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Is rampant drug abuse going to force sports like the MMATYCOON and UFC assoc's into stringent new drug testing?

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Invasive, simple drug tests to become mandatory pre prizefight ritual in the MMATYCOON assoc?

By rapper, supermodel, Holocaust denier and freelance journalist InsipidB


Will the recent indiscretions regarding pro athletes and the use of performance enhancing drugs ruin professional sports? Recent drug scandals have rocked the AFL, WNBA, PGA, as well the troubled, scandal-marred first season of the Indoor Table Tennis League or ITTL. Will tough new testing measures be required in all sports industries throughout the country be the result?


New Trump drug Czar Ivana Percnow, a former world champion in the now defunct sport of Bog Snorkeling promises tough new rules and regulations to curb the influx of enhancers into the realm of sports. In particular Ivana will be trying to clean up the sports that have long been tainted with a history of failed drug testing.


Three of the biggest recent abusers of illegal supplements in sports are the Indoor Camel Jumping league, The controversial Dwarf Tossing Federation, and the hot new action of the Face-Ball Association...."Whispers relating to new techniques designed to bypass testing is our primary concern", said Ivana. "The drugs ingeniously are now dissolved into the athlete by low impact orbital eye insertions, as well the relatively painless scrotum incisions and of course Ear canal injections".


World sports blog's blew up recently with the unbelievable, and suspicious athletic performances in the Face-Ball Association from Barry Balls, Sammy Sauced and Roger Lemons. We also have the tragedy and heartbreak of last week, when the world and the Dwarf Tossing Federation mourned the tragic death of fan favorite and league leader in Dwarf's scored, Carl "Stumpy" Noe-shins. "In hindsight this tragedy should have been avoided," said Ivana.


The signs were there, designated Tosser, Chet "Menthol" Crystalline is now at the center of this scandal. Under doctor ordered exam, Chet was reported to have 67" biceps, and displayed typical signs of roid abuse like micro-testicle's, and massive jaw growth with 1" gaps between all teeth.


The now infamous, Chet Crystalline, League leader in Tossed Dwarf's scored (TDS) is under investigation for Dwarf-slaughter. If you remember, in a game last week, Crystalline in a tied, extra time match stepped into the circle, took Carl in hand and preceded to let loose a massive toss to everyone's shock and surprise. Chet tossed little Carl out of the stadium, a distance of over two city blocks and into the fire pit array at Happy Grill-more's Smokehouse for his league leading 44th TDS.


Carl's remains are still at large as they continue the search in the brisket bin and the burnt ends smoker. Rumors quickly spread that Carl ended up in the Beef Kabob pot. It was further rumored and unbeknown to staff, that a party order was received and promptly filled and then delivered to a SJW Life Celebration of Scientologist's who wish to be recognized as feral Llamas. The Llamas are filing lawsuits even as the rumors remain unsubstantiated. DNA testing is ongoing.


But it serves as a precautionary tale when drugs are abused in sports. So currently the debate rages, will tough new testing filter down into the MMATYCOON and UFC Assoc's, two sports long suspected of juicing. Will this force the clean-up of the sport? Or will they just find different ways to hide their enhancements?Time will tell, but I think we can all agree we can hope to avoid another Carl "stumpy" Noe-Shins tragedy.

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kenlow73 Red Belt

kenlow73

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You mean USADA is going to influence the rankings, like I need to worry. My fighters can't win even if they were on juice.

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BigTree Red Belt

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His brain just vomited all over the keyboard.

 

It would be good to see which Tycoon managers are on drugs though! I reckon a higher than average amount of you (/us) are. Definitely more drug takers than actual fitness freaks.

 

What constitutes drugs? I'd imagine by the pure definition of that word it would put us at 99-100% of tycoon users use drugs. Probably more drug users than fitness freaks, that's pretty typical in society. What about drug taking fitness freaks? I know quite a few.

 

<<drug using fitness freak for the record (but of what???)

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KingEpicity Red Belt

KingEpicity

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His brain just vomited all over the keyboard.

 

It would be good to see which Tycoon managers are on drugs though! I reckon a higher than average amount of you (/us) are. Definitely more drug takers than actual fitness freaks.

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Rambo Red Belt

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What constitutes drugs? I'd imagine by the pure definition of that word it would put us at 99-100% of tycoon users use drugs. Probably more drug users than fitness freaks, that's pretty typical in society. What about drug taking fitness freaks? I know quite a few.

 

<<drug using fitness freak for the record (but of what???)

I liked to get stoned and practice my fitness. I'd wager I'm a tycoons 1%er when it comes to athletic ability unique to the caucasion race.
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Eat a dick if you had nothing positive to say about my article. Do you think MAYBEEE I would reply and blog with you guys about my articles? DID you think MAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYBE you could ask me WTF I was smoking and why would i write that crap? Did you think the decent thing to do would be to give me a chance to show you what I was going to be trying to accomplish with my articles?

Now granted, some of you are way to stuuupid to understand my attempt at satire, using humor and exaggeration to convey events that we see in sports pages all the time.

 

But I had a plan that I was going to write a series of articles for you guys to read that parallel the game that we are playing. Hopefully, you guys would start to see that I was trying to create content, in a wide array, that would give our game a deeper sense, a humorous side of topical events that would instigate a conversation among us.

 

Try and think of my articles as a sports column that WAS going to eventually lead to me interviewing you, as your favorite chosen fighter, so that you could create a backstory, a bio, for your favorite, for everybody's favorite fighters.

Like a rags to riches Italian Stallion, Rocky Balboa story for everyone to enjoy, about our fighter's..

Sometimes articles were your fighter has missteps like recently when Cowboys"Ezekial Elliott Gets Detained" in bar mishap police blotter style. Or where your fighter gives away 100 laptops to a local school to showcase that fighters charity work for his foundation.

 

The point is I was going to give up my time, weekly to write and post these. So you guys could read and laugh hopefully and with luck immerse yourself deeper into your MMATYCOON experience. it was for you guys, despite us not knowing one another, all to improve our gaming experience.

 

I get satisfaction knowing you guys get satisfaction. I dont get paid to do it, I was going to do it because I wanted to make friends on this site and I thought this would be a good way for some of us who are willing, to get a little more out of our fights.

 

I expected to hit and miss, But I guess I expected to be respected for my opinion and not dogged. I dont thnk I want to open myself up to criticism from meatheads who lack vision and humor. So go ahead and heap more shit and intolerance and impatience on me, I will consider going on with my project, for lack of a better word.

 

No hard feelings, best of luck, look forward to working this out in the octagon, Best regards InsipidB

 

P.S. Everything I write I say in 800 words. Like it or not, I find it weeds out those who lack the patience, the sense of humor, to finish the first paragraph.

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Guest

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I liked to get stoned and practice my fitness. I'd wager I'm a tycoons 1%er when it comes to athletic ability unique to the caucasion ra

Once again TY Cheech dude, for having not said anything. Holding your tongue, and just letting things develop.

 

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