PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a featherweight MMA rules bout between Editiny Dick (ranked 454 p4p, 60 weight class) and Farboleous Ricard (ranked 346 p4p, 43 weight class). Chooooooooon! I think Dick might be my favorite fighter, now he's come out to Penis song. Ricard has chosen Vibe Killer as his entrance music. Fingers crossed for an exciting fight - I'm sure both fighters are looking for a nice under the table bonus!

Dick
vs
Ricard

167 cm
35
132 lbs
17 - 9 - 3

172 cm
28
146 lbs
13 - 9 - 1

BJJ Red Belt
World class boxer
Insanely flexible

Olympic wrestler
World class MT
Granite chin

Arcticus University: London
Urban Fighter

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the featherweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 17 - 9 - 3, fighting out of Las Vegas, Editiny Dick!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 13 - 9 - 1, fighting out of Los Angeles, Farboleous Ricard!
The judges for this bout are , Timothy Bukovac and Jack Bonds.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Ricard avoids the body shot from Dick.
Ricard throws a lazy right hand but Dick sees it coming a mile off and sidesteps it easily.
Dick misses with an uppercut. Ricard saw that one coming.
Dick has been working on his boxing with his coaches at Xtreme MMA in the buildup to the fight.
Ricard lands with a nice low kick. That'll leave a bruise.
Ricard misses with a telegraphed body shot

and Dick counters with a nice double leg into half guard.
Ricard trying to control but Dick postures up.
Ricard preventing any damage for now, controlling his opponent's head.
Dick passes to side control.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Dick tries to move into full mount but can't pass Ricard's legs.
Ricard gets one leg under and gets the fight to half guard.

Dick is working for a kimura but Ricard is defending it quite comfortably.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Dick trying to control the action but Ricard is working from the bottom.
Dick is thwarting Ricard's attempts to control the position.
Ricard is trying to avoid being dragged into an even worse position than he's already in but Dick is staying active.
Ricard tries to get to full guard but Dick has control of the leg.
Ricard gets full guard.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.
Dick forces his way into half guard.
Ricard desperately trying to maintain half guard.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
The crowd are showing their displeasure at the lack of action as loud boos ring out around the arena.
Dick tries to pass the half guard into mount. Ricard knows what he's doing though and prevents the attempt.
Ricard is staying active underneath Dick, who seems content to just control the action from this position.
Ricard manages to get to full guard.
Dick pressing down on his opponent's thigh, looking to pass guard. Ricard is keeping the position for now.
Dick advances to half guard.
Ricard wants to control but Dick is keeping busy.

Dick is looking for a kimura but Ricard is holding onto that half guard position, so it's hard for Dick to get the leverage.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Ricard wants to improve his position but Dick is controlling well.
Ricard makes his way to full guard. A much better position for Ricard.

Ricard is looking for a guillotine. You can't force these things though and Dick defends well.
Ricard bucks up whilst keeping hold of a body lock, managing to reverse the position. Now he's in top in Dick's guard.

Ricard trying to control the position from guard on top but Dick is wriggling around, looking for whatever he can.

Dick is active off his back here, looking for submissions.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Dick is avoiding any damage by keeping wrist control.
Dick looking to hit a scissor sweep but Ricard is one step ahead there.
My spies in Temple of Cloud Warriors-youth inform me that Ricard has been getting involved in the gym's BJJ sparring sessions. Let's see whether that pays dividends!
Dick keeping moving, preventing Ricard from controlling successfully.
Dick trying to control the position.
Ricard passes into half guard.
Boooooooooooooooooooo!!! God, this has been a terrible round. Come on you two, sort yourselves out!

Dick looking for submissions from an awkward position here.
Dick tries to roll over but Ricard keeps him under control.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Editiny Dick dominated that round.
That's the end of the interval. I'm sure that seemed a lot quicker than a minute for our two fighters! Back to the action.

Ricard moves into range and lands a nice leg kick.
Ricard looks for the body kick but Dick saw that one coming.
A swing and a miss from Dick.
Ricard delivers a nice body kick.

Dick throws the overhand right but ducks down into a quick takedown attempt. Ricard was covering up waiting for the punch and Dick finishes the takedown easily into guard.
Ricard pulls Dick in close to his closed guard and prevents Dick from doing any damage or advancing position.
Dick stands up and looks to throw the legs aside to pass to side control. Ricard swivels though and keeps the full guard.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Dick postures up.
Dick is pushing down on Ricard's leg trying to pass to half guard. Ricard is fighting to maintain full guard but Dick has managed to sneak the leg through.
Dick looking to pass the half guard. Not this time.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Dick seems content to maintain position for now, rather than mounting any offense.
Ricard moves into full guard.
Dick pushes down on Ricard's leg and manages to get into half guard.
Ricard is working for an escape here. He's hooked one of Dick's legs and he's managed to sneak out and take Dick's back!
Dick tries to roll but Ricard sticks to his back.
Dick trying to control the action but Ricard just sinks the hooks in.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.
Ricard really has the hooks in deep now - there seems like no escape for Dick.

That's two minutes gone in the round.

Dick preventing the rear naked choke attempt from Ricard.
Ricard is looking to control Dick but Dick is wriggling around and keeping busy.

Ricard working for a RNC but it's not happening just yet.
Dick trying to control the position but Ricard manages to sink in the hooks.
Ricard tries to get the hooks in deep but Dick pushed the leg off.

Ricard sinks in the hooks and is looking for the choke. He's got it! Dick taps out!

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3:56 of round 2, we have a winner by way of Submission (RNC). Farboleous Ricard!
In his post fight interview, Farboleous Ricard gave a big smile as he said 'Joe. It was so nice not to have to be the one attacking on the ground. I was really able to sit back in, take the game at my pace. It was just a matter of cooking the beans slow, goin' thru the pins and well RnC was my prediction. He wanted to win. I was gonna win, so I could pull that chick over de'.
The defeated Editiny Dick had this to say: 'Good match, and now I'll be going back home to my wife whose as usual, would cuck me'.