PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a light heavyweight MMA rules bout between Trent Punchy (ranked 2323 p4p, 0 weight class) and Douche Canoe (ranked 2891 p4p, 0 weight class). Both fighter's entrance songs getting the crowd jumping here.

Punchy
vs
Canoe

186 cm
44
209 lbs
42 - 24 - 1

197 cm
32
215 lbs
17 - 17 - 2

Good wrestling
Excellent boxer
Very strong

Olympic wrestler
World class MT
Good gas tank

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the light heavyweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 42 - 24 - 1, fighting out of Las Vegas, Trent Punchy!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 17 - 17 - 2, fighting out of Las Vegas, Douche Canoe!
The judges for this bout are Robert Twigg, Frank Dennis and Daniel Franklin.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Punchy takes one on the chin but seems OK.
Punchy throws a lazy right hand but Canoe sees it coming a mile off and sidesteps it easily.

Punchy gets taken down but at least he's managed to land in guard.
Canoe is stalling in the full guard.

Punchy is working actively off his back, looking to secure an arm or perhaps work for a triangle.
Canoe is sitting in guard, working some ground and pound.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.
Canoe scores with a decent looking elbow strike.

Punchy is looking for a triangle but Canoe pushes his legs off easily.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Canoe content to stall in guard here.
It looks like Canoe might be adopting somewhat of a lay and pray gameplan here, which I'm sure won't go down too well with the paying fans in attendance... Or the ring announcers come to think of it.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Canoe with a nice head shot there.

Canoe drops back looking for a heel hook - he quickly realises he's not going to get it but Punchy manages to dive on top of him before he can escape and now Canoe has Punchy in his guard.

Punchy might be looking to lock onto one of his opponent's long limbs for a submission, whilst we're on the ground.
Canoe is trying to control the position but Punchy postures up.
Canoe throwing short punches from the bottom.
Punchy stopping the sweep attempt from Canoe.
Punchy throws a big right hand that misses.
Canoe looking to control.
Canoe might have to switch it up a bit here because his efforts to control Punchy haven't been going to plan, at least at the current moment in time.
Canoe controlling Punchy's posture.

That's two minutes gone in the round.

Canoe is looking for a guillotine. You can't force these things though and Punchy defends well.
Canoe is working an open guard here, looking to improve his position. No doubt that will leave him open to counters but at least he's being more offensive.
Canoe has control of Punchy's left arm, preventing Punchy from doing any damage.
Punchy throwing strikes from guard but Canoe blocks nicely.
Canoe has the superior BJJ but he's also working some ground strikes into his gameplan.
Punchy throws a big elbow that misses.
Canoe has Punchy pulled in close to control his posture.

That's three minutes gone in the round.

Canoe is looking for a guillotine. You can't force these things though and Punchy defends well.
Canoe controlling the position.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.
A big thud reverberates around the arena there as Punchy accidentally thumps the mat. Hopefully he's not broken his hand.
Canoe lands a beautiful sweep and he's now moved into his opponent's guard.

Canoe drops back looking for a leg! Punchy is in trouble here! The fighters roll with the hold and Punchy manages to kick Canoe off! Canoe jumps back into Punchy's guard.
Canoe showing good wrestling skills to control the position.
Canoe looking to sit in guard and control but Punchy gets the butterfly guard and sweeps. He's now in the guard on the top.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Canoe is working from a closed guard but he's struggling to control his opponent.
Punchy trying to control the position from guard on top but Canoe is wriggling around, looking for whatever he can.
Punchy won't allow Canoe to sweep him here.

Canoe looking for submissions off his back, moving his hips, looking for an opening.
Punchy working some strikes from top position.
Canoe working a defensive guard here.

Canoe had isolated an arm as going for a kimura. Punchy defends it easily.
Boooooooooooooooooooo!!! God, this has been a terrible round. Come on you two, sort yourselves out!
Canoe seems keen to control Punchy's posture.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Douche Canoe dominated that round.
That's time! Back to the action!

A big left from Punchy misses.
Canoe drops down looking to force a counter takedown but Punchy defends it well.
Douche Canoe seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Sloppy strikes from Punchy. Those never looked like landing.
Canoe will need to tighten up his combinations if he doesn't want to gas himself out, swinging at thin air.

Punchy shoots in for a takedown from distance. He catches Canoe napping and manages to drive through into side control!
Punchy grinds an elbow into Canoe's temple.
Canoe tries to work a leg under to get back to half guard but Punchy wriggles his own leg back out and remains in side control.
Canoe can't do much from the bottom here.
Canoe is trying to get back to half guard.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Canoe is moving his hips around well on the bottom and has managed to get back to half guard.
Canoe trying to control from the bottom.
Canoe gets back to full guard.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Punchy with a couple of shots to the head there. Not particularly brutal.
Punchy has to be careful here, sitting in the guard of a superior BJJ player.
Punchy lands a couple of digs.
Punchy postures up and lands some nice ground and pound.

Punchy drops back looking for a leg! Canoe is in trouble here! The fighters roll with the hold and Canoe manages to kick Punchy off! Punchy jumps back into Canoe's guard.
Canoe wants to sweep but no luck.

Canoe is looking for a triangle but Punchy pushes his legs off easily.

Canoe has a loose triangle. He'll be looking to tighten that up but Punchy can see exactly what he's planning and manages to posture up and free himself.
Canoe is trying to control the position from the bottom.
Trent Punchy overall seems to be getting the better of the ground position in the fight so far.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Punchy throwing shots from guard but he's hitting more mat than opponent.
Punchy in full guard, throwing the ground and pound. No damage this time.
Canoe seems keen to control rather than go for a submission, at least for now.
Punchy landing with the ground and pound.
Punchy throwing strikes from guard but Canoe blocks nicely.
Canoe is trying to control the position from the bottom.
Canoe looking to sweep here. No luck so far.
Canoe trying to keep a closed guard but Punchy is proving a slippery customer.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Punchy is looking to work some ground and pound but Canoe has wrist control.
Punchy wants to control from the top but Canoe keeps moving.
We may be looking at a referee standup if the pace doesn't pick up soon.
Canoe controlling Punchy's posture.

The ref stands the fighters back up due to a lack of activity.
A jab from Canoe does it's job there.
Canoe looks to score with a jab to the body but Punchy is just out of range.
Punchy takes a jab on the nose. He smiles like he loves it and keeps coming.
The crowd cheers as Canoe lands an impressive looking overhand right. Punchy doesn't seem phased though.
Canoe shoots in for a double leg but Punchy sprawls well. That's going to sap some energy.
A quick step to the side and Punchy tries to counter with a shot to the body but it doesn't connect.
Canoe ducks under an overhand right and circles away with a smile on his face.
Punchy scoring well with a low kick there.
Canoe misses with a body shot. Nice footwork from Punchy.
Punchy ducks down and throws a hook to the body but Canoe moves away.
Canoe tries a counter takedown but it's more of a dummy move, and he uses it to push himself away.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Canoe thows a left - swing and a miss!
Canoe closes the distance and clinches up with Punchy, looking for a takedown. Canoe pushes Punchy against the cage but Punchy circles to the side and manages to break the clinch.
A counter left hand to the body from Punchy misses its target.
Punchy uses some good footwork to avoid the body shot by Canoe.
Canoe lands a vicious shot with the stealth of a sniper and the strength of a viper. Are vipers that strong? I can think of lots of things that are stronger than a viper - not many rhyme with sniper though.
Punchy cracks a nice hook into Canoe's ribs.
Fantastic stuff here - a very entertaining period of action, which has drawn cheers from the crowd.
Punchy misses with a looping left.
Canoe showing good head movement there, avoiding the strikes from Punchy.
Canoe connects with a slap. Keep your fist closed son.
Canoe thows a left - swing and a miss!
Punchy takes a jab on the nose there. A little bit of blood seems to be coming out. Hopefully that won't affect his breathing.
Punchy keeping his hands up high there, blocking the jab from Canoe.
Canoe looks to land a left hand but Punchy moved out of range nicely.
Canoe throws a hard body shot but it just misses.
Canoe lands a nice shot that snaps Punchy's head back.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

That was a close second round but I would say that Trent Punchy will probably get the nod.
That's time! Back to the action! This is the final round!

Punchy scores with the left hand. Canoe knows he should have avoided that one.
Punchy lands a nice hook to Canoe's body. Canoe takes it in his stride and looks to land his own strikes.
Punchy misses with a takedown attempt - Canoe sprawls well and throws a nice strike on the way out which just misses.
Canoe with the counter takedown but Punchy avoids it easily.
Canoe scores with a big left there. The judges will like that one.
Punchy throws a nice looking combination but Canoe bobs and weaves to avoid any damage.
Canoe lands a pitter patter jab to the forehead of his opponent.
Punchy scoring well with a low kick there.
Canoe thumps Punchy with a low kick.
Canoe is using his reach advantage to land shots from outside his opponent's range.
Punchy takes an uppercut right on the jaw but it doesn't phase him.
Canoe misses with a looping right.
Punchy fakes high and swings low for a body shot but Canoe manages to avoid it.
Punchy wants to clinch.
Punchy shoots in for a takedown but Canoe shows good takedown defense there and keeps this one on the feet.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Punchy tries for a takedown but Canoe circles away easily
and Canoe counters with a lovely straight right hand!
That's three failed takedown attempts in the round for Trent Punchy. That's going to take a lot out of him.
Punchy's jab looks to have found its range, popping Canoe under the eye.

Canoe darts in and lands a nice takedown into half guard.
Canoe lands strikes from half guard.
Canoe working some ground and pound from close in. He's looking to maintain this position and strike for a while by the looks of things... although he'll probably advance to full mount in a minute now I've said that.
Canoe wants to take a breather but Punchy is having none of it.
Punchy wants to get back to full guard.
The referee walks around the fighters to get a better view of the action. Canoe lands a nice short elbow.
Canoe seems to be taking a bit of a break to think of his next move. He lands a short punch in the meantime.
Canoe is keeping good posture, landing some ground and pound.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Canoe is thwarting Punchy's attempts to control the position.
Punchy taking some punishment here, with Canoe in his half guard.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
The two fighters exchange a few words. I couldn't hear what they were saying but maybe it's more fun if you make it up yourself. Canoe connects with a nice short shot to Punchy's temple.
My spies in Runts Academy inform me that Canoe has been getting involved in the gym's BJJ sparring sessions. Let's see whether that pays dividends!
The referee walks around the fighters to get a better view of the action. Canoe lands a nice short elbow.
Both fighters have adopted an aggressive gameplan on the ground!
Canoe is keeping good posture, landing some ground and pound.
Punchy works his way to full guard. Good work.
Canoe is sitting in guard, working some ground and pound.

Punchy escapes his hips to the side and looks to be working for an armbar. Canoe gives him a little smile and shakes his head. No chance.
Canoe content to strike from guard, landing some decent shots.

Punchy looking for submissions from the bottom here. Moving his hips around, possibly looking for an armbar.
Canoe advances to half guard.
Canoe stalling.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Canoe is keeping good posture, landing some ground and pound.
Punchy is looking to improve his position.
Canoe takes advantage of the dominant position to land a couple of big hammer fists.
Canoe trying to control the pace.
Canoe lands strikes from half guard.
Canoe keeping composed on the top, looking to control the action.
Canoe is trying to control. Punchy wants to improve his position but can't escape this time.
Canoe is keeping good posture, landing some ground and pound.
Punchy tries to roll over but Canoe keeps him under control.
Canoe stalling.

That's four minutes gone in the round.

Punchy looking to work for a kimura from the bottom.
Canoe lands with a punch from half guard.
Punchy is looking to control Canoe's leg but it's slowly edging free. Can Punchy avoid being mounted?

Punchy is looking to sinch up a guillotine here but Canoe pulls his head out easily.

Punchy is defending against the submission attempts here by Canoe.
Canoe working the head and body with strikes.

And that's the end of the fight!
Douche Canoe comfortably won the final round on my scorecard.
Well Canoe has outworked and out performed his opponent in all aspects of the game today. He was simply too good and the decision should be no more than a formality. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Robert Twigg scores the fight 28:29
Judge Frank Dennis scores the fight 28:30
Judge Daniel Franklin scores the fight 28:29

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Douche Canoe!
Douche Canoe seemed lost for words in his post fight interview but he remembered to thank his fans and directed everyone to his website.
Trent Punchy was interviewed post fight and said 'Me Mum... she had it pretty hard ay. Lots of cock for cash.'.