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Forum Game - Jokes about countries


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England

Shit.

 

Ah well, if you can't laugh at yourself you can laugh at anyone.

 

What's the difference between England and a Tea Bag?

The Tea Bag stays in the cup longer.

 

What do you call an Englishman in the Knockout stages of the World Cup?

The Referee

 

This one isn't really an English joke but its still good:

 

Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker. It was After Eight. They got off at Quality Street. He asked her name. "Polo, I'm the one with the hole" she said with a Wispa. "I'm Marathon, the one with the nuts" he replied. He touched her Creme Eggs and slipped his hand into her Snickers. He fondled her Flap Jacks as she rubbed his Tic Tacs. It was a Fab moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight and he shot his chewy centre. But 3 days later his sherbert dib-dab started to itch. Turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett and he's got feckin Allsorts!

 

Chap walking through the park at night hears a lady's voice in the bushes! "Fancy a good time, only 5 quid?" "Why not",he thinks He is just about to grope the lady when a policeman shines his torch! "What's going on?",asked the policeman "Do you mind",replied the chap, "I am about to have sex with my wife!" "Sorry",said the policeman "didn't realise it was your wife!" "Neither did I till you shone your bloody torch!" responded the husband.

 

Next country: Cuba

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There was a lot of speculation that when Fidel Castro retired he would be replaced by his idiot son, Fidel W. Castro.

 

 

 

 

Vladimir Putin was in Cuba for a diplomatic visit and noticed that most of the local people he saw wore tatty shoes with holes in the soles.

He remarked to Castro, "Fidel, after 50 years of progress you still cannot put shoes on your people's feet?!".

Fidel responded, "Is Russia any better, tell me this?".

Putin replied, "Of course! Come to Russia next month and if you see anyone with tattered shoes you have my permission to shoot them".

So Fidel comes a month later and coming off the aeroplane the very first person he sees has tatty old shoes with holes in them, so he asks for a pistol and shoots the man square between the eyes and was quite pleased with himself.

That evening the news headlines all cried, "Fidel Castro shoots Cuban ambassador to Russia".

 

 

Castro is giving a speech when a man yells out, "Freedom to the people! Down with the oppressors!". Castro orders the man arrested. As the police begin cuffing him the man yells out, "You cannot do this, it is illegal! I have freedom of speech under our Socialist Constitution". Fidel considers this and replies, "You are right.", to the police he declares, "Release that man! Arrest everyone who listened".

 

 

 

 

Let's give the Kiwis a go bru. That's New Zealand for the rest of you folk.

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knock knock, who's there, statue, statue who Statue BRO

Rangi was standing on the door step watching Tama collecting the rubbish.
As Tama went by he yells out to Rangi
"Hey bro where's you bin"??
Rangi replies, "I bin in Australia"
"NO" replies Tama "where's your Wheelie Bin"?
"Oh I wheelie bin in jail, but I tell people I bin in Australia!!!!!!".

 

A tour bus full of tourists stops by a farmer holding a sheep. One of them calls out "are you shearing?".
The farmer yells back, in an unhappy tone 'NO, **** off and get your own!'

 

 

 

fiji next

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  • 3 months later...

Only in Fiji there is always a good laughter first, before we realize that something serious has happened;

Only in Fiji the pedestrians can walk in the middle of the road — halting the traffic;

Only in Fiji one can say that they are on "Fiji time";

Only in Fiji someone approaches the sea despite a tsunami warning;

Only in Fiji we have moving niteclubs (buses);

Only in Fiji one can scream bula to someone else at a distance;

Only in Fiji we have dancing drivers on the wheels without being penalised;


Only in Fiji we have sigidrigi (serenading) around those tanoa bowls.

No wonder people love you Fiji

 

 

 

 

Next - China

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So, you can post crap on a thread that I started not contributing to the thread but when I do it, I'm spamming for Spin & win credits?

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