in confusion at various points. As Al takes a breath,Sergei pipes in, “Now I’m really confused. You became successful in the WWF by…losing?”

 

Al Snow picks up where he left off… “I’m getting to that, kid. Here’s what you gotta realize. It’s not always about you. Sometimes it takes putting others over, to get ahead. As Dwayne used to say back in the day, ‘you better know your role…and shut your mouth.’ Think about it from the promotor’s perspective, there are only so many fighters in each weight class they can book. Sometimes the match-ups can go your way, sometimes they don’t. In wrestling, sometimes the angle just goes over better when you lose. Now, think about how frustrated you would be if you couldn’t get a fight. That’s where your opponent may be at right now. In pro wrestling, when you lose, you can “put over” the other guy. That means you make them look good and make fans believe their character. That’s the key, Sergei. You do it for the fans. The fans don’t care who wins or loses. They pay their hard-earned money to see YOU put on a show. And hey, you probably get a couple bucks in the process too. You see what I’m saying, son?”

 

Sergei nods slowly as he absorbs Al’s wise words. Still unconvinced, he pulls out his phone from the duffel bag underneath his chair. “Ok, I hear you, Mr. Al. It just seems unfair. This is the guy they want me to fight.” He clicks a few times and presents the phone to Al, who looks it over. Al glances up at Sergei and shrugs, “I mean, it doesn’t look great for you on paper. You just gotta go in there and fight like hell. Give it your best and leave it all out there. You’re a pro fighter, time to sack up and do your job. Even if that means being a “jobber” for now…Shit, I haven’t even gotten to the point of the story yet and the round is about to start.” Al’s eyes meet Sergei’s and he places his hand on the younger man’s shoulder. “The bottom line is, I’ve been in the pro wrestling business for 38 years. Even though I jobbed matches here and there, and had the “Job Squad” gimmick, no one that knows a damn thing remembers me as a jobber. If you talk to people who know pro wrestling, I have one of the most impressive careers out there. You keep your head down and train hard, you’ll get there one day too. Now, quit your bitching and hit accept already.

 

Also, I got something for you.” Al walks over to his area and digs in his stuff. After digging through his gear for a moment, he pulls out a ratty t-shirt that has to be at least 20 years old. He takes a few steps towards Sergei, and tosses him the shirt.

 

“Welcome to the Squad, kid. I think you need this more than I do”

 

Sad Face catches it and holds it up in front of him.

 

 

Sergei “Sad Face” Blumm folds the t-shirt and sticks it into his bag. He takes a deep breath and clicks “Accept” to the fight offer. Just as he does, the buzzer sounds and a new round begins.

[Shortstacker]

Can confirm, Blumm enjoys being hit in the face.

[Kaufman]

Can confirm, Blumm enjoys being hit in the face.

[igorspb77]

http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/0/15947555498225.png

Ronaldo ''Pelé'' Arantes

''Hello ladies and gents, your next HW Champ himself is here and ready to build a legacy, so the first idiot ahead is that terrorist wannabe that I don't know where the fuck you guys found this bitch. Listen Hussein, you gonna have the same end as your uncle Saddam you prick, I'm gonna show you how real terror looks like, you better train that boxing last time we saw you in the cage you didn't know where your hands should be, against me they'll be sitting on the ground or aiming to skies asking for mercy, get ready for the real deal the Pelé of MMA is just starting!''

[Ikkitakeda]

The MMA Weekly

 

Our reporter Barbra O'Malley sat down with two new fighters signed to Rock-A-Fella Fight Club Brian White and Paul Goldwin.

 

Barbra O'Malley: What brought you guys to Rock-A-Fella?

 

Brian White: Well I have been fighting in the underground scene and decided I wanted a jump up in competition, a chance to make some real money, and wanted to see what I got. I was doing some laundry at the laundry mat and saw a flyer for Rock-A-Fella. I called up Paul to see if he would go and check it out with me.

 

Paul Goldwin: Well I was going with my buddy Brian to check it out and some big oaf Nate Kristersen said, "Hahaha what is the small fry doing here?" And just like that I pushed Brian aside, signed on the line, and went and joined a gym. I really don't like big guys and the way they always seem to look down on us small guys.

 

O'Malley: So with that said there is an obvious size difference between you two, does that ever make your friendship difficult?

 

Goldwin: Nah Brian and I have been friends since we were kids. He is a real nice guy. You know the type you can't believe is a fighter because they wouldn't hurt a fly.

 

White: Yeah it can make things difficult Paul can have a real short temper.

 

Goldwin: Is that a short joke!? I'll kick your a** you big stupid mother f***er.

 

White: Oh boy. See what I mean? Here we go.

 

After 5 minutes of heated argument and our reporter getting out of harms way we sat back down.

 

O'Malley: Well I see what you mean. Anyone you are looking forward to fighting?

 

Goldwin: Kristersen or any other big guy in the division. I want their heads. And I want them soon.

 

White: Not really. I just want to get in there. I'm signed. Use me already!

 

O'Malley: There you have it two new guys that just signed themselves into the world of mma. Will they be new bright lights or a dark alley? Only time will tell.

[Ikkitakeda]

NEW YORK MMA:

Willy Wilson: Hey it's dubba W coming to you live on New York MMA on NYWQ 99.1! I'm sitting here with no other than the local underground legend Brian freaking White. They call him "The Show" because that's what he always delivers. Now "The Show" is gracing our show. Hey there Brian welcome to our show. Say hello to all the wonderful New York people out there.

 

Brian White: Hello all you wonderful New York people out there! Brian White sitting here in the best city in the world on the best radio show in the world. Gearing up for my first professional fight on rated scene.

 

Willy Wilson: You are fighting the unwinnable I get knocked out bum Sami Rantanen 0-2 with both losses coming by way of KO and Cuts. How do you see yourself picking apart this chump?

 

Brian White: Hey the guy is 0-2 but still a step up from anyone I have faced to date. So lets not go putting the cart before the horse. I've asked around and seen a couple of his fights and saw a little bit of his sparring too. The guy has great wrestling and his boxing is crisp and has a ton of power. It's not going to be easy. But I'll be looking for whatever opening he gives me. If he gives me an opening in the stand up game I'll look to stay away from his power and open him up. If he takes me down I'll be looking to strike or submit him. It doesn't matter to me. I'll take what I'm given.

 

Willy Wilson: That's what made you one of the greats in the underground scene, you do whatever it takes to put on a show for the crowd. You never take anyone lightly and train like an animal. Speaking of which how has training been going?

 

Brian White: Training has been tough with this COVID. My old gym in New York was owned by my former manager Wilson Fisk who got it taken away when was sent to prison for setting up underground illegal fights. So I'm in a worse gym now and with the COVID 19 regulations it's harder to train. I'd say I'm not as conditioned as I use to be in the underground scene and I've lost about 20 pounds of muscle. So just going through the motions right now and trying to figure it all out. But I know exactly what he is going to do.

 

Willy Wilson: Oh really you know exactly what the walking Sami Rantanen I get beat by everyone is going to do? Please enlighten us.

 

Brian White: Well it isn't that hard to figure out. He tries to do the same thing in every single fight. He is going to try and clinch and then take me down. Now everyone knows he hasn't been able to take one single person down yet. So how good he is on the ground is unknown. Instead he tries to take you down and gets beat up in the process.

 

Willy Wilson: How do you think you would do against him if he lands one of his takedowns?

 

Brian White: Well I don't really want him on top of me but if he gets on top he is going to fall into my triangle. No doubt about it. But regardless I look for it to be a good fight. And we will make all you lovely New Yorkers proud you bought a ticket for this one.

 

 

Willy Wilson: Thank you New York that is all we have time for our guest Brian White. Stay tuned for next guest Paul Goldwin.

[Ikkitakeda]

NEW YORK MMA:

Willy Wilson: Alright after a short commercial from our sponsors we are back. Hey got to keep the lights on folks. Let's welcome Paul "Hands of" Goldwin. Ha I like that hands of gold win. Now tell us about your upcoming fight with 1-4 Tim Cut.

 

Paul Goldwin: Well as everyone knows I hate big guys. So much to dismay I'm facing a guy that is barely bigger than me. I feel like I am being overlooked here by my size and that really sets me off. Come on down Rory Daly I'll teach you a lesson on underestimating the little guy. I'll knock everyone on the planet out. I don't care. Not only am I a little guy but I'm the best. All there is to it.

 

Willy Wilson: Well folks definitely a different personality than our last guest. Paul here even called out that he will knock out the owner of Rock-A-Fella Fight Club. Oh did I just break the first two rules? So how do you see your fight going?

 

Paul Goldwin: I'm going to be the first mother f-----r(Hey you can't say that on the air) and you can't tell me what to do. You wanna go? Like I said I'm going to be the first knock Tim Cut out. He's got a chin and he can box, but I'm the complete real deal. No one and I mean no-one can take me. Heck first time in my life I've started training and already getting shout outs to come join a few gyms. I'm all natural baby. 100% grade A the greatest.

 

Willy Wilson: Well glad to see a guy who is 0-0 has such a level head on his shoulders. Anyways what makes you think you are going to be the one who finally gets to the chin of Tim Cut?

 

Paul Goldwin: Hello because I'm the greatest. No one can take me down, and I have all the striking anyone would ever need. I have it all Willy boy!

 

Willy Wilson: Yeah would you look at the time? I think that is all the time we have left folks.

 

Paul Goldwin: What do you mean? Your show still has 20 minutes left.

[MiikeSnow]

 

http://www.mmatycoon.com/gallery/0/15947555498225.png

Ronaldo ''Pelé'' Arantes

 

''Hello ladies and gents, your next HW Champ himself is here and ready to build a legacy, so the first idiot ahead is that terrorist wannabe that I don't know where the fuck you guys found this bitch. Listen Hussein, you gonna have the same end as your uncle Saddam you prick, I'm gonna show you how real terror looks like, you better train that boxing last time we saw you in the cage you didn't know where your hands should be, against me they'll be sitting on the ground or aiming to skies asking for mercy, get ready for the real deal the Pelé of MMA is just starting!''

 

Arantes Statistics:

 

Time spent writing racist post: Several minutes

Time spent in the cage with Hussein: 36 seconds

 

 

 

Must be hard knowing you got finished via a knee by a fighter with Useless knees.

[Arcalimon]

Ralph "The Wizard" Hall

(6-0-0, 170lb champ)

Kneebar in round 1! I'm sure that's another sub of the night award : )

I love submitting this tough guys. Papa John better stay in pizza land next time

[RozzaD]

Congrats to the champs! Both finished their opponents very quickly... gonna need to find solid opponents for you guys!

 

Only one fight made it out of the first round... fuckin hell

[RozzaD]

Also, I need to arrange a custom championship belt - I'll get this sorted soon.