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Forum Game - Jokes about countries


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Hey folks,

Our little jokes exchange in Divion 2, League 2 of the alliance pyramid conviced me (honorable mention - KRad - who start those jokes and gave me a few suggestions) to start this thread.

 

So, everyone who want to participate have to write a joke about country suggested by previous poster and after a joke (or even a few, let's make maximum to 3 jokes) suggest a country for next poster.

 

SUGGESTED COUNTRIES CAN REPEAT. So, if you feel that countries like Scotland, Australia or Poland should be a topic of jokes "one more time" feel free to suggest it.

 

 

Racist jokes are more than welcome, I believe everyone have distance to it.

 

So I start:

 

My two favourites about Aussies and one about Kentucky (I can joke about two seperate place, because I started the thread):

1)

A Muslim was seated next to an Australian on a flight from Hong Kong to Sydney, Australia.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Aussie asked for a rum and coke, which was brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Muslim if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores and my head stuffed up a sheeps arsehole than let liquor touch my lips."


The Aussie handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I didn't know we had a choice."

 

 

2)

When you leave several thousand chavs on a remote desert island and come back 100 years later, what do they say?

G'day mate!

 

 

3)

A guy walked into a bar in Kentucky and orders a mudslide.
The bartender looks at the man and says, "You ain't from 'round here are ya?
"No," replies the man, "I'm from Pennsylvania ".
The bartender looks at him and says, "Well, what do ya do in Pennsylvania?"
"I'm a taxidermist," said the man.
The bartender, looking very bewildered now, asks, "What in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?"
The man says, "I mount animals".
The bartender stands and raises his drink and hollers to the whole bar..."It's okay boys, he's one of us!"

 

 

And the next person's topic is.... Scotland!

Edited by zatochi725
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Q. How many Scotsmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. Och, it's not that dark.

 

What's large, Scottish and despressing?

Scotland.

 

What do you call a man in a skirt?

Rory :D

 

 

 

Your turn Jamaica!

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What do you call a Jamaican with two spliffs?
Double jointed.
What is a Jamaican's favorite dream?
Getting so high he can eat a star.

I can't wait til somebody makes a show called Jamaican supernanny.

It would sound something like this

"yah see dat, dat is the naughty chair, now when yah child is misbehaving, yah beat him with the naughty chair"
-------
It's not for me, it's for your own raati good.

 

 

Next topic - Poland!

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1. I was with the missus in Tesco and saw polish remover.
Couldn't help thinking, "Finally, a solution for those bastards next door."

 

2. I got on the bus the other day and said to the driver, "Return, please."

"Where to?" he asked.
"Poland, you c.unt."

 

3. Why did Lukasz cross the road?

Because he stole the chicken's job.

 

:shades:

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You should suggest a topic... So if Rory won't do it until next person will want to write something you can choose from three topics:

1) Rory - small thing which always make us laugh

2) Scotland - same as #1

3) Poland - there is so many things to joke about

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1)

Statistically 9/11 Americans won't get this.

 

2)

Chasing the American Dream does not count as exercise.

 

3)

I've just put a deposit down on a Porsche and mentioned it on Twitter.
I can't understand why the Americans are so upset.
All I said was, "I can't wait for the new 911."
However, 4000 Pakistanis are now following me.

 

Next: Australia!

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Two Afghani refugees make it to Australia and meet in a cafe outside the processing centre. They are so happy to be out of the terror of daily life in wartorn Afghanistan they both promise to make the most of their new life in their new country and vow to meet up in 10 years to discuss their progress. Time goes by and 10 years later rolls around. The two meet up again at the same cafe. The first Afghani turns up in a pair of pluggers, wearing a wife beater and says to the other fellow, "G'day mate, I am so fucking Aussie mate! My boy he play AFL and I drink the VB and eat the pie!". The other Afghani looks at him, spits on the floor and says, "Fuck off towelhead".

 

 

Australia is one of the laid back countries in the world when it comes to personal rights. Any 14 year old is welcome to smoke cigarettes and drink alcohol in front of their kids.

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You should suggest a topic... So if Rory won't do it until next person will want to write something you can choose from three topics:

1) Rory - small thing which always make us laugh

2) Scotland - same as #1

3) Poland - there is so many things to joke about

 

 

oh sorry forgot to post which country but do carry on! And KRad, I found those jokes on sickipedia.. I laughed out loud at a fair few of those polish jokes haha

No problem, we find a few solutions. I even quoted it for you, mate :). If KRad won't edit his post to add a new topic feel free to continue jokes about Australia :D

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My other favourites:

1)

"I was recently turned down on my application for an Australian green card, on account of my criminal record.
Bit f*cking ironic is it not?"

 

2)
"Australia has just had a general election. The main concern is about the number of illegal immigrants there are.

Government sources suggest around 60,000.

Aboriginal sources say it's more like twenty two and a half million of the c*nts. "

 

3)

The Aussie pilot, when asked for his height and position, replied, "I'm 5"11' and sitting in the front seat."

 

 

The next topic: Afghanistan!

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Q: Did you hear about the winner of the Afghani beauty contest?

A: Me neither.

 

Q: What do you call an Afghani who owns 6 goats?

A: A pimp.

Q: What do you call an Afghani who owns a camel and a goat?

A: Bisexual.

 

Q:Why did Bin Ladin stop having sex with his wife?

A:Because everytime he would spread her legs he saw Bush!

- My thoughts at this sad time are with Osama's virgin sister, Neva Bin Laden.

-Why did the Afghan cross the road?

I thought to myself as I began to run.

 

Next country is: Ireland

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1)

Statistically 9/11 Americans won't get this.

 

2)

Chasing the American Dream does not count as exercise.

 

3)

I've just put a deposit down on a Porsche and mentioned it on Twitter.

I can't understand why the Americans are so upset.

All I said was, "I can't wait for the new 911."

However, 4000 Pakistanis are now following me.

 

Next: Australia!

 

Lol im 1 of the 2

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Feel free to join, mate!

 

1)

Well, it's that day again when the Irish miss work and spend all day drinking.

Tuesday.

 

2)

There's an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman all talking about their teenage daughters.The Englishman says, "I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day and I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smoked."
The Scotsman says, "that's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank."
With that the Irishman says, "both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found a packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a cock."

 

3)

An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scot were sitting in a bar. The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, the food exceptional.

"Y'ken," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back hame. Why, in Glasgow there's a wee bar called McTavish's. Now, the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy 4 drinks, he will buy the 5th drink for you."

"Well," said the Englishman, "at my local, The Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your 3rd drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, that's nuttin," said the Irishman. "Back home in Dublin there's O'Driscoll's Bar. Now, the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house."

"Wow," said the Englishman, "did this actually happen to you?"

"Not me, myself, personally, no," said the Irishman "but it happened to me sister!"

 

 

Next: Finland!

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Australia is one of the laid back countries in the world when it comes to personal rights. Any 14 year old is welcome to smoke cigarettes and drink alcohol in front of their kids.

whoa... they say there's a little truth to every joke
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1.

"What's the difference between me and a Viking?" Olli asked.
"No idea, said Ville."
"When the Vikings used to come home after their wars, that's when the real drinking began. But when I come home after a few drinks, that's when the real war begins."

 

2.

What is the difference between Finnish weddings and Finnish funerals?
At the funerals there is one less drunk

3.

Sakke and Ville are sitting in a cottage in the middle of nowhere. They've been
drinking for three days straight and they finally run out of booze.

Sakke says to his mate "Hey, go and look in the tool shed and see if there's
anything to drink there."

Ville comes back with a bottle of methanol, and says "We could drink this, but
we'll go blind!"

Sakke slowly looks around the cottage and out the window, and says "I think
we've seen enough."

4.

Two finns (Harvi and Ville) in a bar drinking a bottle of vodka. Then another.
Halfway down the third bottle Ville goes "Kippis". (or something like that)
Then Harvi turns around looks Ville sternly in the face and says: Did you come
to talk or to drink.

 

Next: Sweden

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1)
Why six is afraid seven? Because seven have many friend politburo.

 

2)

What are one potato say other potato?
Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?

 

3)

Boy: But mother, I no are like grandma.
Mother: Eat anyway. Is no potato.

 

4) Stolen from Kojiro. I may give you potato as a reward.

Two Latvian look at clouds. One see potato. Other see impossible dream. Is same cloud.

 

Topic: Nigeria.

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After Nigeria were eliminated from the world cup The Nigerian goalkeeper has personally offered to refund back all the money to fans that travelled to South Africa. He said he just needs their bank account details to complete the transaction.

 

 

 

I keep seeing advertisements for charities in Nigeria, they all show a starving Nigerian kid and say, "For just $3 a day you can end this poor child's suffering". I just keep thinking... if I send nothing pretty soon the result will be the same.

 

 

 

If a pizzeria makes pizzas, what about Nigeria?

 

 

 

 

Seriously though, all of these internet scams are making it difficult for legitimate Nigerian government officials to share hugs sums of money with strangers.

 

 

 

Let's hear it for Spain.

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Spain, turn back my minds deranged.. crazy insane my mane.. noo i'm sayin? Stop playing, turn around, whip-lash 5 finger attack from the back contact too compact to talk trash, ya rat.

 

 

@Krat

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Haha, I love that 1st one.

 

The plane in Spain falls mainly on the runway.

 

I sent the wife a text from my business trip in Spain and said,"It's just not the same without you love."
She went,"Aww that's so sweet. I miss you too Dave."
I went,"No love, I meant here I have sex three times a day."

 

Just bought the new FIFA 12 Spain edition PS3 controller.
Strange, it's missing the square, triangle and circle buttons...

 

Thailand anyone?

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I was going to make some jokes about Thailand, but Phuket.

 

 

Wiseman say, man who walk through airport terminal sideways certainly going to Bangkok.

 

 

I was in Chiang-Mai the other day and nearly had that most harrowing of Thai travel experiences: Sex with a ladyboy. I tell you man, she was smoking hot, with a brilliant set of tits. She talked like a woman, walked like a woman, acted like a woman but it wasn't until she drove me back to her place and easily managed a tight reverse park in the underground carpark that something struck me as strange...

 

 

My girlfriend says having a small penis isn't going to be damaging to our relationship but I still wish she didn't have one at all.

 

 

 

Let's go North to China.

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