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NY Fight Nights Big Apple Brawls tournament: smack talk thread


bjornmma1

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Blasko Grims, I see what you did with your point distribution. It's cute and actually pretty smart. It's not going to help you one bit though. I am going to fuckstart your head so bad that your manager will learn how to spell his user name correctly.

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Xerxes Do Prado

 

My management team say they have regrown me from DNA found on an ancient Babylonian battle site. They are unsure as yet if I was a great warrior or just another victim - I can tell you all now - I AM THE MIGHTY XERXES DO PRADO AND I WILL DEFEAT EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU! STARTING WITH YOU - DEADBEAT BELMONT IN 30 DAYS.

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A well dressed man walks in to his favorite neighborhood watering hole, and sees a beauty sitting at the bar

 

"Bartender! a small aquarium o whiskey for the busty lass."

 

(Sarah Palin responds brightly) "Thanks. I suppose I should know your name if I'm gonna be drinking ten gallons of alcohol with you."

 

(Man) "McZongo. Angus McZongo. Major Angus McZongo. Handsome Major Angus McZongo. Esquire."

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http://www.kcna.co.jp/Tongsinkage-t.gif

Good morning Pyongyang. This is Jung Shu-Kin reporting for Korean Central News Agency. Today's top story features our Dearest leader Kim Jong Un. In an unprecedented show of courage and strength, El Supremo released a communique exclusively to KCNA outlining his plan to defeat the enemies of our glorious regime and usher in the promised workers paradise:

 

 

http://mmatycoon.com/gallery/0/13948341263658.jpg

Dear Western Imperialist Warmongers,
For too long have you cowered in lands far away. For too long have you been using the most despicable, bourgeois elements in the illegitimate, impostor government South of our glorious Peoples' Republic to control, oppress and exploit the dignity of the Korean people. In all my might and glory I have decided to take the fight to you. I look forward to conquering you all in the ultimate symbol of capitalist oppression and decadence that is New York City.
El Supremo Kim Jong Un
Once again you astonish us with your bravery and cunning, Supreme One. We are truly unworthy of the blessings you bestow on our proud nation. We await your next communique with bated breath.
Stay classy Pyonyang.
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Xerxes Do Prado

 

My management team say they have regrown me from DNA found on an ancient Babylonian battle site. They are unsure as yet if I was a great warrior or just another victim - I can tell you all now - I AM THE MIGHTY XERXES DO PRADO AND I WILL DEFEAT EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU! STARTING WITH YOU - DEADBEAT BELMONT IN 30 DAYS.

http://mmatycoon.com/gallery/0/14175147711888.jpg

Augustus "DEADSHOT" Belmont (263539)-Hey lab rat,that's a funny story you made up there to hide your true self.When my folks read that they were all like this http://i.imgur.com/f0oyLY8.jpg

Allow me to enlighten you with some truth.That truth your creator never told you.

You were not grown from a DNA of some warrior or whatever xyz guy.

Your DNA was taken from hair that fell of this monkey's body.

http://i.imgur.com/R27XHbY.jpg

Your creator decided to fuse a human DNA with a Monkey DNA and EUREKA!! You were born.

You do look your father.Take your beard for instance.

 

On a side note-->The amount of ass pounding(A.P) you are going to receive in 30 days is directly proportional to the square of length of your beard(L).

 

A.P=K(L^2)

K is constant of fighter's ability

 

I suggest you trim it down so that your demise can be less agonising.

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My beard is a constant. Which means the higher my ability, the more you will pound my ass?!

 

Is that what you mean by - "I do Alpha Male shit"? Cause I am the Alpha Male around here.

 

See you in 27 days......

http://mmatycoon.com/gallery/0/14175147711888.jpg

Augustus "DEADSHOT" Belmont (263539)-

Good for you lab rat,The shittier the fighter the higher the value of constant so that'd mean your are big trouble as your shit.

 

HaHaHa another good joke lab rat.I am the Alpha male here and after i destroy your monkey ass you'll be my aplha bitch.

 

 

See me in 27 days? oh come on,here's some bananas for you.

http://img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130527193204/dragonball/images/3/32/Banana-1-.jpg

Now at least pay me a visit here.

 

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Angus McZongo has something to share about meeting The Titan;

 

-I was walking down the street the other day, and I see this little bugger who looks like he likes getting glass rubbed in his eyes. So, I break a bottle over his head and turns out he cried like a little baby, now he has all these scars, and he's all sad cause I ruined his modeling career. Now he thinks he's gonna beat me in a "fair" fight. What a pile o' puss, I'm gonna kick your face until people think you're my twin brother.-

 

sincerely, respectfully, fancifully yours, Angus McZongo

 

 

 

I just want to say, I only represent this fighter, and in no way do his comments represent my position. I found this guy fighting in a cock fight in Tijuana. (Not as a spectator, as a fighter!) So, if he bites someone,... you may want to get your fighters some vaccinations.

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http://gdb.rferl.org/0F0AD907-65CF-466D-90A5-9ACD56BAC8D4_mw1024_s_n.jpg

http://www.kcna.co.jp/Tongsinkage-t.gif

Good morning Pyongyang. This is Jung Shu-Kin reporting for Korean Central News Agency. Today's top story features our Dearest-est leader Kim Jong Un. In an unprecedented show of power and charisma, El Supremo crippled the fascist propaganda website mmatycoon.com, disabling it for hours and stealing an undisclosed amount of data using the most advanced hacking techniques seen to date. Imperialists and counter-revolutionaries alike were unable to gratify their perverse lust for deplorable and fallacious anti-regime content. The site's administrators showed their true cowardice by attributing the downtime to a "server move" despite the truth being blatantly obvious to everyone. In response to the controversy surrounding the downtime, his Supremeness released his latest communique, an instant classic:

http://mmatycoon.com/gallery/0/13948341263658.jpg

Dear Western Imperialist Warmongers,
You have experienced but one taste of what I am capable of. Should you cross me again I will show no mercy. If you continue to insult me by denying my role in the events which transpired earlier today I will have no choice but to release the sensitive information now in my possession. This includes but is not limited to: Mike's mother's maiden name, TheGuvnor's true identity and Lance Templeton's slider settings. The organization you have built up will literally come crashing to the ground! Do not test my patience, you have crossed me for the last time.
P.S. I am going to kick your ass in one week Dick Johnson. You are a scrawny lil' ass bitch...
Ahem.
El Supremo Kim Jong Un
Once again you astonish us with your might and glory, Supreme One. We are truly unworthy of the blessings you bestow on our proud nation. We await your next communique with bated breath.
Stay classy Pyonyang.
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10410347_1052073234818758_62663389238918

NY Fight Nights Big Apple Brawls tournament pre fight press conference

 

Live from the Big Apple, we have the first ever Kickboxing tournament in New York Fight Nights history at Paddy O’Malley’s bar this Wednesday on New Year’s Eve. We have eight very unique fighters here who take the sport very serious and aren’t big fans of MMA to say the least. They want a standup war and don’t care for groundfighting. We’ll bring the fighters out fight per fight to avoid any potential incidents.



Reporter Ben Fowlkes: Blasko, being such an evenly talented striker, what do you foresee using the most? Your boxing or your muay thai?

Blasko Grims: My plan is to kick his face into next month, so hope that answers your question.

Reporter Elias Cepeda: Bo, what are your thoughts on facing a fighter like Blasko Grims who’s so similar as far as abilities go?


Bo Guiscard: It's kind of a crap shoot. The guy who has the best chin, power, confidence and heart will be the guy who gets the wins early on. As the tourney progresses we'll see who has learned the most and progressed themselves and their tactics as a fighter.

Reporter Elias Cepeda : Blasko, fighting another great all around striker in Bo Guiscard, what have you been preparing for?

Blasko Grims: To kick him in the face before he can kick me in the face. Hopefully with have a barnstormer of a battle ending with his face been kicked into the back row of the crowd

Reporter Ariel Helwani : Lastly, Bo, in a kickboxing contest, how do you feel you match up with those that kick box full time?

Bo Guiscard: All of the participants are from a striking background so it will be interesting to see how it all shakes out.


Both fighters engage in some banter in the face off, but a handshake ensures afterwards.

Bjorn O’Donnel : Ladies and gentlemen, Bo Guiscard and Blasko Grims will be the third fight on this card.





Bjorn O’Donnel: Now entering, August Belmont and Xerxes Do Prado

Reporter Ariel Helwani: Augustus, being such a great muay thai fighter, how different will it be utilizing those skills in a kickboxing contest as compared to a traditional MMA contest?

Augustus Belmont: There will be no difference. Prado's head will fall off the moment one of my high kicks connects to his head

Reporter Zach Arnold: Xerxes, how dangerous is Augustus Belmont with his feet and how do you plan on combatting that?

Xerxes Do Prado: He kicked some skinny teenager a few times and won a 2 minute fight on points. I'm gonna knock his head off and set him back weeks. No danger

Reporter Calin Bardsley: Augustus, How do you plan on fighting a guy like Xerxes Do Prado, who is such a talented boxer?

Augustus Belmont:
He is just a boxer while i am a goddamn kickboxer.There is no plan.I am just gonna hit the poor guy untill he is knocked out cold.

Reporter Eddie Goldman : Xerxes, with the threat gone of ground fighting, how much better suited are you in a kickboxing event?

Xerxes Do Prado: Hey man, this is a kickboxing tournament, this is what I'm trained for. Are you a trained dancer? No. So stick to what you know - asking questions. Damn fool questions.


At the faceoff, both fighters are chin to chin smack talking before they are broken up by the promoter.

Bjorn O’Donnel: Give it up for Augustus Belmont and Xerxes Do Prado, things have gotten personal between these two. They’ll be the last fight of the night!



Bjorn O’Donnel: Now coming across the stage, Dick Johnson and Kim Jong Un. This should be a very colorful press conference

Reporter Bas Rutten : Dick, after a tough debut loss in MMA, what made you decide to give kickboxing a try?

Dick Johnson: There ain't much to talk about, you know. Tough loss? Fuck that. I beat this motherfucker...I beat him badly! He hardly landed any punches...Ummhhh...Whatever...Did you watch the fuckin fight...? Get out of here, with your silly ass questions...What's up with those stupid judges anyway, stupid fuckin rules. Wrestlers holding you down, hugging you in the clinch? Fuck that, I’m here to fight! Yeah. That's why i left MMA. Because of all of that bullshit. I'm here to fight, you know what I mean? I'm here to put these ass whoopins down to their maximum effect. So better watch out motherfuckers

Reporter Ariel Helwani : Kim, facing such a dynamic fighter, how much of your strategy will be pressuring him and not letting him use his feet?

Kim Jong Un: Lil' Dicky Johnson is but another capitalist obstacle standing in the way of the socialist revolution I will bring to the world. In his cushy bourgeois surroundings he may kick the working man with no recourse but this time he will face a most courageous foe who will fight back. I will rain my glorious fists upon him until he forgets his feet exist.

Reporter Elias Cepeda : Dick, do you feel like your boxing is advanced enough to really compete?

Dick Johnson: I have a great boxing, man. You know? I'm trainin with the best guys in the world, great fuckin guys. My boy, Danny Brown, world class boxer, Azusa Moribe, trained fuckin assassin, and the others, list goes on and on. I'm training with the fuckin killers, yeah, that's what's up.

Reporter Elias Cepeda : Kim, what are your thoughts on facing a fighter who's completely different from yourself?

Kim Jong Un: When I was born the heavens opened up over the Pyongyang sky and as the oracle prophesized a new star, brighter than one thousand suns, burned in the night. I am peerless in this world so every low life scum I do battle with is completely inferior and different from me. I will do what I always do. Once I am done instructing Dicky on the scientific basis for the workers revolution I will shove my little red book in his rear and move on.

Both fighters seem tensed in the faceoff for a moment until Kim Jong Un begins laughing and exits the stage with Johnson still there

Bjorn O’Donnel: There goes Kim Jong Un folks, he’ll be making his debut live on New Years Eve!

 

 

Bjorn O’Donel: Now up, Angus McZongo and The Titan. These two will be our first kickboxing match in the history of New York Fight Nights!

Reporter Ben Fowlkes: Titan, fighting another very talented boxer, how much of a boxing match do you think this fight will resemble?

The Titan: I hope that we will slug it out like men and not hug it out like women. Either way I’m going to throw some heavy leather at him and try to punch his head off of his shoulders. That's the way I fight, every fight.

Reporter Eddie Goldman: Angus, what's the decision like deciding whether or not to enter this tournament or continue training MMA?

Angus McZongo: Was no decision, I just want to punch some blokes in the face. Simple as that.

Reporter Carlin Bardsley: Titan, how does this help your transition into MMA, or is kickboxing a legitimate alternative to MMA?

The Titan: What transition? I have zero interest in MMA. Kickboxing isn't a legitimate alternative to MMA because it's a whole different sport. I’m looking to be the best striker that has ever walked the face of the earth not some sweaty man humping... another man.

Reporter Eddie Goldman: Angus, what do you hope from gaining from a kickboxing tournament like this?

Angus McZongo: Fame, money, and girls. What else?


McZongo has a huge grin on his face during the staredown with Titan’s face almost touching his nose before security steps in



Bjorn O’Donnel : Alright folks, these two will face off in our event opener and very first kickboxing match in NYFN. This is going to be a historic event with 4 great fights. This tournament has been set up to let the best standup fighters in the world test themselves. A big cash prize, a trophy, a sponsorship, a lot of awards,….are al their for these 8 fighters to take. Who wil come out as the ultimate KO-master and go home with all of it? Tune in on New Year’s Eve and find out who makes the best debut. Prepare to see some great finishes as all of these guys are absolute killers!

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10450879_1066590540033694_67641636294470

NY Fight Nights Big Apple Brawls tournament round 2 pre fight press conference

After a very succesful first event, the NY Fight Nights team is very proud to present to you the second round of the tournament. I heard the fighters seem very hungry to prove what they can do. Some because they want to avenge a loss, others because they want to show their first fight wasn't a lucky win, but that they are here to win the tournament. This is going to be once again a night to remember!

 

Reporter: Augustus, in your last fight, it seemed liked you were outclassed in the boxing aspect. How do you address that against another great boxer this time around?

Augustus Belmont: I will try to fix the loopholes in my game plan to make up for that and use my superior MT skills to beat my adversary.

Reporter: Angus, The Titan was a very gifted boxer, do you think you'll be able to exploit Augustus in ways that you couldn't exploit Titan?
Angus McZongo: Ya, I hope to obviously. I lost my head in the match with the Titan, broke me hand an all. But I'm hoping to stay focused in this one and keep my eyes off the girls.

Reporter: Augustus, How much do you take away from McZongo's loss in his last fight? His boxing didn't seem to be as good as the hype he came in with would have suggested
August Belmont: I think it was rather his pathetic gameplan that cost him that match rather than his boxing. May be he is as good as he says but who knows. I will just do what I have to do and that is try to knock him out.

Reporter: Angus, How do you prepare for a guy like Augustus who really puts the kick in kickboxing?
Angus McZongo: I prepare same way I always do, 4 hours at the gym, 4 hours at the bar, 4 hours of sleep. repeat.

Both fighters get in each other’s face, ends with a pretty friendly handshake though.
Ladies and gentlemen, Augustus Belmont and Angus McZongo will be the first fight on the card.



Reporter: Blasko, Bo certainly did a number on you in your last fight, what went wrong?
Blasko Grims: Well what didnt go wrong, first my fucking manager got stuck in the airport for drugs, then he gave me a shit gameplan over the phone, and I failed to hit the fucker. But that is all beheind me got get back in the gym and get ready for the next dude.

Reporter: Dick, Both yourself and Blasko were finished early in your fights at the last event, what kind of urgency will there be in this fight?
Dick Johnson: Whatever, dude. I don't remember losing any fights. Blasko will be my first opponent in the tournament. I don't know what ya talkin' 'bout.

Reporter: Blasko, Against Dick Johnson, how do you see the fight taking place?
Blasko Grims: Hopefully we have a war where I can show the talent I have. Need to knock him out in spectacular fashion to show the others that I'm not some push over, but I'm not going to underestimate him like I did the last guy.

Reporter: Dick, Do you think you'll be able to finally get your muay thai kicking game going in this fight?
Dick Johnson: What kickin' game? There ain't no kickin' game. I have no kickin' game, dude. Baby leg kicks? I'll kick his ass with my fists. That's what's up.

Both fighters are trash talking as they come chest to chest, a little shove from Dick Johnson and security quickly steps in to break it up
Ladies and gentleman, Dick Johnson and Blasko Grims will be the second fight on the card.



Reporter: Xerxes, After dominating August Belmont so easily, how do you keep yourself humble and ready to fight again?
Xerxes Do Prado: That fight is gone. It nice to start the tournament with a win but I guarantee I will be better this time.

Reporter: Bo, How do you explain such domination in your last fight over Blasko Grims?
Bo Guiscard: I simply had too much power for Grims. I came out aggressive and throwing bombs. He thought he was going to clinch me and cut me up with elbows, but his strategy was flawed.

Reporter: Xerxes, How much of a challenge is it to face a fighter like Bo Guiscard who is a very balanced striker?
Xerxes Do Prado: I'm just trained to do my thing, punch him hard. We'll see if he can take it. Cause he was barely hit in his last fight. As for him being balanced, well, he might throw the odd kick at me, but I'm not bothered about that. What'll finish this fight is my fists, nothing else.

Reporter: Bo, What new challenges does Xerxes Do Prado give that maybe Blasko didn't?
Bo Guiscard: Looks like a boxer who wants to dirty box and such. He beat up a giant can. Im not too worried.

Guiscard constantly jawing at Do Prado, they face off and Do Prado stands straight up silent until they leave.
Ladies and gentleman, Bo Guiscard and Xerxes Do Prado are the third fight on our card.



Reporter: Titan, How did it feel to win your first fight and go the distance to do so?
The Titan: Sucked. We came here to put each other to sleep so I consider that fight a draw. Expect more fireworx from me the next time around.

Reporter: Kim, How have you prepared for this fight after such a dominating performance in your first kickboxing fight?
Kim Jong Un: I have stuck to my usual routine. Every day rise from bed at the crack of noon. Then I inspect a barracks or two. Only after that's all done do I get to have a little me time. I only have two simple infatuations in life: destroying the capitalist world order and Dennis Rodman. All of my free time is devoted to plotting the overthrow of the pitiful, repugnant imperialist regimes and writing letters, odes and sonnets to my beloved Dennis. This is what gives me the courage and strength of 10,000 men

Reporter: Titan, Do you think you'll have a potential cardio advantage after going the distance in your fight while none of the other winners even came close?
The Titan: Advantage? I think I will have a cardio Disadvantage since my gas tank emptied in the fight. Other guys who KOd their opponents are back in training and Im still waiting to recover. Doesn't matter though. I dont need cardio in my upcoming fights. I need a whole new approach.

Reporter: Kim, Is there anyone that you saw fight at the last event that you would really like to face?
Kim Jong Un: They are all ignorant slaves of their capitalist masters. They will all fall to my mighty fist in due time. My upcoming opponent "The Titan" (henceforth referred to as "Tit") in fact fashions himself to be quite the character. He has been duped into believing himself to be a god or at least a divine being. Let it be known to everyone that religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people. For "Tit" to peddle such brainwashing filth is despicable. There is only one eternal being in the universe and that is my grandfather, spiritual leader of the Juche philospohy and the Eternal President of the Republic: Kim Il-Sung. On top of that Tit's manager is a Finn. We do not forget that the Fins stayed neutral during the cold war between our dear friend comrade Stalin and the American stooges. I have even less respect for neutrals than I have for imperialists and their lapdogs.

Kim Jong Un is speaking incoherently and The Titan is visibly confused as the two suffer through one of the more awkward face offs in MMA history.
Ladies and gentleman, Kim Jong Un and The Titan are our fourth and final fight of the night.

 

Bjorn O'Donnel: Don't forget to book your tickets now! NY Fight Nights is very proud to host the second event of the tournament. The ticket sales are going very well and the Paddy O'Malleys bar in New York will be the place to be on 15 January 2015.

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What a great event round 2 was! All fights were brutal first round finishes.

damn, that fight between the titan and Kim jong un was crazy. 6 knockdowns!!

 

if we can keep this up, it's going to be a superb tournament!! ;)

 

also, I'll start handing out smack talk bonusses. Kim Jong Un should check his account. His smack talk so far has been outstanding!

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"El Supremo" Kim Jong Un (263251)



What amuses me is the fact that my father (Peace Be Upon Him) told me that conquering the reactionaries in the West would be require me to break a sweat. There are but two things that make me break a sweat: ANY physical activity lasting longer than 5 minutes and the anticipation of waiting for my dearest Dennis to pick me up before we catch a rom-com. "Ha," I say! This pitiful band of miscreants seems to have the unfortunate habit of collapsing (sometimes repeatedly) in front of me before my glands turn porous.



Xerxes. You are my next victim. Your beard looks ridiculous, it reminds me of the ancien regime. Destroying you is bourgeois work. I am convinced it will take me no more than 5 seconds.


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Xerxes Do Prado (263423)



Kim Jong Urgh,

We had fat kings like you in Babylonia. When we tired of them, we murdered them.

I may be 1500 years out of my time but some things don't change. You have outgrown your usefulness, if you ever had any.

My simple job will be to eliminate you - you can stay alive, apparently killing you would "disqualify" me, but you will be removed forever from contention in this grand contest.
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